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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 34,164

Journal Archives

Blast from the Past: "If you're destroying Christmas, here's your yard decoration"

My store has acrylic polar bears and various kinds of reindeer for outdoor display.

Get one reindeer and about six polar bears.

Lay the reindeer on its side. Then put the polar bears in a ring around the reindeer.

We already "felt the burn" once this decade

The people who currently support Bernie Sanders sound very much like the people who supported Barack Obama in 2008...and they're the same ones who stayed home in 2010 - a very critical election because it's the one that chose the people who redrew all the congressional districts - and let the Koch Brothers weld GOP majorities into Congress for the next twenty years because Obama didn't give them the right color pony. Thanks guys!

The worst mistake the terrorists in Paris made: Hitting France in the first place

The French National Police has a unit called GIGN, the National Gendarmerie Intervention Group (in French: "Groupe d'Intervention de la Gendarmerie Nationale.") It is, without question, the finest and most effective antiterrorism group in the entire world. Their charter allows them to go anywhere in the world to track down and capture terrorists who attack French soil, and they will respond to requests from other nations' antiterror forces - who train with GIGN on an exchange basis, so everyone knows these guys.


The French will find these guys and they will fuck them up. More importantly, that the French CT unit is part of the national police rather than the military means any laws France has against using the army against French civilians don't apply - so any French nationals who are working with the terrorists are eligible for the tender mercies of GIGN.

Well, you knew this was coming...

Now red Starbucks cup is the best receptacle
From barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you sir do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin' from glass

Hey red Starbucks cup is cheap and disposable
In fourteen years they are decomposable
And unlike my home they are not foreclosable
Freddie Mac can kiss my ass, woo!

Red Starbucks cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red Starbucks cup, I lift you up,
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now I really love how you're easy to stack
But I really hate how you're easy to crack
Cause when coffee runs down, in front of my back
Well, that, my friends, is quite yucky

But I have to admit that Josh Feuerstein gets smitten
Admirin' at how sharply my first name is written
On you with a Sharpie when I get to hittin'
On him, to help me get lucky

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red Starbucks cup, I lift you up,
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow
But only you red will do for this fellow
Cause you are the Abbott into my Costello
And you are the Fruit to my Loom

Red Starbucks cup, you're more than just plastic
More than amazing, you're more than fantastic
And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic
When I look at you and say:
"Red solo cup, you're not just a cup (No, no, God no)
You're my friend, yea (Lifelong)
Thank you for being my friend"

Red Starbucks cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red Starbucks cup, I lift you up,
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Fair Housing and Live Camels...mutually exclusive concepts?

Before we go any farther, read:

Synopsis: one of Kootenai County's Best Christians is planning to hold a MASSIVE Christian-themed Christmas display in his front yard the five days before Christmas. Unfortunately for him, he lives in a neighborhood with a homeowner's association, and their CC&Rs prohibit him from setting up a display containing...

a couple hundred thousand lights (he did a Christmas display last year in a rental he got evicted from with around 125,000 lights, and this one's going to be bigger)
a choir singing Christmas carols
a human Santa Claus
a live camel (yes!)
a guy passing out free cotton candy
and on, and on, and on...oh, and one of our local militias intends to deploy armed guards to protect the display against Attacks on Christianity because, as we all know, Christmas isn't Christmas without combat patrols.

He bought the house he lives in now in the early months of 2015, and started getting into it with the HOA over this display. Finally, they sent him this letter:


Bottom line: If he doesn't get what he wants - and what he wants is to disturb the entire neighborhood; last year the people in his old neighborhood were not pleased about strangers clogging the roads and traipsing across their lawns to get to the Jesus Circus - he intends to file a federal civil rights suit on Fair Housing Act grounds because he claims their keeping him from Celebrating The Birth Of Jesus with a real camel is an attack on Christianity and an act of Housing Discrimination. (For what it's worth, Hayden is about 96 percent Christian and they trend Fundamentalist.)

So...question for our legal minds: Does being told you can't create a public nuisance even if it is about Jesus qualify as a Fair Housing Act violation? As far as I can tell FHA is almost exclusively oriented toward preventing discrimination in the home sale process.

Does anyone here have a 24" inkjet printer?

I need one. The choices are Epson and Canon. Which one's better? (Right now I'm leaning toward Canon, but the Epsons are pretty damn sweet if they fixed the head-clogging problem everyone complains about in their new machines.)

Note to politicians: READ your damn ads!

One of our local politicians is running an ad with this slogan, written exactly as I am going to post it:


Circle the first letter in each line.

Halloween aftermath: How much candy ya got left?

Me: I bought a bag of fun size Snickers and a bag of fun size Reese's and have two Snickers left.

I am so ashamed...

Last night I voted in our town's city council election. And I broke a long-standing tradition and voted for The Enemy.

The reason I did it is very simple: Ron Edinger, a Republican city councilman and by all accounts a decent-enough person, is running against a teabagger whose stated goal is to eliminate, among other things, the funding for Public Art installations that are of utmost importance in a tourist town like mine.

If the teabagger wouldn't have been on the ballot I wouldn't have voted for the Republican. But he was and I had no choice. I atoned by voting for a good Democrat on the same ballot and by immediately rushing home and washing my voting hand in rubbing alcohol - the most aggressive solvent I have in the house right now - to remove the taint.

Going somewhere they don't have Internet access. Back in a few.

I'll tell you where it was on Christmas - because it may take that long to scan in 100 rolls (no, that's not a misprint) of film.

Sanders supporters, Hillary supporters, Trump loathers...keep up the good fight.
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