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jmowreader

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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 27,950

Journal Archives

What would a "BIC for Him" pen look like?

Google "BIC for Her." This is, apparently, not a joke: someone came out with a pen for women only.

Since they have a pen for women only, they certainly must come out with a pen for men only just to be gender-neutral.

My thought: writing utensil at one end, beer opener at the other.

I have to tell you about this encounter with a right-to-lifer...

This was from last week, but it's still pretty good.

I worked at the Democratic Party booth at the local fair. It was actually good this time...our right-wing state representative screwed the pooch this cycle by working to recall the mayor over a park (very long story) and a LOT of people think she shouldn't have gotten involved, so our new state rep for Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, will probably be a nice lady named Anne Nesse. (Phil Hart, the worst state legislator in Idaho, lost in the primary. The guy who will probably replace him is really disappointed he doesn't get to run against Phil Hart, but worse things have happened.)

Back to the right-to-lifer: this guy stopped by the Democratic Party booth to call us all baby-killers and worse. At one point he asked me, "so when do YOU believe life begins?" I told him life begins when you can deduct it from your taxes. It's fun to watch teabaggers' heads explode.

There's a reason no one ever asked Romney for his birth certificate

We can't get his tax returns.

We can't get a straight story on when he left Bain Capital.

Or his record as governor of Mass.

Or, for that matter, his tenure as head of the Salt Lake Olympic Organizing Committee.

Much less anything about the 22 percent of deals he started, finishing with the company in bankruptcy.

He won't even tell us which state he's a legal resident of.

We didn't ask Romney for his birth certificate.

Because we knew we wouldn't get it.

How not to make Fickelgruber's Never Melting Ice Cream

In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, one of the magical and impossible treats Wonka was supposedly working on was an ice cream that never melts. Grandpa Joe said you could leave it in the hot sun all day and it would never go runny.

Then the spies stole the recipe for this and sold it to one of Wonka's competitors, and the next thing you know there's a shop on the way that sells Fickelgruber's Never Melting Ice Cream.

On to the present time...one of my nieces gave me an ice cream maker attachment for my stand mixer, and of course I've been using the hell out of it. (I have the most wonderful idea that I'll tell you about after I see if it actually works.) On Monday I decided to make an especially rich and creamy ice cream, so I whipped up a batch of batter and froze it. The next day I had some, and there was a lump of it in the bottom of the dish. I wash my dishes in the morning so I put the bowl in the sink and forgot about it.

The next day, the lump (which had been at room temperature all night) was exactly the same shape. So I did what any curious soul would do: put a spoonful of it in a custard cup and stuck it outside all day. The lump was exactly the same shape--hadn't melted at all.

You should not make this because it's like eating a bowl full of sweetened butter, but here's how if you're as insane as I am:

5 cups heavy whipping cream (there is "whipping cream" and "heavy whipping cream," and for this you want the heavy, higher-fat version)
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla
8 egg yolks

Put all this shit in a pan and bring to a slow simmer, stirring constantly. When done, put in fridge overnight to cool. The next morning, freeze according to the directions on your ice cream freezer.

Nutritional information: You don't really want to know.

Why is there no GOLF in this Olympics?

I assume the International Olympic Committee knows these Olympics are being contested in the UK, and further assume they know one of the nations in the UK is Scotland.

They held the tennis competition at Wimbledon. They COULD have held the golf competition at Scottish courses, and the final round at St. Andrews.

GOP: the real American Communist Party

A few days ago, someone posted a picture taken from Facebook of a guy with a pissed-off expression pointing a gun at the camera, and an obscenity-filled anti-liberal screed was under it.

This got me to thinking about how the Communists took power in Russia. They started by suppressing opposing viewpoints, then killed off every non-Communist they could find, and finally purged the ranks of their party to eliminate everyone who wasn't thought to be quite Communist enough.

Now look at our Republican party. They eliminated the Fairness Doctrine, then rich Republicans bought most of the media outlets and suppressed non-Republican viewpoints. They're working damn hard to keep Democrats from voting. And as for the internal purges, my paper has received several letters from well-regarded local Republicans telling people to "vote against the socialist wing of the GOP." Do I think the guy with the gun would actually shoot a liberal if he wouldn't get in trouble for it? No. He wouldn't stop at one. He wouldn't stop at liberals. And he's not the only one who would try it.

The difference between the CPSU and the GOP is private property: the CPSU eliminated private ownership of property. The GOP, who hates the government, doesn't want the Evil Government to own anything, but they're fine with huge corporations taking over all the real property in the US.

You know who Mitt Romney looks like to me?

This man's next door neighbor for the next forty or fifty years.

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