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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 03:11 PM
Number of posts: 54,250

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Weird Al Feat. The Gregory Brothers - "Bad Hombres, Nasty Women"

This is a song that Weird Al made for the last debate featuring the Gregory Brothers of the Songify Youtube channel. Here's the lyrics:

Such a nasty woman
He choked (wrong)
He choked (wrong)
He goes around with crocodile tears
Wrong, such a nasty woman

We have so many adversaries overseas
Can we all agree to be frenemies?

I would work with our allies in the middle east
That’s the only way we’re going to keep the peace

Mosul Mosul Mosul so sad so sad
It’s a catastrophe so bad so bad

Can everyone achieve the American Dream?
Or should they sign up for my Ponzi scheme?

We are going to go where the money is
We are gonna help small businesses
Our jobs are being sucked out of our economy,
Right now our country is dying dying big league big league

Why should you run the show?
We’ve gotta do more
Tell us cause we need to know
We need to get all of the drug lords
Two more weeks until we vote
You’ll get shot walking to the store
Who should really run the show
Donald got into a twitter war

For the supreme court who would you choose?
Please don’t say me I’m a busy dude

The supreme court it’s what it’s all about
But the second amendment is under such such trauma
I understand and respect gun ownership
I hope the senate confirms the nominee of President Obama

To stop a cold war what should we be doing?
Would you go thumb wrestle Vladimir Putin?

I don’t know Putin. This is not my best friend
Outsmarted Hillary and she’s playing chicken.
Look at the start up they signed

You are willing to spout the Putin line
Cyber attacks from the Kremlin
Designed to influence our election

Putin has a very clear favorite in this race
He’d rather have a puppet as president of the united states

Why should you run the show?
We have horrible deals
Tell us ‘cause we need to know
Donald bought Chinese steel
Two more weeks until we vote
I should win easily
Who should really run the show, the show
He’s talking down our democracy

It’s so dishonest I say it’s rigged
She should never have been allowed to run based on what she did
I see
Our democracy works we’ve had free and fair elections
Donald thinks things are rigged every time things are not going in his direction

We have some bad bad hombres here
And we’re gonna get ‘em out
It’s what it’s all about
Bad hombres

Why should you run the show?
I want to raise the minimum wage
Tell us ‘cause we need to know
Our country is so outplayed
Two more weeks until we vote
We invest from the ground up
Who should really run the show, the show
Our jobs are being suck sucked

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #46: Wheel O’Corruption X: Never Go Back Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #46: Wheel O’Corruption X: Never Go Back Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This edition of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots was made possible by a grant from the Chubb! Group in association with the Fillmore Complex. Chubb and Fillmore: An alliance fit for the ages. But before we continue – we would like to get your attention. Do you know what you are missing out on by continuing to view the Top 10 without a generous donation? That’s right – your generous donation (in whatever amount, we’re not picky) – will get you this commemorative tote bag. A donation of $40 will get you the official Top 10 Tote Bag and the Top 10 Coffee Mug. A donation of $75 will get you all of the above, plus this David Crosby Greatest Hits collection. A donation of $100 will get you all of the above, plus we will throw in a DVD about the 100 Places You Must Visit In Hokkaido, Japan Before You Die. Ah, that’s enough of that nonsense.. Let’s get to it, shall we? But first – Stephen Colbert says what we're all thinking in regards to Donald Trump's insane conspiracy theories:

Holy shit. I mean seriously – holy shit. Did we ever imagine that the Donald Trump campaign would be channeling Rush Limbaugh and Bill Cosby? Well this edition is going to get real dark real quick, folks, and the cure for that is to bring out the Wheel O’Corruption. Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! The kids love the wheel don’t they? Well the top 4 slots this week are all going to go to returning champion and (hopefully not anymore, we’re hoping) possible future president Donald J. Trump. The first two slots – we’re going to talk about Donald Trump going in a full meltdown over Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of him on Saturday Night Live. In the second slot there’s more about his repore with women – and it’s not very good! We are going to go down the wormhole on this one and it is going to get real dark real quick. In the number 3 slot we’re going to talk about Donald Trump and the family values party – specifically Liberty University. In the number 4 slot – we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s dangerous rhetoric about election rigging. In slot number 5, we’re going to have another installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” – this week we’re talking about Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio (5). This is going to be a good one! Taking the sixth slot is the GOP Anti-Women Brigade (6). So Rush Limbaugh and other conservatives are actively trying to justify Donald Trump’s disgusting behavior toward women, and failing big time! In the number 7 slot – one of our favorite punching bags – Martin Shkreli (7) is back and attempted to hold a “get together” with his fans at an upscale New York bar, only to have it backfire on him big time. In the number 8 slot is our favorite punching bag - Infowars! So Alex Jones got name checked in a new ad by Hillary Clinton, and he’s pissed! Break out the popcorn! Plus he also made an absurd claim that Hillary Clinton was possessed by demons. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’re going to talk about the rise and now fall of undecided voter Ken Bone (9). So in one week Ken Bone went from nobody to superstar to blithering racist. It is the work of insanity. We almost feel sorry for the guy. But it is the work of the internet at its’ finest. And really – we’re three weeks away from the GE, and how can you be undecided at this point? Finally this week, we’re going to lighten things up and talk about Halloween Costumes (10). Did you get yours yet? Halloween is a mere 13 days away and we’ve got some ideas for you! And because you’re nice for listening to my schtick this week – how about some more live music. I know what you’re thinking. “But Initech, we’ve only had 3 live bands on and they’re all dudes. When are lady musicians going to be represented?” *Donald Trump voice* *SNIFF* WRONG!!! You’re wrong!!! You’re stupid losers!!!! Well ask and ye shall receive! How about some live music from Halsey? Her new album “Badlands” is crazy good. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!

And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. And just like the last time, we too shall have terrible sequel titles with each edition of the Wheel. This week's title comes from the new Jack Reacher sequel "Never Go Back". But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:

- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Music
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Undecided Voters
- Halloween
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Aliens
- Guns
- VR Headset
- Misogyny
- Late Breaking News
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Fox News
- Jersey Shore
- 15,000
- New Products
- Congress
- Conspiracy Theories
- Booze
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

So let’s get this going. Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. STOP!!! Conspiracy theories!

No that was a scene from the movie Conspiracy Theory starring Mel Gibson. Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. So combining conspiracy theories and Donald Trump is like shooting fish in a barrel, it’s really impossible to miss. Well the Trump campaign went full-on batshit tin foil hat mode this last week because of what else? Saturday Night Live. Let’s explain.

Donald Trump thinks that even "Saturday Night Live" is part of a media conspiracy to bring down his presidential candidacy.
Saturday night, SNL opened with a mocking reenactment of the second presidential debate. The parody included the moderators taking shots, a kung fu style greeting between Trump and Hillary Clinton and an ode to town hall questioner -- and 15-minute celebrity -- Ken Bone.

But the biggest laughs came from Alec Baldwin's portrayal of a stalking, lewd, deceptive Trump. The live SNL audience was cracking up, but apparently the real Trump wasn't.

In a tweet, the Republican nominee said that Baldwin's portrayal "stinks." He also called on NBC to end its "boring and unfunny" show. And he said that SNL was trying to rig the election against him.

Watched Saturday Night Live hit job on me.Time to retire the boring and unfunny show. Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!

So let’s show that clip shall we?

And Donald’s response? “Saturday Night Live is a boring unfunny show. Alec Baldwin is a stupid loser, and the show is painfully unfunny and should be cancelled! Lorne Michaels should be thrown in jail, OK? Because when I am in charge freedom of speech will be only for stupid losers!” Oh wait, he actually did say that!

Donald Trump thinks that even "Saturday Night Live" is part of a media conspiracy to bring down his presidential candidacy.

Saturday night, SNL opened with a mocking reenactment of the second presidential debate. The parody included the moderators taking shots, a kung fu style greeting between Trump and Hillary Clinton and an ode to town hall questioner -- and 15-minute celebrity -- Ken Bone.

But the biggest laughs came from Alec Baldwin's portrayal of a stalking, lewd, deceptive Trump. The live SNL audience was cracking up, but apparently the real Trump wasn't.

In a tweet, the Republican nominee said that Baldwin's portrayal "stinks." He also called on NBC to end its "boring and unfunny" show. And he said that SNL was trying to rig the election against him.

Can we throw that Tweet up there?

That looks like it was made with the Fake Trump Tweet Generator, wasn’t it? Well I could make that same Tweet!

If I were to make one I would do this:

It’s getting harder to tell the difference between a “Saturday Night Live” presidential election sketch and the real televised thing. In last night’s Town Hall Debate cold open, Kate McKinnon and Alec Baldwin continued to perfect their Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump portrayals, with McKinnon narrating Clinton’s meticulous physical preparation (“I’d like to open this debate with a casual lean,” she says, sliding down the front of the pointless podium) and Baldwin turning Trump’s lurking behind Clinton during her responses into a surreal “Jaws” moment.

Did you think you were getting out of this sketch without a Ken Bone moment? Think again. Thanks, Bobby Moynihan!

The real Donald Trump? Was not impressed.

Gee, ya think? Well you could not create a character like Donald Trump. In fact Lewis Black said it best in his special that aired last week – “How do you satirize that which is already satirtical?”. That is an excellet point Lewis!

The GOP nominee demonstrated how thin-skinned he is on Sunday morning by blasting the show for mocking him.

The brash businessman tweeted out his anger by first claiming that “SNL” had performed a “hit job” on him.

He also said Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of him “stinks” and that it was “time to retire the boring and unfunny show.” Trump conveniently forgot, however, that he actually hosted the show just 11 months ago in November 2015.

Wait until he finds this show!

Damn it!

Donald Trump

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin! And it lands on…………………. Wait for it………… Aliens!

More specifically alien conspiracy theories. So Wikileaks failed to deliver on their big “October Surprise” against Hillary Clinton. But you know what they did deliver? Something equally as insane – former Blink 182 guitarist Tom Delonge apparently asked Hillary Clinton what she thought about aliens. This is real! That happened!

Tom DeLonge decided to walk a different — extraterrestrial — path last year when he parted ways with his band, Blink-182.

In a recent interview with Mic, the singer and guitarist said he left the band to investigate aliens, although he does not like to use that word.

"First of all, we don't really call it 'aliens,'" he explained. "In pop culture, that's a term people throw out there, and rightfully so because the government spends a lot of time and a lot of money throwing that term out there. But it's much more complex than that."

DeLonge says he always had an interest in UFOs and decide to leave his band — which found major success in the late 1990s and early 2000s — to investigate extraterrestrials

Hey Tom, I hear there’s two FBI field agents you might want to contact. They investigate paranormal activity (and it has nothing to do with the bullshit movies). Their names are agent Fox Mulder and Dr. Dana Scully. The truth is out there folks!

Spin it again! Donald Trump. So last week we covered extensively Donald Trump’s repore with women. And it’s not a good one. But we didn’t get to cover everything. Before we go down the wormhole on this, we have to acknowledge the government of Australia passing a motion calling Donald Trump a “revolting slug”.

But perhaps the most eloquent condemnation of Trump came from one of the houses of state parliament in New South Wales, which, according to BuzzFeed Australia, just passed a unanimous motion to declare Donald Trump a "revolting slug." The motion—a symbolic declaration of sorts with no real legislative heft—was tendered by a member of the Greens Party:

"I move that this house condemns the misogynistic, hateful comments made by…Mr Donald Trump, about women and minorities, including the remarks revealed over the weekend that clearly describe sexual assault…and agrees with those who have described Mr Trump as 'a revolting slug' unfit for public office," the motion read.

The Revolting Slugs – I saw them at the Troubadour last week. Amazing band! So what did Donald Trump do to piss people off this week in regards to his treatment of women? Well first off he used the “R” word in regards to a deaf Apprentice contestant:

Just in case you thought Donald Trump was insufficiently awful: He repeatedly called a deaf actress “retarded,” three sources tell The Daily Beast.

Trump, who was accused on Wednesday of making sexual comments to Marlee Matlin, an Oscar-winning actress who once competed on Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, also apparently had a habit of insulting, mimicking, and demeaning as mentally handicapped his star female contestant—all because she was deaf.

In 2011, Matlin, who is still the only deaf actor or actress to win an Academy Award for best actress, appeared on Trump’s NBC reality-TV series. By the end of the season, she had come in second place and earned her fair share of compliments from Trump in the aired footage. But according to three longtime staffers who worked on Matlin’s season of Celebrity Apprentice, Trump would regularly disrespect the actress and would even treat her as if she were mentally disabled.

That’s a pretty strong accusation out of the box, folks! And see if you ladies and gentlemen can guess who Trump is blaming for his own sexual assault allegations? Anyone? Bueller? He’s saying Mexico!!! I mean seriously is anyone surprised?

Donald Trump reportedly plans to blame Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim for emerging allegations of sexual assault against the GOP nominee.

Trump will say that Slim, as a shareholder of New York Times Co. and a donor to the Clinton Foundation, has an interest in helping Democrat Hillary Clinton's campaign, The Wall Street Journal reported Friday.
The Times published this week the stories of two women who allege Trump groped and kissed them without their consent in the past.

And here’s where it gets real dark real quick – there’s multiple allegations of Donald Trump allegedly walking in on young women changing clothes during the pagents – some way below the age of 18! Even being over 18 that doesn’t make this OK!

Donald Trump barged in on Miss Teen USA contestants while they were changing clothes, and engaged in “creepy” dressing room banter with the girls — some as young as 15, according to a report.

At least four women told Buzzfeed that the mogul — who owned the Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA pageants from 1996 until last year — nonchalantly strolled into their dressing room during the 1997 pageant.

“I remember putting on my dress really quick because I was like, ‘Oh my God, there’s a man in here!’” former Miss Vermont Teen USA Mariah Billado told the site about the alleged 1997 incident.

The Donald, she recalled, responded, saying something like: “Don’t worry, ladies, I’ve seen it all before.”

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… clip without context!

Spin that shit again! And it lands on……. Donald Trump. Whose name can be spelled Donald T. Rump. I mean that’s a classic joke there. Surprisingly one of Donald Trump’s biggest supporters has been Liberty University. Which is funny because remember at the start of the campaign they’re the ones that birthed Ted Cruz. And where Donald Trump hilariously misquoted 2 Corinthians.

As Election Day looms, a tale of two Liberty Universities has emerged.

It is no secret that Jerry Falwell, Jr., president of Liberty University, has been an unabashed supporter of Donald Trump since the Republican primaries. While his affection for the billionaire businessman has certainly sent attention his way, it has also earned Falwell the scorn of students from the university he leads.

Some students have started a “Liberty United Against Trump” petition, signaling to the watching world that, while their school’s leader may be in the GOP presidential nominee’s corner, they are not. In addition, Ben Howe, a prominent Never-Trumper, Liberty graduate, and son of a former Liberty professor, called on Falwell to resign Thursday in a scathing editorial.

But amid all the press coverage the backlash against Falwell is getting, the university’s student body president wants to make one thing clear: Most Liberty students actually agree with Falwell’s Trump endorsement.

But Liberty University – while they may get a lot of hate because they’re associated with late asshole and extreme homophobe, Jerry Falwell, are shockingly full of surprises!

The group, Liberty United Against Trump, released a statement earlier this week arguing that the school’s president, Jerry Falwell Jr., had linked the school and Trump. The group noted that any member of the school’s faculty would be fired for bragging about kissing and groping women the way that Trump has.

“A recently uncovered tape revealed his comments bragging about sexually assaulting women,” the statement, which also serves as a petition, reads. “Any faculty or staff member at Liberty would be terminated for such comments, and yet when Donald Trump makes them, President Falwell rushes eagerly to his defense ― taking the name ‘Liberty University’ with him. ‘We’re all sinners,’ Falwell told the media, as if sexual assault is a shoulder-shrugging issue rather than an atrocity which plagues college campuses across America, including our own.”

Wait – what the what?

But Falwell Jr. didn’t just back down on his controversial statement to endorse Donald Trump this late in the game. Oh no, my friends, he doubled down! In fact he’s about as delusional as it gets and claiming to speak for the majority of the school!

Although more than 2,500 students have signed a petition against Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr.'s continued vocal support of scandal-ridden Donald Trump, a student leader says most of the school's students will still vote for the Republican presidential nominee.

"Contrary to what the media is reporting, the majority of students at Liberty University agree with President Falwell and respect his decision to support Donald Trump," Jack Heaphy, who is the university's student body president, said, according to TheBlaze. "They are not blindly following President Falwell, but rather have a shared understanding of the danger a Hillary Clinton presidency represents and what it could mean for the Christian freedoms we hold dearly."

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/liberty-university-student-president-says-majority-at-school-will-vote-for-trump-despite-petition-170880/#6flrrqhSGzXkE1FC.99

And yes religion is about not thinking, at least according to Jerry Falwell Jr. not only is he claiming to think for the majority of the school’s 8,000+ students, can you guess where he is taking his platform to spread his bullshit? Why if you guessed Fox News, you are correct sir / madam!

Students at Liberty University have spoken out against the Christian school’s president, Jerry Falwell, Jr., for supporting Donald Trump. But that got just a passing mention when Falwell visited Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor Friday night to promote his continuing support for Trump.

Substitute host Bret Baier noted in his introduction that “students at Liberty University are denouncing” Falwell for supporting Trump. But Baier didn’t mention why a group of students have come out against Falwell: because they think his endorsement of Trump undercuts the school’s integrity. From The Huffington Post:

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… dating. So if you turn on the TV at any point there’s all kinds of services for just about anything dating you could possibly be into. Or maybe you just want some free luxury cars out of it:

A Missouri man has been accused of convincing a woman to buy him a Lamborghini and a Corvette as part of an online dating swindle that stretched across several states and encompassed at least three women, according to authorities.

28-year-old Timothy Rossell was arrested on October 13, and has been charged with one count of impersonating a federal officer and four counts of identity theft. According to police, Rossell was engaged in a con in which he would convince women to buy cars for him, drive them for a time, and then secretly sell them while telling the women the vehicles were stolen, KMOV.com reports.

Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. Again? Really? OK. So Donald Trump has been fighting everybody you can think of. He’s been fighting everyone and everything. Like his own vice president!

WASHINGTON — Republican leaders and election officials from both parties on Sunday sought to combat claims by Donald J. Trump that the election is rigged against him, amid signs that Mr. Trump’s contention is eroding confidence in the vote and setting off talk of rebellion among his supporters.

In a vivid illustration of how Mr. Trump is shattering American political norms, the Republican nominee is alleging that a conspiracy is underway between the news media and the Democratic Party to commit vast election fraud. He has offered no evidence to support his claim.

“The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary — but also at many polling places — SAD,” Mr. Trump wrote on Twitter on Sunday.

So Donald Trump is going against the establishment and accusing it of election rigging. Add that to Jerry Falwell Jr’s saying that a vote for Hillary is a vote against freedom and you have a toxic storm brewing!

The Republican presidential nominee's claim that the election is being rigged against him represents the most outlandish moment yet in a campaign devoted to dismantling political norms.

Trump might not be the first candidate to feel nefarious forces are moving to keep him from the White House -- presidential elections have occasionally been disputed after votes are counted and have often been marred by accusations of dark instruments of fraud, such as the dead casting votes.

But when he questioned his own VP about the possibility of election rigging guess what happened?

Donald Trump has been raising doubts about the integrity of the election for months, but his running mate and other GOP leaders are taking a more cautious tone.

"We will absolutely accept the result of the election," Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence said on NBC's Meet The Press Sunday. "Look, the American people will speak in an election that will culminate on November the 8th. But the American people are tired of the obvious bias in the national media."

Trump had recently been putting the emphasis of his "rigged" message less on actual voter fraud and more on the idea that the media is making it impossible for him to win by reporting on allegations of sexual assault, which Trump calls "phony."

Joe Arpaio

Spin it to win it! And it lands on…. People Who Somehow Got Elected! Hit it! Now it’s time for another installment of:

This week, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. This guy has been the textbook definition of the racist redneck bounty hunter since 2004. So how does Sheriff Joe keep getting elected and elected and elected? It certainly isn’t his track record.

PHOENIX — Prosecutors say they will charge Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio with criminal contempt of court over immigration patrols.

The racial profiling lawsuit that Arpaio lost more than three years ago morphed into a contempt case after the sheriff was accused of violating court orders. It revealed deep flaws in Arpaio's internal investigations, which Snow said had been manipulated to shield sheriff's officials from accountability.

Arpaio would face up to six months in jail if convicted of misdemeanor criminal contempt and an unspecified sentencing range if such a conviction is deemed a felony.

A felony contempt conviction would force Arpaio from office, while he could remain sheriff with a misdemeanor conviction. If prosecutors charge him, the case is not expected to be designated as a misdemeanor or felony until later.

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/10/prosecutors-will-charge-arizona-sheriff-arpaio-with-criminal-contempt-229618

That’s right – a felony conviction could forcibly remove him from office. But he’s already way ahead in the polls.

And we mean way ahead. When we say way ahead we mean way ahead, damn it!

Sheriff Joe Arpaio breezes to primary win as Recorder Helen Purcell, Schools Superintendent Don Covey struggle

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio sailed into the general election Tuesday, but early primary results showed two other county incumbents — Recorder Helen Purcell and Schools Superintendent Don Covey — in danger of defeat.

Arpaio, the controversial lawman who has been in office 23 years, is seeking a seventh term. He led his three Republican challengers comfortably in early results, and the Associated Press declared him the winner little more than an hour after polls closed Tuesday.

Pre-primary polls had shown Arpaio with a substantial edge over Dan Saban, a former Buckeye police chief; Wayne Baker, a retired sheriff's deputy; and Marsha Ann Hill, a former sheriff's animal posse volunteer.

None of the challengers raised enough money or made a big enough splash to reach voters. For Saban, it was a third attempt at the office. Even though the sheriff refused to participate in any candidate forums, his national fame and solid conservative base pushed him to victory.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/08/31/maricopa-county-primary-election-results-joe-arpaio-helen-purcell-don-covey/89301900/

That’s right – Sheriff Joe has been elected not one, not two, not three, but a whopping seven times! That’s over 23 years of pure hatred and racism! Or as Homer Simpson calls it “Seven Thumbs Up”.

