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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 64,609

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Suddenly, I have this urge to watch "Oklahoma" again

I've got a wonderful feeling that everything's gonna be OK.

German Candy Company Markets New Products To Cannabis Legal States

"Mmmm, that's good gummy worm"

DENVER, Co - The Trolli Gummi Company of Germany has just released a brand new line of giant gummy worms for the two states, here in Colorado and in Washington, where recreational cannabis use is now legal. Hungry tokers can satisfy their post-smoke cravings from an array of four three pound, 4,000 calorie behemoths of ribbed candy deliciousness.

Trolli Gummi's Vice President of North American marketing, Günter Von Katzedieliebenwässern, arrived in Denver last Thursday to reveal the candy giant's latest line up of gummy worm products. Measuring 128 times larger than their standard gummy worms, these massively long sweets come ribbed for pleasure, and are a whopping five inches wide in girth. They're available to consumers in four delicious flavors, "The Cheech," "The Chong," "The Arnold," and "The Milton Berle."

"Ribbed for your munchie satisfying pleasure," said Trolli's Günter Von Katzedieliebenwässern

"We know that the people of Colorado and Washington will love these new, delicious gummy worms. It's taken us three months to make sure that the taste and size was right and that they'll do more than satisfy any munchie craving on the face of the Earth. We've even tested them as field rations for the Deutsche Marine Kampfschwimmer Verwendungsgruppe 3402, with great success," said a beaming Von Katzedieliebenwässern at the Denver Press Club.

Right after the announcement, smoke shops and candy stores in both states began selling the gummy worms. There were numerous reports of the worms flying off the shelves and selling out at several locations just hours after they were stocked.

Unfortunately, for some cannabis users who were looking to satisfy their cravings with these new candies, they have had the misfortune to come across unscrupulous street sellers, offering bootleg real giant worms to unsuspecting buyers.

Not gummy worm candy

Even though these worms are not candies, but actual live Giant Gippsland Earthworms, (Megascolides Australis), it took several hours for many hungry, but judgement impaired buyers to discover that the bootleg products were not actual candies.

However, when asked if they'd rather have the new German gummy worm imports, rather that consuming live invertebrates of the Oligochaeta class, several cannabis users in both states replied with a standard, "Aw. It's cool, man," and staggered out of sight.

Reporters today attempted to contact Trolli's Mr. Von Katzedieliebenwässern to ask if the giant live worms could significantly damage sales of his company's candied worms in America, but he declined to comment.

Luckovich for the win!

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That bothers me a lot.

When these things become self-aware, we're all fucked….

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