"It is mathematically more difficult to become the driver of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile than it is to become President of the United States."
-- USA Today 1994
A hearty hot dog hello to you, Congressman Ryan!
First, as a former Wienermobile driver aka Hotdogger, let me extend my sincere congratulations to you on your recent appointment.
Second, we need to chat. Over the last few days, it has been widely reported that you used to drive the world-famous Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, however, we both know that this is simply not true. You were merely a sales rep for Oscar Mayer, and you sweet-talked your way into driving this legendary hot dog on wheels (via your Oscar Mayer-employed aunt, I might add) for one lap around a parking lot. Now I realize that nepotism has worked for your running mate, but I think it is imperative that you set the record straight immediately for the American people and get the base to trust you asap.
Third, I know what you're going through. The next few months are going to be challenging, exhilarating and unlike anything you'll ever experience in your lifetime. It reminds me of when I first took the wheel of the Wieniebago. Like you, I was partnered with a complete stranger who I would spend the next 345 days crisscrossing the country with while trapped in a 23-foot-long fiberglass hot dog.
But let's skip the filler and get right to the meat of the situation. I think you could have been a franktastic Hotdogger, but since you didn't cut the mustard, here are some lessons I learned that you can apply to your campaign...(more)