Member since: Thu Nov 6, 2008, 01:01 PM
Number of posts: 786
Number of posts: 786
Click here to sign: Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance (Petition)
The following letter to Congress is attached to the petition:
To: The U.S. House of Representatives
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:56 AM (9 replies)
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced that he has dispatched a team of election officials to Florida to assist officials there in tabulating the results of Tuesday’s Presidential race.
“I was shocked and saddened to see images on the news in recent days which showed so many dark skinned people waiting on lines that stretched as far as the eye could see — some spending their entire day waiting in the heat to exercise their right to vote,” the one-time influential leader told reporters. “It reminded me of sadder times here at home — before we embraced the freedom and democracy we all enjoy now.”
Ahmadinejad also added, “I found it particularly sad because Gov. Rick Scott has always been such a good friend to me ever since we first met back when I was running for mayor of Tehran. I’ll never forget meeting him at a spaghetti dinner fundraiser and finding, much to my surprise, how much we had in common — particularly when it comes to our philosophy regarding the role of government.”
The Iranian president also said he has instructed his team to remain in Florida as long as they are welcome — not merely until the last vote of the US Supreme Court has been counted, but to remain as consultants to aid state and local officials in more modern methods that he hopes will allow the state of Florida to conduct 6th-century caliber elections in the future.
“I remember the times when we too might require until several days after the election to determine a winner. But now we have become so efficient and proficient at conducting free and fair elections that even though our next elections are not until next year, all the votes have already been counted. Any state that would elect such a visionary leader as Rick Scott deserves nothing less as well.”
November 7th, 2012 | Tags: Election 2012, Florida election, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rick Scott |
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Wed Nov 7, 2012, 04:30 PM (2 replies)
Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced early this afternoon that he has certified the final vote tally from tomorrow’s Presidential election and that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is the winner of his state’s 18 electoral votes. Officials in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Florida are expected to follow suit as soon as Tuesday morning.
Reading from a prepared statement, Husted told reporters, “Because this may very well be the most important election in our nation’s history, I believe it would have been the height of irresponsibility to have waited until the last minute before certifying the vote. Ohioans’ voices deserve to be heard.”
When asked if his decision might be considered premature, the visibly irate Secretary shot back, “I didn’t hear any of you media types criticizing the head of FEMA for spending millions of dollars to deploy resources to the Northeast just because a couple of so-called scientists predicted a hurricane would strike there — even though everybody knows that most of those storms make landfall much farther south. My experts forecast that Gov. Romney will garner the majority of votes, so I acted accordingly. The good people of this state don’t pay me to sit on my hands; they pay me to do my job.”
Gov. John Kasich was quick to praise Husted. “As always, Jon was prepared and acted decisively in the best interests of our citizens. This is doubly impressive when you consider he was able to accomplish this while also juggling such a large number of voter suppression-related lawsuits. I think we all owe him a huge debt of gratitude, as of course does President-elect Romney.”
While most experts agree that with his win in Ohio, Gov. Romney’s path to the 270 electoral votes needed to secure the White House just became much easier, many feel that Husted’s unprecedented move may throw the election into the courts for the second time in the last four election cycles — especially if others follow suit and certify their states’ results in advance. When asked for comment, Romney campaign senior adviser Eric Fehrnstrom responded, “I hope that President Obama and his supporters, for the good of the country, would not go down that road. Nobody wants to return to those darkest of days when the nation faced the stark reality of a possible Al Gore presidency.” Fehrnstrom also added, “It is also our hope that all of those who are eligible — even those who disagree with us — will get out and exercise their right to vote while they still have it.”
November 5th, 2012 | Tags: Barack Obama, election, Jon Husted, Mitt Romney, Ohio, voter suppression | Category: Politics, Satire
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:22 PM (26 replies)
Reprinted from 9/11/2009
Warning: This One is Serious
Today is not a day for politics. Especially the way I treat (or if you prefer, mistreat) them. Today is for remembering…
I had only met John Feal once before, and only briefly at that. A friend with whom I was working on a political project suggested that I attend a rally his organization, the FealGood Foundation, was holding in Washington, D.C. to not only show our support for 9/11 first responders who had become ill, but also to see if there was a way we might help their cause in the course of pursuing ours.
I emailed John to express my interest in hooking up with the group and attending the rally, and asked him if he knew the best way for a non-driver to do so. He responded that his foundation and another organization, 911 Health Now, were sending buses and providing hotel rooms and meals, and invited me to join them for the trip. The only condition: no political discussion until after the rally. At the time, I had no idea of either how easy that would be or how this one simple act of graciousness and hospitality would forever change my values.
