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Fritz67

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Member since: Thu Jun 23, 2005, 10:16 PM
Number of posts: 184

About Me

Just to help find my old journal entries, Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Fritz67

Journal Archives

Fifteen Years

(I've posted this a couple times before; updated because...well, I think you can guess why)

It just doesn't seem possible. In some ways it seems like just yesterday.

I was finally getting my first break, and nearing the door to the lounge--dodging the mess, because the store was undergoing remodeling at the time--one of the managers was saying something to one of the guys in sporting goods about "And now I heard the Pentagon just got hit". I had no idea what he was talking about...

Then I got into the break room and saw the television.

The World Trade Center was on fire. I was stunned into silence save for one gallows joke about "Well, at least this means they'll stop talking about Gary Condit for a while" (And if you can't even remember who Gary Condit is, that just sort of makes my point. He was the top story on 9-10 as he had been for weeks)

I saw one of the towers fall, and went numb. I couldn't process it. My fifteen minutes on break came up, and I went back to work. Within an hour, the store was almost deserted. When my shift ended, I joined the line to get my car gassed up--rumor had it gas was about to go to $5 a gallon, so get the $1.95 while you can. It took longer than we thought, but gas eventually did make it to almost $5.

It really hit me that evening. I live about a mile north of Indianapolis International Airport (or at least we did then; over the last decade they basically moved a couple miles west), and whenever we have relatives or other company who don't come from here, they often comment about "How do you get anything done with all the airplane noises whenever they take off?" Well, most of the time, we don't notice because we're so used to it.

That evening, I noticed the eerie silence of the airplanes not taking off and landing.

That morning, after the attack, the management set up a radio near the Service Desk and the Bob and Tom Show was on; they're nationally syndicated, but their home base is right here in Indy. Understandably, the canned laughter and jokes about Kristy Lee's boobs had fallen to the wayside. I remember Tom Grizwold commenting "What kind of twisted value system approves of something like this?" and couldn't help but agree. Maybe he meant Islam, but that's not what I agreed with.

The "twisted value system" that caused that day is the supreme arrogance that comes from saying "My politics, the exact way I worship God, is so superior to yours that I consider you subhuman and unworthy of continued existence. And not only that, because you don't worship God in the exact same way I do, I will kill myself just to speed along your journey to Hell and mine to Heaven." The twisted value system that says crashing airplanes into buildings full of office workers is somehow a good thing. And let's be clear, it's not an Islam thing: that same twisted value system tells a Good Christian Soldier it's okay to blow up a federal building with a truck bomb or to go into a church (a church) and open fire on a doctor who performs a medical procedure you don't like, or to shoot a congresswoman you disagree with in the head, and take out a bunch of others in the process--including an innocent child who would have celebrated her fifteenth birthday today.

It's the twisted value system that says that because we were attacked, it's okay to go invading other countries even if they had jack shit to do with that attack.

And in the aftermath, that twisted value system has only strengthened the worst of our political leaders. Compassion, empathy, tolerance, education, intelligence, an understanding of science--in this twisted value system, these things are liabilities. In this twisted value system, a dry drunk who makes up words like "Misunderstimate" and a grifter to whom "What newspapers do you read?" is seen as a "gotcha question" are great, but an openly racist thin-skinned bully who can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is and says creepily sexual things about his own daughter is even better!

There were moments of light. The spirit of unity right after the attack. The shining moment eight years ago when it looked like the mantle of greed and mendacity was being cast off. Five years ago, American soldiers finally located the fiend behind the attacks and shot him in the eye as he was jacking off in his not-so-hidden Pakistani compound. For a very brief time, that seemed to remind us all of what we had, and what we lost.

But it passed quickly.

When sociopathic billionaires can buy our political process, and those who speak against them doing so are called unpatriotic traitors; when police gun down unarmed teenagers based on their skin color and are loudly defended for it; when armed insurrectionists threaten to shoot government officials and are treated as peaceful protesters while real peaceful protesters are treated like dangerous terrorists; and the elected governor of a State of the Union can speak of the fear of a routine military exercise like it's some kind impending invasion with the same seriousness that radio hosts with tin foil on their heads take it--that twisted value system has infected too many of us too deeply.

Terrorists attacked us in hopes of destroying us. They knew three office buildings weren't going to do it--it was what we'd do in reaction to the attack that would do it. And we pretty much did. Massive deficits incurred by one justified but bungled war and one completely unnecessary, unjustified, and just as bungled war. The same war crimes we tried Axis soldiers for after World War II are now actually considered justifiable and even commendable.

Many of the same architects of those failed policies, instead of being in jail, are on our TVs every Sunday trying to convince us to drive off the cliff into the chasm of perpetual warfare yet again. They aren't even coming up with new arguments, just the same recycled crap they shoved down the throats of scared people thirteen years ago. We clearly didn't spend enough blood and treasure the first time--this time we have to get it right!!! And even they look rational in comparison to the major party Presidential nominee who basically threatens to nuke anyone who makes fun of his tiny tiny hands on Twitter.

The corporate swine are doing well, but nobody else is.

And the silences about it save for a few places such as DU is just as eerie as the lack of jet takeoffs that warm Tuesday night.

