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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 33,047

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I have destroyed the market for Dr. Seuss parodies in one foul stroke

We printed "Why the Grinch Stole Christmas" today...


"All the Whos down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville...did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please donít ask why. You know damn well whatís the reason.
Itís not that his head isnít screwed on just right.
Nor that his shoes are too big or too tight.
And though the Whos claim itís the biggest reason of all,
Itís not that his heartís even a little bit small.

No, he was workiní retail.

Where should teabaggers see themselves in the Christmas story?

One of my weeklies has a slightly interesting thought from a local minister: "Where do you see yourself in the Christmas story? Would you be Mary, Joseph or Jesus?"

Most teabaggers would see this question and think, "Jesus. I would be Jesus without question."

In reality, almost all teabaggers should see themselves as King Herod.

What do you want our next president to do? Give ten items

For purposes of this exercise don't think about who you want as president. What would you like them to do? I will start.

1. Repair or replace the two worst bridges in each state, each year - so by the time the president's term limit hits 800 bridges will be fixed.

2. A total ban on "naked" derivatives.

3. Three cent per share transaction tax on stock. It'll totally fuck the high frequency trading business, which is the point.

4. F-35 program ends now, and no stealthy planes will ever be bought again. If a war isn't important enough to risk pilots on, it's not important enough to fight.

5. Federal welfare programs administered by federal officials.

6. Any politician who calls for a tax cut within two weeks of calling for a major spending increase will be returned to his or her district by being strapped to an Air Force cargo pallet and dropped out the back of a C-130.

7. Reschedule cannabis to Schedule 3 immediately, to Schedule 5 (the cough syrup schedule) in 18 months and deschedule it 18 months after that.

8. The official religion shall be Haitian Vodou. If we gotta have a state religion, let's at least pick one with fun church services.

9. Single payer healthcare.

10. Campaign contributions will be banned, and so will attack ads that don't explain why you're different. I don't just want to hear your opponent fucks farm animals, I want your assurance you don't.

Who would win: Jimmy Conway or Darth Vader?

Why is Martin Shkreli so interested in antiparasitic drugs?

The new Star Wars movie? It BETTER not suck.

I remember when The Phantom Menace came out...before it opened everyone thought, "oh, Return of the Jedi was twice as awesome as A New Hope so The Phantom Menace is going to be awesomer still."

And then out trotted Jar Jar Binks. All of a sudden 95 percent of the moviegoing world saw what would without Jar Jar be a perfectly serviceable "Darth Vader's boyhood" flick as an atrocity of biblical proportions.

After two years of hype for this movie, if this thing isn't awesomer than any movie has a right to be - if there's even a frame of suckage in the whole spectacle of awesomeness - someone's gonna steal a howitzer from the National Guard and use it to shell George Lucas's house flat.

Could on-vehicle CO2 catalysis cut down on global warming?

This is done over one of several catalysts:

2CO2 -> 2CO + O2

Or in English, carbon dioxide dissociates into carbon monoxide and oxygen. Chemical plants that make things from carbon monoxide (a LOT of things are made from it) run the smoke from their heat sources across catalysts, recover the CO and use it in their processes.

Now, here's my idea: since carbon monoxide is a fuel gas, why couldn't they put a catalyzer in the exhaust system of a car and feed the carbon monoxide into the intake manifold?

Lowe's has 6-packs of LED light bulbs for $9.95

Apologies: This really should be Energy & Environment but GD gets a LOT more traffic.

60-watt equivalent. I bought one last night and the bulbs work well - nice and bright, much better than the "60-watt equivalent" CFLs I replaced with these.


Why Colorado Springs?

Robert Dear drove 1450 miles and crossed several state lines to get from his home in North Carolina to his target in Colorado. What's so special about THIS Planned Parenthood?



It's called a Cthurkey. No, I didn't think of this. It is a cooked turkey with a precooked octopus shoved in one end, with precooked crab legs wedged under the sides. And some people add bacon, because everything is better with bacon.
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