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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 62,655

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Are you up yet?

Day - Land of 1000 Chances

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.

A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14”.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”

Here you go…

One night, Marie and Pierre Curie were walking down the street when they came across a neighbor

Instead of greeting them with "Good evening," the neighbor shook their hands and said, "Congratulations!" and walked off.

Well, the Curies were a bit confused by that and continued walking down the avenue.

They came across three more acquaintances, who all did the same thing; stopped to shake their hands, wished them congratulations and then walked off.

When they came to the fifth person, they finally decided to ask them what they were congratulating them for.

Well, the person told them, "Because you're expecting a child, of course." "'A child,' you say?", said Pierre Curie, "Why would say that?"

"Because of Madame Curie, I can see it in her face…" said the neighbor.

"She's glowing."

It's how the World works…

Ask me nothing...

Instead, direct all of your ponderings to this distinguished gentleman:

He has more answers than I do, since he once knew being and is now experiencing nothingness.

If Republican House Had a Real Job

This is how they "work" now:

But in the REAL WORLD, they should get this kind of treatment (Please skip to 1min 46 secs)
Think of the guy in the hat as the Congress and his Boss as the taxpayers:


Grooming time…


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