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jmowreader

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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 28,340

Journal Archives

Tell me if I got this right about gay weddings

According to The Very Far Right, every gay wedding starts in the basement of the local Satanist church. As the happy couple enter the church in a state of complete undress, a heavy metal band laid on for the occasion plays Black Sabbath's "NIB" while a Christian photographer who's been forced to shoot the wedding under threat of legal action takes lots of happy snaps. At the end of the ceremony, instead of the officiant telling someone to "kiss the bride" he presses a condom and a tube of Astroglide into each of their hands and says, "consummate your marriage. Right here and right now." After the gay sex is completed, the guests all file into the reception hall where they snack on penis-shaped cake (made by a devout baker, once again under threat of lawsuits) and straight shots of bourbon before the night's entertainment - not dancing but a huge orgy - commences.

Which is strange, because I always thought a gay wedding was like an opposite-sex wedding except the wedding cake is chocolate and no one in the wedding party's wearing a dress.

Oh Allah! Jack Chick has officially run out of ideas

He's recast his first tract, "This Was Your Life," for Muslims.

http://chick.com/reading/tracts/1086/1086_01.asp

I think one of the panels was misdrawn, though:



Shouldn't the one on the left be of our friend getting beheaded for apostasy?

You're kidding, right? New Nikon flagship DSLR costs $6500

http://www.bhphotovideo.com/indepth/photography/news/unveiled-nikon-d4s-dslr-new-standard-bearer?cm_mmc=EML-_-NewAnnouncement-NikonD4s-A-_-140225-_-Body_Indepth_Nikon-D4s-ReadMore

Did anyone else who's seen Robocop think it's an allegory for the Iraq War?

I'm talking about the new one (which is really good, you must see it) rather than the 1980s one.

I'm referring to fitting Murphy with prosthetics to enable him to return to the war like they did with thousands of Our Troops, the corrupt defense contractors, Samuel L. Jackson playing a Fox News anchor right down to cutting the mike of a senator whose views he didn't like, the weird homecoming celebration Murphy's family went through...

A note to the good people at Volkswagen

Fröhlich willkommen vom alle Amerikanische liberalen.

Ihre Unionwahlen ist Fertig und Amerikanische Republikaner Politiker es verdorben. Wir entschuldigen.

Im noch US-Staaten es gibt ein Gesetz "Right To Work." Diese Name is Bullescheisse. Gesetz "Right To Work" ist eine Union-toten Gesetz. Es is schmerz, ja?

Für ihre nächste US-haupsitzene LKW-fabrik gehen Sie bis US-Staaten Washington, Oregon oder Kalifornien. Im diese drei Staaten Unionen bis respektieren. Im Sud-US das Unionen nicht respektieren. Im Staaten mit Republikaner Politiker ausser Sud-US das Unionen nicht respektieren. Washington, Oregon und Kalifornien macht VW fröhlich.

Vielen dank.

Entschreiben, Vernünftige Menschen.

Does a woman cease to exist when she gives birth?

While we're on gender-related issues...

Last night, my paper published a column about this young lady:



Her name is Tracey Brown Fouche, and she's been highly energetic since she graduated from one of our local high schools ten years ago: she won Miss Idaho in the Miss America system in 2006 THEN won Miss Idaho in the Miss USA system in 2008, became an attorney, worked with the homeless in East LA, and has raised a lot of money for breast cancer research. We wrote about her because she's started a new law practice specializing exclusively in adoption law worldwide. If you want to adopt a child from some country no one ever heard of before, Tracey Brown Fouche can help square you away.

How she was introduced in the column: "The wife, mother and lawyer..." In that order.

She's not the only one. It matters not whether you're getting your medical license, receiving a great civic honor, being promoted to Colonel in the Air Force, reporting that you're a crime victim, being sued, getting caught for DWI, or getting sent to prison, your first child erases for all time the possibility of you ever being referred to as a woman. From the instant that kid's feet meet free air, you will until the day your child starts having children of his or her own be referred to as "mother." (And once your child has reproduced, you will never again be called anything but "grandmother.")

So...whatcha think? Should a woman who's had kids be referred to as "mother" or "grandmother" every time she's mentioned, or only when it's germane to the occasion?

Good news: Idaho pro-discrimination bill withdrawn, at least temporarily

http://www.cdapress.com/news/local_news/article_51e473f8-999d-11e3-90c4-001a4bcf887a.html?_dc=428571419557.5565&cbst=15

BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A lawmaker promoting disputed legislation to protect religious people who refuse to serve gays, lesbians and others to whom they object from lawsuits says he'll withdraw the bill, for now.

Republican Rep. Lynn Luker of Boise says his measure was intended to protect the free exercise of religion, but was misinterpreted to be a "sword for discrimination."

Interesting new food item: S'more Cake!

I currently have no idea how to make this. I present it for those of us who come up with new food items.

One of my papers is advertising a "kickoff campout" for the local Relay for Life. I don't think they're actually going to camp out - it's still cold in North Idaho - but they are going to have Relay team enrollments and a meal featuring hot dogs and S'more Cake.

Two of the three flavors in a S'more, I can figure out...marshmallow creme or Fluff for the marshmallow (for extra authenticity maybe put the cake under the broiler for a couple minutes to toast the marshmallow surface) and chocolate chips, or melted chocolate, for the Hershey bar piece. But the cake? How the hell do you do a graham cracker cake? Maybe forget about it and just use a white cake?

The Corvette Museum has released sinkhole footage

&feature=em-hot-b

Winter Olympics sports we need

1. Skijoring. This Norwegian phrase roughly translates to "Hey, y'all, watch this." This particular form of attempted suicide involves riding nordic skis while being towed by a horse.

2. Snowball Fighting. Combatants will be penalized for putting rocks in the snowballs.

3. Smear. Think of it as a snow-oriented version of The Hunger Games.

4. Snowmobile racing. Anyone who thinks this isn't an athletic event never had to drag one out of a hidden ditch.

5. Heliskiing. The participants will be flown 300 km from the resort the day the Olympics starts with a set of cross country skis and ten days' clothing in a rucksack, and must return to Olympic Stadium by the closing ceremonies. Food, water and shelter will be provided en route.

6. Figure skating with NHL enforcers.

7. Snowverse. Consists of a ski downhill run, snowboard downhill, telemark, ski jump, one lap classic nordic, one lap skate ski, one lap biathlon, one lap snowshoe.

8. Snowshoe. 30km with a 20kg rucksack. Must be in your country's military to participate.

9. Alpine Rescue. Open only to ski patrol members, teams of four must recover an 80kg sandbag from a ravine and carry it to an aid station.

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