Had I met them for the rally, I probably would have taken a train to D.C., attended the rally, chatted briefly with a few people, and jumped on a train back home. Instead, I found myself on a bus, immersed for the next 36 hours in a group of the most amazing, heroic, inspiring, and most of all, astonishingly ordinary people it has ever been my privilege to meet.
Being an outsider, I felt somewhat uncomfortable at first. When I met people from this group for the first time, one of the first questions they invariably asked was, “Where are you being treated?” Not being a first responder, let alone seriously or terminally ill, I would somewhat sheepishly tell them that I was just along to stand with them in front of the Capitol. Every one of them responded in the same way, “Well thank you so much for coming.” More importantly, they treated me with the same spirit of family in which they treat each other, taking in this outsider who shared none of their experiences, none of their pain, none of their tragedy, as their own.
Some of them knew each other. Most were meeting for the first time. But there was an instant kinship they all seemed to share. They were in their comfort zone. They shared their stories freely – personal stories about their ordeals — physical, psychological, and to the shame of our country, financial. And, in spite of what each was experiencing themselves, like family, they would help and support each other as best they could. Men and women, not only firefighters, police, and EMS, but security guards, plumbers, carpenters, Red Cross workers, National Guardsmen… not just from the New York area, but all over the country.
The only time there was a pause in the usual conversations about where they were within Ground Zero, when, and for how long and the related illnesses, diagnoses, treatments, and financial and other struggles that have resulted was when a couple of movies were shown. They knew when someone would have a coughing fit to leave them alone. It wasn’t cold or flu, it was the cement dust that will always remain in their lungs because the human body can’t break it down, a.k.a. ‘Ground Zero Cough’. The only time one of the nurses on board knew, instinctively, to intervene was when one more serious fit started as the result of laughter during the movie they all seemed to be enjoying – The Bucket List. Talk about a crew with a sense of humor I can appreciate!
And with this outsider, these people who had already given more than any human could dare ask, not only shared their meals, their stories, and their precious time, but also their experiences. One was a firefighter who had, at most, three months left. He was there in the hope that Congress would act soon enough for his family to be able to have a home and live in dignity after he was gone. One was a mother with cancer who rarely could spend time with her family because she was so exhausted from working that she spent the rest of her time sleeping – but she couldn’t quit her job because she’d lose her insurance and as a result, her home. One was a plumber who came to the U.S. as a teenager. He was successful and financially secure, and volunteered at Ground Zero because he wanted to give something back to the country that gave him so much. By now, his savings and 401K had gone to pay medical bills and he was unable to make ends meet. Another, who didn’t survive long enough to make this trip but who I met the first time I met John and deserves to be remembered, was a National Guardsmen who reported to his Armory immediately upon seeing the first burning tower on TV. Like many others, he was issued full gear, including 360 rounds of ammunition with which to protect the public from possible attack. But since the Governor didn’t officially mobilize the Guard until September 13th, he was told he was there merely as a volunteer, and his health benefits were denied.
I could go on…
On this day when, as we should, we remember the nearly 3000 lives that were cut short on September 11, 2001, let us not forget the 817 first responders who have been forever lost since, as well as the thousands more doomed to follow them. Hailed as national heroes at the time and since generally forgotten, many remember the $1 billion fund the government set aside for their needs. What most don’t know is that the only money spent out of this fund was for lawyers to challenge the approximately 8000 claims made. Not a single dollar went to these heroes or their survivors left with unpaid medical bills before the Bush administration ‘re-allocated’ the money. When I met them was in February of 2008, when they went to protest the government fund allocated for the care promised them being cut by more than 75%. At that time, about 230 or so had died. I know that many of these extraordinary human beings who shared those 36 hours of their precious time with this stranger are among the recent 600.
And I’ll never forget when I thanked some of them for their hospitality. Their response was always the same and was as sincere and wonderful as it was horrific: “No — thank you. It’s nice to know somebody cares.”
Please support the Feal Good Foundation and 911 Health Now.
And call or email your Congressional Representative and urge them to support H.R. 847 The “James Zadroga 9/11 Health Compensation Act”.
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Tue Sep 11, 2012, 08:49 PM (7 replies)
I’m afraid that if we allow sex education to be taught in our schools, the US will soon rank as poorly in sex as we do in math and science... ;D
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:01 PM (3 replies)
See ad for the Amalgamated School of Social Hatred and Organized Lunatic Entrepreneurial Studies here. (They do have a great acronym though...)
The Amalgamated School of Social Hatred and Organized Lunatic Entrepreneurial Studies, Inc., a for-profit corporation fully accredited by the Arizona Department of Education, is a joint venture of FreedomWorks, the Fox News Network and the Christian Broadcasting Network.
