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me b zola

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Member since: Thu Nov 11, 2004, 09:06 PM
Number of posts: 17,782

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Adoptees In The Wild: Andy Marra (uplifting and empowering story)

Andy is a Korean adoptee from Bethlehem, NY, who currently lives in New York City. She is a member of the LGBT community. Andy’s story became widespread after she blogged about her visit back to Korea for the first time and about her reunion with her birth mother and sister: huffingtonpost.com/andy-marra. Hear her talk about that experience, as well as her journey as a Korean adoptee.

~11 minute video @ link~wonderful story, well worth the click~

Here's the link to the story referenced in the video interview. It appeared in HuffPo in 2012, I missed it at the time but what a great story.

The Beautiful Daughter: How My Korean Mother Gave Me the Courage to Transition


"Mother," I slowly repeated in Korean. "I am not a boy. I am a girl. I am transgender." My face reddened, and tears blurred my vision. I braced myself for her rejection and the end to a relationship that had only begun.

Silence again filled the room. I searched my mother's eyes for any signs of shock, disgust or sadness. But a serene expression lined her face as she sat with ease on the couch. I started to worry that my words had been lost in translation. Then my mother began to speak.

"Mommy knew," she said calmly through my friend, who looked just as dumbfounded as I was by her response. "I was waiting for you to tell me."

~ much more @ link~

I hope others will find this story as uplifting as I do.

Epic win for a three year old little boy who narrowly misses being lost to adoption!

'People complain about men who don't take responsibility. Here I am, wanting to be a father to my son': Young dad wins custody THREE YEARS after mother secretly put son up for adoption as a newborn

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2592834/Young-Oklahoma-father-successfully-wins-son-adoptive-parents-granted-time-custody-following-three-year-battle.html#ixzz2xwsVqqL2

Jeremiah Sampson was playing football for Pittsburg State University in Kansas in 2009 when he began dating a girl, who then fell pregnant
They were not together when the baby was born in September 2010
When he went to be with her on the day the child was due, he found out his son had been put up for adoption weeks earlier
He challenged the adoptive parents, who lived in Florida, and eventually won
At Christmas last year he was granted full-time custody of his son, Hilkya, with visitation rights from the mother
Sampson is also suing the adoption agency for violating his parental rights

ByJoel Christie

Published: 13:52 EST, 30 March 2014 | Updated: 22:26 EST, 30 March 2014

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2592834/Young-Oklahoma-father-successfully-wins-son-adoptive-parents-granted-time-custody-following-three-year-battle.html#ixzz2xwsr9Ppo

Here's a link to an interview with this awesome father:

Every adoption begins with a life altering loss for the child. I get why the adoption agency (who is being sued ) would fight the father for parental rights, they are all about the money. But anyone who wants to parent that would fight against the child's best interest has no business parenting.

Paper Orphans

2014 Human Rights and Transitional Justice Film Series
Film: Paper Orphans.
Date: Tuesday, 8 April 2014 at 12.00pm
Where: Griffith University, Nathan Campus, Law Building (N61 1.02).

The first film of the 2014 series curated by Dr Olivera Simic, will be presented by Ms Kate van Doore.

Created by Terre Des Hommes and UNICEF, Paper Orphans exposes glaring malpractices prevalent in Nepal´s inter-country adoption system. It is a story of parents who have lost their children to trafficking and intercountry adoption and are looking for them. In Nepal, and other developing countries, it is quite easy to "manufacture" an orphan - traffickers beguile remote villagers into sending their children to Kathmandu for their education with promises that they will return well educated and able to support the family. However, the reality is that traffickers majoritively sell the children into intercountry adoption or orphanages for profit without the family's consent or knowledge. Paper Orphans tells the story of one such child who was adopted from Nepal into Spain. and the ramifications for both his adoptive family and his birth family.


Please watch this trailer. I've read many accounts of this type of preying upon the poor for their children from several "underdeveloped" countries. Preying on the poor is evil. Preying upon the poor for their children is beyond evil.

Nigerian 'baby farm' raided – 32 pregnant girls rescued

Nigerian 'baby farm' raided – 32 pregnant girls rescued

Teenage mothers were allegedly forced to give up newborns to human traffickers in southern city of Aba

David Smith in Johannesburg

The Guardian, Thursday 2 June 2011 11.12 EDT

Nigerian police have raided an alleged "baby farm" where teenage mothers were forced to give up their newborns for sale to human traffickers.