We shot the man who ordered the attacks on us. On the whole, he probably died pretty happy; he's almost won.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Both Sides Do It! Really!!! Edition

So we're over the Conventions and now only two months away from the 2016 election, and according to the media it's a choice between two terrible candidates who both do bad things in equal measure. Let's compare:

Hillary Rodham Clinton (D)
Pros: Knowledgeable, intelligent, experienced, speaks in comprehensible sentences, a proven leader with a track record of helping people.
Cons: Whitewater, even though that was a "scandal" made up by the media. Benghazi, another "scandal" made up by the media. The email thing, even though that was yet another "scandal" made up by the media. Had Vince Foster killed...except she didn't unless you're a guy who wears tin foil on his head. Has a weird cackling laugh. (Okay, I gotta give them that one)

Donald Trump (R)
Pros: Erm...uh...hang on...there's got to be something... Okay, never beat his kids. That we know of. We'll take his word that his tiny tiny hands don't indicate anything else.
Cons: Racist. Sexist. Islamophobe. Thin skinned bully who'd probably nuke a world leader who made fun of his tiny tiny hands on Twitter. Can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is. Wants to bang his own daughter. Beloved by the KKK, Breitbart, and other white supremacists. Beloved by Alex Jones and other guys who wear tin foil on their heads.

Yeah...this is such a difficult choice...

(No. 24 in a series)

I got to update this one just a day after the last list was released:

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung Un, and Saddam Hussein.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* High Scandal: Secretary of State Clinton (D) using private email
Not A Scandal: Secretary of State Rice (R) using private email
Not A Scandal: Secretary of State Powell (R) using private email
Not A Scandal: Karl Rove (R) erasing millions of Cheney/Bush (R) Administration emails

* Appropriate reaction to the massacre of 49 innocent LGBT Americans: Make it easier to discriminate against innocent LGBT Americans.

* There's no conflict of interest if a news commentator is still being paid by the Republican Presidential candidate he previously worked for.

* Water pistols, toy guns, tennis balls, and canned goods are all far more dangerous than AR-15s.

* Strong decision making: wanting to take back your own Vice Presidential pick.

* A man who's family is involved in a $250 million tax dodge scheme has the right to call another candidate "crooked" with a straight face.

* It's Hillary Clinton's fault that Melania Trump plagiarized one of Michelle Obama's speeches.

Or

* It's Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony's fault that Melania Trump plagiarized one of Michelle Obama's speeches.

* You scream about "criminalizing politics" every time a Republican gets caught doing something crooked, but want to throw Hillary Clinton in prison just because you don't like her.

Oh wait, no...I got that wrong...

* You scream about "criminalizing politics" every time a Republican gets caught doing something crooked, but want Hillary Clinton SHOT just because you don't like her.

* "Vote your conscience" = it won't count unless it's a vote for Donald Trump.

* You thought Barack Obama was a thin-skinned narcicist with no governing experience, and are a supporter of Donald Trump.

* You're not a white supremacist--you just want African-Americans, Hispanics and Jews removed from the United States.

Practically verbatim from DailyKos's Laura Clawson:
* "Social order" = The police get to kill whoever they want without protest, dammit!!!

* You "don't think name calling has any place in public life". You're the running mate of Donald Trump.

* You've spent the last eight years insisting Barack Obama wasn't really born here and he should produce his birth certificate (even after he did) but are enraged that Melania Trump's immigration status is being questioned.

* You like Trump because he "says what he means". But he didn't mean it when he said he wanted Hillary Clinton assassinated.

* Health emergency that justified Congressional action: a brain-dead woman who's husband wants to let her pass peacefully. Health emergency that does not justify Congressional action: an epidemic that may have infected more than 7000 people and leads to the birth of deformed babies.

* In 2001, the United States went into Afghanistan on the orders of an Illinois State Senator and the junior United States Senator from New York.

Practically verbatim from DU user Yallow:
* You take $900 million from the Koch brothers, then complain about donations to a real charity.

* A guy who has five children with three different women has the moral authority to criticize someone else's "broken homes' (Daniel Dale on Twitter)

* "The Best People": A guy who has been accused of domestic violence and vote fraud, and currently runs a white supremacist web site; a guy who wants Hillary Clinton shot for treason; a veteran of Bridgegate; a convicted financial criminal connected to the Russian mob; and a slavery denier.

* Important story: Is the Clinton Foundation corrupt, even though there has been no evidence that it is?
Not Important Story: The Trump Foundation, which has already been found trying to bribe public officials. Which is, you know, textbook corruption.

* Taco trucks are a threat to the American way of life.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: US 240 Edition

Today marks the 240th Anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and by tradition is the United States' birthday, which is celebrated with fireworks, cookouts, and great prices on mattresses!!!

The bad news is that we have four more months to go in an election season that already seems to have lasted about two hundred and forty years all by itself. The polls look good for Secretary Clinton right now, so hopefully this won't be the United State's last birthday.

(No. 23 in a series)

Some revisiting of older entries:

The list that will continue to inevitably grow:

* Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, EW Jackson, Glenn Grothman, Joni Ernst, Mike Pence, Ben Carson, and Robert Morrow are intelligent, rational human beings.

A few of the past mentions of Der Drumpfenfuror, updated where necessary:

* Donald Trump is qualified to be President because of his business expertise in multiple bankruptcies, losing money on casinos, and having high profile business partners sever their ties with him.

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

* Getting sent to military school is just as good as actually serving in the military.