So how does Joe Arpaio continue to get elected? Well let’s think about who his biggest supporters are – racists. And we’re not talking your tin foil hat uncle at Thanksgiving who spends way too much time listening to Infowars. We’re talking the people who say “I’m not racist, but…” and then immediately follow it up with something blatantly racist. You know, like this guy.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona, backed Donald Trump from the moment he decided to run for president. Arpaio says he likes the billionaire because he's been nice to Ava, his wife of 58 years. But there's more to it: Trump represents hope for Arpaio, whose tough police tactics have gotten him in hot water.

The man who calls himself "America's Toughest Sheriff" is a hero to some and a villain to others for his relentless targeting of illegal immigrants and the spartan conditions in his jails. Now, the controversy has come to a head: He is running for re-election while facing potential criminal charges for being slow to implement a 2013 court ruling that ordered him to stop racial profiling. His life's work is in danger of being negated thanks to the efforts of some dedicated activists and lawyers who oppose his tough methods. So it's no wonder that he has called electing Trump his "most important mission" after 55 years in law enforcement. Trump, who has made a crackdown on immigration a signature issue of his campaign and has endorsed "stop and frisk" policing and profiling as practiced in Israel, may seem like the answer to his problems.

Yes Donald Trump is an ally of Sheriff Joe Arpaio. And we all know where Donald Trump gets his talking points from – Infowars. So does that mean Sheriff Joe also gets his talking points from Infowars? Of course you can’t have an article about a sheriff from the south without making some Clint Eastwood references:

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's campaign continues to be a fundraising juggernaut, with its $1.2 million campaign war chest richer than any other county candidate's, new finance reports show.

In another county race, however, the reports offered a surprise: A notably poor month for incumbent Maricopa County Recorder Helen Purcell.

It's not unusual for Arpaio to outraise his challengers. He collected more than $725,000 from Aug. 19 to Sept. 19, nearly four times Democrat Paul Penzone's $188,000. Penzone had about $290,000 in the bank.

But there’s only one Clint Eastwood reference that’s appropriate for Sheriff Joe. That’s right – you guessed it – Gran Torino.

But of course there’s one thing that Sheriff Joe loves – and that’s the possibility of Donald Trump for president. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has earned a reputation as “America’s toughest sheriff” by housing Arizona prisoners in tents and cutting meat out of their diets, but in a Bakersfield Business conference speech he said he's got a huge soft spot for Donald J. Trump.

The Republican presidential nominee has faced calls to step aside since the release Friday afternoon of a 2005 tape showing him making derogatory comments about women.

But Arpaio praised Trump for meeting with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto on Aug. 31 — and for calling his wife to chat several times.

But Joe still won’t let the birther bullshit die. I mean come on, he got owned by Bill Maher on this years ago!

Imagine if there were a story presenting two very striking possibilities:

1. The president of the United States is perpetrating a fraud, in a con job of historical proportions.

2. A major law-enforcement agency is making, perhaps knowingly, an untrue and seriously damaging allegation against a sitting president.

Wouldn’t you say that, either way, it was a big story warranting further investigation?

We don’t have to imagine, however, because this is precisely the case with the investigation of Barack Obama’s birth certificate by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office (MCSO), the largest sheriff’s department in Arizona. Yet this huge story is treated like a non-story.

However, he is lagging in the polls right now – this might be the year folks! Just like the Cubs might actually win the World Series, we might actually finally vote this guy out of office for good! Who needs some butter?

It’s been a week from hell for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and it couldn't be happening to a more deserving guy. On Tuesday, federal prosecutors in Arizona charged America's worst lawman with criminal contempt of court for violating judge’s order to curtail his department’s unconstitutional racial profiling practices—charges that could carry jail time.

Now the news has gotten even worse for Arpaio. A new poll shows him trailing his Democratic opponent, former Phoenix police sergeant Paul Penzone—by 10 points:

Hopefully that means that in 2017, Sheriff Joe will no longer be a member of the:

The GOP Anti-Women Brigade

Entering the spin zone! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Sweet! It lands on community chest! Let’s see what I get.

Nice! I get $200! Make it rain!!!

Spin it again! And it lands on… misogyny! Speaking of making it rain… the GOP is actively trying to justify Donald Trump’s failures when it comes to women. But first of all, is this really necessary? I mean when Donald Trump is embroidered in scandal after scandal involving his mistreatment of women, is this really the photo op you want to project?

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said Thursday that allegations by four women that he kissed and touched them inappropriately are "totally and absolutely false."

With his campaign reeling from the accusations, the brash real estate mogul told supporters in Florida, "These claims are all fabricated. They're pure fiction and outright lies. These events never, ever happened and the people who said them fully understand." He said he has "substantial evidence to dispute" the claims that will be made public at an "appropriate time very soon."

So now how do you put a spin on that?

That’s right – Rush Limbaugh is actively advocating that the rape police be brought in!


Rush Limbaugh appears convinced sexual assault is a bogus concept invented by "the left."

As Donald Trump was in boiling hot water Wednesday evening after numerous media reports alleged he has sexually abused several women, the boisterous right-wing talk show host appeared mostly upset about the fact that rape is illegal.

"The left will promote and understand and tolerate anything, as long as there is one element. Do you know what it is? Consent," Limbaugh said during his namesake radio show Wednesday. "If there is consent on both or all three or all four, however many are involved in the sex act, it's perfectly fine. But if the left ever senses and smells that there's no consent in part of the equation then here come the rape police."

All 3 or all four? What kind of sex acts is Rush Limbaugh participating in? I mean remember when he went to the Caribbean in 2005 with a bottle containing 40 pills of Viagra? A creep like this should get absolutely no say in the sexual assault debate.

JULY 6--Rush Limbaugh was traveling with four other men--including the producers of the hit show "24"--when he was detained over a mislabeled bottle of Viagra found in his luggage during a Customs search, records show.

A Department of Homeland Security passenger manifest shows that Limbaugh and his four buddies flew from the Dominican Republic on a Gulfstream IV jet owned by Premiere Radio Networks, which syndicates his radio program.

Limbaugh returned to Palm Beach, Florida on June 26 with Joel Surnow, "24"'s co-creator and executive producer and Howard Gordon, another of the Fox hit's executive producers (Hollywood agent Jeffrey Benson was also part of the Limbaugh quintet).

So why does Rush Limbaugh get a say in the debate when his own recent history would suggest that he’s a globe trotting sex pervert? He’s not the only one though! Actual senator Jeff Sessions (R – Creep) when asked by the Weekly Standard, wasn’t sure whether or not groping was considered sexual assault! Um… it is, dumbass!

Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) claimed Sunday that Donald Trump was not describing sexual assault in a leaked video recording in which the Republican nominee brags about grabbing women “by the pussy” without their consent.

Interviewed in the spin room after the presidential debate in St. Louis, in which Trump brushed off the comments as “locker room talk,” the Alabama senator noted that the real estate mogul already apologized for his “very improper language.”

“But beyond the language, would you characterize the behavior described in that as sexual assault if that behavior actually took place?” the Weekly Standard asked.

Martin Shkreli

Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! My wife!

Spin it again! Booze. You know that thing that starts out great Friday night, but the next day makes you never want to have any more of it. That is, until Saturday when you start drinking again! So Pharma Douche Martin Shkreli, who’s currently under indictment for fraud, decided to hold a “drinks are on me” party at a bar near the federal court house in Manhattan. So here’s what happened:

After a securities fraud hearing in Brooklyn Federal Court on Friday, "pharma bro" Martin Shkreli reached out to Twitter for bar suggestions near Brooklyn Heights. He ultimately decided to head to Henry Street Ale House for a "fan meetup," and promised his Twitter followers: "Drinks are on your boy."

Shortly after sending out this invitation into the digital ether, the team at Henry Street Ale House replied to the pharmaceuticals kingpin: "You did not contact us to reserve the space and your ‘fans’ are not welcome." The Tweet has since been deleted, but the management further communicated that they did not have room for Shkreli and his posse at the bar.

Dude, Henry St. I know you want to project the good image of drinking, but you made the mistake of a perfectly good price gouging opportunity! You could have kept the bar open and charged $750 for a gin and tonic! Or $550 for a 16 ounce beer! Well, the bar he ended up at did catch wind of what was going on. Can we throw that Tweet up there?

And by the way we got to mention Shkreli’s ill-ventured Esports business, which as you can guess, was a colossal disaster.

The last years’ worth of venture capital funding, high-profile celebrity sponsorships, and Riot increasingly relenting grounds on community demands has done a lot to obscure what was previously a ubiquitously acknowledged esports truism – that the scene and industry is a lawless, messy, and somewhat destructive mess. Whether or not that is or remains true of its current big movers and shakers is up to debate, but whether the mistakes of yesteryear still linger isn’t.

In early 2015, infamous pharmaceutical industries executive Martin Shkreli was less known as the male version of Epipen price-jacking CEO Heather Bresch, and better known to esports as owner of Odyssey Esports – later merged with NRG general manager Gerard Kelly’s former Team Imagine.


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!!!!

Spin it again. Infowars. Crap, do I really have to talk about Infowars? Ok. Fine. Make me. I know you are but what am I? It takes one to know one! But mom!!!! So you know that Hillary Clinton name checked Alex Jones last week as being the source of where Donald Trump gets most of his talking points right?

And as you can imagine Alex Jones is pissed!

Hillary Clinton’s latest attack ad shines a light on the rhetorical similarities between Donald Trump and Infowars.com founder Alex Jones.

The first minute of the ad focuses primarily on Jones’ myriad out-there conspiracy theories: on Sandy Hook (“synthetic, completely fake, with actors”), on Sept. 11 (“the official story is a fable”), on the Democratic candidate herself (“She’s a freaking demon, and she stinks, and so does Obama”), and on LGBT issues (“I don’t like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay!”).

Jones interviewed the Republican presidential nominee in December. And in January, Trump — still in the throes of a primary battle — called Jones a “nice guy.”

So Alex Jones is naturally pissed. I mean he called Hillary Clinton a demon and said that she and president Obama smelled like sulfur! Uh…… what?

Radio host and Donald Trump supporter Alex Jones doesn’t need to tell Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama to go to Hell. He believes they already reside there.

On Monday, Jones, host of his eponymous show on the Genesis Communications Network, said the two were literally the devil, Media Matters reports.

He called Clinton a “psychopathic demon.”

“I’m sure of that, and people around her say she’s so dark now, and so evil, and so possessed that they are having nightmares, they’re freaking out,” Jones ranted (watch above).

He claimed that both Clinton and Obama smell of evil and sulfur, attracting flies when no one else does.

You know… is Alex Jones smoking the same stuff this woman is smoking? Because it must be good!

Ken Bone

Spin it to win it!! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy STOP!!! And it lands on… wait for it… Something random in the news!

An upstate New York man apparently high on hallucinogens broke into his neighbor's home to save their dog from what he thought was a burning home, police say.

There was no fire, state police told WNYT-TV. The man had consumed LSD and cough medicine and thought his neighbor's home in Saratoga County was being consumed by flames last Thursday, officials say.

He went around his Halfmoon neighborhood banging on doors and yelling about a fire, WNYT reported. When no one would help, he drove his black BMW sedan through his neighbor's fence, went to the back door and smashed through it to retrieve the dog.
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This ranks about a 9 out of 10 on my WTF-O-Meter. I mean this story is so fucked up on so many levels! At least the dog is fine! Where have I seen imaginary fires before?

Spin it again! And it lands on… Undecided Voters! So we have to talk about the guy who stole everyone’s heart during the Town Hall debates – Mr. Kenneth Bone.

How could anyone not like this guy? He looks like a fat Mr. Rogers! So neither Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton won the debate. Instead it was this guy!

Today, the pundits will argue over who won the presidential debate. But we think we can safely deliver the verdict:
Ken Bone.
The debate, in case you missed it, was a town hall-style affair where audience members (screened by Gallup and selected by the moderators) asked questions of the candidates. And in that group of well-behaved, articulate, truth seekers was one Mr. Bone.

So last week we talked about the debates. But this week we have to talk about the craziest story of the week – the rise and fall of Kenneth J. Bone.


So now Ken Bone has become an overnight meme. What to do when you’ve become an internet star? You know we used to have 15 minutes of fame. Now that 15 minutes has been turned into 15 seconds! You know we talked about Halloween costumes in the previous entry. Well would you be surprised that a sexy Ken Bone costume exists? Because… internet! And sexy!

In the week since the second presidential debate, the pop culture phenomenon of undecided voter Kenneth Bone rose like Icarus toward the sun. He made media appearances, did a Reddit AMA, launched an official T-shirt, and his signature red cable-knit sweater sold out at Kohl’s. But it wasn’t long before America found out more about Bone than it wanted to know and his wings melted.

His 15 minutes of fame may be coming to a close, but the most notable attempt to capture some secondhand magic of the Ken Bone story is still up and running, courtesy of lingerie brand Yandy: Holiday procrastinators, meet the “Sexy Undecided Voter” Halloween costume.

Ken Bone was seriously polling higher than Jill Stein! This is hilarious!

A man whose outfit at the second presidential debate made him an internet sensation polls higher than Green Party nominee Jill Stein in Florida, according to a new poll.

Ken Bone leads the Stein 4 percent to 1 percent in the Public Policy Polling (PPP) survey out Friday.

Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson, meanwhile, takes 5 percent support among the state’s likely voters.

And I mean really how could anyone be undecided at this point? There’s no possible way any sane citizen can decide because it should be painfully obvious now – the orange clown is not fit for office! He’s not even fit to be the night manager at a Baskin Robbins!

Kenneth Bone is the same person on Friday as he was on Sunday: a 34-year-old, politically ambiguous, white Midwesterner who is suddenly a figure of widespread interest thanks to his mild, be-sweatered appearance during a unpalatable political event. But as a meme, Kenneth Bone has changed quite a bit.

Sunday is when Kenneth Bone the person gave way to Kenneth Bone the meme. At first he was an American Hero, and even described himself as a “huggable, likable guy in the middle of a really nasty and divisive debate.” But then overnight on Thursday, things changed.

Bone agreed to do a Reddit Ask me Anything — as a newly famous human meme does — using his real Reddit handle. This allowed anybody to simply click through and read his entire history as an anonymous Reddit user. And now that we’ve learned more about the man, Kenneth Bone (the meme) is no longer a Hero. Now, Kenneth Bone is Bad, according to several articles about his Reddit comments.

Yeah so what did Ken Bone say under his moniker that pissed people off?

But the Reddit AMA he hosted was the beginning of the end for Ken Bone, the endearing character and the beginning of Ken Bone, the slightly creepy.

Here's the problem:

Bone used his existing Reddit account name, StanGibson18, to host the AMA. Once his screen name was out there, Redditors started digging up the dirt.

To be brief, Bone admitted to insurance fraud, looking at porn and had questionable comments on the Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman case.

Halloween Costumes

Spin that shit one last time this week! And it lands on…. No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Clip without context!

Spin it again! And it lands on – wait for it – Halloween! Let’s get some appropriate music, shall we?

Halloween. That one day of the year when you wear a lizard costume when you drop your kid off at school to impress your kid. Then you go to work wearing said lizard costume, and you realize everyone is wearing suits during that big investor presentation, and you’re the only one wearing a lizard costume. Good job! What are the investors going to think now? So let’s lighten things up and talk about Halloween costumes, shall we? Especially that of the politically charged variety. Since the clusterfuck of the 2016 election comes to a close like the week after Halloween when everyone will still be recovering from that Halloween-induced hangover. So you could go as Supergirl, but a certain high profile celebrity has a problem with that.

Miley Cyrus has always used her fame as a musician and actress to talk about a wide variety of topics, and this week she decided to talk a little bit about her ideas on gender and how gender relates to inequality in Hollywood. However, she may have bit off more than she can chew when she tried to explain why Supergirl shouldn't be called Supergirl. Here's what Miley Cyrus had to say.

For example, there's a show called Supergirl. I think having a show with a gender attached to it is weird. One, it's a woman on that fucking billboard - it's not a little girl. Two, what if you're a little boy who wants to be a girl so bad that this makes you feel bad? I think having a title like Supergirl doesn't give the power that people think it does.

Supergirl has faced some challenges ever since it first started airing last season. The drama is the only female-led superhero series on television right now, and it has faced criticism from some audiences because it has told stories from a female perspective. Its first season also faced challenges when it didn't do quite well enough on CBS to justify its large budget, and it was subsequently shipped off to the CW, whereupon Supergirl was forced to switch locations and downsize. The fact that Supergirl's gender is mentioned in its title is the least of the show's problems, as it is working to rebuilt its universe on a brand new network. But Miley Cyrus is entitled to her opinion, and she spent a considerable amount of time sharing it in an interview with Variety. Miley being Miley, amiright?

Seriously… WTF did I just read? There’s no trying to justify Miley’s logic, or complete lack thereof. I mean what’s wrong with Supergirl? It’s the highest rated show on the CW! Which is only a 1/10th the ratings of what an actual network brings! And the word “girl” is in the title.

And by the way, Ms. Cyrus got smacked down by the CW boss:

“It’s based on a pre-existing property that’s called Supergirl, so we never had any intention of calling it something other than that,” said Kreisberg. “I think we worked hard, especially in the early part of season 1 to address the discrepancy. We actually had a scene about Kara herself lamenting, ‘Why aren’t I called Superwoman?’ and had Cat with her great rejoinder about how the word ‘girl’ in and of itself is not offensive. We continue to be proud of this show, we continue to be proud of Melissa and the character she represents and the hero that she represents. We stand by the show.”

Or you could go as Melania Trump being groped by Donald Trump. Can we show that costume before we tell the story?

Jemima Goldsmith paid homage to embattled Republican leader Donald Trump on Tuesday evening, but it certainly wasn’t the tribute he might have hoped for.

The associate editor of the New Statesman magazine attended Unicef's annual Halloween Ball dressed as Melania Trump, complete with a plastic version of her husband strapped to her back.

Or you could dress as something wildly offensive. But the University of Florida (obviously) won’t have any of it………. Because……………… wait for it………… religion.

Certain Halloween costumes related to race, religion or culture are often deemed offensive. Now, the University of Florida is offering counseling to students who have been troubled by such costumes.

The university sent out a memo to students urging them to make appropriate costume choices for the upcoming holiday. It has also asked students to report incidents of bias to the university’s support team.

“Some Halloween costumes reinforce stereotypes of particular races, genders, cultures, or religions. Regardless of intent, these costumes can perpetuate negative stereotypes, causing harm and offense to groups of people,” the university said in the memo earlier this week. “Also, keep in mind that social media posts can have a long-term impact on your personal and professional reputation.”

Yeah that’s exactly why you don’t wear the lizard costume to a board meeting, dumbass!

Or you could dress as the groper himself and give an added third dimension to the above costume! Just be sure you have a female who is willing to participate in the group costume!

Spirit is a South Jersey-based novelty retailer with 1,200 seasonal stores scattered across the country.

“Our Cry Baby Trump mask was in the lead, with the #HBIC Hillary mask a close second, just one point behind,” said spokeswoman Trisha Lombardo. The latex likenesses sell for $12.99 each.

More striking numbers were posted by Rubie's Costume Co. of New York City, which bills itself as the world's largest manufacturer and supplier of Halloween costumes.

And by the way in case you were wondering, why yes a sexy Donald Trump costume does exist:

Donald Trump. With cleavage.

Welcome to Halloween 2016.

And judging by these harrowing costumes, it’s going to be the scariest year yet.

Let’s be clear: There’s nothing new about Trump outfits. That douchey mop is on sale all year round.

And Now This:

Ladies and gentlemen, playing her song “Ghost” from her album “Badlands”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome Halsey!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Puscifer's "The Arsonist" Video Takes A Stab At Donald Trump

With only 22 days left until the election, we’re into the home stretch. While it’s been fun to watch Donald Trump begin to implode over the past couple of weeks, the shocking truth is that he’s still only polling seven points lower than Hillary Clinton, meaning he’s drawing way too many voters considering how fucking nuts he is.

Maynard James Keenan wants to change that. In the new video for his group Puscifer’s track “The Arsonist,” the group takes on a raging cartoon Trumpzilla, all in the name of saving the human race. As Keenan told The A.V. Club, “sometimes you grab the Puscifer. Sometimes the Puscifer grabs you.”


"Maynard James Keenan is a stupid loser, OK? It's all part of a media conspiracy to rig the election against me!"

Jamie Lee Curtis Spoke To Lindsay Lohan About Her Being The Subject Of A Creepy Trump Interview

Jamie Lee Curtis says Lindsay Lohan is "doing very well" after being the subject of sexually demeaning comments made by Donald Trump in a recently-unearthed 2004 interview with Howard Stern.

Curtis -- who took the Republican presidential nominee to task on Instagram on Friday for his "gross, lecherous, lewd commentary" -- said she's spoken with her Freaky Friday co-star, who was "grateful" for Curtis speaking out.

"It was incredibly disturbing to hear someone that is up for the of the United States talking about a teenage girl in the way that he did," the 57-year-old Golden Globe winner told ET's Lauren Zima at the Children's Hospital Los Angeles Once Upon a Time Gala on Saturday. "It was disgusting and she deserves people's support."

In a 12-year-old interview with Stern, Trump speculated about Lohan, then 18, saying that the actress was "probably deeply troubled and therefore great in bed."

"How dare anyone, let alone a man in that position, make comments like that when clearly she was having difficulties in her life," Curtis added, referring to Lohan's string of high-profile run-ins with the law over the course of several years.


Could that guy be any more revolting?

John Oliver Breaks Down The Platforms Offered By The Alternative Candidates In The Election

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Remember we like our political commentary the way Tom Brady likes his footballs – slightly over inflated enough that they pass the test, but not so overinflated that it would constitute as cheating. Hey o!!! We are back people! And man has it been a gold mine for Donald Trump news this week. I mean you had the debates where he threatened to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, and this whole thing with Billy Bush from Access Hollywood getting suspended indefinitely over comments he made 10 years ago with Donald Trump coming back to bite him in the ass. And he’s fighting back – which unfortunately that was coming as we were putting together this week’ But my favorite thing recently has been Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump on SNL. I mean seriously Alec Baldwin is awesome, and he has Donald Trump’s mannerisms down to a science. The debut sketch on SNL last week was great, and he does it again this week. Can we show that?