Thirty-two pregnant girls were rescued from a maternity home run by a trafficking ring in the southern city of Aba, police said.

The girls, mostly of school age, were allegedly locked up at the Cross Foundation clinic so they could produce babies to be sold for illegal adoption or for use in ritual witchcraft.


Human trafficking is ranked the third most common crime in Nigeria - after financial fraud and drug trafficking - according to Unesco's report on human trafficking in Nigeria. At least 10 children are sold every day across the country, according to the UN. Traffickers are seldom caught.

~more@ link~


In South Korea, quest to recast views of single motherhood

In South Korea, quest to recast views of single motherhood

A group of adoptees, who say they were given up because their mothers couldn't raise them, are spearheading efforts to make single motherhood less of a social taboo and financial constraint.

By Steven Borowiec, Correspondent / March 20, 2014


Rather than being abandoned by her mother as the adoption agency told her, she and her sister were given up by their grandmother when their mother was working away from home.

Heit is part of a vocal group of Korean adoptees arguing that the primary reason Korean children are given up for adoption is a society that stigmatizes unmarried mothers. They are working to shift that cultural outlook, and are also speaking out against Korean adoption agencies, which they say are focused on growing profits to the detriment of child protection. The recent death of a Korean adoptee in the United States has added zeal to their cause.


Advocates for unwed mothers have pointed to a lack of government support as a problem. Unwed mothers are eligible for a small government stipend of 70,000 South Korean won (about $65) per month, while families with adopted children receive more than twice that amount (150,000 won).

Heit is now married and settled in the country of her birth, where she works as an editor and translator. She maintains contact with her adoptive parents in the US but says, “my case shows how traumatic adoption can be, even when the adoptive parents are loving and have the best intentions.

“I still always wonder, if only someone had helped my mother, would things have been different? Could she have raised me on her own?”

*emphasis mine

~more @ link~

Another adoptee commits suicide: Fashion designer L'Wren Scott,girlfriend of Mick Jagger, found dea


Although we only hear about the famous, adoptees are four times a higher risk for suicide.

Risk of Suicide Attempt in Adopted and Nonadopted Offspring

By Claudia Corrigan DArcy | September 20, 2013 | Adoption Research & Statistics

The 2001 Adoptee Research Study says:


Sixteen adopted adolescents (7.6%) and 197 nonadopted adolescents (3.1%) reported suicide attempt(s) in the past year. Counseling in the past year was reported by 36 adopted adolescents (16.9%) and 521 nonadopted adolescents (8.2%; P < .001). Adolescents who attempted suicide, compared with those who did not, were more likely to be female (67.6% vs 49.1%) and adopted (7.5% vs 3.1%)

The 2008 Adoptee Research Study says:

Nevertheless, being adopted approximately doubled the odds of having contact with a mental health professional and of having a disruptive behavior disorder.

The 2012 Adoptee Research results state:

For later adoption versus non-adoption, the estimated difference in suicidal thoughts was 2.9% higher during young adulthood for later adopted youth, 3.4% higher during early young adulthood and 3.5% higher during adolescence.2

What the new Pediatrics study also states that it is known that Adoptees living in Sweden are at increased risk of suicide attempt compared with nonadopted individuals, although factors mediating this risk are largely unknown..

~more @ link~

My Philomena

My Philomena
I searched for my birth mother and learned two things: She’d recently died. And she’d been desperately searching for me.

By Tony Gambino


I was born in Cincinnati in 1956, adopted as an infant, named Anthony for my adoptive father, and raised in a loving home. Parents who adopted then were counseled—correctly—to tell their children as early as possible that they were adopted. My parents told me in a proud fashion that they had “chosen” me (false), that I was the same ethnicity (false), and that because they chose me I was more special to them. Our closest friends included two people whom I grew up calling “Uncle” Jim and “Aunt” Mildred (names changed). No relation, but my parents felt particularly close to them since Mildred had shepherded my adoption through the Catholic adoption agency.

I accepted the doctrine of the era: I was adopted, I had only one family—my adopted family—and had no need to know anything more about anything, or anyone, else. My birth mother was an unmarried teenager from the Cincinnati area who “got in trouble” and gave me up for adoption. I never thought about the man. But then at 13, I started to wonder. An unknown man and woman had had sexual intercourse. I was the result. Who were they? What was their story? I felt I couldn't’t ask my father, so, timidly, one afternoon, I approached my mother in the kitchen. Her startled, anguished look told me I had veered into a completely forbidden area. I slunk away, feeling that I had done something very wrong. I never asked her about it again.

