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Fritz67

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Member since: Thu Jun 23, 2005, 10:16 PM
Number of posts: 160

About Me

Just to help find my old journal entries, Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Fritz67

Journal Archives

Thirteen Years

(A light update of a post I made three years ago)

It just doesn't seem possible. In some ways it seems like just yesterday.

I was finally getting my first break, and nearing the door to the lounge--dodging the mess, because the store was undergoing remodeling at the time--one of the managers was saying something to one of the guys in sporting goods about "And now I heard the Pentagon just got hit". I had no idea what he was talking about...

Then I got into the break room and saw the television.

The World Trade Center was on fire. I was stunned into silence save for one gallows joke about "Well, at least this means they'll stop talking about Gary Condit for a while" (And if you can't even remember who Gary Condit is, that just sort of makes my point. He was the top story on 9-10 as he had been for weeks)

I saw one of the towers fall, and went numb. I couldn't process it. My fifteen minutes on break came up, and I went back to work. Within an hour, the store was almost deserted. When my shift ended, I joined the line to get my car gassed up--rumor had it gas was about to go to $5 a gallon, so get the $1.95 while you can. It took longer than we thought, but gas eventually did make it to almost $5. I sure miss that $1.95 gas.

It really hit me that evening. I live about a mile north of Indianapolis International Airport (or at least we did then; over the last decade they basically moved a couple miles west), and whenever we have relatives or other company who don't come from here, they often comment about "How do you get anything done with all the airplane noises whenever they take off?" Well, most of the time, we don't notice because we're so used to it.

That evening, I noticed the eerie silence of the airplanes not taking off and landing.

That morning, after the attack, the management set up a radio near the Service Desk and the Bob and Tom Show was on; they're nationally syndicated, but their home base is right here in Indy. Understandably, the canned laughter and jokes about Christy Lee's boobs had fallen to the wayside. I remember Tom Grizwold commenting "What kind of twisted value system approves of something like this?" and couldn't help but agree. Maybe he meant Islam, but that's not what I agreed with.

The "twisted value system" that caused that day is the supreme arrogance that comes from saying "My politics, the exact way I worship God, is so superior to yours that I consider you subhuman and unworthy of continued existence. And not only that, because you don't worship God in the exact same way I do, I will kill myself just to speed along your journey to Hell and mine to Heaven." The twisted value system that says crashing airplanes into buildings full of office workers is somehow a good thing. And let's be clear, it's not an Islam thing: that same twisted value system tells a Good Christian Soldier it's okay to blow up a federal building with a truck bomb or to go into a church (a church) and open fire on a doctor who performs a medical procedure you don't like, or to shoot a congresswoman you disagree with in the head, and take out a bunch of others in the process--including an innocent child who would have celebrated her thirteenth birthday today.

It's the twisted value system that says that because we were attacked, it's okay to go invading other countries even if they had jack shit to do with that attack.

And in the aftermath, that twisted value system has only strengthened the worst of our political leaders. Compassion, empathy, tolerance, education, intelligence, an understanding of science--in this twisted value system, these things are liabilities. The ideal leaders are mush-mouthed fools who leads with raw charisma and "gut", or make up their own words like "Misunderestimate" and "Refudiate", and "What newspapers do you read?" is seen as some sort of "gotcha question"

There were moments of light. The spirit of unity right after the attack. The shining moment six years ago when it looked like the mantle of greed and mendacity was being cast off. Three years ago, American soldiers finally located the fiend behind the attacks and shot him in the eye as he was jacking off in his not-so-hidden Pakistani compound. For a very brief time, that seemed to remind us all of what we had, and what we lost.

But it passed quickly.

When sociopathic billionaires can buy our political process, and those who speak against them doing so are called unpatriotic traitors; when police gun down unarmed teenagers based on their skin color and are loudly defended for it; when armed insurrectionists threaten to shoot government officials and are treated as peaceful protestors while real peaceful protestors are treated like dangerous terrorists; and when a congressman can publicly decry disaster aid to his own earthquake and hurricane ravaged district right after he's helped hold the entire government hostage in an attempt to gut programs that benefit the poor and middle class in favor of keeping tax breaks for rich cocksuckers' private jets, and it takes two more elections for him to be voted out--in favor of a twisted jackal who thought that congressman was too kind and generous with government money--that twisted value system has infected too many of us too deeply.

Terrorists attacked us in hopes of destroying us. They knew three office buildings weren't going to do it--it was what we'd do in reaction to the attack that would do it. And we pretty much did. Massive deficits incurred by one justified but bungled war and one completely unnecessary, unjustified, and just as bungled war .The same war crimes we tried Axis soldiers for after World War II are now actually considered legally murky.

Many of the same architects of those failed policies, instead of being in jail, are on our TVs every Sunday trying to convince us to drive off the cliff into the chasm of perpetual warfare yet again. They aren't even coming up with new arguments, just the same recycled crap they shoved down the throats of scared people eleven years ago. We clearly didn't spend enough blood and treasure the first time--this time we have to get it right!!!

