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Wolf Frankula

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Member since: Fri Jun 4, 2010, 10:02 PM
Number of posts: 1,609

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Thank You Very Much for the Heart!

Whoever you were.

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Sat Feb 11, 2017, 02:17 PM (0 replies)

Has Everybody Done their Super Sunday things?

You know, put up your Super Sunday decorations, got your Super Sunday goalposts, bought and wrapped your Super Sunday presents, sent out your Super Sunday cards, taken the kids to see Howard Cosell?

I have.

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Sun Feb 5, 2017, 11:33 AM (3 replies)

Rewriting sad song songs to give them a happy ending.

Here's 'Leader of the Pack' with a happy ending. Well for everybody but her father.


Leader of the Pack, Happy ending version.


Mm--"Is she really going out with him?
"Well, there she is, Let's ask her"
"Betty, is that Jimmy's ring you're wearing?"
"Mm-hm"
"Gee, it must be great riding with him"
"Is he picking you up after school today?"
"Mm-mm"
"By the way, where did you meet him?"

"I met him at the candy store
He turned around and smiled at me
You get the picture
"Yes, we see"
That's when I fell for the leader of the pack

My folks were always putting him down
They said he came from the wrong side of town
They told me he was bad but I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for the leader of the pack

One day my dad said find someone new
I tried to tell my Jimmy we're through
He just smiled as he bought some gas, and then he kicked my father's ass
You don't dick around with the leader of the pack

Do do
He said we're together and that's all
He bounced my dad like a basketball
He told my mom if she called the cops,
He'd put them both in a box,
Yes Yes Yes Yes! Somebody's finally standing up to my parents.

Now we're together every day
We make love in every way
I can't stand to be without his face,
And so I'm moving to his place
I'm so glad I met him, the leader of the pack

Ooh, the leader of the pack he's my love
the leader of the pack he's my love
the leader of the pack he's my love.
Written by Jeff Barry, Ellie Greenwich, George Morton revised by Wolf Frankula.
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Wed Feb 1, 2017, 04:55 PM (8 replies)

Don't Forget Good King Stephen

"Good King Stephen looked outside,
On the Feast of Wenzel.
Slapped his pocket and exclaimed,
'I have lost my pencil!'

While a lackey standing near
A window drew a stencil.
And a rooster crowed quite loud,
Sitting on a fencil hmmm.

Then King Stephen went outdoors,
Into the night so cru-el.
And he saw a poor man there,
Gath'ring winter fu-el.

He said 'That I'm still up north,
I feel like a foo-el.
If I were in Cape Town now,
I'd be by the poo-el hmmm."

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Mon Dec 26, 2016, 08:04 PM (0 replies)

Are these quotes genuine?

I've been using some for years, but now I suspect they are not. Some are political, some not.

George H. W. Bush on Pat Robertson. "Yes Jesus told him to run for President, but Jesus forgot to tell anybody to vote for him."

Ronald Reagan on making movies. "Never make a movie with an animal. If it's a hit, the animal gets the credit. If it's a flop, you get the blame."

Richard Nixon on Ronald Reagan running for Governor. "The only reason they're running Reagan is they couldn't get the monkey."

Ben Stein on Richard Nixon. "He's guilty as hell."

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Sat Aug 20, 2016, 01:53 PM (0 replies)

Naughty Little Suckathumb

The long red legged scissor man
Ah, said Mom, I'd knew he'd come,
To Naughty Little Suckathumb..

The Long Red Legged Scissor Man ran into Suckathumb's bedroom. There he saw Naughty Little Suckathumb lying on his bed with Rags the Dog.

"Stick out your thumbs!" cried the Scissor Man.
"No!" shouted Naughty Little Suckathumb.
'Snip Snip went the scissors.

The Long Red Legged Scissor Man waved the scissors. Naughty Little Suckathumb reached beside his bed and replied.
"This is an AK-47 select fire riffle firing a 7.62x39 full metal jacketed round from a 30 round magazine. I have locked and loaded."

