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Mira

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Member since: Thu Oct 21, 2004, 06:06 PM
Number of posts: 17,952

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Republican Candidates Descend on Iowa chronicles Andy Borowitz



DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report)–Republican Presidential candidates descended on Iowa over the weekend, giving Iowans a rare opportunity to evaluate all thirty thousand hopefuls in one place.

The candidates were a big hit with their G.O.P. audience, who attempted to determine which of the thirty thousand would do the best job of eviscerating Obamacare and deporting college students.

Attendees gave an especially warm welcome to the businessman Donald Trump, whose potential entry into the 2016 race would instantly raise the credibility of everyone else.
In a speech laden with red meat for the Republican faithful, Trump explained how his experience of hosting a reality TV show would prove invaluable in defeating the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS).

But Iowans reserved their most enthusiastic response for Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who laid out an ambitious vision for depriving future generations of a living wage.

Asked how he hopes history will remember him, Walker said, “If I have my way, there will be no one teaching history.”



www.borowitzreport.com

Six Weeks’ Paid Leave Opposed By People With Thirty-Three Weeks’ Paid Leave /observes Andy Borowitz



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama’s proposal to give workers six weeks of paid leave is meeting strong opposition from a group of people who annually receive thirty-three weeks of paid leave.Members of the group heard the President’s proposal on Tuesday night, one of the few nights of the year when they are required to report to their workplace.

The opponents of paid leave, who show up for work a hundred and thirty-seven days per year and receive paid leave for the other two hundred and twenty-eight, were baffled by other moments in the President’s speech.

For example, they were confused by Obama’s challenge to try to survive on a full-time job that pays fifteen thousand dollars, since they all currently hold a part-time job that pays a hundred and seventy-four thousand dollars

www.borowitzreport.com

Poll: Majority of Americans Now Believe That They Could Be Senators claims Andy Horowitz

Poll: Majority of Americans Now Believe That They Could Be Senators claims Andy Horowitz




WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a poll taken on Tuesday night, a wide majority of Americans said that they now believe that they could be elected to the United States Senate.

The results reflected a renewed sense of the inclusiveness of the American political system, as those surveyed said that they believed that anyone could serve in the Senate regardless of intelligence, the ability to speak, or any other qualifications whatsoever.

While those responses indicated that, as of Tuesday night, at least, Americans were energized about the possibility of their future careers in Washington, other results were not so encouraging.

Nineteen per cent of those surveyed said that they could not respond to the poll questions because they were still in a state of shock, while fourteen per cent agreed with the statement “WTF???”


www.Borowitzreport.com

President Obama Will Seek to Reduce Taxes for Middle Class

Source: NYTimes

President Obama Will Seek to Reduce Taxes for Middle Class
President Obama will use his State of the Union address on Tuesday to call on Congress to raise taxes and fees on the wealthiest taxpayers and the largest financial firms to finance tax cuts for the middle class, administration officials said on Saturday.
The proposal — which will also push to reshape the tax code to help working families and raise $320 billion over the next decade — faces long odds in the Republican-controlled Congress, led by lawmakers who have long opposed raising taxes and who argue that doing so would hamper economic growth.
But the decision to present the plan signifies the start of a debate over taxes and the economy that will shape both Mr. Obama’s legacy and the 2016 presidential campaign.
READ MORE »


Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/18/us/president-obama-will-seek-to-reduce-taxes-for-middle-class.html?emc=edit_na_20150117

Hole Foods Cartoon

Handy Dandy Instant Fox News Terrorist spotting color chart.

Note: what George Hamilton and John Boehner have in common



Citing Security Concerns, Boehner to Do All Drinking at Work/ reasons are reported by Andy Borowitz




WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Citing what he called “security concerns,” House Speaker John Boehner said on Wednesday that he would do all of his drinking at the office for the foreseeable future.

Boehner said that he may have to stay at work later in order to get his drinking done, but added, “I’m doing it for the American people. They need to know that their Speaker is safe.”

Calling the move “a temporary security measure taken out of an abundance of caution,” the Ohio Republican said that his decision to do all of his drinking at the office “should in no way be seen as a negative comment on the nation’s bartenders, who do fine work.”


“To the men and ladies who stand behind the bar, let me say this: ‘I’ll be back,’ ” he said, choking up.


Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.

For Celebration: an after hour walk at the HQ of "Cirque du Soleil" in Montreal

You asked to see, so here is what I can offer for you to walk with us:

I was traveling with my grandson and a family friend. Grandson’s hope is that he will end up working for Cirque in the future. We learned that there are no visitors allowed and no tours.
So we walked the grounds and peered into the brightly lit windows under the eyes of a (kindly disposed) security guard.
The place is a haven for any kind of free thinking artistry imaginable, and I wish I could have taken more photos.















Doing the Happy Dance! We have a contest theme and it is "PEACE" - should you miss the tagged post

This photo is "just because". I started this thing and CurtEastPoint rallied immediately and set the theme
"Peace"
I often don't look at the top of the posts where the tagged ones are. So I am finishing my involvement by making sure you know it.

The photo was taken in Montreal a few days ago, it is at the door of the world headquarters of the "Cirque du Soleil"
if you ask me I'll show you some photos taken through the windows into the design and production areas. It was after hours, and I smiled at the security guard.

Are we having a contest this month?

I can't find any mention of it - or is my brain still on hiatus from the flu?
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