The corporate swine are doing well, but nobody else is.

And the silences about it save for a few places such as DU is just as eerie as the lack of jet takeoffs that warm Tuesday night.

We shot the man who ordered the attacks on us. On the whole, he probably died pretty happy; he's almost won.

Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today (July 2014)

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today

(No. 16 in a series)

Two hundred and thirty-eight years ago this week, the American colonies declared their Independence from a world-spanning empire built on the virtual slave labor of a massive class of serfs treated barely any better than cattle by the small class of decadent nobles ruled by an absolute monarch who got the job only because his ancestors had it first. So naturally, those who scream loudest about how "patriotic" they are want to strip away worker's rights, give Paris Hilton and people like her more tax cuts, and elect Jeb Bush to the Presidency. (Actually, it's even scarier than that when you realize that Jeb Bush is arguably the least insane choice among those preparing to run for that party's nomination.)

Anyway, another look into the world of conservative doublethink.

Because those assholes just keep saying it:
* Increasing taxes on the rich is exactly the same thing as loading them into box cars, shipping them to concentration camps, and gassing them.

And of course:

* All life is sacred and precious from the moment of conception until the moment of birth.

And more updates:

* It's okay to hit on underage pages, solicit gay sex in an airport bathroom, and cheat on your wife (with or without diapers, payoffs, rentboys, or trips to Argentina) as long as you're a Good Christian(TM).

* You were revolted by the thought of degenerate perverts Anthony Wiener and Elliot Spitzer returning to public office. You support Mark Sanford's return to public office, and are a fan of David Vitter and Vance McAllister.

* Sending racy Tweets and pictures of yourself to a woman you aren't married to is a much more serious crime than actually having sex with someone you aren't married to--ie a prostitute, your friend's wife, your staffers, Congressional pages, women in Argentina, rentboys, ect.


* You aren't racist; you're just sick of all African Americans being lazy, violent criminals who milk the system, refuse to be literate and speak proper English, and you think they were better off as livestock picking cotton on a plantation.

* Corporations are people. Women are not.

* Government officials should never get between a patient and their doctor--that is the just and proper roll of insurance company claims adjusters and the owners of the company the patient works for.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* A black teenager in his own neighborhood not bothering or harming anyone or anything deserved to be shot and killed. A Du Pont trust fund heir who raped his own three year old daughter shouldn't have to go to jail because he "Wouldn't do well there".


* "Family values" = Playing pro baseball is more important that the birth of your child.


* Wanting to mandate equal pay for equal work is a "bizarre obsession"; Do I even need to say "Benghazi"?

* You oppose equal pay for equal work, and are confused about why more women don't vote for you.

* The government has no right to stop cattle grazers from illegally using public land for their private gain.

* Wind is a finite resource, and harvesting it contributes to global warming. Oil is an infinite resource, and harvesting it has no effect on the climate


* "Free Market" and "Small Government" = Making people who put up their own solar panels and thus use less power from the energy companies pay a monthly fee as punishment.


* Hank Aaron is a stupid dumbass n****r for thinking there's still racism in the country.


* You revere the Founders, the Flag, and the Constitution, but deny the existence of the Federal Government created by the Founders and the Constitution.

* A deadbeat rancher who refuses to pay his grazing fees has the moral authority to cast aspersions on other people accepting "government subsidies".

* Weighting college admissions based on whether or not an applicant is of a minority race is wrong. Weighting college admissions based on whether or not an applicant is related to a rich alumnus and potential donor is just and fair.

* You're a staunch believer in democracy who thinks that women and minorities shouldn't have the right to vote.


* You voted for cuts to State Department embassy security budgets, and are angry about the Benghazi attack.

* You voted for cuts to the Department of Veterans Affairs, and are angry about the VA's problems in providing proper treatment to veterans.


* A guy who sold arms to terrorists in exchange for hostages has the moral authority to question the prisoner exchange deal made for Bowe Bergdahl


* Bowe Bergdahl was an American hero, and his imprisonment by the Taliban was intolerable until Barack Obama successfully freed him, at which time Bowe Bergdahl became a Jihadist and a traitor.


* Military prisoner exchanges are now impeachable high crimes and misdemeanors, like blowing an intern ( but not like lying a country into an unnecessary war)

* Bowe and Bo Bergdahl are terrorists. Jared and Amanda Miller aren't.

* You boo gay soldiers, oppose funding the VA, and think Bowe Bergdahl and his entire family are traitors; you think liberals are the ones who don't support the troops.

* Abortion is murder, but blowing away police officers isn't.

* The same "experts" that led us into and cheerled the Iraq clusterfuck in the first place are clearly the ones most qualified to advise us on how to proceed in Iraq now.

* When a Tea Bagger loses an election, it is clearly because his opponent cheated by appealing to black voters, or was replaced by a robot.