* After thirty-five years of bellicose anti-government, anti-immigrant, anti-science, pro-rich rhetoric it is shocking and confusing that an obnoxious, ignorant, racist billionaire businessman has won the Republican presidential nomination.

* A billionaire who made his money from inheritance, shady land deals, brain-cell killingly stupid reality shows, and incessant self-promotion has earned the right to say that working people's wages are too high.


* A guy who's been married multiple times and has a creepy erotic interest in his own daughter has the moral authority to call Bill Clinton sexist.

* Just because Neo Nazis and the KKK love Donald Trump doesn't mean he's a fearmonger pandering to racists.

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un.

* It is terrible that all of our jobs have been sent to China, so you want to elect a guy who has Chinese laborers manufacture his own "signature line"

* A sure sign of the Presidential toughness needed to deal with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Daesh is refusing to show up to a debate where a woman may ask tough questions.

* Donald Trump's business record is one of the reasons he is qualified to be President. Do not talk about Donald Trump's business record because doing so is a liberal smear campaign and he'll sue you.

* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.

All-New All-Different More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A black man wants to make health care more affordable to more people. Not Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A bombastic bigot with a bad haircut wants to stop immigration, persecute believers of a religious minority, torture people, demand loyalty oaths, and punish those who criticize him.

* You're the son of immigrants and support new standards so stringent that your own parents wouldn't have been allowed to stay in the country.

* You can ignore your duties as spelled out in the Constitution if you don't like the current President.

* You think politics has gotten polarized and vile in this country. You approve of Donald Trump encouraging his supporters to beat up protesters.

* The Democratic and Republican parties have the exact same positions on race relations as they had 150 years ago.

* As the Constitution clearly states, Supreme Court Justices are nominated by the Heritage Foundation and approved with the advice and consent of the National Rifle Association.

* You've spent the last seven years making fun of everything Michelle Obama says or does, but are horrified that people are saying things about Melania Trump and Heidi Cruz.

* You resent satire that depicts conservatives as violent and misogynistic, and think the dumb whores that create it should be raped and murdered.

* Laws protecting LGBT Americans are "government overreach". Laws preventing the protection of LGBT Americans are not.

* Threat Requiring Immediate Action: Planned Parenthood. Not A Threat Requiring Immediate Action: Zika.

* A prized endorsement: a failed gubernatorial candidate who emailed pictures of a woman having sex with a horse.

* You complain about musicians "discriminating" against Christians just because they canceled their shows due to your law discriminating against LGBT people.

* You're glad the "Fairness Doctrine" was junked, but are enraged by allegations that Facebook blacklists "topics of conservative interest" from their news feeds.

* Discussing what Hillary Clinton's husband did in the 1990's is a valid topic for criticism. Discussing what Donald Trump did in the 1990's is a "low" blow and a smear campaign based on dredging up old, irrelevant news.

* A True Christian will forgive Donald Trump for cheating on his three wives, but not Bill Clinton for cheating on his one wife. Or her for being cheated on.

Because, of course, as we saw on the last list:
* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* "Acting Presidential": insulting a sitting female United States Senator on Twitter.

* The proper response to an editorial writer comparing Trump's campaign positions to fascism is clearly to call the writer a dumb Jew and suggest that he and all the other dumb Jews be shipped to concentration camps.

* Violent felons who have served their time should be allowed to have whatever firearms they want. Violent felons who have served their time should never be allowed to vote ever again.

* Donald Trump's campaign being broke despite getting the equivalent of two billion dollars of free, obsequious media coverage is a sure sign that he's the kind of financial wizard we want making Federal budget decisions.

* Indiana is in Mexico. New York City is in Afghanistan.

(I guess we shouldn't be surprised at this from someone who also thinks Hawaii is in Kenya)

* Four justices out of nine would have made a majority.

(I think we're seeing one of the reasons Drumpf has been bankrupt so many times--he can't freakin' count!!!)

I think opiods ARE involved here, but not in the way they're suggesting...

* Ethanol causes drug abuse.

Oh, just one more shot at Hair Furor's followers...

* Donald Trump's constant boasting and construction of gaudy buildings bearing his name in giant letters show that he's a humble servant of the people and God. Hillary Clinton is a dangerous egomaniac who's only in it for herself.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Leap Day 2016 Edition

There are a number of things that happen only once every four years:

* The Summer Olympics

* February has 29 days instead of 28 (well, technically, in years ending with -00 but not equally divisible by 400 they don't, but that won't happen again until 2100 and I doubt most of us will be here to see that)

* The Republican Party puts on a circus of the inane to find the dumbest, most bigoted asshole they can--and run him for President!!!

So here we go, on this Leap Day we leap into the swamps of right wing doublethink once more.

(No. 22 in a series)


A few returning entries, first.

The staggering hypocrisy of Birthers who support Calgary Cruz:

* A man born in Canada to an American mother and a foreign father is eligible to be President; a man born in Hawaii to an American mother and a foreign father is not.

Since Cliven Bundy's hellish drop were in the news in January:

* The government has no right to stop cattle grazers from illegally using public land for their private gain.

* You revere the Founders, the Flag, and the Constitution, but deny the existence of the Federal Government created by the Founders and the Constitution.

* A deadbeat rancher who refuses to pay his grazing fees has the moral authority to cast aspersions on other people accepting "government subsidies".

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You're not a bigot. You just think homosexuals are sick, unnatural, Satanic, and deserving of no legal protection or the right to marry.

