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Member since: 2002
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On the 150th anniversary of his death, Lincoln becomes a Democrat

Join us now as we meet with the Sixteenth President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, as he returns from the grave for a moment of historic import...

Seven score and ten years ago, John Wilkes Booth shot me in the back of the head. At the time, I was a member of the Republican Party; in fact, I was the very first president from the Republican Party.

During my time in office, the Republican Party stood for freedom and equality. It no longer does; it has turned into a gang of thieves, bigots, theocrats, despots and oligarchs. I can no longer stand idly by and watch my good name be used to support rash, unbridled criminality. I have therefore decided to change my party registration to Democratic. The Democratic Party is what the Republican Party once was and will never be again.

I have been made aware the current atrocity that has stolen the name of a once-proud party has named its fundraising dinners after me. Quit it. Now. Next time I hear of a "Lincoln Day" dinner that isn't packed with Democrats, I'm going all Shiloh on your asses.

The Facebook page of the "Christian" band who started the brawl at Walmart


You will completely believe why Idaho is about to shut down its child support enforcement system

Sharia law.


Idaho uses the federal government's interstate child support enforcement system - which makes sense because it keeps deadbeat parents from fleeing across the state line. The feds are demanding the states come into compliance with federal guidelines if they want to keep using the system, so the Senate introduced Bill 1067...


which cleared the Senate unanimously.

Then it got to the House, where one Senator Sheryl Nuxoll - the Michele Fiore of the Idaho legislature - pointed out the federal system is tied into the Hague Convention on International Recovery of Child Support and Family Maintenance...which counts among its members the Islamic states of Bosnia and Albania. OMG This Will Bring Sharia Law To Idaho!

And the House tabled the bill.

(Edited to correct the house that nut Nuxoll sits in...)

Warning to Inland Northwest DUers: DO NOT buy from Whispering Larch Farm

Whispering Larch Farm is a CSA who trades at the Sandpoint, Idaho, Farmers Market. It is owned by one Christopher Herndon.

He posts on the cdapress.com message boards as "StandforTruth."

He is EXTREMELY anti-gay...Matt McLaughlin, the California lawyer who filed the Shoot the Gays Initiative in California, has nothing on ol' Christopher. A couple days ago a high school student who is tired of being bullied over being gay wrote to my paper...you can read his letter here:
Ol' Christopher told him he needed to repent and God would take away the gay. Ugh.

He is also anti-abortion to an extent beyond that of rational man; one of his favorite things to do is to picket the "abortion mills" (his term) in Sandpoint. Since the closest Actual Abortion Clinic to Sandpoint is in Spokane, and the closest Idaho-based abortion clinic to Sandpoint is 423 miles south of Sandpoint (there are only three in all Idaho - one in Meridian, one in Boise and the third in Twin Falls) one may correctly ask what the hell he is doing. Well...he's picketing pharmacies. In his eyes, there is absolutely no difference between someone who stocks shelves at a drugstore that sells Plan B and Dr. George Tiller.

Now, it COULD be entertaining to go to the Sandpoint Farmers Market, look over the produce then tell him you can't buy anything as covered with hate as the shit in his booth...but it would cost me four gallons of gas to do so, and if I really wanted to use four gallons of gas it wouldn't be on that.

This can't be accidental: Rand declared his candidacy at the Galt House Hotel


It's the best hotel in Louisville - here's their website:


Is every GOP presidential contender going to have a flame in his logo?

So far we've had two Repukes declare for the presidency: the Canadian and the self-accredited eye doctor. And so far we've got two logos with flames.

There's only two possible explanations: that they plan to burn the country down, or that they want to start burning people at the stake.

Sometimes ya just gotta go, what the fuck?

We have here a list of the "18 Most Iconic Sandwiches in Boston."


How in HELL can you do a list of the "iconic sandwiches of Boston" that has no grinders on it?

Today's Scriptural lesson comes from the Book of Onan


AND when the Lord saw that Onan heeded not the words of her wherein he should place his seed, the Lord determined to slay Onan, as an example to His people and to stop the terrible waste of seed. Yet Onan repented not; and even at the moment of his death, he grasped his manliness, and crying out with a great voice, said "I'm coming God! Oh God, I'm coming!"


You know what this country really needs? A good old-fashioned brazen altar

Or at least someone to sincerely propose building one.

The brazen altar was the structure priests like Aaron used in Biblical times to conduct animal sacrifices and offerings, and there are exacting rules for their construction - which would have to be somewhat modified because a proper brazen altar has to be built from Acacia wood, almost all Gum Acacia trees grow in Sudan, and there's a major embargo against trading with Sudan because the government there is ISIS-level evil. There are a number of sacrifice and offering categories, and the Bible describes for each one what kind of animal to use, the parts you have to burn, the parts the priest gets to keep and the parts you can serve to the rest of the town. (Nine whole chapters of Leviticus detail the procedures for animal sacrifice and offering; by contrast, two clear verses in Leviticus - one in Chapter 18 that says homosexuality is an abomination, and one in Chapter 20 that tells you to kill anyone you catch doing it - deal with gayness. BTW the direction to kill gays is on the Holy Hit List between "kill anyone you catch fucking his daughter-in-law" and "kill anyone who marries his own mother-in-law" almost as an afterthought.)

(While we're here: The King James is supposed to be the absolute and inerrant Word Of The Lord. Leviticus 20 very clearly uses the words "daughter-in-law." It seems strange that God would have invented the concept of in-laws. Wouldn't The Lord have told us not to have sex with "the wife of your son"?)

The Levitical process of killing the animals is similar enough to Jewish and Islamic slaughter practices they wouldn't be able to ban it on animal cruelty grounds. And while the Book says nothing about pollution control methods or safety equipment, it also stands mute on the question of whether you could equip a brazen altar with a smoke collector, a spark arrester or tempered glass separating the altar from the parishioners - so let's go on the theory God would be fine with it.

The question is: can you deny someone who sincerely believes his religion requires animal sacrifice and offering the right to practice his faith, while allowing people who sincerely believe their religion requires denying gay people, or women or anyone else, the same rights they have themselves to practice theirs?

GOP: We lied, Obama is a good president

WASHINGTON (Spurious News Network) -- The besieged nation's capital was shocked to its very core today when the ruling Republican Party admitted they'd been lying about the president all these years.

"We can't hold it back any longer," said John Smith, press secretary to Rep. Tim Huelscamp (R-KS). "Obama's been a good president. The economy is growing. People are finding jobs. He isn't confiscating guns or raising taxes to new heights - your tax bill isn't shooting through the roof but you're still free to. Banks aren't failing anymore. We're about to have a pretty decent nuclear accord with Iran. The Constitution is still intact. In all, he's done a really nice job especially when you consider we fight him every step of the way."

So why did they do what they did?

"Jealousy. Pure and simple. I mean, look at the guy! The whole world loves him. He's from Hawaii, for God's sake! Is that fair? He's still married to the same woman and she's still gorgeous. His kids aren't a national embarrassment. He got rich through talent and hard work and not connections and inheritances. He's everything we want to be but can't, so naturally we have to do everything in our power to destroy him. We're Republicans. It's what we do."

But when we asked him if they'd stop ripping on Obama, it took him fifteen minutes to quit laughing. "You're either stupid or high. Cutting Down Obama is the biggest gravy train in America and there's no way we'll let it go. Our only regret is, on January 19, 2017, we all have to get real jobs."
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