* You nominate Mitt Rmoney to be President, but think Hillary Clinton is too rich and out of touch.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today

(No. 15 in a series)

It's April Fool's Day once more, and since "Fools" and "Today's Republican Party" are pretty much the same thing, time for another look into the world of right-wing doublethink.

Because it just has to keep being said:

* Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on birth control and abortion is a "War on religion". Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on the death penalty, immigration, caring for the poor, and the Iraq War is not.

Perhaps the most unexpected update ever:

* Vladimir Putin is a horrible, evil Communist dictator who oppresses his people and should never be trusted. Vladimir Putin's strong leadership and stand against gays are moral and commendable.

Slight update to an old one because of the January polar vortex:

* When it piles up record cold and snow during winter, it proves that climate change is a hoax. When there's record heat and drought in many parts of the country, it doesn't prove anything about climate change because it's summer, after all.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* It was good that Martin Bashir was fired for saying mean things about Sarah Palin. It was a bad thing when Phil Robertson was suspended for an entire week just for saying mean things about gays and blacks and supporting pedophilia.

* You hate the over-commercialization of Christmas, and stood in line on Black Friday to buy Sarah Palin's ghost writer's new book about it.

* You insist that improving the mental health system, not gun control, is the solution to mass shootings. You oppose efforts to improve the mental health system because it costs money.

* The Federal Government should have no role in local education decisions, unless those in local control are Democrats.

* Excessive regulation and government micromanagement of private industry led to the leak of a toxic chemical from a West Virginia coal processing plant into the state’s water system.

* Wooden sticks are a dangerous weapon that need to be banned from government facilities. Guns are not.

* Supporting equal pay and reproductive freedom=denigrating women. Sticking wands into their vaginas, taking away their contraception, and telling them to get back into the kitchen and make their man a sandwich=supporting women.

* Increasing taxes on the rich is exactly the same thing as loading them into box cars, shipping them to concentration camps, and gassing them.

* Threatening to throw someone off a balcony = "Professionalism" and "respect"

* You support equal pay laws by voting against them every chance you get.

* The MSNBC staffer's tweet about "rightwing" offense at the Cheerios Super Bowl ad with a multiracial family was disgusting and inappropriate--because clearly the Coke ad that had people speaking languages other than English was the far more offensive one.

* Rush Limbaugh isn't as fat as Michelle Obama.

* You're an oil company executive who totally supports fracking--unless it's going to be close enough to your mansion to affect your property values.

* You decry your party's reputation as "the stupid party" while giving awards to racist, homophobic, pedophilic reality TV stars.

* You're a Republican congressman who personally received $1 million in Medicaid benefits after you got drunk, crashed your car and were paralyzed, but oppose Medicaid expansion in your state.

* George W. Bush's budget director--let me repeat that, because it bears repeating: GEORGE W. BUSH'S BUDGET DIRECTOR-- has the credibility to question anyone else in regards to deficits and debt.

* You think gays are all sick pedophiles, while at the same time fantasize about marrying a 14 year-old girl because you can mold her into someone who will gladly "pick your ducks" for you.

* "Free market" = Banning the direct sale of electric cars.

One straight from Bill In Portland of Daily Kos:
* Aid for rural folks who have fallen on tough times is helping real Americans pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aid for urban folks who have fallen on tough times is encouraging inner-city moochers.

* You think CNN talks too much about the missing Malaysian airliner. You eagerly await every update about Benghazi on Fox News.

* You are outraged that Russia invaded a smaller country under bullshit pretenses. You ardently supported the Iraq War.

* The idea that humans evolved from primates is "vain". The idea that humans are the most favored and perfect creation in the entire universe of billions of stars in billions of galaxies is not.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today

(No. 14 in a series)

With extra special holiday looks into the world of conservative doublethink!

Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican During the Holiday Season Today:

* Using the word "Holiday" instead of "Christmas" pisses you off.

* A Turkish saint and a Jewish carpenter from Palestine were both white.

* The true hero of "It's a Wonderful Life" is Mister Potter, the visionary Job Creator, and the villain is that communist George Bailey.
(Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel for this one.)

In a similar vein...

* "A Christmas Carol" is a horror story, the tale of a practical, thrifty Job Creator who was turned into a communist after being stalked and brainwashed by some ghosts.

And now to the (ir)regularly scheduled More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You routinely refer to the President as a Nazi Communist Kenyan Muslin N****r Who Hates America but get offended when the Tea Party is compared to the Klan.

One from David Vitter that, shockingly enough, has nothing to do with hookers or diapers:

* You vote to cut NASA's budget, then bitch that not enough new contracts are being issued by NASA to the factory in your state.

* A US Senator who wants to impeach the President for nothing, thinks helping Mexicans with medical problems is bad, wants to offset disaster relief funds to his own state, supports executing doctors who perform legal medical procedures he dislikes, prohibit scientists from studying science that may come to conclusions he doesn't like, thinks the sequester is a good idea, doesn't want veterans to have jobs, and thinks companies should have the right to not be sued when their employees rape people has the moral authority to call anyone else an asshole.

