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Member since: Mon Nov 8, 2004, 10:31 AM
Number of posts: 6,602

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Had a weird dream last night, need help interpreting

All the clocks in the house were set to 9:15 in the house. It was daylight. I kept thinking this is wrong. I know it's later than that but every time I went to move them ahead they moved back to 9:15.

This was a weird dream and just wondering if it could signify anything?

My Dentist's Office Sent Me Flowers

As some of you already know from other posts, I got hives back in January. The dentist told me when I called to cancel an appointment because the hives were really bad that day that it might be best to postpone any dental work until it can be determined that it would not exacerbate any condition that the hives are a symptom of. It's been several months now.

So I called them this morning and left a message to let them know that I had not forgotten them and still wanted to stay a patient but that I still have the hives pretty seriously and that I am to see an immunologist on Wednesday.

This afternoon a local florist delivery van pulls in. I was thinking he had the wrong address. Instead it was a beautiful floral arrangement for me from the dentist's office staff.

They said my message sounded like I had been through the wringer and they wanted to make me smile again!

I just can't get over how nice that was!

Shaking My Head Over Doctors

I have had daily hives since January. Went to primary care doc they gave me a course of prednisone and when they came back after dose sent me to an allergist. Allergist looked to be about 85, and still using type writer and carbon paper, I kid you not. First thing he does is hand me a stack of copied newspaper clippings saying they often don't find the cause. Ran some tests. My immunoglobulin levels for A E and M were low and my CH50 was high. He just sent me a copy of lab work with note saying he didn't know what to make of this because he expected high immunoglobulin levels and low CH50.

No advice for follow up nothing. So I googled. Turns out not only can my low immunoglobulin levels and high CH50 cause hives but can be signs of more serious things. I call back prime cares office. Got "well we aren't immunologist we don't know what they mean either. So I said so refer me to an immunologist then.

They took forever but finally did. I go on Tuesday. Well the Immunologist's office tells me to stop taking all antihistamines for a week before appointment. I do. This a.m. I wake up, hives all over the place and swollen lip, all of which has been going on all along when I don't take the antihistamines. Doctor knew it, allergist knew it. All acted like oh it's no big deal. That I should just keep talking Zantac ( has antihistamine qualities and it's working) and learn to live with it.

So I call Immunologist's office, got voice mail and I say the hives are all over me again my lips swollen, I know yo don't want me to take antihistamines because they may throw tests off. Is there something else I can take to stop this itching? That's all. Then I left for meeting and had my cellphone off.

I was riding with a friend. She pulls in my driveway and a Sheriff pulls in right behind me. The immunologist had called my doctors office, my emergency contacts and 911 because they were afraid I would go into anaphylactic shock.

Nice they care and now I feel guilty for panicking everyone but I didn't think anything serious was going on. I just wanted relief from the itching.I wasn't saying it was serious because the primary care knows I have been having these symptoms for months and acting like hey it's no big deal. The kicker is there's two calls from them saying to take the antihistamines right away and that I might want to go to the ER. I guess they don't want me to just live with it now a big city doc told them it might be serious.

Fight Fan

Having had barn kitties for many years I have seen a lot of interesting feline behavior. One of the strangest is from Bumpkin, the one semi-tame colony member. Every time there is a fight the other cats not involved scatter away from the spat. Not Bumpkin. She runs towards it, then sits just far enough away for safety purposes and then watches fascinated. She does this almost every time. I swear if she were human she'd be a boxing fan for certain.

She did it again this morning.

Bad Times

Feel like a whiner. Know I am not a refugee, homeless, crime victim etcetera. But the thinking about others suffering only makes me feel depressed more depressed that they have to suffer.

Growing up Catholic I got that old chestnut: "God never gives you more than you can handle." Well forgive me believers but that's crap!

I am covered in itchy hives again, I can't eat hardly anything any more because I keep having to run to the bathroom with stomach cramps and excuse me but loose bowel movements five or six times a day if I eat anything even remotely close to a vegetable, and now even avoiding them doesn't stop it all that much. I've lost weight, my immune counts aren't right. They ship me from one doctor to the next, none of them know what's wrong or what to do. The gastroenterologist said eat more fiber, and when I say I've done that and it makes it worse he ignores me.