So where do we begin this week? Well this week the top 5 slots are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about Trumpenfuror’s repore with women – and it’s nothing to brag about. In the second slot – we’re going to talk about a celebrity beef between a very vocal liberal celebrity – Robert DeNiro, and a very vocal evangelical celebrity – Jon Voight over some controversial remarks that the latter made about Donald Trump. Who wins? In slot number 3, we’re going to talk about what exactly “locker room talk” is, and in the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP abandoning the sinking ship that is the Donald Trump presidential campaign. Taking the 5th slot we’re going to have a debate recap. This thing was almost as complete of a shit show as the first debate was. At number 6, we’re going to say goodbye to the creepiest reporter in TV news history and that’s Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush (6). At number 7, we’re going to ask – how is this still a thing? And that thing? Constitutional literalism. It seems that the Bundy Bunch aren’t the only batshit crazy constitutional loyalists plotting an overthrow of the government! Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to take a dip in the international conservative idiots file and head to Chechnya, where president Ramzan Kadyrov (8) won in a 97% landslide (+3% margin of error ) and has been getting into MMA and plans to start his own reality show. See Kadyrov is what we’re going to get if we elect Donald Trump, folks! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, last week we discussed batshit crazy libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. This week we’re going to discuss batshit crazy Green Party candidate Jill Stein. Jill Stein got a ringing endorsement (?) from Ron Paul, who surfaced from his troll cave in Kentucky to possible endorse the Green Party candidate over the Libertarian candidate. And finally this week, we’re going to discuss one of my favorite subjects in the news currently – creepy clowns! I know what you’re thinking – “But Initech, we already covered creepy clowns in Idiots #41”. *Donald Trump face* *sniff* WRONG!!!! You're wrong!!! You're stupid, losers! Well you’re right, but they’re back and appearing all over the country. And real clowns are fighting back against the negative images they’re getting in the press. You can’t make this shit up, folks! Also, because you’re nice for listening to my schtick for the next hour or so, I’m going to give you something. How about some live music from Alter Bridge? For the last time, no, they’re not Creed. They have an amazing new album out called “The Last Hero” and they will be stopping by the show to play something from it if you kids play your cards right. That means no shouting or reaching across the dinner table, and don’t make me turn this show around!!! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

Before we begin, we have to talk about Jack White’s Third Man Records. So you know the Donald Trump campaign was under fire for using the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” at Trump rallies without Jack White’s permission, right? So this is how Third Man retaliated:

Third Man is selling the shirt for $25 on its website. On the back of the shirt, the lyrics read:

"White Americans? What? Nothing better to do? Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too. Who's using who? What should we do? Well, you can't be a pimp And a prostitute too."

White released a statement via the White Stripes; Facebook page on the alleged illegal use.

Can we show that?


So let me explain where the name of this edition comes from – it comes from the 2001 Richard Gere gynecology flick “Dr. T & The Women”. Which is about as real as actually being a gynecologist gets folks!

Now Donald T & The Women – totally different story! In fact take that movie Dr. T & The Women and replace Richard Gere with Donald Trump and you have turned a romantic comedy into a horror movie! Let’s explain:

(CNN)Donald Trump bragged about trying to have sex with a married woman and being able to grope women in previously unaired footage from 2005 that surfaced on Friday.

Trump is heard discussing women in vulgar terms during off-camera banter during the taping of a segment for "Access Hollywood," footage which was obtained by The Washington Post.

Trump dismissed the comments as "locker room banter" in a statement released by his campaign and sought to immediately deflect criticism onto the husband of his opponent Hillary Clinton.

The comments immediately raised the stakes for Sunday's highly anticipated debate between Trump and Clinton. The Democratic nominee has spent months portraying Trump as demeaning toward women and the emergence of the remarks could hand her -- and viewers in the town hall audience -- more evidence to make that point.


Dude, Donald! When you’re in a hole, stop digging! Shut the fuck up!

Seriously Donald, stop talking! Every single thing you say is worse than the thing that preceded it. In fact for a normal human being – someone with empathy, which Donald Trump severely lacks, the only way to say horrible things at that rate would be to read Limp Bizkit lyrics in the style of Bane from the Dark Knight Rises. You know what? Let’s try a few!

“Give me something to break…. But only one of you has the trigger!!!”
“My generation motherfuckers…. That’s why I’m crashing this plane with no survivors!”

See? See how everything I said was worse? Well it’s not getting better for Trumpenfuror:

Republicans are horrified and shocked by the leaked audio in which Donald Trump brags about sexual assault and says his celebrity lets him do whatever he likes with women.

The many women whom Trump has reduced to their looks and sex appeal over the years — 61, according to our count — probably aren’t surprised. It’s a long, damning list, and it’s only getting longer.

Holy shit!!!! I mean seriously holy shit!!!

Is he going to share a cell with Bill Cosby? What? But we’re still not done here! Oh no!

Civil rights lawyer Gloria Allred said this week that women have begun contacting her with allegations that they were sexually harassed or abused by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

After news broke over the weekend that Trump had bragged about groping women on a leaked 2005 video, Allred confirmed to Gothamist on Monday that she had been “contacted by women who allege inappropriate contact by Mr. Trump.”

“If there is an unwanted or unconsented to touching of a person’s intimate parts such as the genital areas or a woman’s breasts, that could constitute a sexual assault or a sexual battery,” Allred said. “I am disgusted by what Donald Trump said and admitted that he had done on that video. An apology is not enough.”

So holy fuck, Donald Trump is in some deep shit here. I mean just look at the potential that this has once all has been unearthed!

In that audio, Trump discusses a failed attempt to seduce a woman, whose full name is not given in the video.

“I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it,” Trump is heard saying. It was unclear when the events he was describing took place. The tape was recorded several months after he married his third wife, Melania.

“Whoa,” another voice said.

“I did try and f--- her. She was married,” Trump says.

Holy shit! Seriously Donald, stop talking. I mean shut the fuck up!

But you know who Donald once got a ringing endorsement from? Jerry Falwell Jr! Yes the evangelicals support and love this guy! I mean what would Jesus do, folks?

This is the same Donald Trump who has been thrice married, who has lusted after his own daughter, who boasts of screwing other people over, who chases the almighty dollar over all else. Remember what Jesus did to that crowd at the temple? Remember what he said about rich people, camels, and the eye of a needle? And we all know Jesus was about excluding and demonizing people, right?

This is the same Trump who pathetically tried to speak Evangelical and failed, as Tom DeLay (remember him?) pointed out:

In an attempt to patronize the religious crowd, Trump cited a scripture containing the word "liberty." There was a smattering of laughter when he cited "Two Corinthians 3:17" at the Bible-based school where most pronounce it "Second Corinthians."

This is the same Trump who fails one of the most basic Christian tests—humility and lack of pride. Satan has nothing on Trump when it comes to pride. Catholics consider that one of the seven deadly sins (along with lust and greed … and anger). Evangelicals will point to Is. 14:11-15, James 4:6, and Prov. 16:18. And can anyone pretend that Trump actually goes to church?

Yeah that is a good question – does Donald Trump go to church? In fact he’s exposed the religious right for the hypocrites that they are! Bravo, well done!

(CNN)The second presidential debate was overshadowed this weekend by the release of a 2005 videotape in which Donald Trump bragged about being famous enough to get away with sexual assault. Pressed by moderator Anderson Cooper during the debate, Trump said he was not proud of his words, but dismissed them as "locker room talk" before trying to pivot to a discussion of ISIS.
While many Republican Party insiders have calculated that it's too late to get off the Trump train, a line-up of so-called "Christian conservatives" -- a crucial base of support for Trump in every national poll -- stepped forward this weekend to say they can no longer support candidate Trump. "I cannot commend Trump's moral character," evangelical theologian Wayne Grudem wrote, withdrawing his endorsement of the Republican candidate.

Donald Trump

So you want to know the really fucked up thing about this? You know who’s not on Donald Trump’s side? If you guessed that a serial groper himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger has withdrawn support of Trumpenfuror, you know you’ve fucked up!

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger joined a chorus of Republicans who announced Saturday they will not support Donald Trump for president.

Schwarzenegger, who took over for Trump this year as host of NBC's "The Apprentice," said it will be the first time since becoming a citizen in 1983 that he will not vote for the GOP nominee. He did not indicate for whom he would vote in November.

The action film star, who did not mention Trump's lewd comments about women, faced criticism over his own alleged sexually aggressive behavior during the 2003 recall election to become California's governor.

Yes that’s former California governor and serial womanizer Arnold Schwarzenegger denouncing serial womanizer Donald Trump.

But on the plus side, one of my favorite actors - Robert DeNiro - has some strong words for Trumpenfuror:

“He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig': Actor Robert DeNiro lets fly at Donald Trump
Nothing has been going right for the Trump presidential campaign.

Following the release of a video showing Donald Trump making comments about sexually assaulting women, the Republican nominee's campaign seems to have come apart. His comments were also criticised by his wife Melanie Trump and top leaders in his party too have withdrawn support.

An advertisement campaign to encourage Americans to vote asked celebrities to talk about what they were passionate about. Robert DeNiro, known for films such as Taxi Driver and Goodfellas could not hide his feeling and went on a minute-long rant about Trump.

I mean he's so blatantly stupid. He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bullshit artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about, doesn't do his homework, doesn't care, thinks he's gaming society, doesn't pay his taxes. He's an idiot. Colin Powell said it best: He's a national disaster. He's an embarrassment to this country. It makes me so angry that this country has gotten to this point that this fool, this bozo, has wound up where he has. He talks how he wants to punch people in the face? Well, I'd like to punch him in the face. This is somebody that we want for president? I don't think so.

But guess who fired back? You might guess that evangelical actors are fighting back. And I answer you good sir / madam – why yes they are! Jon Voight, who was the star of the recent Values Voters Conference, fired back!

Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight took to social media Saturday to defend Republican candidate Donald Trump's controversial remarks about women and criticize fellow movie star Robert De Niro for making disparaging remarks about the real estate mogul.

"Midnight Cowboy" star Voight, who has supported several Republican politicians over the years, said on Twitter that Trump's remarks to "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush in 2005 "were not as damaging as Robert DeNiro’s ugly rant. Trump’s words did not hurt anyone."

Voight also said of the recorded comments, which were first disclosed by The Washington Post Friday, "I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years."

De Niro lashed out at Trump in a video released Friday as part of a get-out-the-vote project. In it, the "Raging Bull" star said of Trump, "he's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bulls--- artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about."

And Robert DeNiro probably could take Donald Trump down with one punch! I mean did anyone see Raging Bull?

And of course DeNiro fired back at Voight for being “delusional”! You know remember when Donald Trump said he would say great things about people? Will he say anything great about Jon Voight?

“I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years,” said Voight, going on to call on Trump supporters to express their “outrage and anger” at De Niro and “all of the Republican turncoats”. Voight has long been an outspoken supporter of the Republican party.

De Niro responded to Voight’s comments, saying: “Voight is a nice guy, but he’s delusional,” according to UAE newspaper the Khaleej Times, before continuing to attack Trump.

“The Republican party has rationalised that his guy is sane, that this guy should be president,” he said. “It’s awful, they will self-destruct.”

De Niro urged Americans to vote on 8 November in order to prevent Trump from winning.

“They have to vote, they must vote, it’s imperative that you vote, it’s a very serious situation,” he said.

Donald Trump

Before we go any further down the wormhole on all the Trump sexual assault comments this week, anyone remember the cute Donald Trump cheerleaders from a few months ago?

Can you guessed he stiffed them on pay? Gee, I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

The founder of viral pro-Trump tween singing group “USA Freedom Kids” now plans to sue the Republican presidential campaign for violating various unwritten agreements. The tween cheerleaders first achieved national fame after performing their song “Freedom’s Call”—with lyrics like “Deal from strength or get crushed!”—at Trump’s January rally in Pensacola, Florida. The group’s founder, Jeff Popick, father to the youngest member, claims it was at that rally that the campaign broke its promise for compensation; only to once again break financial and logistic promises at another rally at which they were scheduled to appear. “This is not a billion-dollar lawsuit,” Popick told the Washington Post. “I’m not looking to do battle with the Trump campaign, but I have to show my girls that this is the right thing.”

So if he treated a bunch of innocent kids this way, imagine how he treats adult women! I mean just look at what happened with this CNN reporter!

Yup! And why does it matter how Donald Trump treats women? This is getting scarier and scarier. Donald Trump actually bragged about walking in on Miss Teen USA pageant contestants changing in the locker room, and his excuse? Oh it’s nothing I haven’t seen before! Which makes us wonder how many times he’s walked in on Ivanka?

Donald Trump has been caught out boasting about how he was the only man allowed backstage to 'inspect' naked women at the Miss USA pageant because he owned it.

The Republican nominee bragged about the extra power he had during an interview with Howard Stern in April 2005, the tapes of which have been released by CNN.

'I’ll tell you the funniest is that I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed,' Trump said about the pageant.

I mean you know how they’re trying to justify this? Oh it’s just locker room talk!

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump dismissed vulgar comments he made about women in 2005 as "locker room talk," but he fired a contestant from "The Celebrity Apprentice" for engaging in "locker room" talk.

"The Daily Show" unearthed a 2010 clip of Trump firing Illinois native Maria Kanellis-Bennett from the NBC competition. Kanellis-Bennett, a professional wrestler, accused fellow contestant Curtis Stone, a celebrity chef, of using her dressing room and leaving behind a foul smell.

Trump called the comment "below the belt" and disgusting, before declaring, "This is my boardroom. It's not a locker room. Maria, you're fired."

The Washington Post on Friday published 2005 audio of Trump boasting about how his celebrity status allowed him to sexually assault women without consequence. He dismissed these comments as "locker room talk" during Sunday's presidential debate.

Just locker room talk? I mean who does this guy think he is? Sean Connery as James Bond in Goldfinger?

But what is “locker room talk”? Let’s let an expert explain!

Thanks to Donald Trump, the term “locker-room talk” suddenly is widely discussed. It is a pretty broad term; I’ve heard athletes in locker rooms deeply engrossed in conversations on their municipal bond portfolios and what to feed their cats and, of course, traffic.

Trump was recorded talking about forcibly kissing and groping women, and after an uproar, he chalked it up to “locker-room talk.”

The episode raised the question of how common such extreme talk is in locker rooms.

Yet I would say that while I have heard distasteful boasting and crude talk about the attributes of a recent date or a new girlfriend — wives never seem to come up — I’ve never heard anything that could be described as an assault, or any crime. Not even close.

And what exactly do athletes think about “locker room talk”?

“There are conversations that we have amongst men but it’s never in that tone. It’s never as insensitive as that tone was,” Jones said.

Across the country, athletes and coaches from professional sports leagues had similar reactions.

“There’s players in our locker room with sisters, wives, and daughters. There’s not that type of talk in anyone’s locker room,” Los Angeles Clippers head coach Doc Rivers said.

“I’ll have my son in here, CP. Guys have their kids in here. So this is probably more of a family environment than any locker room,” Clippers’ Blake Griffin said.

“There’s no excuse to talk that way about women, to women, to other people,” Detroit Lions wide receiver Golden Tate said.

Donald Trump

Yes, abandon ship!!! That’s exactly what the GOP is doing in the wake of the latest Donald Trump led disaster. Can’t wait to see what next week’s will bring! To start with, I bet you couldn’t guess Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie is sticking with Trump, right?

Washington (CNN)One of Donald Trump's closest advisers was a no-show at his debate Sunday night, and now we have a clearer understanding of why.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed Tuesday morning that he was not happy with the way Trump responded after tape of his 2005 lewd and sexually aggressive comments broke Friday night.

But even Christie himself couldn’t defend Trumpenfuror’s comments! The level of hypocrisy is too damn high!

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, one of Donald Trump’s staunchest advocates, denounced the Republican presidential candidate’s lewd comments about women in a leaked 2005 tape, saying he was with Trump when the video surfaced.

“Let’s be really clear. It is completely indefensible,” Christie told Craig Carton on WFAN this morning when asked about the comments. “I won’t defend it and haven’t defended it. That kind of talk and conversation, even in private, is just unacceptable.”

While co-hosting WFAN’s “Boomer and Carton Show” in New York City this morning, Christie weighed in on the hot-mic conversation between Trump and Billy Bush, at the time a host of “Access Hollywood.” In the recording, Trump is heard talking about how he tried to have an affair with a married woman and how he makes moves on women, which some critics have labeled sexual assault.

How about Paul Ryan? Is he sticking by Trump or jumping ship?

House Speaker Paul Ryan dealt his own party's presidential nominee a withering blow Monday, telling fellow Republicans he will no longer defend Donald Trump and will instead use the next 29 days to focus on preserving his party's hold on Congress.

"The speaker is going to spend the next month focused entirely on protecting our congressional majorities," Ryan's spokeswoman, AshLee Strong, said in a statement.

The move -- highly unusual in US political history -- laid bare the seemingly intractable divisions now seizing the Republican Party with a month left before the presidential vote. Support for Trump among the GOP establishment, already weak amid disagreements over policy and tone, has now eroded to new lows.

Or how about Glenn Beck? Surely the GOP’s most insane conspiracy theorist can forgive Trumpenfuror can’t he?

The outspoken opponent of the GOP's presidential nominee wrote on Facebook over the weekend that every voter had to decide for themselves what constitutes "a bridge too far," after the release of footage last week in which Trump can be heard making lewd and sexually aggressive comments about women.
"It is not acceptable to ask a moral, dignified man to cast his vote to help elect an immoral man who is absent decency or dignity," Beck wrote on Facebook in reference to Trump. "If the consequence of standing against Trump and for principles is indeed the election of Hillary Clinton, so be it. At least it is a moral, ethical choice."
. . . .

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/11/politics/glenn-beck-hillary-clinton-moral-ethical-choice/index.html



Or how about the GOP head Rince Priebus?

Donald Trump bragged in vulgar terms about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women during a 2005 conversation caught on a hot microphone, saying that “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” according to a video obtained by The Washington Post.

The video captures Trump talking with Billy Bush, then of “Access Hollywood,” on a bus with the show’s name written across the side. They were arriving on the set of “Days of Our Lives” to tape a segment about Trump’s cameo on the soap opera.

Late Friday night, following sharp criticism by Republican leaders, Trump issued a short video statement saying, “I said it, I was wrong, and I apologize.” But he also called the revelation “a distraction from the issues we are facing today.” He said that his “foolish” words are much different than the words and actions of Bill Clinton, whom he accused of abusing women, and Hillary Clinton, whom he accused of having “bullied, attacked, shamed and intimidated his victims.”

And by the way, Donald Trump is not taking this abandoning of the ship sitting down, folks! He’s pissed as hell! Maybe he can get Meatloaf and Gary Busey on this!

WASHINGTON — Donald Trump all but declared war on the Republican establishment Tuesday, blasting House Speaker Paul Ryan for his criticism and vowing to campaign as he sees fit.
"it is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to," Trump said during a morning tweet storm that targeted Ryan and other Republicans.
Later, the Republican presidential nominee tweeted: "Disloyal R's are far more difficult than Crooked Hillary. They come at you from all sides. They don’t know how to win — I will teach them!"

But at least it’s known that he has the side of Alex Jones and Infowars, because Alex Jones surfaced from his troll cave to say this:


There are some posts so strange you don’t quite know how to write them. This is one of those posts.

Alex Jones is a crackpot radio host who traffics in bizarre conspiracy theories. He is also very popular, and weirdly close to Donald Trump. Trump has tweeted links to Jones’s site Infowars; he has echoed conspiracy theories that originated on Jones’s site (like the idea that California has no drought, and the problem is being manufactured by environmental regulators trying to save an endangered fish); and he has been a guest on Jones’s show, where he told Jones that “you have an amazing reputation.”

And it’s not just Trump. Trump’s close adviser Roger Stone is a close friend of Jones’s and a frequent guest on his show. It’s plausible that Stone is the conduit through which Jones’s mania typically reaches Trump.

And yes there is tape of this. Watch if you dare:

Donald Trump

We do need to talk briefly about the debates in this entry. The second debate was a complete shit show. Almost as worst as the first. So here’s a few takeaways from the second debate.

1). The Elephant In the Room Topped the Show

Donald Trump had the worst weekend of his campaign, and perhaps the worst weekend of any presidential campaign ever. A flood of Republican members of Congress broke from the nominee saying that he should drop out or that they wouldn't vote for him after video surfaced from 2005 of Trump making obscene comments about how he treated women.

2). Clinton Tries to Connect All the Dots

Clinton also used the leaked video as further proof that Trump will only divide the country and is not fit to be president.

"It's not only women and it's not only this video that raises questions about his fitness to be president," Clinton said, listing a litany of instances that Trump has denigrated others.

No… no need to abandon ship yet. But what was the lowest point of the whole shindig? Yes, I said shindig. What are you going to do? Fight me about it?

There was Donald Trump calling Hillary Clinton the “devil,” a person filled with “tremendous hatred” whom he would jail if he were president. There was Clinton’s icy nod at Trump upon their greeting—no handshake—and her almost immediately declaring Trump “unfit to serve.” Discussions about policy frequently vacillated into personal attacks. And at the end of the night, when an audience member asked each candidate to say something nice about the other, they hardly hid their reluctance.

So: Was this the nastiest, lowest moment in presidential debate history? And what does it matter to the state of the race? We asked some of the savviest political watchers and operatives to talk us through what we just witnessed—“incomprehensibly demoralizing,” “a grim, tawdry affair,” and “surreal, bizarre and often entertaining” were some of their responses—and game out what it means for this highly unusual election. Here’s what they had to say.

