Hometown: South East Michigan
Home country: United States
Member since: Tue Jul 27, 2004, 01:19 PM
Number of posts: 8,534
Hometown: South East Michigan
Home country: United States
Member since: Tue Jul 27, 2004, 01:19 PM
Number of posts: 8,534
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This may seem like a simple concept, but it a big issue when a religious leader (usually fundamentalist) commits a "sin" and falls from grace. The cry for forgiveness - complete with acknowledgements of unworthiness of all sinners - is usually accompanied by an expressed faith that, having approached the Lord with humbled heart, the sinner has repented, and received forgiveness from the Almighty. With approval from on high already given, can the congregation follow suit? Already aware of their own lack of perfection, and well aware of their own humanity, forgiveness, along with explanations, rationalizations, and sometimes just plain excuses, are all inevitably offered by those who *like* the sinner and wish to continue a positive relationship.
The problem comes in when something is presented as a "sin" but is in reality considered A CRIME by the rest of society. Sins are not necessarily crimes - lust in one's heart, secretly coveting someone else's spouse, taking the "name" of a deity in vain, etc. - and not something the judicial system in this country is going to pay attention to. Even "moral failings" - adultery, non-marital sexual activity, immodest dress - are not CRIMES.
Petty crimes - pilfering from the collection plate - probably get more law enforcement calls, but the major crimes - rape/murder/molestation - are where all heck breaks loose.
Josh Duggar committed a crime. His parents covered it up (another crime). His victims were encouraged to bury their own feelings for "family unity/religious love" and this lack of Justice outrages decent people.
The sin is on their souls, and frankly, not the business of the community. The CRIME is the issue, and the cover up.
None of us is perfect. I suspect the young teen who began molesting his sleeping female victims was acting out his own abuse, but again, the crime of covering up the situation has made that difficult to investigate. The narcissism of the confession is telling.
The 15 minutes of fame is over for this family. Unfortunately, he may appear to be a martyr to those who can't grasp the difference between accountability for one's "sins" versus one's CRIMES (unless the perpetrator has dark skin),
My $.02 - your mileage may vary.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Sun May 24, 2015, 12:13 AM (14 replies)
Top ten list of "things I thought I would never need to explain" except that apparently I had to spell this out for someone who was trying to justify letting two young "lovebirds" stay in her home after the boyfriend was released from jail following his arrest after an incident of violence.
I have been told that the girlfriend assaulted him first, then he choked her unconscious, and she called the police on him when she came to. (The home owner saw the marks on her neck.) The police deemed the situation to be "mutual combat" but since he had an outstanding warrant (driving on a suspended license) he got hauled off to jail. He was released Monday (after two weeks in jail) and the two lovebirds were back together again before his release.
It is actually the home owner I am most upset with because the line "but the girlfriend wants him back!" was actually used as part of the justification, along with me "not really knowing the guy" which is when I used the quote in the subject.
It is "not my circus, and not my monkeys" but I predict this is not going to end well. The girlfriend moved in with the homeowner less than two months ago, has lost custody of her child to the state, was stealing from the home owner/called the police to get the home owner arrested after initiating a tug of war over the stolen property (that was a shocker/didn't work, thank goodness), and now this...all in two months!!!
Apparently I am a judgmental cynic. I do not think "a stern talking to" is going to prevent the next episode of "drama" from happening, which I predict will occur before the end of April.
"But they have no place to go!"
"He choked your granddaughter unconscious - who cares?"
The CRAZY is strong with these ones....ARGH!
Posted by IdaBriggs | Sat Apr 18, 2015, 12:39 AM (7 replies)
His incompetence cost half a dozen people their jobs, and he FINALLY got fired.
There was a time I would have celebrated, but now I just feel sorry for him. He tried to protect himself by throwing other people under the bus, and it totally backfired on him.
He was enabled by a supervisor who has apparently managed to save himself by blaming this guy. It is an ugly mess. I am grateful to be NOT involved, and hope my former team is able to function with a competent person in the role.
I am surprised by my pity for the man, especially after he did so much damage....?
Posted by IdaBriggs | Wed Apr 8, 2015, 06:58 PM (2 replies)
Good luck guessing why it got rejected. Also, it had pretty graphs, charts and a cool breakdown of the demographics.
