HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Are_grits_groceries » Journal
Introducing Discussionist: A new forum by the creators of DU
Page: « Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 146 Next »


Profile Information

Gender: Do not display
Hometown: SC
Member since: Tue Oct 7, 2008, 07:35 PM
Number of posts: 15,257

Journal Archives


Repost-"OFFICIAL SC LAW ENFORCEMENT HURRICANE INST" (since the heart of the season is here):

(If a hurricane is imminent, this will be broadcast)

Warning to all South Carolina residents of a possible hurricane threat. The path of this hurricane is still unclear and may be a threat to our state.

Although meteorologists are predicting landfall somewhere to the north of South Carolina, state emergency preparedness officials are making two basic but important points:

(1) There is no need to panic.

(2) We could all be killed.

Hurricane season is an exciting time to be in South Carolina. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on experience, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food, beer, and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in South Carolina. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items: HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and

(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Carolina, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bubba and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bubba and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "South Carolina," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! South Carolina tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights. Bleach. (We don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant. A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Hugo. After the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It's great living in South Carolina.


If anyone was offended by this, it is gallows humor. In addition, it is almost spot on.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Tue Jun 24, 2014, 07:46 AM (8 replies)

The baaaaadest cat on Earth:


Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Tue Jun 24, 2014, 07:24 AM (5 replies)

Google Doodle for the World Cup:

So true.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Mon Jun 23, 2014, 08:19 AM (1 replies)

"Assume a gun is always loaded."

This is rule number one. Responsible gun owners do not clean their guns, play with their guns or do anything else with them until they check them carefully.

I am fed up with the morons who 'accidentally' shoot someone or something because they either never learned this rule or ignore it. They should be charged with whatever statute is on the books that could apply. Ignorance is no excuse for this.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:52 AM (4 replies)

The crisis in the Middle East is their mess now.

The US certainly bears a lot of culpability for the hot mess that is Iraq. However, ISIS and the recent developments are owned by the other countries there.

Our 'allies' such as Saudi Arabia are helping fund ISIS. They want a Sunni bulwark against the possibility of Iran gaining more power. If they are going to take this stance, we should be out.

The countries in the ME are the ones who will be directly affected immediately by the events happening there. If they aren't going to take ownership to try to control it, then what we do is futile to a large extent.

We have no idea of what alliances are being formed and changed at the drop of a hat. Our allies can become our enemies in a heartbeat. That is a lose-lose proposition for us.

It is utter hubris to think we can step into an area riven by sectarian violence for centuries and bring about peace. The fact that religion is a major factor in this violence just makes it that much worse. They hold grudges for eons.

Unless and until, the countries in that area take real ownership and put weight behind stopping the violence, our efforts are wasted.

No more wasted lives and wasting our country with crippling debt.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:44 AM (21 replies)


I believe....
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Sun Jun 22, 2014, 12:06 PM (17 replies)

A 'REDSKIN' is the scalped head of a Native American, sold, like a pelt, for cash:

Native Americans pass down stories to preserve their history and heritage, because we don’t have much of it left. As tribes were systemically exterminated, so too were their respective cultures. But we have our stories, and when my mother was young, her parents shared one about the term “redskins.”

It dates back to the institutionalized genocide of Native Americans, most notably when the Massachusetts colonial government placed a bounty on their heads. The grisly particulars are listed in a 1755 document called the Phips Proclamation, which zeroed in on the Penobscot Indians, a tribe today based in Maine.

Spencer Phips, a British politician and then Lieutenant Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Province, issued the call, ordering on behalf of British King George II for, “His Majesty’s subjects to Embrace all opportunities of pursuing, captivating, killing and Destroying all and every of the aforesaid Indians.” They paid well – 50 pounds for adult male scalps; 25 for adult female scalps; and 20 for scalps of boys and girls under age 12.

These bloody scalps were known as “redskins.”

The mascot of the Washington Redskins, if the team desired accuracy, would be a gory, bloodied crown from the head of a butchered Native American.
Much more:

Now does this give people a clue about why it's so offensive?
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Wed Jun 18, 2014, 11:53 AM (4 replies)

BOOM! US patent office has cancelled the Washington Redskins trademark, says name is “disparaging

US patent office has cancelled the Washington Redskins trademark, says name is “disparaging to Native Americans”

They will appeal. If the appeal is denied, the TM is over.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Wed Jun 18, 2014, 10:50 AM (4 replies)

This video clip should make you smile:

I thought that was great, especially when the little girl appeared suddenly.
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Wed Jun 18, 2014, 07:03 AM (1 replies)

A teen makes amends for his father's crime:

Good on ya' Christian!
Posted by Are_grits_groceries | Sun Jun 15, 2014, 06:06 AM (2 replies)
Go to Page: « Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 146 Next »