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Mira

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Member since: Thu Oct 21, 2004, 06:06 PM
Number of posts: 17,287

Journal Archives

Some Fear Ebola Outbreak Could Make Nation Turn to Science - Andy Borowitz (cowering)




NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science.

In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day.

“It’s a very human reaction,” said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science.”

Additionally, he worries about a “slippery slope” situation, “in which a belief in science leads to a belief in math, which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts.”

At the end of the day, though, Dorrinson hopes that such a doomsday scenario will not come to pass. “Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it,” he said. “I pray that this time will be no different.”



www.borowitzreport.com




A Peek into the Bedroom of Potus and Flotus / seems good'n safe now (Darkow cartoon)

Citizen's United. And a good thought about what might have spawned it.

There are no innocuous easy talk dinner parties at my house. Even when we're all on the same basic page about the periphery in life- eventually politics is on the table for discussion or argument.
So tonight I had a couple of female guests, Mother and daughter, 70 and 46. For the sake of the following it is pertinent they are black women, I'm a white immigrant.

We talked about the breaches of security, all the things connected with President Obama being at even greater risk of mayhem and threats than others, about Ebola and about the media and how we are manipulated into their prescribed channels of what is acceptable to be hyped just so that news that are way more urgent and powerful can be suppressed.

I made an off handed comment about Citizen's United and how that decision has damaged the country more in one fail swoop than any I could name and then the younger of my two guests said:

"Do you remember how Obama made tracks with the internet and gathering funds in 5 and 10 dollar increments, and how it helped him to gather money in ways that we had not ever seen before and at the time how it helped him win?"

Yeah, I said.

"Then, what do you think they figured would be the only and best thing they could do to counteract such a grass roots appeal to the people at large?"

And suddenly I saw it.
Do you agree ?

Republicans Air Early Attack Ad on Newborn Clinton - little Charlotte already under fire / Borowitz




WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — A Republican Super PAC defended the broadcast, on Saturday morning, of an attack ad highly critical of Hillary Clinton’s newborn granddaughter, Charlotte, who was born on Friday.

The ad raises several serious questions about the newborn, at one point accusing her of being “related to Benghazi.”

In criticizing a one-day-old infant, the ad is believed to be the earliest political attack ad on record.

“Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is fair game,” a spokesman for the Americans Concerned About Charlotte Super PAC said. “We have to assume that she is the presumptive Democratic nominee in 2052.”



www.borowitzreport.com

Cheney: “No Fair” That Obama Gets to Bomb Syria - his crying towel is held by Andy Borowitz



NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a Thursday appearance on the Fox News Channel, former Vice-President Dick Cheney said that it was “no fair” that President Obama gets to bomb Syria.

“I’m envious as hell,” he told Fox’s Sean Hannity. “That was on my bucket list.”

Asked if he had any advice for the President on bombing Syria, Cheney said, “Just enjoy it. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

The former Vice-President struck a philosophical note at the conclusion of his interview with Hannity. “Look, I had a good run,” he said. “I got to bomb Afghanistan, and I got to do it to Iraq—twice. But to see someone finally get to bomb Syria and it’s not me? I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt like hell.”

www.borowitzreport.com

Career Insurance for NFL Players - Fitzsimmons 'toon makes it an easy premium to pay

Solly Mack and news as of tonight

Our good friend and fellow photographer is not doing very well. My having left the message of "I think of you daily and please let me know when you can" has brought a response just now.
A brief one.
She is in the hospital, and has been.
Our thought - prayers - mantras in meditation are all needed.
But then, there is hope. And there are miracles. And efforts to bring all of these are in motion, so contribute in your own ways.

Getting jerked up to grow up - a tale of learning about all the remotes.

Here’s what I did tonight (for about an hour)

I can only receive HBO on my big TV.
I keep subscribing to it to watch Bill Maher on Friday nights.