* You cheer at racist, immigrant-bashing Southern white supremacist speeches from a Canadian Latino.

* The rainbow flag is divisive and offensive. The Confederate flag is only a symbol of pride and heritage.

* The Chief of Staff of George W. "Iraq Was Involved With 911 And Has Nuclear Weapons" Bush has the moral authority to call President Obama a liar.

* It is shocking and disgusting that Joe Biden still had a political career after his 1988 plagiarism scandal. Rand Paul's plagiarism scandal is overblown and everybody should just shut up about it.

* Gagging at the sight of mixed-raced couples is not racist.

* Our foreign policy toward Israel and the Middle East should be guided by Biblical prophesy.

* A glitchy web site is exactly the same thing as letting a major American city drown.

* Elderly women are prone to having children.

* Insurance company weasels cancelling their junk policies because they don't comply with the Affordable Care Act means that President Obama is a big liar.

* You shouldn't have to buy health insurance because you're young and healthy, and naturally you will be young and healthy forever.

* The North was in the wrong during the Civil War. It is disgusting that Obama isn't attending the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address.

* You're an alcoholic Republican congressman with a cocaine habit who supports forcing food stamp applicants to take a drug test.

* JFK and Martin Luther King were conservatives. Richard Nixon and George W. Bush were liberals.

* Rush Limbaugh and Pat Buchanan are greater experts in Catholic theology than Pope Francis.

* Nelson Mandela was a racist communist terrorist, but also a secret conservative who would have opposed the Affordable Care Act.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 13

It's October, and you know what that means: time for all the stores to put up their Christmas decorations. It also means Halloween, with ghosts, goblins, witches, and vampire bats.

Speaking of bat shit, it's also time for another look into the world of conservative doublethink

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

Sadly time to update this one:

* Rush Limbaugh playing "Barack the Magic Negro", signs depicting President Obama as a witch doctor, postcards featuring the White House lawn filled with watermelons, and protestors marching on the White House with Confederate flags have nothing at all to do with racism, and are instead valid criticisms of the President's health care policies.

The sentencing of Bradley Manning recalls this one:

* The Wikileaks release of classified documents is a crime that enrages you. The activities detailed in those documents don't bother you at all.

And another update:

* You were revolted by the thought of degenerate perverts Anthony Wiener and Elliot Spitzer returning to public office. You support Mark Sanford's return to public office, and are a fan of David Vitter.

Hey...Phil Gingrey spoke up again. From More Things No.4:

* A teacher's salary of $50,000 a year is extravagant. A congressman's salary of $172,000 means they're "struggling".

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* "Walking While Black" is now a capital offence.

* You aren't racist; you're just sick of all African Americans being lazy, violent criminals who milk the system and refuse to be literate and speak proper English.

* Having a "strong belief in minority rights" means palling around with a John Wilkes Booth fan and opposing federal laws prohibiting businesses from racial discrimination.

* Spending money on disaster relief is bad, because it takes money away from building bombs to blow shit up.

And also because of the Manning verdict:

* The people who ordered and condoned the use of torture on terror suspects are heroes who kept America safe. The people who let us know all about the torture of terror suspects are vile criminals and traitors.

* Muslims can't write books about Jesus, but men can write legislation about women.

* If it weren't for that Kenyan Muslin Nazi Communist N****r President there would be no racial divisiveness today.

* A man born in Canada to an American mother and a foreign father is eligible to be President; a man born in Hawaii to an American mother and a foreign father is not.

* The piss-poor FEMA response to Hurricane Katrina was the fault of newly-elected Illinois junior Senator Barack Obama.

No, I'm not making that shit up:
http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/poll-louisiana-gopers-unsure-if-katrina-response-was

(Facepalm)

These must be the same dumbasses who thought Mitt Rmoney was somehow behind Osama Bin Laden's death. Of course, they’re also the ones who turned over control of their party to the newly-elected Texas junior Senator from Canada, so maybe it almost makes sense. If you’re taking either way too much or not enough of some powerful narcotics.

* A government database of all gun owners is the first step to tyranny and confiscation. A private database of all gun owners is a necessary defense of freedom.

One for jerkbag Ken Cuchinelli:

* "Small government" means outlawing no-fault divorce and prohibiting consenting adults (even heterosexuals) from engaging in anal sex.

* There is no easy answer for the crisis in Syria. One approach lets a lot of brown people go unbombed, the other means supporting the Kenyan Nazi Communist Muslin N****r President.

* Vladimir Putin is a horrible, evil Communist dictator who oppresses his people and should never be trusted. Vladimir Putin's stand against gays is moral and commendable.

* India is an Arab country.

* Don Siegelman belongs in jail; Tom Delay doesn't.

* The way to prevent future acts of shocking violence using high powered firearms is the aggressive and systematic regulation of video games.