But here’s my favorite part of this whole thing. Sure, you can point fingers at Trump or make fun of him humping the chair:

But the real takeaway? Nobody cared! In fact the movie trailers that aired during the commercial breaks got higher ratings! I mean come on, the 2016 election is a category 5 shit storm, folks, and you’re more interested in seeing the trailer for Dr. Strange? Come on!

Movie studios have been spending more on TV ads during the presidential debates than any other industry.

For the first two debates in which Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump faced off, the film industry was the top spender on the top four networks, according to iSpot.tv, which tracks TV advertising in real time.

Of course, the debates themselves are commercial free, but movie studios paid more to run their TV ads during pre- and post-debate coverage on ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox than did car companies, such as top spender Audi.

Billy Bush

Billy Bush. He’s that creepy kid in your high school class who spent all his free time masturbating to the porno mags he stole from his dad while bragging about how he could sneak into the girls’ locker room undetected. Um no you can't. So John Oliver said goodbye to Billy Bush in the most John Oliver way possible:

Yes Billy Bush is not only the creepiest guy imaginable, he has had an extremely creepy “bromance” if you will with Trumpenfuror. So here’s what happened in the wake of the “Locker Room Talk” scandal:

Billy Bush, a host on the “Today” show who has received stinging criticism for his role in a video with Donald J. Trump, has been suspended by NBC.

The NBC executive in charge of “Today,” Noah Oppenheim, wrote in a memo to his staff members on Sunday that “we’ve all been deeply troubled by the revelations of the past 48 hours.”

“Let me be clear — there is simply no excuse for Billy’s language and behavior on that tape,” he said. “NBC has decided to suspend Billy, pending further review of this matter.”

And that’s not all – he apparently bragged about that encounter with Trump for years behind the scenes at the Today show!

Billy Bush brazenly bragged to NBC staff about the vulgar Donald Trump tape while covering the Olympics in Rio, multiple sources tell Page Six.

Proving the infamous Ryan Lochte interview wasn’t Bush’s only Rio recklessness, the shamed “Today” host boasted at a party in August that he had a “tape of Trump being a real dog,” prompting staffers at “Access Hollywood” to track it down.

Bush never told NBC News brass about the tape when he joined “Today,” and they’re not happy about it. “Billy was bragging about the tape to other NBC staff while in Rio. If he knew about the tape, and remembered the full extent of such an explosive conversation with a presidential candidate and didn’t disclose that to NBC News, that is a very, very serious problem,” the insider said, adding it could violate the “morality clause” in his contract.

But there’s more! Apparently his cohost is in “tears” over his comments. Wait – Billy Bush is a total creepo creep! We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this:

Kit Hoover got emotional during Access Hollywood Live Monday morning.

The co-host talked about her former colleague Billy Bush and started to tear up while talking to Natalie Morales about the leaked tapes that showed him and Donald Trump making lewd comments about women. She began the show by explaining how shocked and "devastated" she was about the news that broke Friday.

"He was always in my corner," Hoover said. "I was just devastated to watch all this unfold because the Billy that I know—and that a lot of people would say—has the biggest heart of anybody, and he is a good person."

Morales echoed Hoover's sentiments, explaining that Bush was there for her as soon as he found out the news that she would be taking his spot.

And of course cue the Today Show’s PR response:

The Today show was missing a face on Monday morning.

Billy Bush, 44, was absent from the NBC morning show after the program suspended him indefinitely pending "further review" of his involvement with Donald Trump in a 2005 videotape in which the GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, egged on by Bush, graphically discussed groping women.

The show briefly addressed their anchor's involvement in one of the biggest news stories of the election during their coverage of Sunday's second presidential debate between Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, though the coverage did not overtly reference Bush at first. The tape itself was a major part of the night's debate topics.

Constitutional Literalists

Time once again to ask:

Constitutional literalism. How is this still a thing? Remember back when the Bundy Bunch first took over the Malheur Wildlife Sanctuary and started carrying around pocket size versions of the US Constitution because… reasons?

Well it appears that the Bundy Bunch weren’t the only ones plotting insane overthrows of the government to restore constitutional literalism. Check out this Georgia man who was interviewed on NPR recently.

Jimmy Arno and his wife Dani live in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and both say they’re deeply concerned about the direction the United States has been taking in recent years. So Jimmy decided to talk to an NPR reporter and declare that should Hillary Clinton be elected President in November, a second civil war may be necessary:
“Should martial law, civil war — whatever — break out in this country, they will uphold the Constitution and rebuild our loss. The war that’s going to break out if Hillary Clinton’s elected, if that happens. Your patriots are going to overthrow the government.”

Dani said she’s still very upset about a Black Lives Matter protest that was held at the local high school recently. And Jimmy says he cannot for the life of him understand why black people get so upset when they see the Confederate flag being displayed. He also painted a grim picture of what life in the United States is like, in his own twisted opinion:

“If you go to a movie theater, you’re liable to get shot, you go to a mall, you’re liable to get shot. If you go to Atlanta or a major city, you’re liable to be shot or attacked.”


So to extrapolate, Mr. Arno advocates people carrying guns to protect themselves from getting shot by other people carrying guns. Right. But constitutional literalists are just like religious literalists. They don’t know that of which they speak. Much like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber.

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to the Danbury Baptists, claiming that the Bill of Rights’ First Amendment establishes a “wall of separation” that divides church and state. As the First Amendment put it, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Yet contemporary American politics is infused with religion — in particular, with Christianity. The president is sworn in on a Bible, and it’s almost unthinkable that she or he could be openly atheistic and claim that God is a fiction and morality comes from something other than the supernatural. Even more, Scripture is often used by politicians, pundits and everyday Americans to justify their political beliefs.

For example, Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., famously dismissed climate change in 2009 by citing verses in Genesis and Matthew and saying that “the Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth — this Earth will not be destroyed by a flood.”

That’s right – a senator was able to dismiss climate change by quoting the book of Genesis. You know the book that gave us this gaudy monstrosity in Kentucky:

So constitutional literalists and biblical literalists do not know of which they speak. You know what the end result of that if you were to get a ven diagram going between the two? People like batshit crazy Christian conspiracy theorist Theodore Shoebat, who are actively blaming Hurricane Matthew on gay marriage. Yes in 2016. How is that still a thing by the way? :

Andrew Bieszad, a contributor to Shoebat.com, a popular anti-gay, Christian extremist website, explains that God is sending the hurricane as “a sign of His anger” against America for tolerating homosexuality. The Bible clearly teaches that in the Old Testament whenever the Hebrews were very disobedient towards God, He would send punishments against them, many times in the forms of natural disasters. Christian history also recognizes the same, where God will use His creation to execute judgment against the wicked. While not all bad weather is necessarily a sign of sin, both sacred scripture and sacred tradition clearly note that it can be so. Now we know that Florida is an area that is infected with sin, especially cities such as Miami and Orlando, which are veritable dens of sodomy.

And while Bieszad and others are blaming the gays for Hurricane Mathew, other Christian extremists blame abortion and Hillary Clinton for the storm.


Or Pro Donald Trump supporters who want to overthrow the government:

Charles Kesler, a professor of government at Claremont McKenna College and the editor of the Claremont Review of Books, wrote in the spring issue of the journal that America may be facing “the Weimar problem”: “Has the national culture, popular and elite, deteriorated so much that the virtues necessary to sustain republican government are no longer viable? America is not there yet, although when 40% of children are born out of wedlock it is not too early to wonder.” It’s no accident that this question is raised in an essay making case that Donald Trump isn’t as terrible as mainstream conservatives like William Kristol fear he is. If you live in the Weimar Republic, Kesler implicitly argues, a figure like Trump could come as a relief.

And in case you’re wondering where this is leading, what the ultimate end game of the constitutional literalist is, according to real life Jabba The Hutt, Maine governor Paul Le Page – the original person who somehow got elected, we need some fascism in our lives. Because… fuck freedom!

Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R) praised Donald Trump as a leader who would "show some authoritarian power" on Tuesday, even as he slammed President Barack Obama as an "autocrat."

"We need a Donald Trump to show some authoritarian power in our country and bring back the rule of law," LePage said in an interview with Maine radio station WVOM. He went on to compare Trump to Obama, decrying the President as "an autocrat" who ignores Congress and "just does it on his own."

As Maine's Sun Journal newspaper noted, the dictionary defines "autocrat" as a person who behaves in an authoritarian manner. LePage was seemingly unconcerned by Trump’s comments about forcing himself on women in a 2005 video that resurfaced last week, but conceded that Trump is not the "ideal guy I'd want my daughter going after.”

Lauren LePage, the Maine governor’s daughter, was hired in August by the Trump campaign as state coalitions director.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/lepage-trump-authoritarian-obama-autocrat

That’s enough to make you ask – Constitutional Literalism:

Razman Kadyrov

Chechnya. That country you think so little about, you had no idea that this isn’t Chechnya.

But in all seriousness, if you want to see what a real life Donald Trump would be like if he ran for president, look no further than Chechnian dictator Razman Kadyrov. This guy is certifiably insane, and he won a recent election in a landslide.

Ramzan Kadyrov leads with 98.12 percent of the votes in Sept. 18 elections of the head of Russia’s Chechnya republic with 78 percent of ballots counted, the Central Election Commission said on Sept. 19.

Idris Usmanov, commissioner for the rights of entrepreneurs in Chechnya and a candidate from the Party of Growth, gained just 0.79 percent. Gairsolt Batayev, a candidate from the Communist Party, who heads the republic’s civic chamber, won 0.57 percent. Sultan Denilkhanov, the leader of A Just Russia party’s regional branch, secured only 0.46 percent of the votes.

To be fair, there was a 2% margin of error.

I like that one. So how did Kadyrov celebrate his recent victory in the election? By the most third world dictator way possible.

Chechen president and self-described “soldier of Putin” Ramzan Kadyrov held an elaborate party, dressed in knight’s armor, as he stormed to an overwhelming election victory.

Kadyrov, who has governed the troubled region of Chechnya with an iron fist since 2007, ran for reelection in Russia’s nationwide parliamentary and regional election Sunday. The regional leader, famous for his admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin, received 98 percent of the vote in his region, although irregularities with nationwide vote were criticized by international monitors.

Although three other candidates contested Kadyrov’s post, the Chechen leader seemed unconcerned as he spent the end of polling day holding court with a spear in hand and clad head to toe as a medieval warlord.

I think I might have found Vermin Supreme’s running mate! I mean really what's the difference between a guy who wears medieval chain mail and a guy who wears a boot on his head?

But here’s where Kadyrov gets very Trump-esque. He’s planning to start his own reality show where he picks his assistant dictator!

The Chechen leader, Ramzan Kadyrov, has announced that he will use an Apprentice-style reality television show to choose a new assistant.

Russian media said the show, to be titled Komanda (Team), would judge contestants not only on ideas for improving the republic but also on their ability to “be on time, accurately perform assigned tasks and be ready to work 24 hours a day”.

And then he has also prominently featured his sons on TV fighting competitions, and these kids look like they could beat the living shit out of anyone!

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov is in hot water after Mixed Martial Arts bouts featuring children aged eight, nine, and 10 were broadcast on Russian TV on Tuesday, with Kadyrov watching his own kids as they took part.

Kadyrov’s sons – Akhmad, Eli and Adam – all won their individual fights before a capacity crowd in Grozny, Chechnya, with the footage quickly going viral on the Russian web.

The event called 'Grand Prix Akhmat 2016' was headlined by adult fights, while kids’ bouts were originally announced as an “exhibition fight.”

Jill Stein

So you may have heard by now that Donald Trump got a whopping ZERO endorsements from every leading newspaper in the country. Even popular newspapers like the Arizona Republic – which has never endorsed a democratic candidate in their 150 year history endorsed Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump.

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/editorial/2016/09/27/hillary-clinton-endorsement/91198668/


And the Chicago Tribune endorsed former governor and current Washington DC weed dealer and Kiss auditioner Gary Johnson for some unknown reason.

The Chicago Tribune on Friday endorsed Libertarian Gary Johnson for president, joining a handful of other newspapers around the country that have rejected both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees.
“We would rather recommend a principled candidate for president — regardless of his or her prospects for victory — than suggest that voters cast ballots for such disappointing major-party candidates,” the editorial board wrote.
“We reject the cliche that a citizen who chooses a principled third-party candidate is squandering his or her vote,” the endorsement continued. “…We offer this endorsement to encourage voters who want to feel comfortable with their choice. Who want to vote for someone they can admire.

But Jill Stein picked up a ringing endorsement from batshit crazy conspiracy theorist Ron Paul! Yes Ron Paul surfaced from his troll cave somewhere in Kentucky to endorse Jill Stein!

Former Texas Congressman Ron Paul told MSNBC on Monday that the Green Party’s presidential nominee, Jill Stein, is the “best on foreign policy.”

Paul, a former Republican who has since declared himself a Libertarian, talked with host Thomas Roberts about the upcoming election and what qualifies a nominee to serve as president.

Before the interview began, Roberts asked the question, “Who is the former Texas congressman supporting this election cycle?”

The answer appears to be Jill Stein.

Of course Ron Paul being Ron Paul, and he only gives cryptic answers about how he feels on the issues like you need a Ouija board to solve them may not have actually endorsed Jill Stein!

“What makes her qualified for the highest office in the land?”

“Well, I think there is a little bit of misinformation because I have not endorsed anybody,” Paul flatly stated. “I haven’t told any supporters who are interested whom they should vote, but I have mentioned her name because I have to look for bits and pieces in all the candidates to come up and try to put it together and have a libertarian message.”

“Liberty is all chopped to pieces,” he continued. “Liberals defend some parts of liberty and the conservatives of other parts and progressives are pretty good too on foreign policies.”

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2016/10/03/msnbc-ron-paul-endorsed-jill-stein-ron-paul-uhhh-no-l-didnt-video/#ixzz4Mhu4Pe00

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns

We need some appropriate music for this entry.

Eh. I know!

But there’s people who aren’t down with the clown. You know we’ve already covered the creepy clown craze in the aforementioned Idiots #41. But they’re no longer limited to the confines of the Greensboro, North Carolina woods. Creepy clowns are popping up everywhere! There’s been sightings in England, upstate New York, Florida, Chicago, Seattle, Denver… and it doesn’t end there. We’re just getting started! In fact the police in Norwich, England already are issuing warnings to creepy clown sighting reportings!

'Frightening experience'

In the Norwich case, the woman was walking alone in Eaton Park at about 20:30 BST on Sunday when the man leapt out, screamed at her and ran after her.

Supt Lynne Cross, of Norfolk Police, said such incidents "may seem harmless, but it is quite frightening to those who experience it".

In County Durham on Friday, four children were followed to school by a man in a clown outfit who was armed with what turned out to be a plastic machete.

In a separate clowning caper in County Durham on Friday, police in Peterlee posted a photo on their Facebook page of items including two masks confiscated from two 12-year-olds who officers said had gone to a primary school to scare children.

But Norwich isn’t the only place where creepy clowns have been sighted. What about our favorite state where all the crazy news happens – Florida?

Next to a dirt road in Marion County, lurking behind a patch of tall grass, stood a clown with stringy orange hair and a pale, white face.

“We stopped to record and then he started to move so we took off,” Facebook user Caden Parmelee wrote in a video post that has now gone viral. “Not trying to die today.”

Yeah not dying would be a good thing!

But we’re still not done! There’s creepy clown sightings all over the country! In fact the NPR show “The Two Way” has been dissecting America’s creepy clown problem.

Last month, the Two-Way reported on a spate of creepy-clown sightings across America. It seemed to begin in Greenville, S.C., where there were reports that "suspicious clowns were attempting to lure children into the woods."

That was followed by sightings in Alabama, Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and Kentucky, with arrests made in Alabama and Kentucky. Many sightings were hard to verify, leaving people wondering: Jokes? Hoaxes? Figment of our collective imaginations? Cyclical clown uprising?

Oh sure it starts out innocent enough right? Just some clowns appearing outside of an apartment complex attempting to lure children into the woods? Nothing wrong with that is there? Wait, yes, everything is wrong with that! In fact there’s more:

1. People actually dressed as clowns and acting creepy

There are multiple allegations of individuals in clown masks or makeup behaving alarmingly.

In some cases, the clown has not been found, and it's difficult to verify the sighting: A San Francisco Bay Area mother told police that a man in a clown suit attempted to snatch her 1-year-old child out of her arms at a bus stop in broad daylight. She says she kicked him away.

In Abilene, Texas, a man told police that two clowns held him at gunpoint after he took his dog outside to do its business around 4:30 a.m. A local TV station writes that, according to the police report, the man had a "hair-raising stare-down" with the clowns — one of whom was armed with an "AR-type rifle." The tense situation was resolved when the victim "retreated into his residence to get a bigger dog," and the clowns drove away.

What the fucking hell is going on here? Is there a creepy clown uprising? Is there an underground creepy clown club like in Fight Club that’s enacting a real life Project Mayhem?

2. Empty clown-related threats against schools

High schools. Middle schools. Even elementary schools.

Across the country, dozens of schools have had to cope with threats posted on social media accounts promising violence — with pictures of terrifying clowns attached.

In some jurisdictions, the threats are being investigated. In others, a child or teenager has been arrested and charged with posting the noncredible threat.

Such arrests were reported across the country: Washington County and Prince George's County in Maryland, Fontana and Fresno in California, Methuen and Rehoboth in Massachusetts, and Toms River, N.J.

They’re taking over our schools! I mean if creepy clowns aren’t allowed in school, does that mean that the school has to cancel fun entirely? I mean sure I wouldn’t put it past a school’s PR department to do that. But a lot of these creepy clown sightings and attacks are turning out to be hoaxes!

The reports to the police had one thing in common with the circus act involving an improbable number of clowns emerging from a small car.

They just kept coming, and coming, and coming, across multiple states. Clowns in vans. Clowns in the woods. Clowns lurking in the shadows. Clowns chasing people or doing crimes.

But in recent weeks, steady police work has turned the news around, with 12 people facing charges of making false reports or threats, or chasing people, the authorities said. Other cases seem attributable to children with overactive imaginations, teenagers pulling pranks and others with their own reasons for adding to the hysteria. At least one death has been linked to a clown hoax.

And we’re still not done. This is an epidemic, folks!

By the way – McDonalds, McDonalds, has decided to limit the appearance of Ronald McDonald because of the creepy clown sightings!

McDonald's Corp. says Ronald McDonald is keeping a low profile with reports of “creepy clown” sightings on the rise.

The burger chain said Tuesday that it is being “thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald's participation in community events” as a result of the “current climate around clown sightings in communities.”

The company did not provide any other details about how often its red-haired mascot makes appearances and how or whether that will change.

And actual clowns aren’t taking this sitting down. No, they’re fighting back. See the good natured clowns aren’t, um, clowning around here!

Dozens of clowns in Arizona will hit the streets in Tucson on Saturday night for a planned “Clown Lives Matter” peace walk meant to show the gentle nature of jesters amid a national climate of clown fear.

At least 50 people are expected to stride down a popular strip in the city wearing clown costumes, with some prepared to hand out balloons and flowers and show off their magic tricks, according to the event’s organizer, Nicole Sinn.

“A lot of people are going against clowns,” Sinn said Thursday. “I don’t like that people are thinking that every single person that has clown makeup on is trying to hurt them or their children.”

That’s right! Clown lives matter!

That... that's the image you're going with? I'm no public relations expert, but I'm pretty sure the way to curtail the image of being a creep is to not use an image that looks creepy as shit! That's the image equivalent of Billy Bush hanging out in front of a girl's locker room! But there is one guy who makes a living as a clown who is definitely not helping to advance the argument. I give you Violent J, the leader of the Insane Clown Posse:

Cut to 2016. Everyone once again is seeing so-called “killer clowns” everywhere—popping out of bushes, threatening people on social media and assorted other public pranks. Cops have actually arrested a few people this time around, though, because there’s a lot of copycats out there and mass hysteria has a way of making people do stupid s—.

But as ICP has discovered over the last decade, there’s a whole army of scary, terrifying and dangerous clowns out there in this country trying to suppress the rights of thousands of people to exercise the most basic part of the Declaration of Independence, which evokes the freedom to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The only difference is these clowns don’t wear greasepaint.

These clowns threaten the very fabric on which our nation was supposedly founded upon—and for some f—ing crazy-a– reason, they’re getting away with it. From keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops, America has turned into something far more terrifying than Insane Clown Posse’s Dark Carnival. Even a scrub like me who dropped out of school in ninth grade can see what’s going on. Today’s reality is scarier than anything you’ll ever hear on one of our albums.

Oh come on Violent J. You can’t compare politicians to creepy clowns without mentioning the one creepy clown who has a real chance of becoming our 45th president:

Hey o!!!!

And Now This:
Alter Bridge

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their new song “Show Me A Leader” from their album “The Last Hero”, I give you Alter Bridge!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #44: Tweets From The Toilet Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #44: Tweets From The Toilet (formerly Hillary Butt Plug) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This edition is made possible by a grant from the Chubb Group. Chubb – proudly telling Americans what to think about important issues since 1893! So another year another baseball season is done. How did your team do? Did they make the playoffs or did they bottom out the way my Angels did and finish 3rd from last? But the reason I bring this up is that we have to say goodbye to arguably the greatest announcer baseball has ever seen. I’m of course talking about the Dodgers’ Vin Scully. Come on let’s give it up for Vin! He’s a guy who’s been there, seen it all and done it all. You know I’m an Angels fan – we hate the Dodgers. But even we have to respect Vin. I mean if you don’t respect Vinny, you have no soul, lets’ face it. But there’s one clip I wanted to play that captures the very essence of the man, the myth, the legend that is the mighty Vin Scully, and that happened at a Dodgers – Padres game this very season. Can we roll that?

