September 12, 2012

Paul Ryan credits Lennon & McCartney for Soc. Sec. reform plan

In an interview to be broadcast tomorrow, Ryan says:

"You want specifics, and you're right, you should have them. But I want to know that I'm a new generation of Republican, in touch with the music of our times - like Foghat, and Kiss before Gene Simmons became an asshole. So, I was hanging out with my college roommates, and we were listening to the Beatles. You know, spinning Revolution Number Nine backwards on the turntable. And we were talking about how Charles Manson claimed he was inspired by hidden messages in Beatles music - and it hit me that the Beatles had a warning and a plan for saving Social Security, which I boil down to:

We're not gonna need you,
We're not gonna feed you,
When you're 64 "

September 11, 2012

Interesting user name ". ."

Is this user name an attempt to avoid search functionality?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11353457

September 8, 2012

New theory of reincarnation expands possible fates

The Sri Saag Paneer Institude of Vedic Studies has, after considerable study and contemplation, announced that while the blessed advance to Nirvana, the number of fallback stages to progressively lower life forms is broader than previously thought.

Guru Tandoori Khwarma explains, "You may, by following the wrong path, fall back to a lower caste, or the popular icky things like bugs. We have found that there is another possibility in which you may instead become an internet meme, from which you may never escape.

It is an unimaginable horror, and may be considered the Karmic Death Penalty."

September 7, 2012

Paul Ryan Does Not Lie!

Paul Ryan merely tells "unborn truths".

September 7, 2012

Under Pressure, Mitt Romney Fleshes Out Plan For Afghanistan

I dunno, maybe he's got a good idea here.

In an interview to be aired tomorrow, Romney lays out his plan for ending the war in Afghanistan.

First, we run down the price and buy it cheap.

Then, we load it up with debt, buy off upper management to early retirement or golden parachutes, fire middle management, and replace the workers with Chinese prison labor.

After that, we show losses and sell it off to a Russian bank.

Problem solved, Afghanistan screwed.

September 7, 2012

Funniest Obama Speech Criiticism Yet, IMHO

Okay, so there is this thing running around that Obama "plagiarized" a line from Aaron Sorkin's "The American President". The line from that script is:

"This is a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I *am* the President."

Okay now boys and girls, this one really tickles my funnybone.

The other day, the "Obama doesn't love America the way we do" TeaBagLady explained, "Obama has never run anything in his LIFE!"

These people seem stuck in 2008, and have been in denial ever since, because they obviously are incapable of noticing the simple fact that, yes TeaBagLady, apart from your oversimplification of his biography, he has in fact been running the office of president for the last three and a half years. Now, I know the birthers have this "he's not really the president" vibe going on, but most sane and reasonably informed people, if asked "Who is the president of the US?" would answer correctly.

But it is only in this denialist mindset do you come up with even imagining that if the President of the United States says, "I'm the President," then he must have plagiarized that brilliant piece of insightful commentary on what his job is.

It's like they are thinking, "Oh, why didn't Mitt think of saying that?"

I mean, come on now, these people go to a restaurant, sit down, and have someone come to their table to say, "I'm Julie, and I am your waitress" and whip out their smartphones to Google out where she came up with a line like that.

September 7, 2012

Romney's new reason for not mentioning the troops in Afghanistan!

He didn't want to leak their position to the enemy!

I'll bet he has five more this week.

September 7, 2012

Voyager II nearly hit by speeding object

JPL Researchers report small leather-covered spherical object has speeded past Voyager II earlier this evening. It was believed to have originated in Charlotte, North Carolina.

September 7, 2012

No Blaming - No Complaining

I believe I will give this one of my employees a positive performance review, and an extension of his contract.

The man knows how to do a job, and the correct attitude toward getting it done.

September 7, 2012

"Citizenship!" - and the Birther heads explode