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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 28,002

Journal Archives

Are college loans H1Bs for Americans?

H1B is the work visa for technical people. It's what you use if you need an Indian programmer. H1Bs tie a worker to a company, so you can shit on your H1B staff all you want.

The same is true of college grads with loans, which is most of them. You don't want to miss a payment on those and good jobs are hard to find, so you can put a college loan holder through shit that would make a non-loan holder give you precise details of how he wants you to fuck yourself.

When I see that now it takes a degree to get a job supervising potato washers, I have to think that's their true motivation.

Where Your Cuccinelli Is

In honor of Virginia attorney general Ken Cuccinelli's attempts to re-outlaw normal heterosexual foreplay, I hereby announce the location of your cuccinelli.

The male cuccinelli is the little triangle on the dorsal (bottom) side of the glans penis.

The female cuccinelli is the portion of the clitoris visible through the hood when it is in its usual position. As all women are built differently, the size and shape of the female cuccinelli varies from woman to woman.

Or in legalese, the cuccinelli is the part of a person's sexual anatomy most effectively stimulated by oral sex.

Opinion of "beer and a haircut" sports barbershops?

These barbershops are popping up like weeds in this neck of the woods...for $15 you can get a beer and your hair cut by a sexy female barber. They've got big screen TVs with games of whatever sport is in season right now, sports magazines...your basic man cave with clippers.

I worry a bit about how good a haircut could be if they have to feed you beer before they show it to you, but that's just me. And you?

You know you could make a killing with this business

Service deep fat fryers at county and state fairs and other outdoor festivals. Someone has to do it. It may as well be you.

Start work over Memorial Day Weekend, finish up on Halloween, have enough money to not need to do anything else.

"Sharknado" headed to Blu-ray September 3


So when's Zimmerman moving to Idaho?

Is John Boehner no longer orange?

I've been getting a lot of pictures of Boehner in the last few weeks, and he's nowhere near as unnatural-colored as he used to be.

What would stop brave doctors from providing illegal abortions?

We know abortion is a necessary medical service, and properly done abortions carry little risk. This is a serious question: what would stop a doctor from setting up a sterile-enough room in her spare bedroom and offering this service illegally, or establishing a clinic in a state where it's legal and setting up a transport network to make an end run around these Decrees 770?

I just had to

Someone wrote a letter to one of my weeklies. He said he wrote to Boar Teats Labrador asking our esteemed congressman why there's no ammo at Ace Hardware. He (the letter writer, not the useless congressman) said the rumor mill had it that Obama was buying all the powder so as to disarm the population.

My response, which I sent to the editor: the reason there is no ammo, is the Fifth Annual Obama's Gonna Take Away Our Guns Any Second Now Sale is going so well the ammo plants can't safely make enough ammo to meet the demand.

Small-town police reports are the BEST entertainment!

From the Adams County, Wash., sheriff's blotter:

Saturday, July 6, 10:01 pm. A deputy responded to a location on West Cunningham Road, where an intoxicated person was being held down by another person. The deputy asked the person to get off the intoxicated person. He did, stood up, and was talking to the deputy. Then he headbutted the deputy in the face. He was booked into jail for assault third degree.

Friday, July 5, 6:20 am. Deputies responded to Highway 395, where there were two subjects in the median of the roadway, leading another with a bag on his head. Their vehicle was disabled and they were waiting for a ride. The bag was to prevent the man's sunburn from worsening.
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