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Member since: 2002
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Special Instructions to Players, 1898 (Warning: EXTREMELY NSFW)

In the spring of 1898, the Major League Baseball association sent this actual memorandum to the twelve teams of the league in an attempt to end what it saw as the worst problem it had at the time. The memo was so foul it was deemed illegal to post to the mails, so it was delivered by couriers.

If foul language offends you, please click the "back" button now.


In a contest between two leading clubs during the championship season of 1897, the stands being crowded with patrons of the game, a gentleman occupying a seat in the front row near the players' bench, asked one of the visiting players who was going to pitch for them. The player made no reply. He then asked a second time. The gentleman, his wife who sat with him, and others of both sexes, within hearing distance, were outraged upon hearing the player reply in a loud, brutal tone, "Oh, go fuck yourself."

On being remonstrated with by his fellow-players, who told him there were ladies present, he retorted he didn't give a damn, that they had no business there anyhow.

This shocking indecency was brought to the attention of the League at the Philadelphia meeting in November, 1897, and a committee was appointed to report upon this baseball crime, define and suggest for it a remedy.

In response to nearly one hundred communications addressed to umpires, managers and club officials, soliciting definite, positive and personal knowledge of obscene and indecent language upon the ball field, the committee received a deluge of information that was so appalling as to be almost beyond belief, showing conclusively and beyond contradiction that there was urgent need for legislative action on the part of the League.

That such brutal language as "You cock-sucking son of a bitch!" "You prick-eating bastard!" "You cunt-lapping dog!" "Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!" "A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!" "I fucked your mother, you sister, your wife!" "I'll make you suck my ass!" "You cock-sucker!" and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge. Whether it be the language quoted above, or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity, the League is pledged to remove it from the ball field, whether it necessitates the removal of the offender for a day or for all time. Any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression, unfit for print or the human ear, whether mentioned in these instructions or not, is contemplated under the law and within its intent and meaning, and will be dealt with without fear or favor when the fact is established by conclusive proof.

By Order of the Committee.

Any Bible scholars here? I have a political-scriptural question

According to Scripture, is the destruction of Israel necessary to ensure the Second Coming of Christ?

I'm thinking three things here:

(1) There are people in this country who want Jesus to come back more than they want anything else in the world. And several of them - like Louie Gohmert - are in the government.

(2) Jesus won't come back until Israel has been resurrected (which happened in 1948) and destroyed again.

(3) The easiest way to make (2) happen is for the US to bomb Iran.

Remember the Airbus that got its nose knocked off at Charlotte?

They got it fixed.


They spent two hours test-flying it in the Charlotte area on March 17, and flew it to Amarillo on March 18.

Very old, still funny: Prop 8 - The Musical

This isn't the first time Tom Cotton's been caught being un-American


"Rep. Tom Cotton (R-obviously) on (Feb. 22, 2013) offered legislative language that would 'automatically' punish family members of people who violate U.S. sanctions against Iran, levying sentences of up to 20 years in prison.


"Cotton also seeks to punish any family member of those people, 'to include a spouse and any relative to the third degree,' including 'parents, children, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces...' Cotton said.


"After some back-and-forth with Grayson and Royce, Cotton relented and withdrew the amendment."

Have you tried Einstein's Impossible Riddle?

Einstein wrote the following riddle. He said that 98% of the world could not solve it. But several NIEHS scientists were able to solve it, and they said it's not all that hard if you pay attention and are very patient. Give it a try:

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors in a row. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. Other facts:
1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house.
5. The green house's owner drinks coffee.
6. The owner who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The owner living in the center house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The owner who keeps the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who drinks water.

The question is: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

(I tried this last night. This is actually pretty easy if you make five columns each containing:

List of Nationalities
List of House Colors
List of Beverages
List of Cigars
List of Pets

Then as you deduce each fact, cross off the ones that don't pertain...you can start by crossing "Norwegian" off every column but the first and the other four nationalities from the first column.)


Hey 12s! Marshawn Lynch signed a 2-year contract extension today


Four of Seattle's most critical players - Russell Wilson, Lynch, Richard Sherman and Kam Chancellor - will be back in 2015. August can't come soon enough.

Dumbass of the Month: Robbed three banks within 10 days of being released from prison


Our candidate for immortality is Ricky Allen Fisher.

Mr. Fisher robbed a bank in 2007. He got arrested and sent to federal prison for 77 months.

On May 6, 2014, he was released from prison and caught the Greyhound Bus to Boise, Idaho, where he met friend Jennifer Balfe.
On May 9, they drove to Ontario, Oregon, where he robbed the Chase Bank of $1600.
On May 14, they went back to Ontario where he robbed the U.S. Bank of $1334.
On May 16, they traveled to Cottonwood, Idaho, where he robbed the U.S. Bank of $2324.

They then went to the Clearwater River Lodge in Lewiston, where they began drinking and gambling heavily. The cops were already on the lookout for his ass, and picked the two of them up shortly after they got to Lewiston.

On Tuesday he was sent back to the federal hoosegow for 99 months.

Idaho won't be a "Christian state" after all


According to the article, "at least two-thirds" of the Kootenai County Republican Central Committee voted to kill the motion.

I didn't know clown cars were made out of rubber until this year

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