It was time today. Bill Maher was coming on. 10 o clock. repeat at 11

I was running a few minutes late, turned on the big Kino TV - did all I usually do, and could not get the channels to change to get HBO.
I am working with 5 remotes. I think I understand the purpose behind each of them. after all, I have a BluRay player, a basic DVD player, and a player that disregards regional codes so I can play international DVDs.
I’m set.

I could not get there. Simple HBO. Just was not coming in.

So I dismantle the get up that hides “the works” behind the TV, and start unplugging and re-plugging. Things reboot. Things respond. Lights go on and off. I’m on a roll.
Some of the plugs I can’t reach. So I get a big flashlight and a footstool and keep plugging along. One of the DVD players falls down behind the big TV - but nothing unplugs. No damage done.
Some of the colors don’t make sense, but the plug colors correspond and I continue.

All the time I remember the reverse bumpersticker on my dashboard that says: Everything will always work out for me.

I still have about 20 minutes left before the program repeats, so I know with everything working out for me being in the cards I’ll be fine when the time comes.
I keep on.
By now I have done all I can do, except I suddenly realize with the remote not giving me the channels - and remembering that was the original problem - I must have a problem with the remote not speaking to the TV.
So I confidently step up to the huge thing and say to myself, that I must be able to change channels directly. And sure enough I can with one of the buttons.

I start pushing the button.
I’m on channel 4 to start with, and need to go to 511.
I keep holding the button down, it keeps going up, and within acceptable time limits gets to 511.
On comes Bill Maher.

And it is last weeks show. Recorded.
I did not even know I could do that.

Empowered I sit down and start thinking.
How in the hell did all of that happen and not respond to today’s show?

So I take the remote that has the power to change channels while I walk into the kitchen while still thinking. I get a couple of new batteries and throw them in just for shits and giggles.
A big red light comes on in my hand.
I confidently step into my Kino room and push 511 for the channel I have been needing to be current.
And on comes the show.
Bill Maher’s today, Friday, current show.

Things are always working out for me.
I should never forget that when the going gets rough.

Queen Rips “Scottish Bastards” in Angry Televised Address - Borowitz was there




LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an eleventh-hour development that could have an unpredictable effect on the vote to determine Scottish independence, Queen Elizabeth II took to the British airwaves on Thursday to excoriate the Scots in a one-hour, profanity-laden tirade.

The Queen’s speech began with the phrase “Listen, you Scottish bastards,” and became steadily saltier as the monarch blasted her subjects for having the impudence to consider leaving the fold.

“I’ll make you heel like a litter of corgis,” she said, as her rage reached a crescendo.

After the speech, British Prime Minister David Cameron made a desperate attempt at damage control, hoping to distance himself from the Queen’s paint-peeling rant.

“The views of Her Majesty the Queen are her own,” he said in a hastily prepared statement. “Neither I nor my government consider the people of Scotland ‘bloody wankers.’

www.borowitzreport.com


Female G.O.P. Senators Propose Earning Seventy-one Per Cent As Much As Male Colleagues - exposed by




WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Two days after voting against the Paycheck Fairness Act, a law that would help women to obtain equal pay, the four female Republicans in the United States Senate co-sponsored a bill that would slash their salaries to seventy-one per cent of what their male colleagues earn.

The senators—Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Deb Fischer (R-Neb.), and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)—said that the best way to take a stand against big government’s intrusive attempts to mandate equal pay for women was to take a twenty-nine-per-cent pay cut themselves.


“The days of the federal government forcing us to earn as much as male senators are over,” Ayotte said. “We will not stop fighting until we make twenty-nine per cent less.”


Fischer said that after voting down paycheck equity for women across America, the female Republican senators realized that they themselves were “burdened by the tyranny of equal pay” in the U.S. Senate.

“All we are asking for is the same freedom from equal pay that other American women enjoy,” Ayotte said.

Though the bill was just proposed on Wednesday morning, Murkowski said that it already has the unanimous support of male Republicans in the Senate.



www.borowitzreport.com





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