MICRONUTRIENT DEFICIENCY AS AN UNDIAGNOSED SUBSET OF CEREBRAL PALSY
Posted by IdaBriggs | Thu Mar 26, 2015, 09:26 AM (11 replies)
Neither know how to behave at funerals.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Sun Dec 28, 2014, 08:26 AM (21 replies)
Grandmother, sister, then father. Simultaneously had to deal with "the holidays" as both the anniversary of my second (very early) miscarriage and an annual reminder for eight years that I was not a mother (yet). My children were born in 2007, and the holidays did NOT magically "get better" - in fact, I swear I nearly lost my mind in 2009! Fortunately my husband and I were able to sit down and make some decisions about what memories and traditions we wanted to create for our own family. We dumped an obligatory family gathering that was a major trigger and now go to an out of town Waterpark adventure instead - all of us love it! We laugh, giggle, swim and spend time together. We still see family, but we do it on our terms, and focus on the people we like best.
These were actual DECISIONS and sometimes there is some "fake it until you make it" involved for me when remembering surfaces sometimes. I am grateful we decided to change the rules; it gave me the power to not lose the joy that I am entitled to feel, and the chance to share it with those most important to me.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Thu Dec 25, 2014, 07:10 AM (0 replies)
ON EDIT #3: This thread is really all about this one - "Need some good vibes, please." http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018679841 about writing the DRATTABLE paper referenced.
I have taken the day off work. I think I am making progress.
Re watched the video series I did about this back in July 2012 - very proud of it. I give DU and fubar a shout out in this one. (It got broken down into four parts due to length.)
I want the icon of the stick figure running around with their hair on fire.
Back to it!
ON EDIT #1: I am never going to get this done. Where is the "ripping out my own hair" smiley?
ON EDIT #2: Okay, I just wrote an AMAZING introduction, and copied the "symptom" page I already did. Maybe I can do this.
But now what?
ON EDIT #3: It is a fresh morning, and I'm partying at the library again.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Fri Nov 7, 2014, 09:30 AM (12 replies)
"Your grandfather has passed. I'm sorry."
My husband didn't get the text until the next day as he was finalizing plans to go visit his grandfather in the hospital. The day before his father had called to let him know the doctors were giving him three-to-five days, but apparently grandpa passed a few hours later.
I am not sure why this information was texted, and why no follow up phone call was made to insure he got it. I am sad and angry for him; when my husband called the texter (not his dad), he was told his grandfather's body had been donated to a local medical school, the school had already picked it up the night before, and there was going to be no memorial service.
"Closure" is a personal thing; my beloved is reeling.
On a positive note, his grandfather was at my brother-in-law's birthday party, and it was a wonderful time. Those are good memories, and "not bad" if they are the last ones you have of someone you love -- smiles and laughter and happy times.
Rest in peace, Grandpa Briggs.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Wed Oct 8, 2014, 05:47 AM (30 replies)
Also because she probably loves him, and thinks there is more to their relationship than what was captured on that horrific video.
She probably considers herself a strong, confident woman. She isn't his slave. She knows damn good and well she could walk away, and I am confident she has family and friends who would provide her safe haven with no questions asked.
I have now watched the video multiple times. She never cowers from him. She is not oppressed.
She has just been the victim of a physical assault that should NEVER have happened, and she still loves him.
Life can be complicated sometimes. She probably tells herself she provoked him - she is not saying this to justify his behavior, but to give herself some CONTROL over it.
You see, if she PROVOKED HIM, then she can stop him from "over reacting" the next time by NOT provoking him. (Classic co-dependent behavior.)
And this is why she is an idiot: she has not yet realized that the man she loves, the father of her child, her lover and best friend, uses "HIT" as an automatic default "Go To" in his coping skills.
Not walk away. Not kneel in prayer. Not talk until four in the morning. Not even yell at each other and say nasty things.
It is a learned behavior. It is the physical "fight" in the survival "fight, flight or freeze" mode.
And like it or not, when her partner feels threatened - even just mentally or emotionally - by her, his coping mechanism is Hit.
There are those who watch the video who will focus on the "norms" in their relationship - the playful (?) little back of her hand slaps. The two of them appear to be bickering. It escalates in the elevator.
She did not cower from him. In the elevator, she hit her own moment of "FLIGHT, FIGHT OR FREEZE" and she went for FIGHT.
And he knocked her unconscious with one blow, and (to my mind) seems more annoyed at the inconvenience than concerned for her medical condition.
It won't be a popular observation, but I think he looks kind of "shock-y" himself. Adrenalin rush, maybe. Everyone has baggage.
But this post is about her.
The two of them have a Very Messed Up relationship. I am willing to put money on the fact that in HER HEAD, she is NOT a victim. The arguments she will make to those who care about her are pretty cliche.
- "Victim" implies someone who is helpless. She is not. She is a grown woman, and she has made a choice to stay and work things through with the man she loves. They got MARRIED - he loves her.
- So they had a small scuffle; the whole thing is being blown out of proportion. It is actually embarrassing, really. It isn't anyone else's business, so just...BUTT OUT.