I love how it's not just the history of beards in baseball, but the history of beards going back to the dawn of civilization. By the way I did not get express written permission from Major League Baseball to show that, I only got implied oral consent. Now don’t be sad. OK I’ll just sign here, here and here. So this week – Bill Maher shows us some of the lesser known Donald Trump endorsements:

So where do we begin this week? The top 4 slots this week are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about how his tax return from 1995 was released this week. Can you believe that was 21 years ago? But we’ll talk about the implications that it has now. In the second slot, we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s insane 3:00 AM Twitter binge rampage, and create our own fake Donald Trump rampage Tweet. In the third slot we’re going to talk about how Donald Trump has a poll problem – he thinks online polls are real. Shh!! Nobody tell him! In the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP declaring themselves the winner prematurely in the vice presidential debates. Taking the fifth slot is Wikileaks (5) and Alex Jones. Turns out the Wikileaks “October Surprise” was a dud, and Alex Jones went off the rails, proving once again that lack of sleep is bad for you, folks! Taking the number 6 seed, the GOP Anti-Women Brigade (6) is going to great lengths to prove their misogyny and anti-abortion views. At number 7, we have to talk about the alternative candidates – mainly Gary Johnson. Disgusted by the notion that Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton could be our next president? Well got news for ya, the alternatives are, um, almost as batshit crazy as Donald Trump. Taking the 8th slot once again are returning champions – The Bathroom Police (8). Seems North Carolina is feeling the heat from HB-2 and we will tell you about it. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) there’s lots of crazy stories coming from Florida and we’re going to recap some of them for you. There's everything from creepy clowns to attorneys backstabbing each other, to things being shoved up people's nether regions to of course some of that sweet sweet Florida incest. And that’s not the weirdest news story this week. Finally this week – we’re going to do our very best impression of a 1930s newsreel announcer man and tell you about the exciting World Of Tomorrow (10)! Yes there’s everything from the possibility of a supercomputer in your pocket, to space travel, to self driving cars. Did you know these things have the possibility to be enslaved by Skynet and kill us all? Yes we’re all going to die tonight! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Plus we got some live music for you at the end – this time it’s from the Claypool Lennon Delirium. Yes Les Claypool of Primus teamed up with Ghost Of A Sabertooth Tiger’s Sean Lennon for an amazing album called “Monolith Of Phobos”. And they will be stopping by our show! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

Before we start into the world of all things possible future president Donald J. Trump has been up to this week, I have to introduce you to their number one fans - the Trumpettes!


In this 43-second video clip, two Trump supporters talk to an NBC reporter, and well, the ignorance and sexism and lookism by these two women is mind-boggling. Here is the short conversation in full followed by the audio/video. It’s presumed at the beginning of the interview they are talking about former Miss Universe of Venezuela, Alicia whom Trump called “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeper.”...

Sandy: I think Hillary is just looking for something because she can’t seem to find anything on him. He needs to not play into that. Don’t play into her stuff. You, know, let her say — let her try to get you ruffled, but don’t let her ruffle ya. Just keep on point about what you’re gonna do because we love it. We all feel the same way. We always have — for years. So, we finally have this god that’s gonna come down and help us all.

NBC Reporter You just referred to Trump as a god.

Donald Trump is god folks! I mean just look at his portrait!

I mean if that doesn't scream "almighty", then what does? Oh by the way - Trumpettes, worst opening act for Alvin & The Chipmunks, ever!

So Donald Trump’s tax returns were finally released. From 1995. Yay? I don’t think the kids love this one because those tax returns show just what a tax cheat possible future president Donald J. Trump really is. Let’s explain more before we dive head first into what could be the biggest bombshell of the Donald Trump campaign so far:

Without his tax returns, there is no way to determine if the campaign's assertion about Trump's taxes and charitable contributions is true. But in the past, Trump has frequently decried other Americans for not paying taxes.

On July 18, 2011, Trump appeared on Fox News and was asked about President Barack Obama's comments that well-to-do Americans should make a sacrifice for the country by paying more in taxes. He replied:

Well, I don’t mind sacrificing for the country to be honest with you. But you know, you do have a problem because half of the people don't pay any tax. And when he's talking about that he's talking about people that aren't also working, that are not contributing to this society. And it's a problem. But we have 50 percent. It just hit the 50 percent mark. Fifty percent of the people are paying no tax.

What sacrifices has Donald Trump made? The guy rides around on a private 757 with his name in gold letters, eating KFC with a knife and fork like he’s a James Bond villain!

So with that in mind, you know Donald Trump’s tax returns were released this week. Not from 2016 mind you – he’s probably trying to find ways to hide those Russian kickbacks from Vladimir Putin, donations to David Duke’s senate campaign, and annual membership in the Bronzer Club For Men. After all, he’s not just the president, he’s also a member! But Donald Trump may have “brillianty” skirted around the IRS laws in order to get out of a $915 million hole.

PUEBLO, Colo. (Reuters) - Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said on Monday he “brilliantly used” U.S. tax rules to his advantage in trying to limit the amount he paid in taxes, arguing it helped him survive a difficult period in the real estate market.

“I was able to use the tax laws of this country and my business acumen to dig out of the real estate mess ... when few others were able to do what I did,” Trump told a crowd in Pueblo, Colorado.

It was Trump’s first extended comments since a New York Times report said he had claimed a $916 million loss on his 1995 tax returns, which experts said might have allowed him to avoid paying federal income taxes for 18 years.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? Think about that number for a minute - $915 million. $915 million. That’s almost a billion dollar loss. What was Donald Trump going to do with that money? Start his own space program???

I don’t know if we can fix this one, Lewis. Because thanks to years of tax breaks for the upper 1% Donald Trump has been able to get away with this shit. But the craziest part about this entire thing? Donald has resorted to his usual bullshit of calling the kettle black.

This was a Republican talking point—and a misleading one. It was true that close to 50 percent of Americans did not pay federal income tax, but that was because they did not earn enough money to be hit by this tax. Many of these people were working for low wages, or were seniors or young people not earning wages, and they paid other taxes, including Social Security and property taxes. Yet here was Trump brandishing a favorite club of the GOP—makers vs. takers—to denigrate half of the nation.

Perhaps it was a brilliant financial move. But how odious would it be if Trump was castigating low-income, working Americans for not paying federal income taxes while enjoying a billionaire's lifestyle and stiffing Uncle Sam. There is, of course, only one way for Trump to clear up this matter: release his tax returns. They might indeed show how he was a genius at avoiding taxation—but also a hypocrite.

But of course Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie says that Trumpenfuror is a genius if he “paid no taxes”. Evil? Yes. Stupid? Definitely!

Two of Donald Trump's senior advisers say allegations that the Republican candidate for US president avoided paying income tax for 18 years highlight his "genius" at using tax laws to his advantage.

Chris Christie, a New Jersey Governor and head of Trump's presidential transition team, told Fox News on Sunday that the Republican candidate was good at figuring out how to circumvent tax laws.

"There's no one who has shown more genius in their way to manoeuvre about the tax code as he rightfully used the laws to do that," Christie told Fox News.

"This was actually a very, very good story for him."

It was? Really????

Donald Trump

So Donald Trump went on an angry, rage fueled, and might I add, batshit fucking crazy 3:00 AM Twitter rampage. Not only did he practically break Twitter over a feud with a former Miss Universe contestant, he also broke Twitter again over his insensitive comments toward our veterans with PTSD. But we got to talk about 3:00 AM Tweeting for a minute. Don’t do it folks. And especially don’t do it if you’re, um, RUNNING TO BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE LARGEST COUNTRY IN THE FREE WORLD!!!!

Days after the first general election presidential debate, it is perfectly clear that Donald Trump took the bait left by rival Hillary Clinton hook, line and sinker.

On Monday, the Democratic presidential nominee mentioned former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who has claimed that she was fat shamed by Trump after winning her title. In the days since, the GOP presidential nominee has refused to stop his continued attacks on the Venezuelan beauty, who recently became a U.S. citizen to vote against him.

On Thursday, Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway claimed that she reprimanded Trump for his attacks that risk further alienating women voters and Latino voters.

Can we throw that Tweet up there?


Holy shit! Trump is angry folks! Now you would think Trump would have calmed down after that episode of narcissistic rage-a-holism, but no! He not only doubled down, but quadrupled down!

What does the Republican nominee for president do when he can't sleep?
Awake at 3 a.m. ET, Donald Trump picked up his phone and began tweeting about "made up lies" in the media.

Just two hours later, he opened up Twitter again and quickly went from venting to slandering a former beauty queen -- shaming her for a sex tape for which the campaign has not provided evidence.
Trump's conduct since the first debate has been astonishing for a major party nominee just 39 days away from the election. Instead of zeroing in on his strongest points from Monday night on jobs and trade, he's cited fake polls, resurfaced Bill Clinton's marital scandals from the 1990s, floated a conspiracy theory about Google searches and attacked 1996's Miss Universe

So with that in mind we’re making our own series of angry Trump Tweets.

I love the Fake Trump Tweet generator. But getting back to the story at hand – so of course it inspired lots and lots of memes. And even Hillary herself got in on the action:

How technology has changed politics.

Eight years ago, the true test of a president was how to respond to a 3 a.m. call.

These days it's more about tweeting in the middle of the night.

In the early hours of Friday, the man who may soon be occupying Air Force One emitted a tweet storm that was Gale Force Ten.

Donald Trump regaled the world with his feelings about former Miss Universe Alicia Machado.

Sample: "Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?"

And while on the campaign trail – batshit crazy conspiracy theory nutball and Infowars contributer Roger Stone called Alicia Machado a “Ho Bag”. The Ho Bags by the way – great bluegrass band!


ROGER STONE: I would have handled that debate somewhat differently. I thought he scored some points on trade and jobs particularly. He had his moments. I would have not gotten into a fight with this ho bag from Venezuela who is according to the records, filed with the county of Miami-Dade --

FERNAND AMANDI (HOST): Wait a minute, Roger, Roger, Roger, Roger. Ho bag? Why ho bag? You have no issue when it comes to consensual sexual behavior.

STONE: Well I’ve seen the porno film. I’ve seen the porno film, that’s why. You can go online and see it yourself.

But my favorite part of this whole thing was when Donald Trump said he had a “winning temperament”. Really? You could have said just about anything there like “I’m wearing spanx!”, or “I am Tom Cruise” and these things would have made just about equally as much sense!

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump battled it out Monday night at Long Island's Hofstra University in the first of three debates as they race to become the next US president. The candidates sparred over "America's direction," "achieving prosperity" and "securing America" -- basically anything -- in a face-off that was expected to draw more than 100 million viewers, an audience on par with that of the Super Bowl.

During the spirited, 95-minute debate, Trump, 70, said he has the "winning temperament" to be president and claimed his Democratic rival doesn't have the "stamina" for the position after being asked to clarify his comments that she didn't have a "presidential look." Clinton fired back, saying the Republican candidate could challenge her on stamina after he completed the hectic traveling schedule she followed as secretary of state, and she countered that he wasn't prepared to debate or to be commander in chief.

Is he winning in the Charlie Sheen sense?

Donald Trump

Folks, before we go any further down the wormhole on all things Trump this week, I must give props to the Top 10 *cue reverb* CITIZEN OF THE DAY!!!! We go to Washington for this one. And I have to say this is a rather genius idea, until you get caught, then you’re a dumbass. But there is a fine line between genius and dumbass on this one, folks!

SEATTLE -- A cardboard cutout of a head in a passenger seat definitely caught the attention of a Washington State Patrol trooper Tuesday morning.

That’s because it wasn’t just any old cardboard head, but that of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

A trooper stopped the motorist who was driving with the cardboard likeness in a carpool lane south of Seattle on Highway 167. The stunt netted the driver a $136 ticket.

Another trooper tweeted a photo of the cardboard Trump head affixed to the passenger seat headrest.


You, good sir or madam, are our Top 10 *cue reverb* CITIZEN OF THE DAY!!!! Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Polls. There’s lots of different varieties of poles out there. The South Pole, the North Pole, stripper poles, that creepy guy at the gym who constantly refers to his penis as a “pole”… OK maybe that’s not a good poll. But Donald Trump has a poll problem – he thinks online polls have scientific merit! Um… they don’t. Let’s explain.

Two major news organizations were quick to say their online polls conducted after the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are not scientific. But both surveys found that Donald Trump was perceived as the winner by respondents.

“The presidential debate is over and both candidates have made their case to the American voter. We heard their positions on homeland security, the economy and the future direction of the country. Now it’s your turn to tell us who the big winner was,” CNBC asked in their poll.

A current total of 960,300 people voted. The results: 67 percent said Mr. Trump won the bout, 33 percent voted for Mrs. Clinton.

Mmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm… sure, Donald, keep telling yourself that! “Online polls are the best! Nobody wins more than I do! I have a winning temperament! I know Charlie Sheen, he wins all the time! I surround myself with winning people!”. Oh wait – here’s what really happened:

4chan, the notorious message board, has a long history of botting online competitions. In 2009, users flooded the Time 100 poll to ensure that the site’s founder, Christopher “moot” Poole, made the cut. In 2012, the pranksters employed JavaScript to vote for North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in Time’s annual Person of the Year poll and followed suit the next year with Miley Cyrus and Edward Snowden. 4chan also ensured a school for the deaf won a Taylor Swift concert. Likewise, a Twitter prankster helped send Pitbull to Kodiak, Alaska, as part of an online challenge by Walmart in 2012.

These types of efforts aren’t always successful, but given the tight turn of online polls during debates, they’re highly susceptible to such pranks.

In this latest incarnation, multiple Reddit users enlisted the Trump-supporting masses on r/The_Donald, which has over 200,000 subscribers, by posting dozens of online polls that are vulnerable to vote brigading, bots, and other forms of manipulation that make these non-scientific surveys notoriously unreliable.

Yeah that’s what really happened. 4chan and Reddit may have done some serious damage here, folks! NOT!!!

That was the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter this morning following last night’s presidential debate, in which Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton faced off for the first time at Hofstra University. The 90-minute discussion was the first of three contests between the CEO and former first lady, one in which the candidates sparred over national security, the North American Free Trade Agreement and Clinton’s use of a private email server during her tenure as secretary of state.

Online polls suggest that Trump claimed a decisive victory over his Democratic rival. Nearly every single survey shows that the billionaire businessman not only beat Clinton but also destroyed her. Trump overwhelmingly came out on top in polls conducted by a vast litany of outlets — including the Time, NBC, The Right Scoop, CNBC, Wired, Buffalo News, ABC, Las Vegas Sun, The Telegraph, Fortune, Roanoke Times and CBS New York. It’s shockingly difficult to find a single online survey in which Clinton, who went into the debate in a virtual tie with Trump, emerges the winner.

But here’s how useless the online polls really are – Vox explains:

The difference between unscientific and scientific polls

The polls that Trump is relying on let anyone vote with absolutely zero checks. If you’re online at the time and find the poll, you can vote. You don’t have to live in America or be a US citizen. And you can vote multiple times — by reopening a browser tab, going behind an internet proxy, or logging on to a different account.

As an example, you could right now log on to different Twitter accounts to spam down the results of USA Today’s poll for whichever candidate you prefer:

This can lead to some very skewed results. For example, if an active online community — like r/The_Donald, the Reddit community that supports Trump — gets a bunch of people to vote on a poll (as they did), this can lead to Trump supporters overwhelming the results with a higher percent of Trump supporters than would otherwise be present in a typical sample of American voters. With such a skewed sample, it’s impossible to take the results seriously — it turns into a contest over which online community is most enthusiastic about winning unscientific polls, not how US voters feel about who won the debate.

Donald Trump

I love this next analogy – in regards to Donald Trump and his taxes which we’ve already covered here ad nauseum, the GOP is so bad at comedy they can’t even come up with analogies that make sense or can relate! But they may actually be right for once!

The worst week of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign began with a widely criticized debate performance and ended with a bombshell report that he could have avoided paying federal income taxes for 18 years.

In between, the blustery Republican lashed out at a Latina beauty queen in a series of 5 a.m. tweets, faced opposition from conservative editorial boards, went after Bill Clinton’s history of infidelity while refusing to discuss his own, was found to have appeared in a Playboy soft-core porn film, mocked Hillary Clinton’s recent battle with pneumonia, and told a crowd she “could actually be crazy.”

“This could be the worst week in presidential history for any candidate,” said Rick Tyler, a Republican strategist and former communications director for Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign. “I certainly wouldn't know how to top it.” Many Republicans were left wondering whether Trump could recover or if he had effectively lost the race in the past seven days.

“The hole that Trump has dug for himself is very deep,” said Joe Watkins, a former aide to President George W. Bush. “Given the large viewing audience for the first debate and week of big missteps by Trump, it's possible that it could be too late to turn it around.”


The toothpaste is out of the tube, people! We’re gonna need a bigger tube to hold all of Donald Trump’s madness. But we got to talk about the Vice Presidential debates for a minute. I love how the GOP already declared themselves the winners of the debate before it even began:

The RNC declared Gov. Mike Pence the winner of the vice presidential debate — two hours before it even happened.


And then on the vice presidential debate – Mike Pence had some “style”. Did he now?

Again and again during the vice-presidential debate, Republican nominee Mike Pence prevaricated about the statements and policies of his Donald Trump, his own previous remarks, and sundry other topics.

His dogged refusal to defend any of Trump’s outrageous statements — indeed, his determination to distance himself from his presidential running mate — led Pence to make claims that will be easily disproved by journalists who know how to locate videotape of what he and Trump have said only weeks or months ago.

Within minutes after the debate concluded, many commentators proclaimed that Pence had “won” the debate — because Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine had violated their sense of decorum with repeated interruptions. And Kaine might well have interrupted less, not so much to display good manners as to let viewers hear his opponent talk. But often and audibly enough, Pence simply attempted to deny that Trump had said the very things that Trump undeniably said, often after shaking his head vigorously. “He didn’t say that!” the Indiana governor blurted, knowing full well that he did say it. And Pence lied about his own statements, too. Perhaps the most glaring example came during a heated exchange between Kaine and Pence about Vladimir Putin — whom the Republican disparaged, in an effort to pivot away from Trump’s embarrassing embrace of the Russian authoritarian, as “small and bullying,” and vowed to confront with “strength.”

There’s some great fact checking of Pence’s lies going on here from Slate as well:

The vice presidential debate does not move votes, and will not move votes. People commit to parties, and then they commit to the top of the ticket. Almost no one backs a ticket (or switches sides) because of the running mate. This fact—that these debates, in a real sense, don’t matter—makes it tempting to treat them as pure political theater, judged on style and poise.

By that standard, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence won the vice presidential debate with Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine, full stop. Pence, who worked in conservative talk radio before moving to electoral politics, was calm, smooth, and steady. He was an effective advocate for conservative ideology, a polished voice for lower taxes, less redistribution, a more aggressive posture on the global stage (against Russia especially), and new restrictions on abortion. Against Kaine—who interrupted, cross-talked, and spoke in a rapid, hurried clip—Pence looked commanding, almost presidential. And on Twitter, pundits and observers began immediate speculation about the vice presidential nominee’s prospects for 2020, should Donald Trump lose the election for president.

Wikileaks and Alex Jones

So real life Casper the Friendly Ghost, Julian Assange surfaced this week to tell everyone that he had an anti-Hillary Clinton “October Surprise”. Well guess what that surprise turned out to be? Anyone? Well I have the answer! Wait for it……………………………………………

And the answer is……………………………….. still waiting, let’s put on some intermission music for a minute.

OK enough stalling! Here’s the answer!

That’s right! Nothing! You get nothing! There was nothing in Julian Assange’s October surprise box! You so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!

The founder of WikiLeaks promised Tuesday that it would release significant secret information related to the presidential election before Nov. 8.

Julian Assange made the comments via video link from London to Berlin as part of a news conference to mark WikiLeaks' 10th anniversary.

He said WikiLeaks intends to start "publishing every week for the next 10 weeks" material on weapons, war, Google, the election and other topics, but did not otherwise elaborate on the timing or the subject matter of the documents.

There had been intense speculation that WikiLeaks would release documents related to Hillary Clinton on Tuesday, but that did not happen. Assange did not say if any of the releases would be about Donald Trump.


Except they didn’t, and in fact they got buptkiss. Ha ha! So here’s more – and in fact Donald Trump supporters are starting to wake up and see that they were played:

For weeks, backers of Republican nominee Donald Trump have hyped the tantalizing possibility that the anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks was on the verge of publishing a set of documents that would doom Hillary Clinton’s chances in November.

“@HillaryClinton is done,” longtime Trump associate Roger Stone tweeted Saturday. “#Wikileaks.”

The group’s founder, Julian Assange, did nothing to dampen the enthusiasm, suggesting to Fox News hosts that his scoops could upend the race with documents “associated with the election campaign, some quite unexpected angles, some quite interesting.”

The announcement by WikiLeaks that it would host a major news conference Tuesday only seemed to confirm that the bombshell was ready to burst. The pro-Trump, anti-Clinton media world rippled with fevered speculation.

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-backers-realize-they%E2%80%99ve-been-played-as-wikileaks-fails-to-deliver-october-surprise/ar-BBwYvPI?li=BBnb7Kz

Well one Wikileaks supporter in particular has lost his faith to the point where he was questioning his support for the whistle-blowing site. Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him, did you? And you think you’re so smart! We might need some Sad Hulk music for this one:

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange officially failed to deliver on the “October surprise” (or #OctoberSurprise) that anti-Hillary Clinton voters were promised by superstar right-wing conspiracy theorists Alex Jones and Roger Stone.

Assange alongside other WikiLeaks bigwigs hosted a highly anticipated press conference on Tuesday that many believed would upend the current presidential race. Stone — a Trump adviser — tweeted the following on Saturday.


But that didn’t stop Alex Jones from going off on one of his famous tangents and calling Julian Assange a “Hillary Butt Plug”. Hillary’s Butt Plugs – saw them at the Troubadour last week, amazing band.

On Sunday night, right-wing crony Roger Stone tweeted that an upcoming info-dump from Wikileaks would be the end of Hillary Clinton’s campaign for president. Assange was to make a bombshell announcement from his balcony in London on Monday, but canceled at the last minute due to unidentified “security concerns.” A rescheduled event in Berlin, where Assange was to appear via live video at 3 a.m. EST, kept Trump supporters up all night thirsty for the news that would derail Clinton for good, but in the end, all they got was a plug for Assange’s new book.