* An outspoken atheist who collected Social Security has the moral authority to write books about "leeches" who collect government checks, and be the exemplar of Good Christian(tm) morality.

* The death of a hostage in a hostage standoff is clearly the fault of the police negotiators who didn't give the hostage taker everything they asked for.

* When Republicans refuse to negotiate with Democrats, they're resolute and principled. When Democrats refuse to negotiate with Republicans, they're stubborn and arrogant.

* Republican congresswomen need their paychecks. Head Start teachers and capitol police don't.

* A 16 year-old girl is mature enough to bear and care for a child. A 16 year-old girl is not mature enough to decide to have an abortion.

* America is like Nazi Germany and should be destroyed by God's wrath. Liberals hate America.

* The Affordable Care Act is worse than Slavery, Jim Crow, the genocide of the Native American populace, World War 2, the Great Depression, Vietnam, and the time the Death Star blew up Alderaan.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 12

Yeah, because--like a lot of people here--I need to vent today.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

Just because the fucking idiots on a Florida jury reminded us of this:

* Stalkers of black teenagers have the right to defend themselves with lethal force if the black teenager fights back with his Skittles and iced tea.

Another repeat, just to remind everyone of the essential hypocrisy of a recent GOP obsession:

* The intelligence failures of September 11, 2001 (3000 dead) are forgivable. The intelligence failures of September 11, 2012 (four dead) are not.

And in light of Pope Francis's recent statements on immigration:

* Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on birth control and abortion is a "War on religion". Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on the death penalty, immigration, caring for the poor, and the Iraq War is not.

(Sigh)...Another Update...

* You decry the decline of America's scientific leadership in the world while attacking the National Science Foundation and pushing to teach Creationism in science class.

And I suspect that just like the Chickenhawk list, this is only going to get longer with time:

* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, and EW Jackson are intelligent, rational human beings.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Public schools receive and spend too much money. Public schools should start having paid armed guards.

* A Congressman who spent taxpayer money sneaking off to Argentina to bang his mistress has the moral authority to talk about government spending issues. And of course "family values".

* You're a "small government' type who get outraged when Michelle Obama suggests kids eat their vegetables, but support Ken Cuccinelli's lawsuit to get an anti-sodomy law reinstated.

* "Tort reform" is needed to stop the "abuse" of the legal system by poor people who've been hurt by polluters. The right of billionaires to sue when their wine purchases are "misrepresented" shall not be infringed.

* It's okay to have segregated proms, and having integrated proms is "divisive" and a "publicity stunt"

* You won't publicly support integrated high school proms, but wonder why your party is seen as a bunch of racists.

* It totally makes sense for the UK government to pay for the funeral of austerity maven Margaret Thatcher.

* You support restrictions, criminal background checks, and mental health screening of immigrants and voters, but not gun buyers.

* Lack of religious values is to blame for terrorist acts by religious extremists.

* Excessive regulation and government micromanagement of private industry led to the explosion at West Fertilizer.

* "Big Government" is regulating plants full of explosive fertilizers. "Small government" is regulating what women do with their private parts.

* Drones being used on American soil against American citizens is absolutely infuriating and indefensible. Except when the drones are being used to bomb convenience store robbery suspects.

* You were enraged by speculation that the Boston Marathon bombers were right-wingers, but earnestly believe that the time for armed revolt against the "gubmint" really is drawing near.

* Actually counting votes is "elitist" and too "scientific"

* Birth control and emergency contraception should be much harder to get than guns.

* You disapprove of 15 year olds having access to Plan B, but approve of marketing guns to 5 year olds.

* You're revolted by the thought of degenerate pervert Anthony Wiener returning to public office. You supported Mark Sanford's return to public office, and are a fan of David Vitter.

* There's a massive, huge, incredible difference between an "act of terror" and a "terrorist attack"

* Because reporting about the George Bush Air National Guard story was bungled, it proved that there was no scandal. The bungled reporting of the leaked and misleadingly edited Benghazi emails doesn't mean anything about the validity of the Greatest Scandal In The History Of The World Of The Week.

* You're a tech giant that goes to extreme lengths to avoid paying taxes, then lobbies to reform immigration to allow more tech visas because the schools here in the US are poorly funded and not doing a good enough job providing an educated work force for you.

* Women are not allowed to pee on Memorial Day

* Jerry Brown's progressive policies have brought financial disaster and massive deficits to California.

* A convicted car thief and suspected arsonist has the moral authority to investigate the IRS for actually doing it's job and making sure "anti tax" groups weren't tax cheats.

* You don't mind the government amassing a database of everyone's phone calls and emails, but are enraged at the thought of the government amassing a database of everybody's gun sales.

(To be fair, there's a number of Republican's who ARE outraged by the NSA spying, though mostly it seems more like "We don't want the scary Kenyan Nazi Communist N***er spying on us. It was okay when George W. Bush was doing it.")

