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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 33,012

Journal Archives

Difference between porn for men and porn for women

Porn for men comes from disreputable little shops with fences around their parking lots, and isn't discussed in polite company.

Porn for women spends 62 weeks on the New York Times' bestsellers list, and they're planning to make a Major Motion Picture out of it if they can find enough people who really didn't want to work in Hollywood anymore anyway.

I'm going straight to hell for this one

My waffle mix container is labeled "Instant Republican."

Anyone need a dam job?

This is no shit: "The Grand Coulee Project Hydroelectric Authority has an opening for a regular full-time Hydro Power Plant Operator. Primary work locations are the Summer Falls and Main Canal power plants in the Coulee City, Wash., area. Benefits package includes WA PERS retirement and family health insurance. The starting hourly rate is dependent on qualifications. Must have valid Washington driver's license.

Interested applicants should send a resume outlining qualifications to: P.O. Box 219, Ephrata, WA 98823 by November 7, 2013."

Dear Speaker Boehner: Tea Party politicians can be primaried too

America's Favorite Parrot, John Boehner, is kowtowing to tea party demands by allowing them to shut down the government and threaten America with economic collapse if Obamacare isn't repealed. The demand is simple: do what we want, or we'll primary you.

There are a lot of pre-tea party Republicans in Congress who remember the last time the GOP threw a hissy fit like this, and they also remember the aftermath: loss of Congress for many terms.

It is time for the pre-tea party Republicans to call the tea party Republicans into a room and explain the facts of life: no one's here forever and if you don't want to see the House go Democratic and the Senate majority become filibuster-proof in 2014, quit trying to destroy the economy.

Whose service is more honorable?


How not to design a grocery ad

We got a preprint from IGA to insert in a weekly paper.

On the right side: free 46 ounce bottle Crisco Oil, all varieties, price up to $2.99, if you buy flour, white and brown sugars and chocolate chips at the same time.

On the left side: 46 ounce bottle Crisco Oil, all varieties, price $3.49.

You thinkin' maybe the Founding Fathers weren't as smart as we'd like to think?

The Constitution provides a way for a President who's gone off the rails to be removed by another of the branches of government. Similarly, a judge that's departed from expected standards of conduct and decency can be removed by another branch of government. (In both cases it's Congress who does the firing.) But as the Constitution is written, neither the executive nor the judicial branch can remove a Congressman unless the Congressman commits a crime, nor can the other house of Congress.

And right now, the need to remove about forty members of the House of Representatives (who we shall henceforth refer to as "Al Qaeda America") before they manage to destroy the world has never been greater.

The Hunting Trip

Ted Cruz and Louie Gohmert were hunting deer one fine day. Gohmert got one. They gutted it and started dragging it back to camp.

About an hour into the trek, Cruz said to Gohmert, "This deer isn't all that big but it's really hard to drag."

Gohmert looked down and said, "yeah, we're dragging it by the back legs so we're working against the hair. If we drag it by the front legs it'll be easier." They changed ends and kept going.

Another hour into the trek, Cruz said to Gohmert, "you're right, it is easier to drag by the front legs."

"Yeah," Gohmert said, "but camp keeps getting farther and farther away."

The GOP has GOT to be looking for a new heir-apparent

They stick Cruz in there, and the first question at the first debate will be, "aren't you the asshole who shut down the government for no reason?"

Missouri's love of capital punishment endangers all Americans

If you follow either surgery news or Michael Jackson news, you know about propofol. It is a "sedative and amnesiac" agent produced nearly exclusively by the German pharmaceutical firm Fresenius Kabi. It's hard to make, so almost all of it - about 85 percent of America's propofol supply - comes from one plant in Europe. It has four big advantages over other anesthetics: it works extremely quickly, allows the patient to wake up from the procedure quicker than other drugs, has few side effects and lets anesthetists do their work less expensively than with other drugs. Put 'em together and you've got a drug that gets used in four out of five operations performed today.

Propofol is also famous, thanks to Mr. Jackson's favorite quack, for its ability to kill you. It has what doctors call a "very narrow therapeutic index" - the dose that kills is only slightly more than the dose that works. When the Missouri State Prison's infirmary was accidentally shipped a case of 20 vials of propofol last year, the warden knew just what to do with it...he got the state to alter its execution protocol to use this drug rather than one of the other European-made anesthetics you can't get anymore. And now, they intend to inject Allen Nicklasson with ten vials of propofol on October 23, followed by Joseph Franklin on November 10.

The problem is very simple, regardless of your opinion of capital punishment. The European Union forbids the export of any item to a country that might reasonably use it in an execution. The manufacturer has reduced the number of its US distributors to the bare minimum and requires them to never sell the product to a prison. (I have no idea what they do if a prisoner needs surgery...probably take the inmate to a civilian hospital.) Should Missouri go through with its plan, any shipment of propofol will have to be separately licensed and it will have to go to only one hospital...and, considering that the EU Office of Export Control is going to be pissed about having to do this, that's going to take a while. Anesthetics are a low-profit business, so there's no motivation to set up a propofol line in a US pharm plant...and it's hard enough to make this that the Chinese won't start.

I don't think there's anything we can do to stop this...everyone from the major Missouri newspapers to the Missouri anesthesiologists' association has pleaded with Gov. Nixon to return the propofol, and the prison still has it.


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