Secret Fox News Recipe Leaked: "No soup for YOU!"

Today the internet was ablaze with the discovery that some wag had posted a stolen copy of the secret recipe for Fox News. Many networks had tried without success to imitate or copy the success of this wholly owned media subsidiary of rich corporate interests. Many fear that the publishing of the recipe will lead to a glut of this type of programming while others feel that the appetite for Fox News is in decline and that the recipe has no value and point to the total lack of cognitively nutritious ingredients.

SECRET RECIPE FOR FOX NEWS STEW

Preheat audience with racial, sexual, Muslim and minority fearmongering.

INGREDIENTS:

blowhards
leggy blondes (preferred but may substitute leggy brunettes and redheads)
clusters of ignoramuses
corporate shills (may substitute stooges)
tea party jihaists
lobbyists
slander
innuendo
distortion
lies
hypocrisy
trickle down tax cuts
dog whistles
catch phrases
banalities
irrelevancies
select liberal sellouts (may substitute) liberal punching bag

SAUCE: prolife, progun, homophobic bombast, racial animus, trickle down tax cuts, patriotic fervor.

DIRECTIONS:
Steep blowhards in distortions, slander and innuendo. Set aside.

SAUCE: Combine prolife, homophobic and pro-gun bombast with trickle down tax cuts, racial animus and patriotic fervor. Bring to a boil and then simmer.

Combine leggy blondes with clusters of ignoramuses. Gradually blend in tea party jihadists, corporate shills and lobbyists. Sift out fact, reason and counter argument. Add steeped blowhards. Cut in lies, dog whistles, catch phrases, banalities and irrelevancy. Mix well. Pour congealed mixture into Reagan profile pans. Inject loaf with hypocrisy and pour sauce over all of it. Sprinkle with liberal sellouts or punching bags if desired. Half bake at low temperature until smugly satisfied. Serves 25 million.