* Embryos masturbate.

Wait a second...you gotta be kidding me on this one, right?

http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2013/06/17/texas-congressman-masturbating-fetuses-prove-need-for-abortion-ban/

(Facepalm)

* Progressive legislators who filibuster to stop restrictions to women's rights to manage their own ladyparts are terrorists. Right wingers who blow up abortion clinics are not.

* The Supreme Court has no authority to overrule acts of Congress (like DOMA). The Supreme Court has the authority to overrule acts of Congress (like the Voting Rights Act).

* Tampons are a dangerous weapon that should be banned from government premises. Guns are not.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 11

It's April Fool's Day, and since "Fools" and "Today's Republican Party" are pretty much the same thing, time for another look into the world of right-wing doublethink.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

Dammit, here's this one again:

* Sending racy Tweets and pictures of yourself to a woman you aren't married to is a much more serious crime than being a "pro-life" congressman who makes your wife and your mistress get abortions.

Dammit, here's this one again:

* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, and Steve Stockman are intelligent, rational human beings.

And updating an older one for Bobby Jindal:

* You decry your party's reputation as "the stupid party" while approving legislation to have creationism taught in science class.

Another old one that is sadly current:

* Ruling against the discrimination of gays is unrestrained judicial activism; the Supreme Court giving the 2000 election to a Republican who got a half million less votes is a proper use of judicial power.

And onto the new stuff...

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Willard Mitt Rmoney lost the election because he wasn't conservative enough.

* The fact that business leaders can throw hundreds of millions of dollars at Karl Rove and other SuperPACs to try and buy the election doesn't mean they can also afford to pay their employees living wages with good benefits.

* Obamacare is the reason your hours are being cut and your pay is not going up; the CEO's $15 million bonus has nothing to do with it.

* The man who picked Sarah Palin as his running mate has the moral authority to call someone else's potential Secretary of State nomination "unqualified" because she's "not very bright"

* The man who picked Sarah Palin as his running mate has the moral authority to call the qualifications of someone else's cabinet nominees into question.

* George W. Bush's 3 million popular vote (286-251 electoral college) victory in his 2004 re-election was a landslide that gave him a "mandate" to do whatever he wanted despite what the Democrats said. Barack Obama's 4.5 million popular vote (332-206 electoral college) victory in his 2012 re-election was a "narrow" win that means he should compromise with Republicans.

* It's "enormously insensitive" of God's feelings for humans to not tear up nature and spew toxins into the atmosphere by using oil.

* Gun ownership is a right. Heath care is a privilege. If a kids die because of treatable cancer or a nutcase gunning them down, oh well.

* You support drug testing of welfare recipients, but oppose criminal background checks and mental health screening of gun buyers.

* The First Amendment shouldn't apply to TV, radio, video games, or the Internet because those things didn't exist in 1787. The Second Amendment applies to automatic rifles and anti-personnel ammunition even though those things didn't exist in 1787.

* The same "experts" who said invading Iraq would be a cheap, six-month cakewalk have the moral authority to criticize a prospective Secretary of Defense.

* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid.

* The best place to hold a conference dedicated to raising Republican awareness of minority issues is at a former slave plantation.

Nah...no way that one could be true. That's too absurd.

* A guy who once shot his friend in the face, possibly while being roaring drunk at the time, has the moral authority to speak out in opposition to gun control.

* The intelligence failures of September 11, 2001 (3000 dead) are forgivable. The intelligence failures of September 11, 2012 (four dead) are not.

* Germany gets more sunlight than California.

* $250,000 a year is "poor", but the federal minimum wage is too high.

* Actually allowing black people to vote is "racial entitlement"

* Just because you think black people had it better when they were treated as property with no rights during the slavery days does not mean you're a racist.

* You're a Birther who likes the idea of Ted Cruz running for President.

* The United Nations is a weak, ineffective organization that has a massive, powerful secret army that can only be stopped by drunk rednecks with AR-15s.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 10

Two years ago, when I posted the first of these lists, I called it "an election eve reminder to 'Vote Unless You Want People Like THIS Running The Country' ". Well, this time the stakes are higher and so, another look into the world of conservative doublethink.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

Revising an oldie:

* Sending racy Tweets and pictures of yourself to a woman you aren't married to is a much more serious crime than actually having sex with someone you aren't married to and having her get an abortion despite being a "pro-life" congressman.

And one for Paul Ryan:

* Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on birth control and abortion is a "War on religion". Disagreeing with the Catholic Church on the death penalty, immigration, caring for the poor, and the Iraq War is not.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, John McCain, Rand Paul, Steve Forbes, Connie Mack IV, and Willard Mitt Rmoney are all self made men and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments.

* You want to change the Constitution so Arnold Schwarzenegger can run for President, but not all babies born on American soil are citizens.

* You get outraged every time a Democrat blames anything on George W. Bush, but blame things on Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter at every opportunity.