Years passed. I left home, went to college, joined the Peace Corps, got married—but never wavered in my acceptance of my parents’ credo that they were all the family I ever needed. I would volunteer readily and rapidly to anyone that I was adopted. Occasionally, someone would ask if I was interested in knowing anything about my birth parents. I would answer that my adoptive family was my real and only family. End of discussion.

Early in our marriage, though, my wife gently asked me to consider searching to learn more about my roots. If we had children, shouldn't’t we know at least about my genetic heritage, she would say. Each time, I lashed out furiously at her. How dare she bring up this forbidden topic? I guess I had been so seared by my earlier conversation with my mother that I adopted her view as an absolute: that it was unacceptable, insulting, and inappropriate for anyone to probe this area and if someone didn’t accept my short explanation, they were attacking me—and my adoptive family. But, after I’d repressed the thought for 20 years, my wife had started me thinking again. I quietly squirreled away a Washington Post article in 1993 on tools for searching for birth parents. In early 1994, I followed the article’s advice.

~more @ link~

The arc of this man's search is more common than mine. I never stopped thinking of my mother and never bought into the adoption orthodoxy and secrecy. While adoption has many complexities to it, access to our own original birth certificates is something that we should all agree on.

Catholic hospitals in Australia apologize for forced adoptions

The Catholic Church in Australia on Monday apologised for the forced adoption of babies from young, unwed mothers in the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s, saying the practice was “deeply regrettable”.


We acknowledge the pain of separation and loss felt then and felt now by the mothers, fathers, children, families and others involved in the practices of the time,” the apology said.

“For this pain we are genuinely sorry,” said the statement from Catholic Health Australia and Sisters of Mercy nuns from Singleton, north of Sydney, in response to accounts of babies taken from their mothers in decades past.


Some women were pressured, deceived or threatened to ensure they signed away their rights to their children, according to submissions to the inquiry relating to births from the 1950s to as late as 1987.

~more @ http://www.cathnewsusa.com/2011/07/catholic-hospitals-in-australia-apologize-for-forced-adoptions/

I am still waiting for my mother's and my apology from the US and the Catholic Church.

I certainly agree with this

I also agree with the posters up-thread that point out that just because someone acknowledges your plight doesn't mean you are any less privileged.

So far people in the thread have mentioned race and gender as points of privilege and the lack there of depending on your status. I will add mine:

Being an adoptee. Most non-adoptees take for granted that they can fill out their family medical history when they visits the doctor. This information is important for a physician when giving medical care: when should a woman begin mammograms, when medications should be avoided because of kidney disease in the family, and the list goes on.

Adult adoptees in most states are legally kept from their own original birth certificates. For some adoptees (mostly older) this means that they can not get state identification, which also means that for some of those they cannot vote. Being kept from your own identification means that we are forever treated as a child. I cannot tell you how degrading this is.

Many, if not most adoptees long to research their genealogy, follow their family tree to explore the long ago history of their ancestors.

So yes, I am well versed in those with privilege believing that these are not important issues. And for those who have taken the time to understand these issues, I ask that you demand better for us.

How I helped Philomena track down her son sold by cruel nuns:


It was a shameful episode, for which there has still been no official apology; and women from the Mother and Baby homes have not been included in the compensation scheme offered to former inmates of the notorious Magdalene Laundries.


Philomena was one of thousands of unmarried mothers taken away from their homes and families in the post-war decades because the Catholic church said they were moral degenerates who could not be allowed to keep their children.

Many of the women who have come forward said they, like Philomena, had kept the ‘guilty secret’ of their illegitimate children for decades, not telling families or friends as the Church had told them they would be damned if they did. And many of them echoed Philomena’s story of appealing to the nuns for help in finding their children. Like her, they were rebuffed.

They have not been the only ones to suffer. The children who were taken away for adoption have also spoken up to say that they too had spent their lives wondering and yearning – for the mother they had lost. As with Philomena and her son Anthony, it was clear that parents and children had been simultaneously looking for each other.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2495391/How-I-helped-Philomena-track-son-sold-cruel-nuns-Its-film-toddler-torn-mother-reducing-grown-men-tears--REAL-story-haunt-forever.html#ixzz2ksZsNdoX
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Please read the story at the link...
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