“I’ve seen the internet and I understand there is enormous expectation in the United States,” said Assange. “Some of that expectation will be addressed… But you should understand that if we’re going to make a major publication in relation to the United States at a particular hour, we don’t do it at 3 AM”

It was either a massive disappointment or a masterful troll, depending on how excited you are to preorder Assange’s latest tome. Alex Jones, who hosted a special live broadcast of InfoWars to react to what he had hoped would be damning revelations about the Democratic nominee, was left holding his dick in his hand. And he was not happy about it.

Can we roll the tape on that?

And that also didn’t stop Alex Jones from imitating the famous picture of shirtless dressage champion Vladimir Putin’s famous photo of him riding a horse without a shirt on. You’re welcome for this image by the way!

Some things are best left to the imagination — although if you’ve ever imagined a topless Alex Jones riding on a horse, you have big issues already.

The infamous InfoWars conspiracy theorist thought it would be a good idea to do his best Vladimir Putin impersonation this week by posting a photo of himself riding around on a horse without a shirt on.

Ah! Can’t unsee! Cant unsee!!!!

The GOP Anti Women Brigade

Donald Trump’s insane 3:00 AM Twitter rampage aside, the GOP anti women brigade has been out in full force this week. We won’t get to cover everything but there’s a lot of shit out there. And to start with – when my hometown is in the news, we have to cover it, damn it! So who’s the bigger loser here – the Buddhist Monks or United Airlines?

A United Airlines passenger has complained of discrimination after she was moved to make way for two "Pakistani monks" who did not want to sit next to a woman.

Mary Campos was leaving California on a plane bound for Houston when a member of the gate staff reportedly informed her that her pre-booked seat had been changed.

"I don’t know how to tell you this," he said.

He then explained that due to the two passengers’ "cultural beliefs", they could not sit next to or talk to a woman. The men were described as Pakistani monks by Ms Campos, and were reportedly wearing long orange shirts. No other information was available on the men's ethnicity or religion.

We don’t really do interviews on this show but this would definitely be an interesting one.

I like that one! Next – we go to Florida. Remember when possible future vice president Mike Pence passed one of the harshest anti-abortion laws in the country? Well it looks like, where else but Florida (obviously) might eclipse that and make abortions punishable by death! Wait, what? That’s nothing to get excited about!

Florida anti-choice activists have launched a campaign to amend the state’s constitution to ban abortion care and classify the procedure as first-degree murder, which under state law is punishable by the death penalty.

The measure would not only make a pregnant person seeking an abortion and the physician performing the procedure eligible for the death penalty, but people who use any number of birth control methods would conceivably be subject to execution by the state.

“Any person who performs or procures an abortion shall be guilty of premeditated murder in the first degree, and any person who attempts to perform or procure an abortion shall be guilty of felony attempted murder,” reads the ballot initiative summary.

Next up in the GOP anti-women brigade – Oregon. Your beard must be this long to enter:

You know that state where batshit crazy anti-government gun nuts took over a wildlife refuge and literally turned it into a steaming pile of shit. Well it seems the Oregon GOP is on their side because well, they hate them some educated weemens, don’t they?


An Oregon gubernatorial candidate issued a lengthy apology over the weekend after suggesting educated women are not “susceptible” to sexual or domestic abuse.

At a debate in Portland on Friday night, Bud Pierce, a Republican who is challenging Oregon Gov. Kate Brown, the Democratic incumbent, said, “A woman that has great education and training and a great job is not susceptible to this kind of abuse by men, women, or anyone.”

Next in the anti-women brigade – these statistics should scare the living shit out of you. No matter what gender you are. This is beyond frightening.


More than half a million females in the United States have either undergone F.G.M./C. or are at serious risk; that’s double or triple earlier estimates, according to an analysis by the Population Research Bureau and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The majority of at-risk females live in eight states: California, New York, Minnesota, Texas, Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey, and Washington. More than sixty-five thousand live in the metropolitan area of New York City and Newark, according to a 2013 study. Most girls who have suffered genital mutilation—which affects sex, childbirth, and mental and physical health—are from immigrant families, the C.D.C. reported.

Finally in the GOP anti-women brigade – ugh, Rudy Giuliani. Seriously, fuck this guy. I thought we were done with him when he failed to secure the ’08 presidential nomination. But like a bad weed no matter how much weed killer we apply, he continues to sprout back up:

Donald Trump surrogate Rudy Giuliani on Sunday suggested that a man such as Donald Trump would be a better president "than a woman."

"Don’t you think a man who has this kind of economic genius is a lot better for the United States than a woman, and the only thing she’s ever produced is a lot of work for the FBI checking out her emails," the former New York City mayor said on ABC's "This Week".

Giuliani's statements come on the heels of a week during which the Republican nominee has been criticized by Hillary Clinton's campaign for comments he has made about women. At Monday's debate, Clinton said Trump had insulted former Miss Universe Alicia Machado by calling her "Miss Piggy." Trump and Giuliani both criticized Machado and tried to justify Trump's comments about how much weight Machado had gained.

Gary Johnson

OK so you might be one of those people who's been fed up with Hillary Clinton (Bernie Bros?), and Donald Trump. What other options are there out there for you? Have you considered libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson or Green Party candidate Jill Stein? Well I got news for you, Jack, there's no way that either of these two can be considered presidential. I always talk about my love for the TV show 30 Rock, and one episode in particular - Governor Dunston. Well, Gary Johnson might very well be a real life Governor Dunston!

Johnson, who is currently the favored third-party candidate in national polls (hovering just over 7% according to the RCP average), spoke to CNN’s Fredricka Whitfield on NewsRoom Sunday. Whitfield gamely offered Johnson an opportunity to redeem himself following a series of gaffes in which the candidate blanked on the meaning of “Aleppo,” the war-torn Syrian city, and was unable to name a single foreign leader he admired. But when quizzed on subjects of global affairs and the most pressing recent news in the presidential election, the former governor seemed not to have been fully briefed.

When Whitfield asked Johnson to weigh in on the Times scoop about Trump’s 1995 tax returns, he went off on a long digression about his own tax policy. The CNN host clarified: “Did you read the article? Do you have an understanding of it fully… like… the rest of us?

Johnson admitted, “No. No, I did not read the article in The New York Times. No, I did not.”

But Gary Johnson might very well be a kid! Not only does he not know who any world leaders are, he doesn't know who Harriet Tubman is!

One reporter asked him about the lack of diversity in the Libertarian Party, which, as some people remember from college dorm-room discussions, tends to attract a disproportionate number of young white males. Johnson said that there was no diversity problem, and that the Party would do better in nonwhite communities as he became better known. A few minutes later, an aide directed him to a room in the convention center that was named for Harriet Tubman. “Who’s Harriet Tubman?” Johnson asked. (After the aide reminded him who Tubman was, Johnson recalled that she will appear on a new twenty-dollar bill.)


And the Chicago Tribune endorses this guy! Seriously, what the serious fuck????

The Chicago Tribune on Friday endorsed Libertarian Gary Johnson for president, joining a handful of other newspapers around the country that have rejected both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees.
“We would rather recommend a principled candidate for president — regardless of his or her prospects for victory — than suggest that voters cast ballots for such disappointing major-party candidates,” the editorial board wrote.
“We reject the cliche that a citizen who chooses a principled third-party candidate is squandering his or her vote,” the endorsement continued. “…We offer this endorsement to encourage voters who want to feel comfortable with their choice. Who want to vote for someone they can admire.

And this is where I think Gary Johnson might very well be a kid. He can't stop giving interviews with his tongue sticking out. Unless you're auditioning for Kiss, put that thing away!

Libertarian Nominee Gary Johnson Answers Serious Question With Tongue Sticking Out (Video)

Presidential candidate confuses NBC News reporter with strange response

Brian Flood | September 23, 2016

In a recent interview with NBC News that was examined in depth on Friday’s installment of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” Libertarian party presidential nominee Gary Johnson inexplicably stuck out his tongue during a serious conversation about the election.

The bizarre action wasn’t a simple gesture. Johnson literally stuck out his tongue, kept it out and attempted to answer Kasie Hunt’s query about whether he could pull even with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton if he were allowed to participate in Monday’s debate.

“I’m not gonna stand up there for the whole debate and not say anything, and (inaudible),” Johnson said with his tongue hanging out.



The Bathroom Police

Well you would think the Bathroom Police would go away right now especially with the King Of The Bathroom Police – Pat McCrory (R – Batshit) being in hot water after police in Raliegh killed yet another black guy, but nope. Even Donald Trump is weighing in on the issue.

Donald Trump complained about what he called the “political correct military” when asked about the service of women and transgender people during a campaign stop today in Herndon, Virginia.

“We’re going to get away from political correctness,” Trump answered to applause. “We’re gonna have to do that.”

“We have a politically correct military, and it’s getting more and more politically correct every day, and a lot of the great people in this room don’t even understand how it’s possible to do that. And that’s through intelligence not ignorance, believe me, because some of the things they’re asking you to do and be politically correct about are ridiculous.”

He went on to say that he would defer to “the generals, the admirals, the people on top” as it concerns particular policies regarding women and transgender soldiers.

Read more: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/10/trump-speaks-transgender-female-soldiers-pc-military/?utm_source=LGBTQ+Nation+Subscribers&utm_campaign=05410f259c-20161004_LGBTQ_Nation_Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c4eab596bd-05410f259c-429478065#.V_QNzlq

And in further Bathroom Police news, the Pope – the freakin’ Pope has weighed in on the issues, and I know people kind of like Pope Francis, but still… this is 2016. Not 1516.

Pope Francis warned on Saturday of a "global war" against traditional marriage and the family, saying both were under attack from gender theory and divorce.

Francis made his comments in an impromptu response to a question at a meeting of the small Catholic community in the ex-Soviet republic of Georgia.

"You mentioned a great enemy of marriage: gender theory," the pope said in response to a woman who had asked about it being taught in schools.

War on marriage? Is Jerry Falwell channeling the Pope from beyond the grave?

And probably our favorite deplorable organization here - One Million Moms - is back and this time they're pissed at H&M, and not even know who they're angry at or why they're angry.

One Million Moms — a hypersensitive and perpetually aggrieved Christian activist group that doesn’t have anywhere close to one million members — has once again fallen flat on its face trying to wage a culture war against LGBT people.

Pink News reports that One Million Moms is encouraging its members to boycott H&M because one of its new ads allegedly features a transgender woman who will seduce America’s impressionable youth into believing in the fluidity of gender identities.

“H&M’s newest ‘She’s A Lady’ commercial includes what appears to be a man dressed as a woman in one segment, another woman wearing skimpy lingerie, and ends with two teenage girls kissing while underwater,” the group thundered on its statement urging a boycott of H&M. “H&M Marketing Team may have thought this type of advertising was politically correct, but not only is it disgusting and confusing for children, it is pushing the LBGT agenda.”

As JoeMyGod points out, however, the “transgender” woman in question is actually a woman named Fatima Pinto, who is a championship Muay Thai fighter. As you can imagine, being a Muay Thai fighter requires you to be in exceptional shape, which explains why Pinto’s arms are absolutely ripped, as you can see in the ad below.

Here's the ad:

But this might be the most inane comparison I’ve ever heard about gay marriage – a judge in Louisiana compared gay marriage to jumbo shrimp. Wait – what? Either he eats a lot of gumbo, or has been watching too much Forrest Gump.

A Family Court judge who routinely presides over gay adoptions said that gay marriage is an “oxymoron” like “jumbo shrimp” or a “magnificent Chihuahua.”

Appearing before a religious group, Fayette Circuit Court Judge Tim Philpot said he loves homosexuals but their relationships are “sterile” and “just entertainment.”

Addressing the Francis Asbury Society in Wilmore, Ky., on Sept. 8, Philpot called the Supreme Court’s decision last year legalizing gay marriage “pretty close to insane” and warned that “there is no question that polygamy is on the way.”

This next story though about a trans teen in San Diego who was denied mental health care and committed suicide as a result should make you angry. If it doesn’t you have no conscious.


The mother of a transgender boy is suing the hospital that treated him for “suicidal ideation,” just weeks before he took his life, alleging staff repeatedly called him a girl.

Katharine Prescott took her son, Kyler, 14, to the emergency room at Rady Children’s Hospital-San Diego, which has a Gender Management Clinic to treat children with gender dysphoria and related issues. He was placed in the hospital’s youth psychiatry unit for a 72-hour suicide hold....

She says hospital staff kept referring to Kyler as a girl, sending him “into a spiral.”

“He was frantic. They were making him worse. They were completely traumatizing him,” she said.

And for that we come to the part of the bathroom police entry where I post about sex offenders but instead since there wasn’t anything too crazy to report this week, I’m instead going to repost the entry from #6 about female genital mutilation. Again – fuck anyone who would do something this horrifying.


More than half a million females in the United States have either undergone F.G.M./C. or are at serious risk; that’s double or triple earlier estimates, according to an analysis by the Population Research Bureau and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The majority of at-risk females live in eight states: California, New York, Minnesota, Texas, Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey, and Washington. More than sixty-five thousand live in the metropolitan area of New York City and Newark, according to a 2013 study. Most girls who have suffered genital mutilation—which affects sex, childbirth, and mental and physical health—are from immigrant families, the C.D.C. reported.

Florida Man

Ah, Florida, as a great man – Tracy Jordan once called it – “The penis of America”. Or America’s wang as Homer Simpson called it. So here’s what could quite possibly be the most Florida story ever and I’m not counting the guy who threw the alligator in the Wendy’s Drive Thru (see Idiots #15). So what could Florida man have done to top this?

Newlyweds have vowed to stay together – despite the bride discovering her new husband is actually her granddad.

The couple made the shocking discovery three months after tying the knot while flicking through a photo album when they realised the man’s estranged son was also the bride’s father.

But the 68-year-old millionaire has said he has no plans to divorce his 24-year-old wife because he already has two failed marriages behind him.

Is he his own grandfather?

And then I love this story out of the Sunshine State, or America’s penis – apparently a couple of attorneys got caught in a web of blackmail and intrigue:

Two Southwest Florida attorneys were among the 22 recently disciplined by the Florida Supreme Court.

Allen Montgomery Blake, who lists his office as 4411 Bee Ridge Road #161 in Sarasota, was suspended for three years, effective immediately, following an Aug. 26 court order, the court said Friday.

Blake, who had been admitted to practice in 1969, was found in contempt for failing to comply with the terms of an April 11 court order, suspending him for one year.

And guess what? Our favorite creepy clowns are back and have resurfaced in Florida!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Kelly Reynolds was walking her pit bull at dusk Sunday when her dog began to growl in the direction of the railroad tracks. She turned toward a wooded area and looked, but what she saw startled her.

“I saw them…two clowns just sitting there staring at me,” said the 41-year-old Palm Bay resident who was out for her nightly walk near Victoria Park around 7:30 p.m.

“I never run but I turned and ran back to my home as fast as I can. These clowns have to go away,” said Reynolds, who called Palm Bay police after the incident.

And then there’s this – we honestly have no words for this so we’ll just let the story do the talking:

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - A Miami woman was arrested over the weekend in Hollywood after she was riding in a vehicle that was pulled over in connection with a hit-and-run.

According to an arrest report, police discovered that a passenger in the driver's vehicle, Taccara Nauden, 28, had an active warrant out of the Broward Sheriff's Office for operating a vehicle without a valid driver's license.
More Weird News Headlines

Robert Hardister was found passed out behind the wheel of a stolen pickup truck in Jupiter, police say. Man found passed out behind wheel of stolen truck in Jupiter, police say

Nauden was arrested Saturday and taken to the BSO main jail for processing.

Police said Nauden told medical staff at the jail that she had shoved her Nebraska ID card up her vagina during the traffic stop.

World Of Tomorrow

OK folks for this entry we’re going back to the 1930s for this one. Get out some piano soundtrack music and let’s delve into the world of tomorrow!

Welcome welcome welcome to the world of tomorrow! You know last week we discussed a super computer that can fit in your pocket and give you access to a network of information anywhere you are, any time you want! Well this super computer has the potential to explode and has been banned from aeroplanes by the governing body the federal aviation administration for faulty batteries! These batteries are known to explode and burn people alive! Well the manufacturing conglomerate that manufactures these devices has landed in some hot water!

Samsung's Galaxy mobile device brand is as well-known as any. We've seen countless smartphones and tablets released under the Galaxy umbrella in recent years, including some of the company's most successful exports. As you'll probably have seen, though, the recent Galaxy Note 7 roll-out didn't quite go to plan, and Samsung's reputation in general has taken a considerable hit. Still, as the recall / relaunch of its latest top-end phablet continues globally, Samsung Galaxy has managed to retain pole position as South Korea's most valuable brand.

The news is good for Samsung amid a period that has been awash with negative press, and will certainly help the company as it looks to move forward from recent events. As we learned over the weekend, the device is now back for sale in Korea, and there are plans to have the Note 7 ready for several other markets over the coming weeks.

So the manufacturer of these mobile devices is going to remain in the number one sales department despite that their phones can explode or melt when under pressure!

Next up in the futuristic world of tomorrow – your mattress. Yes, you know that magical supercomputer we just talked about? It will be able to communicate with you while you sleep! But wait – people are not using that technology for good!

A NEW mattress can prove your partner is cheating by detecting how many people are in bed and what activity is going on.

It then informs the owner via a mobile phone app.

The ‘Smartress’ was designed by Spanish mattress maker Durmet after figures revealed that Spaniards are the most unfaithful people in Europe.

The hi-tech bed features a Lover Detection System with 24 ultrasonic sensors that create a 3D map of the mattress to show where there is greater pressure and what movement is taking place in real time.

Durmet spokesman Jose Antonio Muinos said: “We came up with the idea after we saw the figures on infidelity that said Spaniards were the most unfaithful in Europe.

In fact this super technology was brought to our attention because popular stars of stage, screen and music are putting this super technology to use!

Is Sharon Osbourne using a “smart mattress” to tell if Ozzy Osbourne is cheating?! That’s the crazy claim in one of this week’s tabloids. Gossip Cop looked into the outrageous allegation.

The story can be found in the pages of the National Enquirer, with the headline blaring, “If Ozzy’s Mattress Twitches, Sharon Busts Horny Bitches!” In ridiculously unnatural language, the supermarket tabloid warns the rocker that Sharon is “about to high-tech your cheatin’ ass with a state-of-the-art computerized techno-mattress equipped with incredibly sensitive sensors that’ll detect ALL beneath-the-sheets-hanky-panky.”

Next up in the world of tomorrow – space travel! You might remember this movie from several years ago:

Oh wait – space travel is nothing like that. In fact it still has a long way to go. In fact I think elementary school students by the time Starfleet is established will be laughing at us:

Does SpaceX suspect that rival United Launch Alliance (ULA) had something to do with the explosion of a Falcon 9 rocket on September 1 during routine testing at a Cape Canaveral launchpad? That's the idea behind a new report from the Washington Post over the weekend. The Post's report has even led some to take the speculative leap that perhaps, just maybe, SpaceX suspects that someone on the rooftop of a nearby ULA building shot the rocket with a rifle.

Here's what we know: SpaceX officials investigating the September 1 incident requested access to the rooftop of a building owned by ULA that sits near the explosion site at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, according to an anonymous report provided to the Washington Post. United Launch Alliance is a joint venture between Boeing and Lockheed Martin that competes with SpaceX to provides spacecraft launch services to NASA and the Department of Defense.

Industry officials with knowledge of the incident told the Washington Post that "SpaceX had still images from video that appeared to show an odd shadow, then a white spot on the roof of a nearby building belonging to ULA."


Although one only hopes they were playing this song when it was happening.

Next up in the world of tomorrow – electronic cigarettes! Yes even the way you inhale intoxicants will be done by a machine! But those machines can turn on you! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!


ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Police say a teenage girl riding a Universal Orlando amusement park ride suffered burns when an electronic cigarette belonging to another rider exploded and shot a fireball at her.

Police told the Orlando Sentinel the 14-year-old from Tennessee was riding the Hogwarts Express train Saturday with her family when an e-cigarette belonging to a rider in another group blew up in his pocket and the fireball hit her in the face and elsewhere.

Finally in the world of tomorrow – self driving automobile carriages! Electric self driving automobile carriages, and that is if young billionaire entrepenuer Elon Musk has his way, all automobile carriages will be self driving! But that’s not met with controversy! First there was the curious case of the man in Northern Florida!


Those building autopilot were acutely aware that any shortcoming or unforeseen flaw could lead to injury or death -- whether it be blind spots with the car's sensors or drivers misusing the technology.

But Tesla founder and CEO Elon Musk believes that autopilot has the potential to save lives by reducing human error -- and has pushed hard to get the feature to market.

Yes that is how you cause a deadly highway pileup folks! But that was just the beginning. There was an accident caused in Florida:

CEO Elon Musk on Sunday announced a software update for its vehicles that significantly changes how autopilot works, without changing any of the hardware involved. Until now, the autopilot feature—which can self-pilot the car for stretches of highway driving—has relied primarily on a video camera and image-processing software to see the road ahead. A radar system and ultrasonic sensors provided additional data, but the system was programmed not to act on radar data alone due to some fundamental limitations of the technology.

And China:

Tesla Motors came under renewed questioning about the safety of its Autopilot technology after news emerged on Wednesday of a fatal crash in China that may have occurred while the automated driver-assist system was operating.

The crash took place on Jan. 20 and killed Gao Yaning, 23, when the Tesla Model S he was driving slammed into a road sweeper on a highway near Handan, a city about 300 miles south of Beijing, according to a report broadcast on Wednesday by the Chinese government news channel CCTV.

Well that one to be fair it is China, he probably couldn’t see because of how dirty the air is.

A Tesla vehicle operating under Autopilot collided with a bus in northern Germany, but the electric carmaker said a collision was unavoidable because the bus swerved into the vehicle's lane.

The incident occurred on Wednesday in the town of Ratzeburg, German police said.

But is Tesla telling us the truth about its’ self driving automobile carriages? The answer might surprise you good sir / madam!

An increasingly bitter fight between Tesla and its former autopilot partner Mobileye is raising questions over the electric car company's honesty.