* You're not a sexist. You just think women are nothing but baby machines and servants.

* Anybody who sheds tears over the brutal murder of first graders has to be faking it.

* A guy who's been married multiple times and has a creepy erotic interest in his own daughter has the moral authority to call Bill Clinton sexist.

* Just because Neo Nazis and the KKK love Donald Trump doesn't mean he's a fearmonger pandering to racists.

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un.

* The release of 10 US Sailors and five other prisoners by the Iranians, using diplomacy instead of threats and warfare, is a bad thing.

* The water crisis in Flint, Michigan was undoubtedly caused by excessive government regulation. (I haven't actually seen that claim yet, but give it time...)

* You're big on "small government" and "personal responsibility" right up until your own policies poison thousands of people and you need federal disaster relief money.

* Daesh is going to invade the posh section of Miami any day now.

* It is terrible that all of our jobs have been sent to China, so you want to elect a guy who has Chinese laborers manufacture his own "signature line"

* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* A sure sign of the Presidential toughness needed to deal with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Daesh is refusing to show up to a debate where a woman may ask tough questions.

* You blame the shooting death of an unarmed black teenager by a policeman or a vigilante on the black teenager. You blame the death of a militant occupying a Federal facility who pulled a gun on the FBI on the FBI and the entire US government.

* The protections of the 14th Amendment apply to embryos, but not to LGBT adults.

* Donald Trump's business record is one of the reasons he is qualified to be President. Do not talk about Donald Trump's business record because doing so is a liberal smear campaign and he'll sue you.

* It's okay if the highest court in the land is short handed for basically an entire year.

* Ronald Reagan nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor would be elected was a just and proper use of Constitutional executive authority. Barack Obama nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor is to be elected is a blatant overreach and antithetical to the proper use of Constitutional executive authority.

* We must honor Antonin Scalia's devotion to "strict constructionism" of the Constitution by keeping the President from nominating a Supreme Court Justice during the last year of the President's term. It's got to say something about that in the Constitution somewhere, right?

* You can literally wallow in your own shit for a month to avoid begin sent to Vietnam but still call yourself a war hero.

* It's impossible that a 79 year old man with a history of heart troubles and high blood pressure could have died of natural causes.

* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, War On Christmas 2015 Edition

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today

War On Christmas 2015 Edition

(No. 21 in a series)




Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican During the Holiday Season Today:

* "Happy Holidays" is a vile, offensive slur.

* A Turkish saint and a Jewish carpenter from Palestine were both white.

* The true hero of "It's a Wonderful Life" is Mister Potter, the visionary Job Creator, and the villain is that communist George Bailey.


In a similar vein...

* "A Christmas Carol" is a horror story, the tale of a practical, thrifty Job Creator who was turned into a communist after being stalked and brainwashed by some ghosts.

The list that will continue to inevitably grow:

* Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, EW Jackson, Glenn Grothman, Joni Ernst, Mike Pence, and Ben Carson are intelligent, rational human beings.

And a rewrite, which I haven't dragged out in a while, surprisingly:

* Political discourse has gone rotten in this country, and the filthy stupid evil America-hating terrorist-loving rapist atheist Muslin communist socialist Nazi liberals are to blame for it.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* A United States Senator who doesn't show up and do his job for over a month has the moral authority to loudly call for Federal workers who "aren't doing their job" to be fired.

* The Speaker of the House should not have to choose between spending time at work and time with his family. No one else should have this choice.

* You cite "character" as one of your qualifications for office while fabricating your past.

* "Witch Hunt" = Reporters seeking to verify Ben Carson's claims of a violent past. "Not a Witch Hunt" = Multiple committee and millions of taxpayer dollars spent trying to find something to pin on Hillary Clinton about Benghazi.

* Crazy = "The voices in my head told me to start a cult, kill fashion models, and rape little boys so that I can become king of the monkey people"; Not Crazy = "God told me to run for President so that I can start a war with Iran, kill millions of heathens and blasphemers, and bring Jesus back."

* A billionaire who made his money from inheritance, shady land deals, brain-cell killingly stupid reality shows, and incessant self-promotion has earned the right to say that working people's wages are too high.

* Because of concerns that potential terrorists could use lax gun laws to procure weapons, the proper answer is keeping Syrian refugees out of the area with lax gun laws.

* Offensive: A woman in a flag hijab. Not offensive: A Watergate burglar in a flag Speedo

* Daesh is the new Hitler, the most horrible evil thing in the world, and an immediate existential threat to the United States; but the only reason people run away from them is because they want paid vacations.

* Planned Parenthood and doctors that provide abortion services are inhuman monsters perpetrating "barbaric atrocities against humanity". It is shocking and horrifying that the occasional "lone nut" commits crimes against those inhuman monsters, and in no way do the "pro-life" movement and the Republican party endorse those crimes or bear any responsibility for them.

* When an act of Islamic terrorism is committed, "No one acts in isolation". When an act of Christian terrorism is committed, it's disgraceful to point out the role of religion.

* It enrages you when some demonic monster who kills babies and sells their body parts for money accuses pro-lifers of "inflammatory rhetoric"

* You're crapping your pants in fear of terrorists, but not enough to make it illegal for them to get guns.


* Life is sacred and precious from the moment of conception until the moment of birth, especially if their parents are related to people you don't like.
(Actually, this is nothing new)


Whichever holiday you celebrate, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Saturnalia, Life Day, something else, or none at all--have a good one!