* The death of Osama Bin Laden was a testament to the great leadership of Willard Mitt Rmoney.

No. I'm not making that one up:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/10/1130048/-One-in-six-Republicans-say-Mitt-Romney-deserves-the-credit-for-killing-bin-Laden

* It's okay that Paul Ryan had to provide ten years of tax returns to the Rmoney campaign when being vetted for Vice President. It's not okay that people keep asking for ten years of Rmoney's tax returns while vetting him to be President.

* $250,000 a year is "middle class"

* Asking the top earners to pay more in income taxes is "divisive". Referring to half the country as "moochers" is not.

* Cutting the $450 million a year funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting while increasing defense spending and giving the rich another $5 trillion tax cut will balance the budget.

* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the mistress of a married, pro-life, family values Republican congressman.

* Slavery was a good and Christian practice, and Abraham Lincoln was a war criminal and the Anti-Christ for ending it.

* Defense cuts are bad because they lead to job losses. Cuts to any other part of the government are irrelevant to job losses.

* The losses of life in Benghazi are the fault of the President, not the Republican Congress that voted to cut funding for embassy security.

* Barack Obama is the worst authoritarian dictator since Hitler, and completely helpless and incapable of doing anything to help the economy or fight terrorism.

* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, and Joe Walsh are intelligent, rational human beings.

* Barack Obama's college transcripts from thirty years ago are of vital national importance. Willard Mitt Rmoney's tax returns from the last ten years are nobody's business.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 9

In honor of HateFestAPalooza2012 (aka "The Republican National Convention") Another look into the world of conservative doublethink.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

Just a restatement of a couple of older one due to recent events:

* Bob Dole's heath care plan and George HW Bush's energy policy on carbon credits instantly became radical socialism as soon as Barack Obama endorsed them. (based on a comment by Bill Maher)

* Someone paying a fine because they failed to buy health insurance is an outrage. Someone dying because they failed to buy health insurance is sound economic and social policy.

* When it snows in February, it proves that climate change is a hoax. When there's record heat and drought in many parts of the country, it doesn't prove anything about climate change because it's summer, after all.

And now to the new stuff:

Verbatim from a tweet by John Fugelsang:
* Fast and Furious proves it's treason to sell weapons to bad guys. Unless it's Iran and you're Reagan. That's awesome.

And on to the "original" ones:

* We have too many firemen, police officers, and teachers. And no doubt not enough leverage capitalists and hedge fund managers.

* Not offensive: Government telling women what they can and can't do with their own vaginas. Offensive: Women actually saying the word "vagina".

* Being a law professor is "elitist". Owning a competitive dancing horse is not.

* Just because the Republican Congress opposes, votes down, and filibusters every piece of legislation the President supports is no reason for him to actually use executive branch power in pursuit of his policy goals.

* Just because the Republican Congress opposes, votes down, and filibusters every piece of legislation the President supports clearly means the President deserves all of the blame for the state of the economy.

* If Willard Mitt Rmoney had picked Marco Rubio for Vice President, it would make all Hispanics forget Republican opposition to immigration reform and the DREAM act, just like picking Sarah Palin made all women forget Republican opposition to reproductive rights and equal pay.

* States have the right to ignore the Federal government's authority on immigration policy, but not on campaign finance policy.

* You resent the fact that the banks were bailed out because they were "too big to fail", and believe that the remedy for this is to remove government oversight and regulations that might prevent the banks from getting even bigger.

* The Loch Ness Monster is real, and disproves the theory of evolution.

* Canada's government run health care system is awful, which is why you want to escape there to flee American health care reform.

* Being a "strict constructionist" judge means overturning decades of precedent, including your own rulings, to come to the legal conclusion that corporations and conservative activists want.

* Mandatory invasive pat-downs of airline passengers is an offensive invasion of privacy. Mandatory invasive vaginal probes of women wanting a legal medical procedure performed is just and proper.

* Health care reform's mandate is a tax when applied on the national level, but not on the state level. (You know...like in Massachusetts)

* Expressing support for the traitors who waged a massive armed revolt against the United States in the 1860's is a form of patriotism.

* Willard Mitt Rmoney's experiences in business, the 2002 Olympic Committee, and as Governor of Massachusetts are his major qualifications to be President. Actually talking about Willard Mitt Rmoney's records in business, the Olympics, and as Governor of Massachusetts are a liberal smear campaign.

* One of the reasons Bill Clinton should have been impeached is because he might have taken money from foreign nationals--the Chinese. It's perfectly acceptable for Mitt Rmoney to go to England, Israel, and Poland looking for campaign contributions.

* It was just and proper that Martha Stewart went to jail for insider trading. Paul Ryan's insider trading during the economic meltdown of 2008 is just him being a smart businessman.

* Government officials should never get between a patient and their doctor--that is the just and proper roll of insurance company claims adjusters.

* Women can never get pregnant as the result of rape.