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Sun Aug 26, 2012, 04:31 PM (8 replies)
Responding to repeated calls to provide more details as to how a Romney Administration would overhaul Medicare as promised, campaign officials today released an outline of the GOP ticket’s prescription to save the ailing entitlement program.
The most anticipated, and consequently most controversial part of the plan – known as ‘New Romneycare’ — focuses on how Medicare would deal with those who do not – or cannot – purchase private insurance after receiving their Federal Premium Assistance (Voucher).
According to the outline, uninsured seniors in need of medical treatment would be able to simply call a toll-free number and provide one of the many Medicare professionals at a phone bank (located just outside Karachi, Pakistan) with their name and address.
Arrangements would then be made to have them transported – via a ‘New Romneycare’ approved vehicle – to a new type of specially designed facility described in the plan as “A Nice Farm Upstate” where, according to senior Romney health care policy advisor Mark E. Dissaud, “They’ll have lots of room and fresh air and a lot of friends their age around. It will be a much better life than they would have had at home, or worse yet, in an expensive traditional hospital or long-term care facility.”
House Speaker John Boehner hailed the ‘New Romneycare’ plan as “the breakthrough idea we’ve been searching for to consolidate, and thereby improve, the level of care provided — especially to those most in need — while cutting costs at the same time.”
After promising to “have a bill passed and ready for the new President’s signature by his first day in office,” The Bronze Clod added, “And if this program proves to be as effective a cost-saver as I believe it will, we’ll work to expand it to every American — regardless of age — who is uninsured or on Medicaid, thereby achieving our goal of universal coverage without resorting to either a socialist single-payer system or Obamacare-style Death Panels.”
Another prominent GOP leader, conservative radio talk show host and pharmaceutical aficionado Rush Limbaugh was also quick to jump on the bandwagon, bellowing at his listeners, “When ‘New Romneycare’ is finally rolled out, it will be the greatest American success story since ‘New Coke’ was introduced in 1985!”
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Tue Aug 21, 2012, 09:42 PM (3 replies)
Word has it that Romney considered taking Rafalca as his running mate, but according to the Olympic judges Ryan is the better dancer...
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Sat Aug 11, 2012, 09:14 AM (1 replies)
I'm pleasantly surprised that Mitt Romney chose to go with an American running mate instead of finding a politician from India or China...
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Sat Aug 11, 2012, 08:19 AM (4 replies)
from The Desperate Blogger
House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI) has sadly taken his own very promising political life by agreeing to accept former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s offer to serve as his Vice Presidential running mate in the November general election.
Congressman Ryan was 42.
Ryan, who first recklessly jeopardized his career in 2010 by proposing a budget that would, among other things, turn Medicare into a voucher program as well as cut discretionary domestic spending by 20% without specifying from where any of the cuts would come, was the favorite of many in his party to not only have run for President in this election — but when it became apparent that every serious Republican candidate chose to concede the election to incumbent Barack Obama by leaving the field of prospective candidates open enough for a lightweight like Gov. Romney to secure the nomination — was expected to be one of the GOP front runners for President had he chosen to run in the 2016 election — in spite of his tender age.
Congressman Ryan was eulogized on both sides of the aisle as a shining star who burned brightly, but for far too short a time.
“As low as I’ve ever felt, and as low as I’ve ever been accused of being, I’ve never felt lower than I feel today,” lamented House Speaker John Boehner, “His budget had obviously been a cry for help — and we all missed it. As leader, I must accept responsibility for the tragic loss of such a promising young man, and someone who may very well, had he lived long enough, have carried the mantle in our Party’s crusade to return to the Gilded Age of the late 19th century.”
The Bronze Clod continued, “As Republicans, our concern is not so much with Paul’s family, but rather with the future of the party. The loss of one of the very few credible candidates that we might have been able to put up in 2016 is absolutely devastating, and I for one ask the entire nation to join me in prayer to help preserve our two-party system.”
Many leading Democrats were also effusive in their praise of Rep. Ryan while expressing their mourning of his loss.
“Paul was never afraid to express his views, and unlike others in his party, he made his disdain for the elderly, the poor, and minorities clear in both his policies and in the budget he proposed in his role as chairman of the Budget Committee,” said Rep. Kathy Hochul, who was propelled to victory in her 2011 special election over her Republican opponent by the Ryan budget. “I think I speak for all Democrats when I say that Paul, and what he consistently brought to the table and Congressional deliberations, will be sorely missed, particularly over the next couple of election cycles.”
Posted by ThisThreadIsSatire | Sat Aug 11, 2012, 12:36 AM (28 replies)