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, Trump Orange Pumpkin Edition

Boy, remember the good old days, when the Presidential election season didn't really start until after Labor Day? The Labor Day of the actual year the election was taking place in? Well, Halloween is always an appropriate season to talk about the latest instances of Republican doublethink, so here we go in the twentieth installment of an irregularly released series (about irregular people)

First a few restatements and updates.

Remember when Trump opened his mouth to slam John McCain's war record?
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

(Can you believe I actually haven't had to update that one in a while?)

The (almost literally) All-Day Benghazi Inquisition reminds us:

* You spend millions of taxpayer dollars investigating the Clinton's land deals, Bill Clinton's blow jobs, and Benghazi, then turn around and accuse the Democrats of wasteful spending.

* You voted for cuts to State Department embassy security budgets, and are angry about the Benghazi attack.

* The intelligence failures of September 11, 2001 (3000 dead) are forgivable. The intelligence failures of September 11, 2012 (four dead) are not.

Because a lot of the Teabaggers hate that whole "birthright citizenship" thing, from the very first list:

* You show how strictly you follow the Constitution by wanting to ignore the First, Fourth, Fifth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, and Sixteenth Amendments. Well, really all the amendments except the Second, and sometimes the Tenth.

Right-wing furor over same sex marriage always brings to mind...

* The Bible is the inerrant, literal word of God when it talks about the Earth being created in six days and homosexuality being an abomination. The Bible is a flawed work interpreted by errant humans when it talks about loving your neighbor; turning the other cheek; and the evils of greed, mixed-fiber clothing, and shellfish.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

Once again, telling about things Republicans actually do is bad...
* "Trash Talk"--talking about Scott Walker's record as Governor of Wisconsin.

And...
* "Playing Politics"--quoting something Kevin McCarthy actually said.

* People who opposed the continued display of a symbol of armed treason and racism, a full century and a half after the revolt it represents failed, are the ones "living in the past"

* Americans aren't working hard enough, but they shouldn't be paid more even when they work more hours.


* Criticism of a war veteran is disgusting and offensive--unless that war veteran is John Kerry, Max Cleland, or Tammy Duckworth. Or even John McCain when he runs against a Bush.

* You don't believe in funding veteran's aid programs, but throw a massive fit every time somebody criticizes a (Republican) veteran.

* A $75 million retirement package is an "outrage" and shows that the retiree was "exploited"

* You decry the vocational skill gap in American workers while attacking teacher's unions and pushing to cut school funding.

* Research on fetal tissue is immoral and disgusting, except when a conservative doctor with Presidential ambitions does it.

* No abortions for ten year olds impregnated by rape. The little slut probably had it coming.

* An international agreement curtailing Iran's nuclear program will make it easier for Iran to get nuclear weapons and kill us all.

* A Constitutional Amendment won't hold up in Federal court.

* A Republican donor who uses the internet to cheat on his wife has the moral authority to cast aspersions on Bill and Hillary Clinton's marriage.

* You've been married four times and had children out of wedlock, but get the vapors at the thought of issuing marriage licenses to homosexual couples.

* You throw a fit over the spectre of "Sharia law" but fully support a county clerk who won't do her job for "religious freedom" reasons.

* You're for "state's rights", but throw a fit when the name of a Republican President is taken off a mountain in favor of the name favored by residents of the state containing that mountain.

* Republican Presidents should never ever EVER have their foreign policy initiatives questioned by Congress. Democratic Presidents have to put their foreign policy initiatives up for Congressional approval.

Sometimes, you just can't make stuff up. If slagging John McCain wasn't enough...
* Getting sent to military school is just as good as actually serving in the military.

* After thirty-five years of bellicose anti-government, anti-immigrant, anti-science, pro-rich rhetoric it is shocking and confusing that an obnoxious, ignorant, racist billionaire businessman is leading the polls for the Republican presidential nomination.

* "Clockmaking while Muslim" is a criminal offense.


* You're a pot smoker who runs on an "anti-marijuana" platform.


* A Presidential debate discussing substantive issues instead of self-aggrandizing one-liners and personal attacks is a bad thing.


* "Police, stop killing black people for no discernible reason" = "Police, stop doing your jobs"


Thanks to Scurrilous for this one:
* Someone who settled a $8.9 billion lawsuit against an oil company for $225 million (a mere 2.5% of the original lawsuit) is qualified to call someone else a bad negotiator.

* A talk radio host caught abusing Oxycontin has the moral authority to insinuate someone he doesn't like is "off their meds"

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today--US 239 Edition

For a lot of people in this country, this Independence Day is going to be sweeter than usual. To those who can now get married, and those no longer worried about having their health care taken away, enjoy this day and be thankful for the great (but far from perfect) country we have.

And since freedom includes the freedom to make fun of conservative doublethink, here we go again with another "More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today"!


Time to update this one for the Supreme Court's latest awesome decisions:

* The Supreme Court rulings in favor of marriage equality and health care are unrestrained judicial activism; the Supreme Court rulings in favor of Presidential candidates who lost by a half million votes, state officials who want to gut voting rights, and big corporations and billionaires who want to bribe politicians, are proper uses of judicial power.

And the May 2015 flooding in Texas brought this one out again:

* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid.

Former Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was arrested for paying hush money to a guy he fondled, so naturally...