Elon Musk's corporation is notoriously prickly. When it does come under criticism – whether on safety issues, the practicality of long-distance drives, or its autopilot feature – its first response is to lash out.

In the latest exchange between Mobileye and Tesla, however, the chip company has accused Tesla of lying. "The allegations recently attributed to a spokesperson for Tesla ... are incorrect and can be refuted by the facts," Mobileye said in a statement.

And Now This:
The Claypool Lennon Delirium

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “Bubbles Burst” from their new album “Monolith Of Phobos”, I give you the Claypool Lennon Delirium!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #43: Wheel O’ Corruption IX: With A Vengeance Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #43: Wheel O’ Corruption IX: With A Vengeance Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Ask your doctor if TTCI is right for you. Take two TTCI twice a day if you are experiencing any symptoms relating to nausea, induced vomiting, rashes, headache, fever, or simple confusion. Stop taking TTCI immediately if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or death. TTCI – take control of conservative idiocy! Ah, that’s enough of that. We are moving the Top 10 back to Wednesdays for a while because I have a travel schedule for the next few weeks that will make it so I miss Sunday morning. So we missed a lot of shit while we were gone last week. You had Apple coming up with the best idea ever for losing a $160 pair of headphones, to Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones catching fire and exploding, to a guy who made a real life Transformers car, to a woman who modeled with an octopus, and of course science did some research into Mickey Mouse’s sex life, and it isn’t pretty. And in case you were wondering, why yes, I have been reading the Huffington Post weird news section quite a lot while we were gone last week! So John Oliver is back and this time he breaks down both sides of the spectrum when it comes to scandals, but Donald Trump’s scandals far eclipse the bullshit the GOP is trying to lay on Hillary:

So where do we begin this week? Well for starters we are going to recap the debates this week, and to do so, we are dusting off the mighty Wheel O’Corruption! Yeah, the kids love the wheel don’t they? This is the ninth (NEIN!!!) edition of the Wheel Of Corruption, and Kevin Smith’s new movie Yoga Hosers, there’s a line where a character says “So much nein it’s almost a 10!” For that the first two slots are going to go to a debate recap. It’s Trump Vs. Hillary: Yawn Of Justice (1, 2). And the first slot we have to dedicate it to Donald Trump bringing up his old feud with Rosie O’Donnell during the debate. It’s insane. The second slot we’re going to mention Donald Trump’s sniffing, while Howard Dean accused him of being a coke addict. In the third slot we are going to talk about Donald Trump’s sons Uday and Qusay, er, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump. Seems that Trump Jr. got in a bit of a Twitter beef over some remarks that he made that were, um, controversial. We will break that down for you. Taking the number 4 and 5 slots this week of course is Donald Trump. There is a lot of Trump madness that we missed since we were gone last week and we’ll try and recap some of the craziest stuff for you. Number 4 – we’re discussing Hillary Clinton’s appearance on Zach Galafinakis’ “Between Two Ferns” and Mr. Galafinakis taking some well deserved shots at Trump. Number 5 we’re going to talk about who really won the debate. At number 6, Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie (6) is getting his ass handed to him for his role in Bridgegate. Taking the number 7 slot – is Wells Fargo (7). They’re still feeling the heat from the phony account scandal, but the CEO robber barons are out to prove the house always wins. In the number 8 slot, is the Bathroom Police (8). So you think North Carolina’s HB-2 is insane? Wait until you see what Arizona passed! Plus Caitlyn Jenner still doesn’t get that Republicans are getting her to vote against her best interests. And there’s a lot of other madness surrounding the Bathroom Police we are going to talk about. Taking the number 9 slot (NEIN!!!), I am going to do a version of a classic George Carlin bit and tell you what’s going to be on TV tonight (9), because there is a lot of shit out there, along with what Rolling Stone has named the worst TV show ever – Duck Dynasty!!! Yay!!! Finally this week – we here at the Top 10 are going to play Consumer Watchdog Advocate. So the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 has been in the news a lot for a giant battery problem – and it’s a huge one. So we are going to tell you why you shouldn’t be buying the Galaxy Note 7. And finally this week – for putting up with my nonsense, how about some live music from Bastille? Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! The kids they love some Bastille. Bet you didn’t think I could get a band like that on my dog and pony show, could I? Well I have proved you wrong, sir / madam! They have an amazing new album out called “Wild World” that’s available everywhere you can purchase music. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Trump V. Hillary: Yawn Of Justice Pt. 1

Come on everybody say it with me – it’s time for the: WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!!!

And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Between Two Ferns
- Music
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Satan
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Constitution
- Guns
- VR Headset
- Babies
- Late Breaking News
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Fox News
- Jersey Shore
- 15,000
- New Products
- Congress
- Conspiracy Theories
- Interviews
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get going! Spin that shit. Donald Trump.So we’re not going to have anything wacky to start things off with because the debates themselves were wacky. And I mean really wacky. We’ll get to Careless Sniffing in the next entry. So here’s precisely where the debates went south for Trump. He brought out his decades old feud with Rosie O’Donnell during the debates.

It apparently wouldn’t be a debate without Donald Trump saying something derogatory about Rosie O’Donnell.

Toward the end of Monday’s presidential debate, the GOP nominee called out O’Donnell while discussing how he decided against doing something “extremely rough” to opponent Hillary Clinton and her family.

“Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her, and I think everybody would agree that she deserves it, and nobody feels sorry for her,” Trump said. “But you want to know the truth. I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, ‘I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.’ She’s spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads on me, many of which are absolutely untrue … I will tell you this Lester : It’s not nice, and I don’t deserve that.”

And Rosie fired back at Trump’s false accusations:

Rosie O’Donnell called Donald Trump an “orange anus” in response to the GOP presidential candidate’s assertion during the debate Monday that she “deserves” to be insulted.

In the clip, which O’Donnell claims is the source of bad blood between them, she does a vicious impression of Trump on “The View” while discussing a 2006 news conference where Trump announced Miss USA Tara Conner could keep the crown after facing criticism for partying.

At the presidential debate on Monday night, Trump did not back down on his thoughts regarding O’Donnell. He has previously called her “dumb,” “a slob,” “disgusting,” and most recently said she had a “fat, ugly face.”

First off, who needs butter?

Second, Orange Anus might be the worst thing on the menu at Orange Julius.

And there’s more – this whole thing is stemming from a 2011 feud when Donald Trump called her out on Twitter after her new girlfriend:

The arch enemies got into a Twitter feud in 2011 after Trump tweeted that he felt sorry for her new partner in love, with O’Donnell responding: “wow u r an ass.”

Trump also blasted O’Donnell last July calling her return to “The View” a “disaster,” saying it proved how desperate ABC was. “Rosie is crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb — other than that I like her very much!” he tweeted.

During the debate, O’Donnell added, “He will never be president.”


And wait – we’re still not done! Like a good Republican, Donald Trump is doing that thing of pretending like what happened in the past never happened at all:

Donald Trump hit Rosie O’Donnell Monday night at the first presidential debate of the general election -- all the while defending himself against Hillary Clinton’s claims that he’s made several sexist comments in the past.

“Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her and I think everyone would agree that she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her,” Trump said at the Hofstra University debate.

In the past, Trump has called the former talk show host a “true loser” and a “slob” -- comments he’s been pressed on at a previous Republican primary debate.

The comments at Monday night’s forum were a response to Clinton’s charge that “this is a man who has called women pigs, slobs and dogs.”

And we’re still not done! Apparently Trump has Tweeted about Rosie O’Donnell more than his own wife!

Donald Trump has an arch-nemesis. It's not Jeb Bush or Ted Cruz or even Hillary Clinton, nor is it Megyn Kelly or the media or the Academy Awards — although Trump isn't particularly fond of any of them, either. But long before he ever stepped on a debate stage, Trump was locking horns with comedian and television host Rosie O'Donnell, and he has flung insults at her for nearly a decade now.

Thanks to a new website that allows you to search all of Trump's tweets, it's easy to see how far his obsession with O'Donnell goes. Since he first insulted her in December 2011, Trump has either retweeted or composed 56 different messages about Rosie O'Donnell.

Trump V Hillary: Yawn Of Justice Part II

Spin it to win it! Clip without context!

Can anyone explain what the fuck Donald Trump was doing in that clip? I really want to know! And by the way when searching for this clip I found a remix of all the times Donald Trump has sniffed, make America sniff again! Excuse me a minute…

Oh wait, here’s an explanation! If you saw the Twittersphere, the Deplorables claim that Donald Trump got pneumonia from Crooked Hillary!

For the very first time, we have reason to doubt the claim by Donald Trump’s physician that he’s in “astonishingly excellent” health. Throughout the first presidential debate, the Republican candidate could not stop loudly sniffing. Here’s an example:

But there’s more!

Donald Trump, who has recently made a point of raising questions about Hillary Clinton’s health, appeared to be sniffling during the presidential debate on Monday night—and the internet took notice.

Trump and Clinton have recently sparred over their personal health, beginning with Trump raising doubts and suggesting that Clinton is medically unfit for the presidency. Clinton was diagnosed with pneumonia earlier this month, but there is no evidence to suggest she is suffering from more serious ailments.

And unfortunately Howard Dean didn’t help things when he accused Donald Trump of being a cocaine addict, but who are we to judge really? I mean Donald Trump got to the top of the GOP food chain by calling everyone and their mother a stupid loser, and judging everyone, right? Can we throw that Tweet up there?

So let’s explore what happens when the GOP combines 24/7 media with perpetual motion, shall we? This is how things start off.

During last night's debate, many eagle-eyed observers noted that Donald Trump's typical yelling ability appeared somewhat compromised by a mysterious case of the sniffles.

Of course, there are many perfectly reasonable, entirely unremarkable explanations for this. Maybe the man suffers from seasonal allergies, or came down with an early-season cold. Or, if you believe former Vermont governor and one-time presidential candidate Howard Dean, perhaps something a bit more...nefarious is going on.


"Governor Dean's comment was beyond the pale and has no place in our important political discussion," the Trump campaign said in a statement to NBC News on Tuesday night.

"On a night where millions of Americans were able to compare and contrast the policies of both candidates, Governor Dean went straight to the gutter and was nothing more than a sad distraction in a desperate attempt to stay relevant," the campaign added.

After the debate, Trump denied sniffling and blamed the sounds of breathing on a defective microphone that he claimed was tampered with.

To of course igniting the Deplorables in the Twitter outrage machine:

Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, whose own 2004 run for the White House ended in a scream that’s been captured for all time in various YouTube clips, lobbed an absurdist tweet during Monday’s debate that’s been embraced just as eagerly by Twitter.

With zero proof of anything untoward, Dean just threw this out to his 37,000+ Twitter followers. More than 23,000 retweets and 33,000+ likes later, the farcical bit is still going strong.

But Howard Dean apparently is standing by his comments! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???

In an interview with MSNBC's Kate Snow Tuesday, Dean acknowledged it's unlikely that 70-year-old Trump has a cocaine habit, but he didn't rule it out.

"It's something I think it'd be interesting to ask him and see if he ever had a problem with that," Dean said.

He added he wouldn't delete the tweet.

There was no immediate response from the Trump campaign to the question Dean posed. However, Trump told Fox News on Tuesday that there were "no sniffles" and that he didn't have a cold.


Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! Infowars! So this happened during Alex Jones’ completely insane, all day debate marathon blow hard-a-palooza. Worst music festival ever, by the way. Can we roll that?

Spin it again. Donald Trump. So Saddam Trump’s sons, Uday and Qusay, er, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, got caught saying something unintentionally racist. Wait, did I say unintentionally? I mean it’s completely, totally, racist!

Washington (CNN)Donald Trump's campaign on Tuesday stood by a controversial tweet issued by the candidate's son, Donald Trump Jr., in which he likened Syrian refugees to a bowl of Skittles.
On Monday, Trump Jr. tweeted a graphic that likened Syrian refugees to Skittles, which swiftly triggered a wave of criticism.

"This image says it all. Let's end the politically correct agenda that doesn't put America first. #trump2016," he tweeted, with a graphic that said: "If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That's our Syrian refugee problem."

So he deleted that image but let’s throw it up there shall we?

Holy shit! I mean… yeah holy shit!!!

So in case you were wondering, why yes the meme is from white supremacists and has a Nazi-esque vibe to it:

“This image says it all,” reads the text. “Let’s end the politically correct agenda that doesn’t put America first. #trump2016,″ accompanied by the official Donald Trump/Mike Pence campaign logo and slogan.

The analogy isn’t new, and has been used for years by white supremacists to overgeneralize about various minority groups.

“It is often deployed as a way to prop up indefensible stereotypes by taking advantage of human ignorance about base rates, risk assessment and criminology,” wrote Emil Karlsson on the blog Debunking Denialism. “In the end, it tries to divert attention from the inherent bigotry in making flawed generalizations.”

A spokeswoman for Wrigley Americas, which makes Skittles, whacked Trump’s dehumanizing comparison.

“Skittles are candy. Refugees are people. We don’t feel it’s an appropriate analogy,” said Denise Young, vice president of corporate affairs. “We will respectfully refrain from further commentary as anything we say could be misinterpreted as marketing.”

And of course like a good republican, Donald Trump Jr. quietly redacted his Tweet, but is about to learn a valuable lesson: on the internet, there’s no such thing as a takeback.

The image of a bowl of Skittles with a controversial accompanying message about Syrian refugees that Donald Trump Jr. posted to Twitter earlier this month has been removed “in response to a report from the copyright holder.”

Trump Jr. posted the image early last week, showing a bowl of Skittles and the message, “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.” Along with the image, Trump Jr. wrote that “this image says it all. Let's end the politically correct agenda that doesn't put America first. #trump2016.”

And by the way they got owned by Skittles on this:


Skittles has responded to the Trump campaign’s meme where they likened the Syrian refugee crisis to a bowl of candy and subsequently set Twitter ablaze.

Like Twitter, Wrigley was not amused. The candy brand has responded, saying “Skittles are candy. Refugees are people.”

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Between Two Ferrns!

That was hilarious. Let’s first discuss Hillary Clinton’s epic appearance on Zach Galafinakis’ show. Oh my god I was nearly on the floor laughing watching that. By comparison here’s his one with Brad Pitt, or Bradley Pitts as he was called:

But here’s where her appearance on Between Two Ferns was an instant hit:

Zach Galifianakis has hosted plenty of big names on his Internet mock talk show “Between Two Ferns,” including Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber and even President Obama. But the episode he released Thursday featuring Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has already outperformed them all.

In its first 24 hours, the video – in which Galifianakis awkwardly asks a deadpan Clinton about such things as whether she has considered being more racist and what will happen if she becomes pregnant while in office – was viewed more than 30 million times, the highest first-day viewership in the history of Funny or Die.

Now here’s where Zach lays the smackdown on Trumpenfuror. This is why I love Zach Galafinakis, folks!

Comedian Zach Galifianakis told the LA Times he won’t invite Donald Trump to be on his parody talk show “Between two Ferns,” despite recently having on his presidential rival Hillary Clinton.

"I wouldn't have somebody on that's so mentally challenged," he said. "I feel like I'd be taking advantage of him. And you can print that."

The "Hangover" actor went on to describe Trump as "the kind of guy who likes attention — bad attention or good attention. So you’re dealing with a psychosis there that’s a little weird."

Switching subjects, next week we’re going to go into great detail about the Donald Trump – Sean Hannity situation, but there’s a few other interesting choice stories from the debate. My personal favorite? His top advisor says he’s running to be America’s Kim Jong Un!

Donald Trump’s director of African-American outreach has an ominous warning for all who dared to criticize the Republican presidential nominee: Soon, they will have to bow down to “the most powerful man in the universe.”

In an upcoming “Frontline” special, Omarosa Manigault told PBS that the roots of Trump’s presidential campaign may be traced back to the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner, when President Barack Obama cracked a few jokes at the real estate mogul’s expense. The quips came after Trump falsely accused Obama of lying about his birthplace and citizenship, thus feeding the discredited right-wing “birther” conspiracy theory.

“It just kept going and going and he just kept hammering him,” Manigault said. “And I thought, ‘Ohhhh, Barack Obama is starting something that I don’t know if he’ll be able to finish.” She said:

“Every critic, every detractor, will have to bow down to President Trump. It’s everyone who’s ever doubted Donald, who ever disagreed, who ever challenged him. It is the ultimate revenge to become the most powerful man in the universe.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/omarosa-bown-to-president-trump_us_57e47e34e4b0e80b1ba15296?section=&

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop!!!! Clip without context!

The entire 2016 election summed up in one word! And we will be using that clip to our advantage, folks!

Spin it again! Donald Trump. So let’s use this entry to talk about who’s *NOT* supporting Donald Trump after that disaster of a debate. And ladies and gentlemen, could it be true? Could my neighboring state of Arizona possibly be turning blue after all these years???? I mean this is the state that elected Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio!!!! Both of which I will profile in “People Who Somehow Got Elected” sometime. But… can it be?

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! Ladies and gentlemen…………….. the Arizona Republic has turned blue!!! Can the rest of the state be far behind?

And things are only getting worse for Trumpenfuror. The reviews of that disaster of a debate are in, people! And even Trump’s own party is abandoning him!

Trump’s surrogates in the spin room were downbeat, and the candidate himself has already begun making excuses: “They gave me a defective mic,” he complained to reporters during a gaggle. “Did you notice that? My mic was defective within the room. I wonder, was that on purpose?” There was no clear problem with his microphone during the debate, Jose DelReal notes.

Trump was supposed to stop by the Nassau County Republican Committee’s watch party on his way home. He skipped it. Clinton, meanwhile, celebrated with hundreds of supporters in Westbury.

But here’s my favorite part of the debate – apparently Trump says his mic was defective! I mean how can that be? Did he have a device on his back that people were feeding him info like Bush had in the 2004 debate?

Republican nominee Donald J. Trump complained in the spin room that his debate mic wasn't working right, according to a video posted by a CBS journalist.

"They gave me a defective mic!" he told reporters. "I wonder, was that on purpose?"

It wasn't the first time Trump suggested he was given a faulty microphone. At a January rally in Pensacola, Florida, he abruptly stopped mid-speech and said, "And by the way, I don't like this mic." He went on to call whoever installed it a "son of a b-----", and said, "George, don't pay him! I believe in paying, but when someone does a bad job, like this stupid mic, you shouldn't pay the bill."

And then Trump is asking Americans to call Sean Hannity to “verify his war position”. Doh!

Sean Hannity is Donald Trump's last hope. Fact-checkers have repeatedly debunked the notion that Trump publicly opposed the Iraq War, so the Republican presidential nominee is clinging to the uncheckable claim that before the 2003 invasion he used to call up Hannity after the Fox News host's show to say he was against the war.

"I had numerous conversations with Sean Hannity at Fox," Trump said during Monday's debate. "And Sean Hannity said — and he called me the other day, and I spoke to him about it — he said, 'You were totally against the war,' because he was for the war.

Chris Christie

Entering the spin zone! And it lands on… wait for it……… Go directly to jail? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

OK so I got to give this entry from a jail cell. Spin it again. Jersey Shore. You know the state where this happens:

And more specifically this happened. You know while we were off last week, we missed the proverbial shit hitting the fan with the Chris Christie Bridgegate scandal. Specifically the smackdown is being laid thick on Chris Christie, and it would have to be! Hey o!!!

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s top executive at the Port Authority acknowledged on Thursday that he couldn’t fire the New Jersey staffer who orchestrated the politically motivated lane closings at the George Washington Bridge because he was protected by Governor Christie.

Under cross-examination for the second day, Patrick Foye, the agency’s executive director, sparred with defense attorneys for Bridget Anne Kelly and Bill Baroni, two Christie allies on trial in federal court in Newark for allegedly conspiring with David Wildstein to create gridlock at the bridge to punish Fort Lee’s mayor for not endorsing Christie’s 2013 reelection.

So that’s the jist of what’s going on in New Jersey. Christie was pissed because he got stiffed on a campaign endorsement and created the worst gridlock that the Jersey Turnpike has ever seen. And here’s the shit hits the fan:

NEWARK – Gov. Chris Christie had not even been in office for a full two years and it would be more than a year later before the governor would publicly entertain the question about whether he planned to run for re-election.

But by late 2011, state employees, using personal email accounts, were already eyeing "Dem Targets" to woo for Christie's 2013 re-election bid, according to testimony Friday during the George Washington Bridge lane closures criminal trial.

A list, shared among staffers working in the administration's Office of Intergovernmental Affairs, or IGA, had the names and details of elected officials.

He named names people! Oh no he didn’t! in fact things are getting worse for the Donald Trump stage prop:

Gov. Chris Christie (R-N.J.) was told about the punitive lane closings up to the George Washington Bridge at a 2013 memorial service for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, two days before the lanes were unblocked, David Wildstein, a confessed architect of the scheme, testified in federal court on Tuesday. When the governor was told of the closures — and that they were in retaliation for the Democratic mayor of Fort Lee declining to endorse Christie's re-election bid — "he laughed," Wildstein said.

Dude, what the fuck? Is he Ronan from Guardians of the Galaxy? Nah, he’s evil, but not that fucking evil. He might be more like Drax:

And here’s where things go way way way way south:

NEWARK – State Senator Loretta Weinberg (D-Teaneck) commented on the testimony of former Port Authority employee David Wildstein immediately following his court appearance on Tuesday. From the steps of the Newark Federal Courthouse, the co-chair to the legislative panel that investigated Bridgegate zeroed in on the portion of Wildstein’s testimony where he claimed that he and former Deputy Executive Director of the Port Authority Bill Baroni openly bragged to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie about the lane realignment that crippled Fort Lee traffic from Sept. 9 to 12, 2013. According to Wildstein, he and Baroni discussed the lane closures to Governor Christie during a 9/11 memorial service that year.

“This story has been out in the press and in the public almost since the beginning. I think what happened today is Mr. Wildstein added some texture or some more context to the alleged conversation,” Weinberg said about the discussion Wildstein said he had with Baroni and Christie. “The governor has been denying this from the beginning. Mr. Wildstein just testified to it under oath.”

