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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 65,997

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Coming Soon To 60 Minutes...

That incessant whirring sound that you're hearing is Don Hewitt spinning in his grave.

Onward To The Skies!

How do you go after the 1 percent?

Interactive Music Timeline


Happy Birthday, Michelle Obama!

Radio Shack ad from 1991

Look at all the stuff that you needed then to do what's possible with a single phone today.


The Cat Pack: All of you rabid felinophiles can thank me later.

I'm staying out of GD today

It's going to get even more CRAAAZEEEE!

I've been spending the last two hours doing my show, so I haven't been keeping up with all the details around Prez Obama's NSA speech.

But I looked in there for a sec and it was hopping like hot cakes.

It's going to last all weekend, isn't it?

MFM Was A Son Of A Bitch

He was a ten foot tall mountain of a man, who used to hunt Bigfoot in the Summer and Yeti in the dead of Winter. That's the only time they're in season.

He once calmed down a colicky baby by breastfeeding her with a chicken.

MFM one time stopped a California wildfire cold by reading Dr. Suess's "The Cat In The Hat" to it.

Did I tell you about the time when MFM ate half of the Catholic Church's College of Cardinals? They were glad to be consumed by MFM, because it turns out that the quickest way to Heaven is through his digestive tract.

MFM was one hellava sexual dynamo. The city of Denver's entire electrical grid was powered by the energy of his pelvic thrusts.

MFM was able to split himself in two, the other half being a beautiful super model. When they had sex, you couldn't help but to cry from the sheer joy of their love for each other.

MFM was a son of a bitch.

Whenever he drove down the street, the traffic lights would flash green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop, and psychedelic for "get the hell outta the way, MFM's comin' through!"

If MFM punched you in the face, that was his way of sobering you up to be a designated driver.

I once saw MFM diving leg drop the Phillies Phanatic. That jerk totally deserved it. MFM kept his head on his wall as a trophy.

MFM's feces was made of pure anti-matter. NASA keeps a batch to power the upcoming manned space flight to Mars.

I once saw MFM shoot down an Argentine airliner by popping a pimple at it. His aim was perfect.

One time MFM ate entire Buick as a before meal snack. It wasn't one of those sedans either, it was a big ass SUV.

Before Elvis died on his toilet, he admitted that MFM was the inspiration for his multi-platinum hit song, "A Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love." Turns out that MFM once gave The King the clap. Elvis was grateful to MFM all the way to the bank.

MFM was a son of a bitch.

His gallstones were used as the national currency of Azerbaijan.

MFM once rescued an entire troop of lost Boy Scouts by eating them whole. They're also in Heaven now.

MFM wrote the original screenplay for "Gods and Monsters." He modeled both on himself.

If you dared him, MFM would eat a Republican.

He invented Beer Pong as way to settle international disputes.

MFM isn't dead, he's just biding his time until the Apocalypse, when he'll eat The Anti-Christ whole and save humanity from destruction.

MFM was a son of a bitch.

Rebel Alliance Hero Pens Tell-All Book

A moment of illicit love between tell-all book author, Chewbacca and Princess Leia

THE IMPERIAL GALAXY - Chewbacca, Han Solo's 200 year old, seven foot tall Wookie sidekick and co-pilot of the smuggling starship, The Millennium Falcon, released a tell-all autobiography today, where he reveals a ten year long illicit love affair with Princess Leia Organa, the wife of Solo.

The affair started, surprisingly enough, just after the fall of the Empire and the death of Emperor Palpatine at The Battle of Endor. Chewbacca had just returned to the Millennium Falcon from his home planet of Kashyyyk, after completing his studies of Wookiesutra, the mystical art of Wookie lovemaking. He had earned the title of Master, Twelth Level, in which he didn't waste anytime in using. Chewbacca details the circumstances, in his book, which let to him seducing Leia Organa and starting their long adulterous affair together, where he details her ravenous sexual appetite for someone whom she once described as "a big walking carpet."

Chewbacca wrote that he wanted to begin an affair with Leia just after the two met for the very first time, after the destruction of the first Imperial Death Star. A station from which he played a vital part in her rescue. Chewbacca alleges in his book that he was the mastermind of the entire rescue and ultimately, the moon-sized station's obliteration. "The entire operation," he writes, "Was doomed to fail without my leadership. Even if the humans got all of the glory." He also writes that he was intent of bringing the collapse of the Empire, as the there existed a ban on inter-species sexual relationships by imperial decree.

The affair ended quite abruptly after Leia gave birth to a half-human/half-wookie child during The Crystal Star crisis. This resulted in the loss of two marriages, both Leia and Han's, as well as the marriage of Chewbacca and his wife, Mallatobuck. Not to mention the collapse of the long partnership between Solo and the Wookie.

The sad part the story details Leia giving up for adoption, her love child with Chewbacca, to a family of Ewoks on Endor. The Wookie mentions that he has given up any claims to the child, as it would be in the child's best interests, given his nomadic lifestyle. He declines to give further details in the book to protect the privacy of his child and the adoptive family.

Chewbacca also writes in the book that entire Star Wars Saga completely undervalues his own exploits and he also reveals his previously hidden feelings for all of his former compatriots.

The only known picture of Chewbacca and Leia's love child. Name Unknown.

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