My 7 month old GSD bites me and my sister who visits often. Have had her to specialized trainer! She doesn't exhibit behavior with her or casual acquaintances. Just people she gets to know well. Nothing is helping and I have tried everything. I exercise her regularly, love her, try to give her boundaries but nothing works. In all likelihood I am going to have to give her to the GSD rescue in our area to try and rehabilitate and re-home her.

My cousins who claimed we were their sisters by heart have ditched us. They are going through crap of their own and my sis and I offered support. What did we get in return. They manufacture some story that the last time they visited my sister told my cousin's wife all the mean things her sister in law was saying about her. Can we all say delusional? I was there through the entire visit. Never happened. The thing is her husband, our cousin was there too, knows it didn't happen but has ostracized us anyway.

This on top of my mental illness issues. If I call therapist or psychiatrist they are just going to give me that keep being as courageous as you've been even though it's hard, etc. The doctor will toss out more meds which solve nothing.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep trying, I keep following the rules. It's just when is enough enough?

I made my sister a promise that I would never give into the urge to end it again and I won't go back on that cause I won't put her through more misery.

So I am stuck. The only things I even slightly enjoy anymore are my sister, books,sleeping, and my one feral cat who let's me pet her and even with those things, the only ones I know can't be taken away are sleeping and books.

I just don't have any clue anymore about how to be remotely happy?

Have you ever discovered a TV show that you really like

that's been on for awhile but you just never got around to watching before? For me recently it is Chicago Fire. I've been holding little mini marathons through on demand. I actually think it just maybe my favorite show now.

I am almost done with season 2, and have plans to go back and watch season 1 soon.

My sleep deprived mind (had insomnia last night)has devised a silly plan

for keeping my promise to my sister not to argue with our conservative relatives at a holiday picnic she has planned even if they bring it up first. So if they celebrate the Hobby Lobby decision, utter one "dear leader, or " Barry" or spout anything even remotely sounding like a faux news talking point, I am just going to stand up and say really loudly " Excuse me, I have to poop", leave the table and then not return. If anyone calls up to see how I am, or if one of them has to use the bathroom I am answering " still going."

I either cry or laugh hysterically at myself when I am over tired even when things aren't truly that sad or that funny. Today is a day for the latter.

My fondest fantasy

other than having human like robotic clones of Julian McMahon, Carter Oosterhose, Matt Bomer, and George Clooney (similar to the life like droids in JD Robb books) to come live with and devote themselves totally to me, is to have every conservative and libertarian, even the average and poor ones, that I know be able to exclusively and actually experience the kind of world they so desperately are asking for. You know the know the kind of world where there is no tax payer funded schools, roads, bridges, social safety nets, police, fire departments etc. No government funded bureaucracies like the EPA,OSHA,the CDC.

You know where corporations are free to pay their workers as little as they want, where they and their unlimited amount of offspring (no birth control or abortion remember) get
to live next to a plant pumping unlimited pollutants, and Carbon Dioxide into the air and drinking water untethered by pesky government regulations. Where immigration is not allowed so their fellow conservatives will have to pick crops for pennies on the dollar. I mean those are the good honest jobs the illegal aliens are stealing from Amuricans, right? A world where they can be in a perpetual war against enemies real or manufactured.

Here's the catch that makes it fantasy. I want all these things to apply to their world and theirs only, and not have any ill effects on the world I wish the rest of us could live in. If that were the case I could be more live and let live about their actions to dismantle the federal government piece by piece. Unfortunately we don't live in a fantasy world or a vacuum, so forgive me if I get ticked off and loose my patience with them. The sad reality is we are all going to have to live with all the ill consequences of their efforts.

Sorry I am in the mood to vent.

Why are there Women, Hispanic, Black and Gay Republicans?

Pukes have nothing but contempt for us. They treat us as second class citizens! Seek to destroy our rights at every turn.

What is wrong with people who would aid their enemies? I'm sorry it just makes me sick and I have even less respect for those members of oppressed groups who openly suppot their oppressors, no matter what excuse they give.

I don't know how other people feel and this is JMHO but I personally look at other women who vote puke as traitors. If they want to surrender their rights that's fine. They deserve to lose them but they shouldn't be helping in trying to steal the rest of ours away and certainly not celebrating the theft.

My puppy Marnie at Six Months

My little girl is growing up.

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