* Mark Foley, Tom Delay, and Dennis Hastert were Democrats.

Oh, look, Bristol Palin is in the news again...
* If you're an unwed teen mother, you're an irresponsible slut and a social deviant. However, if you're an unwed mother and your own mother is a Republican Vice Presidential candidate, you're an inspiring example and deserve support, sympathy, and loud cheers as you appear on Dancing With The Stars. (Contributed by screwfacecapone)

* Natalie Portman is a terrible person and a bad role model for having a child out of wedlock. Bristol Palin? Why are you bringing her up? What relevance does that have to this discussion?

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* White Christian Men are the most oppressed and victimized group in America today.

* You're a homophobic Republican who sends explicit photos of yourself...to a man.

* You have no problem with rioting when sports teams win or lose championships, but condemn rioting when it's over some unarmed black kid getting killed by the police.

* Government funding to "Duck Dynasty" (via tax incentives) is more important than funding to schools.

* A serial child molester has the moral authority to call LGBT people threats to children.

* Incest and rape are heinous crimes that call for the death penalty, except when your own son molests your daughters--then it's a personal matter requiring prayer and understanding.

* Bernie Sanders isn't a "serious" candidate for President; Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, George Pataki, and Donald Trump are.

* Two serial adulterers and a child molester had the moral authority to judge Bill Clinton's affair with an intern.

(I just have to share the irony of one of the ThinkProgress commenters on that article: unlike Gingrich, Bill Clinton is still married to the same woman as he was in 1998)

* "Keeping us safe" = 3000 people dying on 9-11-01, anthrax letters, and New Orleans drowning in 2005.

* The mentally ill and domestic abusers should be allowed to have guns.

* You're not offended by guys who molest their sisters, but are offended by transgendered athletes.

Shades of Newt Gingrich and his "falsehoods":
* "Cheap shot": quoting something Jeb Bush actually said.

* Retirement is against the Bible. Unless you're a billionaire, of course.

* A former governor and son and brother of two former Presidents is an "outsider"

* You rail about President Obama's "lawless" Administration while also promising to defy any Supreme Court judgment in favor of marriage equality.

* You're surprised when there are racist murders in a state which still has the flag of an armed, racist insurrection against the United States flying over its capitol.

* An outspoken racist who posted white supremacist screeds all over his website and wrote approvingly of a hate group before going into a church and murdering nine black people is clearly motivated by hatred of religion.

* "Guns don't kill people, pictures do"--Anomaly of Freakoutnation.com

* The government is too lawless and uncountable to the people, which means voting for the dramatic scaling back of oversight of lawmakers and other public officials.

* Donald Trump is qualified to be President because of his business expertise in multiple bankruptcies, losing money on casinos, and having high profile business partners sever their ties with him.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, April Fool Edition (But That's Redundant)

Since today is April Fool's Day, and "Fool" And "Today's Republicans" are synonyms, time for another look into the world of right wing doublethink.


(No. 18 in a series)

The list that will continue to inevitably grow:

* Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, EW Jackson, Glenn Grothman, Joni Ernst, and Mike Pence are intelligent, rational human beings.

Restating and updating some older ones for Micheal Brown and Ferguson, MO:

* Assembling peaceably and speaking out against the murderer of an unarmed teenager going free is an "unruly mob". Assembling to wave around assault weapons and scream angrily about "Second Amendment remedies" because the government wants to act against a deadbeat rancher is a "peaceful protest"

* "Walking While Black" is now a capital offense.

* You aren't racist; you're just sick of all African Americans being lazy, violent criminals who milk the system, refuse to be literate and speak proper English, and you think they were better off as livestock picking cotton on a plantation.

The right-wing outrage about the torture report--not the torture, the report--reminds us...

* Waterboarding is only torture when used against American soldiers in World War 2.

A reminder about a couple of past and potential future GOP Presidential candidates along with several others:

* George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, John McCain, Rand Paul, Steve Forbes, Connie Mack IV, and Willard Mitt Rmoney are all self made men and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments.

On a related note (herf herf) I'm waiting to see if this one (an update of one for Willard Mitt Rmoney) comes true:

* Jeb Bush's experiences in education and immigration reform as Governor of Florida and his family history of government service are his major qualifications to be President. Actually talking about Jeb Bush's record in education and immigration reform as Governor of Florida, or his brother George W. Bush, are a liberal smear campaign.

And because apparently elections have consequences, but only when Republicans win:

* Bipartisanship means Republicans and Democrats coming together to do exactly what Republicans want.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* More people participating in choosing who their leaders will lead to an authoritarian country, while less people having a say in who their leaders are better represents the desires of the populace.

* When Reagan and Bush 41 extended amnesty to immigrant family members, it was just and proper. When Obama extends amnesty to immigrant family members, it's a massive overreach and he's an out of control imperial president.

* Another capital offense: Selling loose cigarettes. Summary execution is allowed.

* The Bill of Rights reads as follows:

Article 1: Congress shall make no law promoting the establishment of non-Christian religions, or prohibiting the establishment and free exercise of conservative Christianity.
Article 2: The right of white people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.
Article 10: States have the rights to ignore Federal laws they don't like, unless it's a Federal laws that conservatives approve of.

* You're not pissed off that the Bush Administration and the CIA broke international law and tortured people--you're pissed off that the Senate released a report admitting it.

