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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 28,187

Journal Archives

YOLO - the new, modern way to say "Hey y'all, watch this!"

How to get your sexual orientation changed in one easy step

Today I was stopped at a red light in the ultra redneck burg of Post Falls, Idaho. These two idiots in a 70s-era pickup that's got a red cab, blue door, black quarterpanel and white bed pulled up beside me and started screaming at me.

"Hey Fag. Yeah, you. In the blue fag car."

Apparently a fag car is one that's all the same color. But they kept on with this shit as I sat there...and then they started taking pictures with their cellphones.

Wrong answer. I simply reached over to my fag car's passenger seat, picked up my Nikon F4 (a very large 35mm camera), put it on its loudest motor setting, held it up to the window and hit the shutter button. All of a sudden I wasn't a "fag" anymore.

"You mother fucker, why the fuck did you take my picture?"

Fortunately, the light turned green before they could continue.

College fight songs, sung by an opera singer

This is Nebraska's...there are a whole bunch of these.

Did the Saudis close down Chop Chop Square?

It used to be, for a very long time, that Riyadh's Deera Square was the site where executions took place. It's a public place and the populace is welcome to watch. (It's also got a granite surface with a storm drain in the middle of it, all the better to clean up what little blood comes out of the bodies that have been pre-drained before being taken to the headsmen.) In recent years they cut down on the number of the beheaded who were crucified after their executions.

Now there seems to be a huge trend toward displaying bodies for three days after execution...are they executing them inside prison walls now?

Anyone know anything about Rep. Tulsi Gabbard?

I have been reading the Federalist Papers

A couple weeks ago I told you the story of the teabagger who told me the Constitution puts strict limits on Congress while pointing at the part of the Constitution that does exactly the opposite. (He turned to Article 1, Section 8 (Powers of Congress) and told me that section says Congress can't collect taxes or make laws. Those are two of the powers that section expressly GRANTS to Congress.) When I informed the gentleman that article says something completely different from what he was saying, he told me the Federalist Papers formed a limited government.

The supremacy clause of the Constitution does not mention the Federalist Papers, but okay...I figured I better read these.

Turns out the Federalists of old would have kicked the Teabaggers of today square in the nuts. The government the teabaggers claim the Federalist Papers endorsed, a loose collection of independent sovereigns, is exactly the government the Federalists warned against.

"Vodka Sam" is gonna be "Dead Sam" if she doesn't mellow out


In case you don't follow the exploits of 22-year-old drunken idiots, University of Iowa student Samantha Goudie, whose Twitter handle is "Vodka_samm", got drunk off her ass before last Saturday's football game, ran onto the field, got hauled off to jail, and blew a .341.

.341 isn't "drunk." It's "a fire hazard." According to Wikipedia, .30 to .39 gives you "severe CNS depression, unconsciousness, possibility of death, impaired bladder function, impaired breathing, balance disorder and, apparently, total absence of judgment. And now she's got 15,000 Twitter followers.

I wonder how many of them are going to come to her funeral when she dies of alcohol poisoning.

Welcome back to school, DU. How did you spend your summer vacation?

The first day of my vacation I woke up. Then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.

The second day of my vacation I woke up. Then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.

The third day I woke up. Then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I got a job keeping people from hanging out in front of the drugstore.

How about you?

An atrocity against organized labor was committed on Labor Day

Remember seeing these trucks, grandchild?


Know why you haven't seen one in a long time? Well, sit on my knee and I'll tell you.

Consolidated Freightways (CF) was founded in 1929 as Consolidated Truck Lines. Over the next ten years they grew into the biggest trucking company in America. During their growth they found that no truck maker could build the truck they needed for their business, so they changed their name to Consolidated Freightways in 1939 and opened their own truck manufacturing plant in Portland, Ore. The trucks they made were called "Freightliners" and that company, now owned by Daimler, is still in business.

CF, of course, was organized by the Teamsters Union under the National Master Freight Agreement.

In 1983, during Reagan's reign of terror, CF's parent company formed a non-union subsidiary called Con-way. Over the next few years, the parent company of both lines (it was called CNF) did two things that killed CF: they gradually moved all the profitable routes, or "lanes," from CF to Con-way, and they saddled CF with Con-way's debt.

Then the inevitable happened: all drivers were instructed to join in a conference call on Labor Day 2002, in which they heard this message from CNF's CEO: "Thank you for dialing in. I have some sad news. Your employment is terminated immediately."

This had two effects on the economy. The most obvious is the seven thousand truck drivers, plus mechanics, dispatchers, freight brokers, yard hostlers and all the other people you need to run a trucking company this big, who were so unceremoniously fired. The economy was still in the crapper a year after 9/11, and freight volumes were down. The more significant one was the effect on every other company in America: CF was the third-largest trucking company in the US. Removing seven thousand rigs from the nation's transportation infrastructure was one of the reasons the economy has taken so long to truly rebound. (Another impact was this action's effect on the used-truck market. These guys dumped seven thousand usable tractors and probably 15,000 usable trailers into the resale market, which was already down because people weren't buying trucks after 9/11. As with anything else, the price of a used truck is determined in part by scarcity - the more trucks available for sale, the cheaper they get.)

And now you know.


Astronaut Chris Hadfield explains how to take a dump in zero-G

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