"Stick out your thumbs!" cried the Scissor Man.
"No!" shouted Naughty Little Suckathumb.
'Snip, Snip!' went the scissors.

"Stick out your thumbs!" cried the Scissor Man.
"No!" shouted Naughty Little Suckathumb.
'Snip, Snip!' went the scissors.
'Brrrrp' went the AK-47 blowing the Long Red Legged Scissor Man Base over apex. Then Suckathumb leaped up from the bed, took his K-bar and cut off the Long Red Legged Scissor Man's left ear, to verify the kill. Then he and Rags the Dog dragged the carcass to the sitting room. Naughty Little Suckathumb said.

"Here's the last shithead who criticized my habits. Does anybody else have an objection?"

He scratched Rags the Dog, sucked his thumb and went back to his bedroom.

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Sat Apr 30, 2016, 07:17 PM (1 replies)

Tomorrow I am Going to be 60

I made some informal resolutions to keep when I am old. Now that I will be 60 (that seemed old when I made these) I look back and think I have kept (more or less) them. Here they are, with some illuminative stories

1: I will not regard everybody younger than me as put on this planet to be my servant. This annoyed me when I was younger, and I resolved not to do it. I haven't and don't.

2: I will not say 'When I was your age' and follow it with how much better I was than the person I'm talking to. In those days we answered 'When I was your age' with 'When you were my age people walked on four legs.'

3: I will speak respectfully to younger people so long as they speak respectfully to me. I remember once going into a restaurant when I was 19 to get a coffee and a bowl of soup. I had filed my copy and was taking time before a city council meeting. An elderly woman fixed me with a glare and said "Young man!" in a stern voice. I ignored her, I didn't know her and had no idea why she would be addressing me. She snapped "Young Man!" again. I looked up from my soup and she snapped "I have a dirty fork!"
I shrugged. I didn't work there, It wasn't my problem. I said, "It's not my concern." Before I finish what she was saying, she snapped "You're very rude, boy. I'm going to call the manager." She did, the manager explained I did not work there. She should stop bothering the other customers. She snorted at me and stalked out.

Since then when I approach somebody younger it's 'Mister, Sir, Ma'am, Mizz' never "young man, young lady, boy, girl, kid, sonny boy' or something disrespectful like that.

4: I will not blather on about how music, people, movies, theater, food, and so on were better when I was younger. These are matters of taste. And It was not easier to get a job. I had the oil shock, stagflation and the Reagan Depression to deal with. I had a job during the first two, but constantly worried about losing it. And beer is much better now.

5: I will not say stupid things like 'I'm older and wiser.' Robert Heinlein was right when he had Lazarus Long say, "Age does not bring wisdom. Often it merely changes simple stupidity into arrogant conceit. "

6: I will not make stupid threats. Especially I will not threaten to whip, spank, tan the hide, warm the bottom or other battery of someone younger. I remember hearing a friend's aunt say, 'You're not too big to spank, boy.' to him. He responded, 'And neither are you, and you'll find that out if you try it." You do not threaten to spank a paratrooper in the US Army.

7: I will not whine about my ailments. Actually I'm very healthy for my age. Active physical jobs, not smoking, and fighting with the rapier and tweehander have kept me so.

8: I will not fool myself into thinking very young women especially desire me.

Wolf
Posted by Wolf Frankula | Sat Jan 10, 2015, 02:39 PM (27 replies)

Braveheart the Cat Died This Morning

He had suffered a series of strokes, caused by his high blood pressure. This morning he crossed the Rainbow Bridge. He is survived by his sister, Wicca, and his best buddy Bowtie, and his two twolegs. He will be much missed.

If you would honor him, care for cats.

Posted by Wolf Frankula | Thu Dec 25, 2014, 10:49 AM (44 replies)
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