- Everyone needs to quit acting like this is a defining moment of his character. Or hers, for that matter.
- Besides, it isn't going to happen again. They have spent a lot of time talking this through. She is sorry everyone was inconvenienced, but the two of them have worked things out, so seriously, everyone needs to just drop it already.
- She loves him. He is the father of her child. He is her best friend and her lover. He worked hard to achieve professional success and she is proud of him. She knows she has a temper, and she is working on that, and so is he.
- She is not a "battered woman", dammit. She isn't afraid of him, and she has her own money.
They all come down to the same thing:
She loves him. He loves her. It isn't going to happen again.
And the truth is, she really believes that last bit. She has to.
Despite all common sense, despite all studies and stories, despite the reality that exercising the demons they both carry and learning healthy communication/relationship enhancing skills beyond "don't Hit!" is going to take a tremendous effort on both of their parts, especially when both will want to minimize and trivialize the facts she went after him and he knocked her unconscious, right now she believes it won't happen again.
And it won't. Until inevitably, it does.
And that is why I am comfortable saying:
She married him because she is an idiot.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in this post are my own. I am not a trained mental health professional. I base these opinions on my own life experiences, which includes a loving, but seriously dysfunctional family of origin, three sisters who had partners arrested for domestic violence, and years of therapy to avoid being one of those statistics. Life is complicated, but NOBODY deserves to be a victim of domestic violence.
ON EDIT: I can no longer reply in this thread as I have received my first ever (non-meta) hide for one of my replies, which truthfully, was snarky and sarcastic (for which I apologize); I have been on DU for over a decade, so I guess I was due! Lol. Anyway, this is a difficult discussion, and I thank both the people who appreciated the nature of the post, as well as those who questioned my "harsh" language. This is an important discussion, and no, I am not going to edit the post, or delete it (but thank you for asking).
Posted by IdaBriggs | Tue Sep 9, 2014, 05:57 AM (117 replies)
I was summoned for Jury Duty on Thursday, March 20, 2014, excused for cause, and shared the tale of my day in a VERY SUPER LONG post on Saturday, March 22, 2014. You can read it (if you want) here: "Justice was Served - I was excused from Jury Duty for Cause." http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024708904
I was curious about how the story ended, and have been googling regularly to see if the verdict hit the local papers. (It doesn't appear to have done so.) Today I contacted the court house, and (because this is a public record), learned that the Defendant, Lonnie Walker Jr., was found guilty of all three charges. (The clerk read the charges, but basically he was found guilty of sexually assaulting a 14 year girl at knife point during a home invasion; the verdicts were entered on Tuesday, March 25, 2014.)
This was a news story from December of 2013 when he was arrested/denied bond: http://www.theoaklandpress.com/general-news/20131206/deputies-man-with-long-criminal-record-charged-with-sex-assault-on-pontiac-teen and yes, that is the man who was in the courthouse as the defendant.
For those who were moved by my compassion with the victim's father, I appreciated your kind words, but honestly, the end of that story is Very Creepy with a large "ICK!" factor - you might have noticed that the accused is "Lonnie Walker Junior" and at one point while I was trying to find out if his case had concluded, I searched the "Michigan Public Sex Offender Registry" for him. Lonnie JUNIOR did not show up, but guess who did?
His dad, Lonnie D. Walker. You can view his information here: http://www.icrimewatch.net/offenderdetails.php?OfndrID=2000438&AgencyID=55242 and let me assure you that, despite the record saying he "in prison (verified 07/05/2006)" that was the man I compassionately hugged (who hugged me back).
Yes, I am a little skeeved out by the fact I "compassionately hugged a convicted rapist" but I am reminding myself that he is a fellow human being who was having a very bad time, blah, blah, blah.
Still skeeved out.
Moral of the story: hugging strangers in the courthouse probably not the brightest move.
It also makes me feel sorry for "Junior" who frankly, doesn't seem like he had much of a chance in life. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this situation, and how he probably didn't even know how to function outside of prison, if what his father said was true about him having previously spent 14 years in prison, with the bonus of having a father who normalized the whole prison experience. No matter what measures you use - protect the innocent or rehabilitate the guilty, the system failed in epic ways, and this distresses me. I don't have any answers, but I know "something is wrong here."
I don't expect this post to get as many recommendations as my original one (seriously, you guys were awesome!), but I want to say again that I truly appreciated the kind words that were expressed in my original post. I am grateful DU was here to help me process the whole experience, and I hope everyone who reads this post will spare a few moments to send healing thoughts to everyone involved in the experience, especially the 14-year old victim.
In the meantime, DU.
Posted by IdaBriggs | Wed Apr 16, 2014, 01:07 PM (1 replies)