But here’s where things get certifiably insane – the head of the New Jersey Port Authority himself thought he was still on the governor’s team amid the scandal he created!!!! Excuse me a minute, I need a beer after this one. Holy shit.

NEWARK, N.J. (CN) — The man who took responsibility for orchestrating a massive New Jersey traffic jam three years ago testified Wednesday that he was assured Gov. Chris Christie's favor for doing so.
You are "still on the governor's team," David Wildstein said he heard from several officials in Christie's office in early December 2010.
By that time, the cover-up story for the September traffic jam Wildstein engineered had already begun to unravel, and Wildstein received his marching orders from the agency that oversees New York-area bridges and tunnels.

Wells Fargo

Yay! I’m out of jail! Spin it to win it! A Recent Study!

Wartinger is a professor emeritus at Michigan State, where he has dealt for decades with the scourge of kidney stones, which affect around one in 10 people at some point in life. Most are small, and they pass through us without issue. But many linger in our kidneys and grow, sending hundreds of thousands of people to emergency rooms and costing around $3.8 billion every year in treatment and extraction. The pain of passing a larger stone is often compared to child birth.

For years in practice, Wartinger noticed anecdotal reports from patients who had passed small kidney stones during and immediately after visiting the Disney theme parks. It was a correlation he might not have noticed in another place, he told me: “This mass migration helped bring it to my attention.”

But one particular gentleman really inspired Wartinger. The man rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney’s Magic Kingdom, and then passed a small stone. Then he did it again and passed another. And then another. “That was just too powerful to ignore,” Wartinger said. “I'd been hearing these anecdotal stories for a couple years, and then I thought, okay, there's really something here.”

Yes this ride might be able to help pass kidney stones:

Spin it again! Greed. More specifically corporate greed. You know last time we discussed Wells Fargo and their scandal which has seen the company lose big time because it created some 2 million phony accounts. And John Oliver took the time to blast Wells Fargo last week:

But what happened? So the CEO might be losing big:

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf stands to walk from the bank with $123.6 million in severance and stock value if he retires from the bank, which is still reeling from a scandal where millions of accounts were inappropriately opened for customers.

Stumpf's $123.6 million in potential retirement walking money, as calculated by pay consulting firm Equilar as of mid-September, is the sum of Stumpf's $25.2 million in retirement payments, plus a $20 million pension, deferred compensation of $4.3 million as well as the $74 million in stock he already owns. Neither Stumpf nor Wells Fargo has stated the CEO's continued employment is in doubt, but he is eligible for the bank's retirement plan. Wells Fargo declined to comment on this story.

Holy shit! We live in the Matrix:


But guess what? If you’re not boiling with anger at this point over another CEO robber baron getting away with murder, you should be. Because he will probably get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. I swear it’s like the uber-rich live in another world than we do:

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf will forfeit much of his 2016 salary -- including his bonus and $41 million in stock awards -- as the bank launches a probe into its phony accounts scandal.

The fallout from the controversy has also resulted in its first major executive departure. Carrie Tolstedt, who headed the division that created the fake accounts, has left the company ahead of her scheduled retirement at year end.

Wells Fargo, under pressure from lawmakers and shareholders to take action, said Tolstedt will not receive a bonus or severance, and that she'll forfeit all of her $19 million worth of unvested stock awards. Wells Fargo also said Tolstedt has agreed not to exercise some $34 million in stock options, the bank's independent directors announced Tuesday.

The Bathroom Police

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! My wife!

Spin it again! Bathrooms. Or more specifically – diapers. Remember back in Idiots #31, I brought you a story about an entrepreneur in Illinois who launched a new company called “Tykables” that began selling adult diapers and other goods to cater to America’s active adult babies. Well it’s a damn good thing he didn’t set up shop in Arizona. Because if you thought that North Carolina’s HB-2 was insane, Arizona just eclipsed it. Here’s more:

The Arizona Supreme Court has handed down a decision that has a lot of people talking. It involves the case of an Arizona man who appealed his conviction of sexually molesting his step-daughter.

They upheld his conviction, but their reason for doing so has some speculating that even changing a baby's diaper could constitute a sex crime.

The justices examined the language in Arizona's sexual abuse laws, which do not require sexual intent in order to be charged.

"The statute says intentionally or knowingly having sexual contact. Well, sexual contact is just the direct or indirect touching of the genitals of something else of the child. That is where the changing of the diaper could come into play," said legal analyst Monica Lindstrom.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *holds breath* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?????

Holy shit both literally and figuratively! That means that our Tykables friend could very well be a registered sex offender just by changing his own diapers! Wait… how would that work exactly?

Oh and by the way - The Changing Of The Diaper - worst traditional ceremony ever!

The Arizona Supreme Court issued a stunning and horrifying decision on Tuesday, interpreting a state law to criminalize any contact between an adult and a child’s genitals. According to the court, the law’s sweep encompasses wholly innocent conduct, such as changing a diaper or bathing a baby. As the stinging dissent notes, “parents and other caregivers” in the state are now considered to be “child molesters or sex abusers under Arizona law.” Those convicted under the statute may be imprisoned for five years.

How did this happen? A combination of bad legislating and terrible judging. Start with the legislature, which passed laws forbidding any person from “intentionally or knowingly … touching … any part of the genitals, anus or female breast” of a child “under fifteen years of age.” Notice something odd about that? Although the laws call such contact “child molestation” or “sexual abuse,” the statutes themselves do not require the “touching” to be sexual in nature. (No other state’s law excludes this element of improper sexual intent.) Indeed, read literally, the statutes would seem to prohibit parents from changing their child’s diaper. And the measures forbid both “direct and indirect touching,” meaning parents cannot even bathe their child without becoming sexual abusers under the law.

But switching pages – at some point we must talk about Chelsea Manning getting handed the smack down by the military for her suicide attempt but considering that story is ongoing we must wait a bit. But speaking of the bathroom police, you know usually we talk about trans issues in this segment. But when an actual trans woman like Caitlyn Jenner repeatedly votes against her best interests as a trans woman, she should realize that the GOP isn’t looking out for her best interests!

In the past, Kim Kardashian has been pretty vocal about her support for Hillary Clinton. But in a recent interview with Wonderland Magazine, the reality star apparently revealed she’s now “on the fence” about her presidential pick, thanks to a few conversations she’s had with Caitlyn Jenner.

“At first I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m so Hillary ,’ but I had a long political call with Caitlyn last night about why she’s voting Trump. I’m on the fence,” she purportedly said in an excerpt posted by The Evening Standard.

After the comment went viral, a representative for Wonderland denied the Kardashian quotes appear in the published issue, or online; according to The Huffington Post, however, the quotes are legitimate. Kardashian’s Trump statement also still appears on the Evening Standard website.

An email to the Evening Standard was not immediately returned; the author of the Wonderland story, Eve Barlow, directed inquiries to Wonderland and representatives for Kardashian. Reps for Kardashian were not immediately available for comment.

Hey Caitlyn….

But there is good news – while I normally despise the Kardashians and don’t want anything to do with them, we must give props to Kim for voicing her support for Mrs. Clinton!

Though the 35-year-old reality star said she was “on the fence” about who to vote for in the election after she had a long conversation with Caitlyn Jenner — a known Republican — Kardashian said she’s voting Democrat. (RELATED: Caitlyn Jenner Might Have Convinced Kim Kardashian To Vote For Donald Trump)

“I had a long conversation with Caitlyn, who has always been open about her political views,” Kardashian wrote, “and she encouraged me to do my research before making my decision and then vote for the candidate whose policies aligned with the things that matter most to me.”

“And so that’s what I did. I thought about the things that are so important to me that they outweigh everything else, such as gun control and protecting women’s rights to safe and legal abortion.”


But here’s some good news in the war on bathrooms for once:

A federal judge rejected a school district's challenge to President Barack Obama's rule on transgender bathrooms on Monday, ordering a biologically male student who identifies as female be treated "like the girl she is."

Judge Algenon Marbley said the Highland Local Schools in Morrow County had failed to provide a persuasive argument that giving the student access to the girls' restroom would jeopardize other students' privacy or safety. He further ordered that Highland use a female name and pronouns in referring to the 11-year-old.

And of course the sex offenders leave me no shortage of material this week:

The University of North Carolina football player accused of sexual assault by a fellow student denies raping the woman and says the two had consensual sex. Allen Artis, 20, made his first public comments on the case since 19-year-old Delaney Robinson came forward about the alleged assault earlier this month.

“Everything was completely consensual that happened that night,” he said from his attorney's Durham, N.C., home while sitting alongside family members. “That’s the truth.” His attorney, Kerry Sutton, said Artis passed a polygraph test about the Valentine's Day incident.

TV Time

Spin that shit!!! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! Hell yeah!!! I win 10,000. Of something. What that is we don't know yet. But still... it's 10,000. Spin it again! And we land on the "???? (mystery item)"! So we’re going to take a page from George Carlin and take some time out and tell you about what’s on TV tonight.

So with that in mind, we have a movie recommendation for you to start things off. We’ve already discussed the Bathroom Police, and here’s a rather bizarre film that’s making that the rounds in Toronto that’s ruffled a few feathers. Why? It’s essentially the worst nightmare of the Bathroom Police come to life! And for some weird reason, why am I not surprised Michelle Rodriguez is involved?

The director and star of a film about a hitman who is put through gender reassignment surgery by a relative of one of his victims defended the project as it had its world premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival on Wednesday.

"(re)Assignment" stars Michelle Rodriguez as an assassin named Frank Kitchen. After killing the brother of a brilliant but deranged surgeon, Kitchen is captured and awakes to find himself unwillingly turned into a woman.

The premise drew criticism from some in the transgender community, who said the medical procedure should not be used as a sensationalistic plot device. It was also called transphobic and exploitative by Twitter users.

The film's challenges have not stopped there. Some early reviews have been very negative, with the Guardian newspaper calling it "a strong contender for 2016’s worst movie".

But is it really the worst movie ever? Where are the people who judge the Razzie Awards when you need them?

Walter Hill's (Re)Assignment, a revenge thriller about a hitman who undergoes an involuntary sex change at the hands of a mad doctor, was dogged by controversy before it was even made, but many a great movie has been made from a premise that seemed ill-advised or worse. (Re)Assignment is not one of those movies. The only thing that keeps it from being as damaging as organisations like Glaad feared is that its plot its so fantastic and nonsensical that it never comes anywhere near the real world. It helps that it's so bad almost no one will see it.

(Re)Assignment, which Hill co-wrote with Denis Hamill, is framed through the institutionalised musings of Sigourney Weaver's Dr Rachel Jane, a back-alley megalomaniac who performs cut-rate gender reassignment surgery on the "unfortunates" who cannot afford a more reputable, less unlicensed surgeon. Her true passion, though, is the more speculative work she performs on unsuspecting subjects, the kind she can pay henchmen to snatch off the street and who won't be missed later. When hitman Frank Kitchen kills her beloved brother, the good doctor sees an opportunity to combine her vocation with her desire for revenge: She kidnaps Frank, knocks him unconscious, and when he awakes, he's been, at least physically, transformed into a woman, one who bears a strong resemblance to Michelle Rodriguez.

OK so maybe this movie isn’t for you. How about the new MacGuyver?

The project, from CBS TV Studios and Lionsgate TV, has undergone an evolution, with an original script by NCIS: LA executive producer R. Scott Gemmill, a pilot script greenlighted to pilot by Paul Downs Colaizzo, and a shooting script filmed as pilot by Colaizzo and Code Black executive producer Brett Mahoney, who was recruited to help on the pilot. Now both Colaizzo and Mahoney are leaving, with Hawaii Five-0 executive producer showrunner Peter Lenkov tasked with writing a new script.

Lenkov has a solid track record in rebooting classic series. CBS had unsuccessfully tried to remake Hawaii Five-0 with another writer before bringing in Lenkov, along with Alex Kurtzman and Bob Orci, to come up with a new take. Lenkov wrote the teleplay for the trio’s Hawaii Five-0 pilot. It went to series, which Lenkov has been shepherding as showrunner ever since. The series, which has a rich off-network syndication deal and is a big international seller for CBS TV Studios, was recently renewed for a seventh season. Lenkov is slated to continue on Hawaii Five-0 while also spearheading MacGyver.

Better. Warmer. Closer. Or the real reason I wanted to do this entry – one of our favorite punching bags here at the Top 10, the Duck Dynasty crew (who are really fake pieces of shit that the religious community loves), was just named WORST TV SHOW EVER!!!! Ha ha!!!

Duck Dynasty
Congratulations, Robertson family – you are officially the worst anything ever! A dipshit sitcom passed off as a reality show, with a bunch of bearded phonies stumbling over their scripted banter – like The Beverly Hillbillies with less believable facial hair. The Robertsons talked about Jesus a lot, but Jesus probably prefers Real Housewives like the rest of us.

You know I hate to kick a guy when he’s down but considering that piece of shit Phil Robertson has repeatedly done that to America’s LGBT community, all I have to say is:

Don’t forget they openly supported Ted Cruz:

Samsung Galaxy Note 7

Spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!! New Products. So there’s something crazy that we must report here:

As Ellen DeGeneres noted before bringing out her special guest for the audience, it had become somewhat of a My Shiney Hiney week on The Ellen Show. However, she has a special treat for fans when she brought out the star of the My Shiney Hiney informercial, Sarah Pribis.

DeGeneres played the infomercial in full for those who hadn't seen it earlier in the week. She continued to laugh as she read a comment from Sarah Pribis, the real actress who starred in the infomercial. Pribis said her hiney had been shinier than ever after doing the infomercial. DeGeneres welcomed the actress to the stage and said she must have been pretty proud of the infomercial.

Pribis said she maybe told five people about the infomercial. She said after The Ellen Show's coverage of it, her friends had mixed feelings about it, however, they all congratulated her. Pribis said she was casting for Shinney Hinney at first. She said it was a cleaning product at first and she got the job without auditioning. Pribis found it wasn't the product she thought and tried to get out of it, however, the husband and wife producing the commercial were sweet and she felt bad.

Yes this is a real product and could potentially be the next Shake Weight. Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I finally win a VR Headset!!

So do I get an Oculus Rift or an HTC Vive? I want a Vive so badly! Oh shit, really? It’s a Samsung Galaxy Gear? Which means I have to buy a Note 7??? Shit!!! OK let’s try this thing out.

I’ll hook my Note 7 into this thing here and start using it on my head…


OK we’re back. Thankfully our crack team of doctors, as well as team of doctors on crack, here at TTCI can quickly reattach exploding heads. Or maybe not.

But still… let me just adjust my new neck here… Ah, much better! Oh so let’s talk about the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 shall we?

The U.S. government has turned up the heat on Samsung by issuing an official recall of the Galaxy Note 7 smartphone on Thursday. There have been at least 92 reports of batteries overheating, including 26 reports of burns and 55 reports of property damage, according to the recall notice from the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC).

“Consumers should immediately stop using and power down the recalled Galaxy Note7 devices purchased before September 15, 2016,” the CPSC announcement says. “Contact the wireless carrier, retail outlet or Samsung.com where you purchased your device to receive free of charge a new Galaxy Note7 with a different battery, a refund or a new replacement device.”

The CPSC notice follows Samsung’s own voluntary recall of the device due to reports of injuries, burns and explosions. The Federal Aviation Administration has also announced that Note 7 owners need to turn off their phones when flying, and not to put them in any checked baggage where the power button could accidentally get pushed during transit.

Holy shit!!! Burns? Property damage? Shit is going down people!

There’s even reports of these phones exploding! Exploding! Well the good news is that if you lose your phone explodes, you can find it by following the fire trucks!

Samsung has recalled its new Galaxy Note 7 smartphone after reports it can overheat and even explode. The company said it had “conducted a thorough investigation and found a battery cell issue.”

According to Samsung, there have been 35 reported cases and 2.5 million phones have been produced. While that figure is relatively high (batteries typically fail at a rate of 1 in tens of millions) it’s still far from common.

“Battery failures are exceedingly rare,” says Donal Finegan, a chemical engineer at University College London. “Any kind of fault does garner a lot of media attention and can really affect the reputation of a product that relies on the battery.”

So what about the replacement phones? Surely a recall can work in this case can it? Can it?

Samsung's replacement Galaxy Note 7 phones have been overheating and suffering from battery problems, according to reports, fueling concerns that the fixed "exploding" phones could still be unsafe.

Some customers have reported that the updated Note 7 phone, which Samsung began issuing last week after a global recall of the smartphones at the beginning of the month, have been losing power quickly, even when charging, and becoming unexpectedly hot.

The Korean electronics giant acknowledged that some customers in South Korea had complained about the replacement non-removable batteries, according to the Wall Street Journal.

So how many have Samsung replaced? As of right now – 60% and that still doesn’t cover the replacement of the replacement!

More than 60 percent of defective Galaxy Note 7 smartphones sold in the United States and South Korea have now been returned and exchanged for new models, Samsung has claimed. In other words, 40 percent of the dangerous devices are still in consumer hands, almost four weeks after Samsung issued a global recall on the Note 7.

The new figures appear to show a slowdown in the number of successful exchanges in the United States. Samsung said last Thursday that half of the potentially explosive phones in the US had been taken in and replaced with new models, suggesting that the number of defective phones replaced had only increased by around 10 percent in five days. Because today's figure is combined with South Korean returns, it's not clear exactly what percentage of phones have now been returned in the United States, but the company previously said both countries have already replaced more than half of the dangerous Note 7 devices.

Samsung has offered financial incentives to South Korean retail stores selling the Note 7 in a bid to facilitate exchanges as fast as possible, rushing stock to the country's mobile providers, and reportedly giving them 20,000 won (around $18) per phone replaced. Stores in the country can earn another 20,000 won per phone if they manage to exchange more than 80 percent of the Note 7 devices previously sold before the end of September, the Korea Times reports.

But that doesn’t matter, the Galaxy 8 is coming soon!

Taking a look back at seven days of news and headlines across the world of Android, this week’s Android Circuit includes a timeline of Samsung’s flawed Galaxy Note 7 battery issues, the financial damage to Samsung, how next year’s Galaxy S8 can save the South Korean company, Blackberry improving handset security with Zimperium, the latest leaks about the Google Pixel smartphones, Android’s new gesture based UI that mimics 3D Touch, more UK banks signing up to Android Pay, and the launch of ‘all you can read’ with Google Play Books.

Android Circuit is here to remind you of a few of the many things that have happened around Android in the last week (and you can find the weekly Apple news digest here).

I love that there’s an ad for the iPhone in that previous article. By the way Bill Maher took a look at perpetual upgrading culture:

But never fear, Samsung is looking out for your best interests as a customer! Or maybe not, they’re only $1 BILLION in the hole because of this disaster:

In the short term, Samsung is recalling 2.5 million handsets. Replacement handsets (either Note 7s or other suitable handsets such as the Galaxy S7 Edge) need to be manufactured and shipped and the swapped out Note 7s need to be returned. While many of the components in these older Note 7s will be recycled, it is inconceivable that Samsung could simply swap out the batteries and sell them again as ‘new’ handsets.

The costs associated with the recall are predicted by some to climb as high as one billion dollars. As Samsung Mobile’s DJ Koh suggests, this is a “heart-breaking amount” that will represent around five percent of the company’s net income in 2016.

So what’s the alternative you might ask, good sir / madam? And I answer you – iPhone 7? But if you bought an iPhone 7 and are shocked to see it has no headphone jack, good news! It may only be a quick fix away, and much better than exploding Note 7s!


iPhone 7 owners desperate for a headphone jack might be drilling a hole into their shiny new Apple device because of a YouTube video.

Secret Hack to Get Headphone Jack on the iPhone 7 by TechRax isn’t meant to be an informational tutorial. It's a joke, but some people aren't laughing. The video directs users to place their new iPhone 7 in a vice and drill a hole into the bottom of the device. Then, plug in earbuds and listen to your favorite song, even though sound doesn't appear to come through the earbuds in the video.

And Now This:

Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week! Music! Ladies and gentlemen, performing their new song “Send Them Off!” from their album “Wild World” available now everywhere you can buy music, I give you Bastille!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Michigan State Urologist Suggests Roller Coasters Might Pass Kidney Stones

Wartinger is a professor emeritus at Michigan State, where he has dealt for decades with the scourge of kidney stones, which affect around one in 10 people at some point in life. Most are small, and they pass through us without issue. But many linger in our kidneys and grow, sending hundreds of thousands of people to emergency rooms and costing around $3.8 billion every year in treatment and extraction. The pain of passing a larger stone is often compared to child birth.

For years in practice, Wartinger noticed anecdotal reports from patients who had passed small kidney stones during and immediately after visiting the Disney theme parks. It was a correlation he might not have noticed in another place, he told me: “This mass migration helped bring it to my attention.”

But one particular gentleman really inspired Wartinger. The man rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney’s Magic Kingdom, and then passed a small stone. Then he did it again and passed another. And then another. “That was just too powerful to ignore,” Wartinger said. “I'd been hearing these anecdotal stories for a couple years, and then I thought, okay, there's really something here.”

John Oliver: Trump's Scandals Are Way Worse Than Hillary's - And Voters Should Be Outraged!

Returning after a one month hiatus, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver took a deep dive into the scandals – big and small – surrounding presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

Needless to say, Trump came out “quantifiably worse” according to the HBO host.

However, Oliver explained, Clinton deserved equal scrutiny in the interest of fairness.

“I do know that even talking about her scandals will irritate some of you, given that her opponent is an unambiguously racist scarecrow stuffed with scrunched-up copies of Jugs magazine, and that’s fair,” Oliver stated. “But not being as bad as Donald Trump is a low bar to clear, and if you focus on nothing but him, you fail to vet a woman who might be president.”

“We’ve spent several frustrating weeks trolling through all the innuendo and exaggerations surrounding Hillary’s email and foundation scandals, and the worst thing we can say is that they both look bad. But the harder you look, the less you actually find,” he maintained. “There’s not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious.”


Fuck Donald Trump. And fuck the media for giving him a free pass, while Hillary Clinton is getting crap for using an e-mail server.
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