* "Small government" = sticking stuff up people's butts to make them talk

* You're opposed to opening relations with Cuba because of their poor human rights record, but have no trouble with us torturing people at places like...Gitmo.

* Hillary Clinton (born: October 26, 1947) it too old to be President. Mitt Rmoney (born: March 12, 1947) is not.

* The Keystone XL pipeline is vital to America; so vital, in fact, that efforts to keep it from being built with foreign materials and to prevent the oil pumped through it from being sold to foreign markets must be opposed.

* An expensive pipeline to carry toxic sludge across the entire country is vital to American energy interests. An expensive transmission line to carry clean energy from New Mexico to other Western states is a threat to national security.

* "There is a mandate" = Republicans won the last election. "Be bipartisan and don't overreach" = Democrats won the last election.

* You're opposed to abortion, but think children in war zones are fair game.

* American teachers and firefighters protesting to keep their collective bargaining rights from being taken away are exactly the same thing as ISIS terrorists beheading people.

* You constantly scream about how President Obama and the Democrats are "weak on terror" but are just fine if the Department of Homeland Security is shut down.

* Just because Bill Kristol's record includes cheer leading for the Iraq War, and recommending Dan Quayle, Sarah Palin, and Tom Cotton for positions of power, doesn't mean his advice shouldn't be listened to.

* Christians are an oppressed minority. Gays and blacks are not.

* Your refusal to provide services to gay customers does not mean you're a bigot.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, Midterm Madness Edition

(No. 17 in a series)

Tomorrow's the midterm election. VOTE. Because you don't want people like the ones I'm about to talk about running the country.

Restating and updating some older ones for Micheal Brown and Ferguson, MO:

* Assembling peaceably and speaking out against the murder of an unarmed teenager is an "unruly mob". Assembling to wave around assault weapons and scream angrily about "Second Amendment remedies" because the government wants to act against a deadbeat rancher is a "peaceful protest"

* "Walking While Black" is now a capital offense.

* You aren't racist; you're just sick of all African Americans being lazy, violent criminals who milk the system, refuse to be literate and speak proper English, and you think they were better off as livestock picking cotton on a plantation.

It's actually been a while since I felt like this old favorite needed updating. Then I read all about a certain candidate for the House of Representatives in Wisconsin...

* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, EW Jackson, and Glenn Grothman are intelligent, rational human beings.


More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Ruining your car's exhaust system is a great way to protest environmental regulation.

* Soccer is a gay abomination.

* You spend millions of taxpayer dollars investigating the Clinton's land deals, Bill Clinton's blow jobs, and Benghazi, then turn around and accuse the Democrats of wasteful spending.

* You're angry about all the children coming across the border from Mexico, but don't want to spend any money to do anything about it.

* Men who have lots of sex are awesome, manly studs. Women who have lots of sex are filthy whores. Homosexuality is icky and wrong. There's no inherent contradiction in combining those three sentences.

One pretty much straight from Hunter on Daily Kos:
* Wheelchair ramps are the gateway to world domination by the UN.


* The House of Representatives has no plans to impeach President Obama, and the suggestion that it does or should is all the work of Democrats like Sarah Palin, Allen West, Steve King, Darrel Issa, Tom Coburn, Jason Chaffetz, James Inhofe, Ted Yoho, Joe Miller, Jack Kingston, Joni Ernst, Randy Weber, the South Dakota Republican Party, and all those Tea Partiers who show up at town halls.

I sometimes (well, a lot of the time) exaggerate these things. This is not one of those times:

* You refuse Medicaid expansion in your state, then blame the President that there are so many uninsured people.

Yeah.

* You think there are too many frivolous law suits. You support suing President Obama for trying to do his job.

* It is a complete outrage that someone who works for the Nazi Communist Muslim N****r Gay Tyrant President Obozo wrote an email referring to conservatives as "assholes"

* Immediately after suing the President for "executive overreach" you beg him to take "executive action" because you can't get your own party to do anything either.

Nope. Not making that one up: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017206402

* Joe Biden, the Clintons, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Durbin, Elizabeth Warren, and Bernie Sanders are waging a war on white people.

* Registering black people to vote is "disgusting", "inappropriate", and a "tragedy".

* "Pro Marriage Family Values" = Blame your corruption charges on your wife's affair with a con-man.

* You scream "criminalization of politics!" every time a Republican gets caught breaking the law and is arrested for it, while you wanted to impeach Bill Clinton for getting a blow job and to impeach Barack Obama for being elected while black.

* Muslims are dangerous because they follow a bunch of bearded fanatics who advocate "convert to our religion or we'll kill you" policies. Phil Robertson is a great American patriot and everyone should watch his show.

* Football players beating up their girlfriends/wives are no big deal.

* Football player who beat up their girlfriends/wives are also manlier than those who don't.

* Oh, and it's also okay for football players to beat the crap out of their kids, too.

* Solar panels should be banned. Fracking should not.

* Rachel Maddow is too partisan for Meet The Press. Former Republican Congressman Joe Scarborough is not.

* ISIS is a looming, unavoidable threat to all life on Earth. Climate change is a hoax and even if it isn't it's no big deal.