Nah, never mind, withdraw that last one, it's too absurd. You'd have to have a single digit IQ to believe anything like that, and not even the teabaggers in Congress are that stupid, right? I better stick to something vaguely approaching reality.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 8

If you live in Wisconsin, quit looking at this silly post and go vote!!! Well, okay, you can read this first to remind you why you need to vote, but the point is, go vote!

If you live in Wisconsin, and already voted, thanks. You have done the country a great service.

Another look into the world of conservative doublethink.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

A few weeks ago, I tried to see if I could pinpoint the origin of the Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today list, the one that's been floating around the internets for about a decade, which I based my series on. The oldest citation I can find in the Google is here: http://archive.azplace.net/index.php?itemid=307 on November 28, 2003; that was after ten pages of Google digging just to be sure.

If anyone else wishes to offer insight, do so.

Thinks You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

One I have to repost:

* Bipartisanship means Republicans and Democrats coming together to do exactly what Republicans want.

Because it just got completely validated:

"Bipartisanship ought to consist of Democrats coming to the Republican point of view."
--Teabagger Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, May 8, 2012

Huh. A revision of one from the last list...

* The Komen Foundation was right to cut donations to Planned Parenthood, which is being subjected to a Congressional investigation, even though no criminal or civil guilt or liability has been found yet. The Komen Foundation is correct to continue partnership with the Catholic Church, which has been subject to ongoing investigations over child molestation by its priests, and coverups of the child molestation by its priests, for the last decade.

Man, I thought I was finally done updating this one, but here we go again...

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, Ted Nugent, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

And with the recent failed Underwear Bomber Mark 2, one from the very first list:

* A successful terrorist attack during a Republican administration proves we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. Unsuccessful terrorist attacks during a Democratic administration prove we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism.

And now for the new ones:

* It is unfair to expect a banker to live on a mere $350,000 a year. And just a reminder: teachers and janitors earning $50,000 a year are lazy and overpaid.

* A talk radio host once caught carrying a bag full of illegal Viagra out of the child prostitute capitol of the Western hemisphere has the moral authority to call women who use birth control "sluts" and "prostitutes"

* You rail about how the last five hundred years of scientific and technological advancement is the work of Satan. From your internet blog.

* It is disgusting and improper for a candidate for office to solicit money from Hollywood actors; they should get their campaign money the proper way--from energy industry executives, billionaire hedge fund managers, and Wall Street bankers.

* Palling around with owners of NASCAR and NFL teams assures that one is a champion of the common man.

* The Catholic Church is too kind and generous to the altar boys its priests raped.

* Stalkers of black teenagers have the right to defend themselves with lethal force if the black teenager fights back with his Skittles and iced tea.

* Hoodies are the clothing of hardened, vicious, violent criminals without exception. Except when Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera wear them.

* Women never use contraception for any reason other than preventing pregnancy, just like men never use Viagra for any reason other than to cause pregnancy.

* State-mandated invasive vaginal probes do not offend you. Comics talking about the invasive vaginal probes, however, DO offend you.

* Christians are victimized and deserving of our sympathy. African Americans are not.

* Bankers are powerless and under-represented in our political system.

* Neo-Nazi skinheads are a "Civil Rights Group". Occupy Wall Street protesters are "Domestic Terrorists"

* A CNN commentator who said something unflattering about Ann Rmoney must be repudiated by the Democratic party immediately. A washed-up one-hit-wonder rock star who threatens President Obama does not have to be repudiated by the Republican party.

* A CNN commentator who says something unflattering about Ann Rmoney represents what Democrats really think. A Republican congressman who makes up a delusional story about 80 communists in congress does not represent what Republicans really think.

* Willard Mitt Rmoney was (and will be) lying and pandering when he said he was a moderate who supported abortion rights and created Rmoneycare in Massachussetts. Willard Mitt Rmoney is telling the truth when he says he's a "severe conservative" who opposes abortion rights and opposes Obamacare even though it's almost identical to Rmoneycare.

(The sad thing is how many of the more rational kinds of voters will vote for him anyway, thinking it's the other way around)

* A rich white woman who stays home to raise her kids is making a career choice. A poor black woman who stays home to raise her kids is a welfare queen.

* Raising kids when you have a multi-million dollar stock portfolio is exactly the same thing as having a job.

* Trying to make millionaires pay at least the same tax rates as everyone else is "divisive". Calling everyone who disagrees with you Nazi Communists who hate America is not.

* A fifty year-old woman drinking a beer is a major scandal. Two underage twins ordering a beer in a bar is none of our business.

* Being president for 4 years makes you less qualified than running for president your whole life.

* It's wrong to exploit military success for partisan advantage unless you're a Republican.

* The largest corps in America recorded record profits in 2011...Which is why they need more tax cuts, less regulation & smaller payrolls.

* Job Creation = Firing Lots and Lots Of People Just To Pad The CEO's Bottom Line

* Trying to stop billionaires from dodging their taxes makes you a Nazi.
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