* You have a job where you don't even have to show up for work for months at a time, barely do anything when you're at work, and insinuate that people who can't find jobs "would rather just sit around"

* You campaign for a job where you don't even have to show up for work for months at a time, barely do anything when you're at work, but think that working people having two days a week off is "ridiculous"

* Disrespectful to The Troops: Saluting them while holding a cup of coffee. Not Disrespectful to The Troops: Calling female soldiers "Boobs on the ground"

* Ebola is a looming, unavoidable threat to all life on Earth, but no extra money should be spent to combat it.

Thirteen Years

(A light update of a post I made three years ago)

It just doesn't seem possible. In some ways it seems like just yesterday.

I was finally getting my first break, and nearing the door to the lounge--dodging the mess, because the store was undergoing remodeling at the time--one of the managers was saying something to one of the guys in sporting goods about "And now I heard the Pentagon just got hit". I had no idea what he was talking about...

Then I got into the break room and saw the television.

The World Trade Center was on fire. I was stunned into silence save for one gallows joke about "Well, at least this means they'll stop talking about Gary Condit for a while" (And if you can't even remember who Gary Condit is, that just sort of makes my point. He was the top story on 9-10 as he had been for weeks)

I saw one of the towers fall, and went numb. I couldn't process it. My fifteen minutes on break came up, and I went back to work. Within an hour, the store was almost deserted. When my shift ended, I joined the line to get my car gassed up--rumor had it gas was about to go to $5 a gallon, so get the $1.95 while you can. It took longer than we thought, but gas eventually did make it to almost $5. I sure miss that $1.95 gas.

It really hit me that evening. I live about a mile north of Indianapolis International Airport (or at least we did then; over the last decade they basically moved a couple miles west), and whenever we have relatives or other company who don't come from here, they often comment about "How do you get anything done with all the airplane noises whenever they take off?" Well, most of the time, we don't notice because we're so used to it.

That evening, I noticed the eerie silence of the airplanes not taking off and landing.

That morning, after the attack, the management set up a radio near the Service Desk and the Bob and Tom Show was on; they're nationally syndicated, but their home base is right here in Indy. Understandably, the canned laughter and jokes about Christy Lee's boobs had fallen to the wayside. I remember Tom Grizwold commenting "What kind of twisted value system approves of something like this?" and couldn't help but agree. Maybe he meant Islam, but that's not what I agreed with.

The "twisted value system" that caused that day is the supreme arrogance that comes from saying "My politics, the exact way I worship God, is so superior to yours that I consider you subhuman and unworthy of continued existence. And not only that, because you don't worship God in the exact same way I do, I will kill myself just to speed along your journey to Hell and mine to Heaven." The twisted value system that says crashing airplanes into buildings full of office workers is somehow a good thing. And let's be clear, it's not an Islam thing: that same twisted value system tells a Good Christian Soldier it's okay to blow up a federal building with a truck bomb or to go into a church (a church) and open fire on a doctor who performs a medical procedure you don't like, or to shoot a congresswoman you disagree with in the head, and take out a bunch of others in the process--including an innocent child who would have celebrated her thirteenth birthday today.

It's the twisted value system that says that because we were attacked, it's okay to go invading other countries even if they had jack shit to do with that attack.

And in the aftermath, that twisted value system has only strengthened the worst of our political leaders. Compassion, empathy, tolerance, education, intelligence, an understanding of science--in this twisted value system, these things are liabilities. The ideal leaders are mush-mouthed fools who leads with raw charisma and "gut", or make up their own words like "Misunderestimate" and "Refudiate", and "What newspapers do you read?" is seen as some sort of "gotcha question"

There were moments of light. The spirit of unity right after the attack. The shining moment six years ago when it looked like the mantle of greed and mendacity was being cast off. Three years ago, American soldiers finally located the fiend behind the attacks and shot him in the eye as he was jacking off in his not-so-hidden Pakistani compound. For a very brief time, that seemed to remind us all of what we had, and what we lost.

But it passed quickly.

When sociopathic billionaires can buy our political process, and those who speak against them doing so are called unpatriotic traitors; when police gun down unarmed teenagers based on their skin color and are loudly defended for it; when armed insurrectionists threaten to shoot government officials and are treated as peaceful protestors while real peaceful protestors are treated like dangerous terrorists; and when a congressman can publicly decry disaster aid to his own earthquake and hurricane ravaged district right after he's helped hold the entire government hostage in an attempt to gut programs that benefit the poor and middle class in favor of keeping tax breaks for rich cocksuckers' private jets, and it takes two more elections for him to be voted out--in favor of a twisted jackal who thought that congressman was too kind and generous with government money--that twisted value system has infected too many of us too deeply.

Terrorists attacked us in hopes of destroying us. They knew three office buildings weren't going to do it--it was what we'd do in reaction to the attack that would do it. And we pretty much did. Massive deficits incurred by one justified but bungled war and one completely unnecessary, unjustified, and just as bungled war .The same war crimes we tried Axis soldiers for after World War II are now actually considered legally murky.

Many of the same architects of those failed policies, instead of being in jail, are on our TVs every Sunday trying to convince us to drive off the cliff into the chasm of perpetual warfare yet again. They aren't even coming up with new arguments, just the same recycled crap they shoved down the throats of scared people eleven years ago. We clearly didn't spend enough blood and treasure the first time--this time we have to get it right!!!

The corporate swine are doing well, but nobody else is.

And the silences about it save for a few places such as DU is just as eerie as the lack of jet takeoffs that warm Tuesday night.

We shot the man who ordered the attacks on us. On the whole, he probably died pretty happy; he's almost won.
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