May 27, 2015

Gong in for heart surgery on Friday. Triple by-pass. Therefore no CAPTIONs for awhile from me.

There used to be five or six people who would post pictures of these Republican clowns out of current news stories and below them write creative so-called quotations which would satirize their/our subjects. We often tried to sound fairly realistic (many people have had taken the quotes as real) but also absurd, both for satiric purposes. Even trying to copy the speech patterns of a Trump, say or an O'Reilly, or a Cheney, etc.

I would love to see more posters of CAPTIONs, and now would be a great time for people to begin.

If you are creative, writing these will only sharpen your edge. It will not be a waste of time and you'll get to amuse yourself and others in the process. DUers have occasionally spoken of CAPTIONs as the comic pages of the newspaper. Often 300 people will open your thread and a number will offer witty CAPTIONs of their own, often better than the original posts (Check out DUer underpants!)

And, hell, many of us have only one arrow in our quiver, humor. As Ed Dorn wrote, at least we can "blow them all to rags" with laughter.

(And if anyone wants to read a few CAPTIONs in my absence, click on my profile.)

May 27, 2015

". . . but Benghazi!" Please come CAPTION Bret Baier & former CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell!!!!

Bret ("No matter what, we'll always have Benghazi!&quot Baier just got done saying: "But the document clearly implied there was advance planning. How likely is it that the President didn't tacitly agree with the terrorists and may well have signed off on the attack which killed his own ambassador and three others. . . . Or more likely Hillary Clinton could have designed the entire operation herself to distract us from something even more shocking . . . Surely that has to be clear to you Director Morel!"

Former CIA Deputy Director Michael ("I'm such a gentleman, I get out of the shower to take a whiz.&quot Morel is saying: "Your little brain must feel totally lost in that giant cranium."


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Above CAPTION based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2015/05/26/former-cia-official-calls-out-fox-news-latest-b/203756

May 21, 2015

"What has science ever done for you?" . . . Please come CAPTION Jeb Bush!!!

Jeb ("'Science' is just a one-syllable word like 'bull' and 'crap.'&quot Bush is saying: "And that's why I say it is the height of human arrogance for scientists to say that climate change is real and significant enough to effect human life on this planet. . . . Where do scientists get such arrogance and confidence in their so-called knowledge? . . . It's outrageous. . . . Can you think of any other reputable group who seem so sure of themselves? . . . . Ever? . . . You'd think they had a track record of being right or something! . . . Geez."

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Above CAPTION based on the following Huffington Post story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/21/jeb-bush-climate-change_n_7351156.html

May 20, 2015

"Onward Christian Holy Rollers!" . . . Please come CAPTION Rev. Robert Doggart!

Rev. Robert ("Don't call me late for the slaughter&quot Doggart is saying:"Well, Joe, actually you're the first to have me on, to let me tell my side of the story. . . . We weren't trying to organize and terrorize Muslims in the United States, we really just wanted too take our country back any which way we can! . . . (And didn't the Supreme Court rule that bullets were like free speech?) . . . I mean, those Mosques could make swell ice-cream parlors or roller rinks. . . . After all, they're always terrorizing us! . . . Even Fox News won't talk about us. . . . Why do you think is that?"


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Above CAPTION based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2015/05/20/a-terror-threat-fox-news-wont-cover/203714

May 20, 2015

"Words are not enough, no, nor are thoughts . . !" Please come CAPTION John McCain!!!!

John ("'Moral Integrity' won't fit on the banner.&quot McCain is saying: "Today I stand before you proud to announce my endorsement of Lindsay Graham for President of the United States!!! . . . Of all the men I've ever known or even ever heard of, Lindsay stands head and shoulders above them all. . . . Hyperbole is useless in his description. . . . If Lindsay would have been in the Hanoi Hilton with me in the late sixties, the North Vietnamese guards would have surrendered to us simply because of the brilliance of his character. . . . Some of you might think I'm exaggerating. . . Not a wit. . . . not one drop!. . . . If anything I'm understating Lindsay's preeminence! . . . After all, my credibility's on the line!"

May 19, 2015

A traitor to human consciousness! . . . Please come CAPTION Rush Limbaugh!!!

Rush Limbaugh is saying, "Listen closely caller, and I'll say this real slow: 'Boston . isn't . dropping . me . . . I'm . dropping . Boston!' . . . . I mean, who needs an audience of cream-puffs faking John F. Kennedy's accent. . . . And Indianapolis prides itself too much on being regular, . . . So much so, they can't appreciate my unique brand of intelligent humor. . . . So, caller, I say good riddance to both of them! . . . Besides, I'm trying to streamline things around here."


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CAPTION based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2015/05/19/bostons-wrko-dropping-rush-limbaughs-show-from/203671

May 19, 2015

A Blast from the Past! (or a Pabst with a Blast!) . . . Please come CAPTION W, ca. 2003

W. (The Original Numb Nuts) just finished saying: "It's absolutely crazy. . . . It won't happen! . . . For you to believe that anyone will ever look back at this time and say that the Iraqi War was a mistake, . . . .well, for that you'd have to either believe that I'm ignorant or Dick Cheney is devious, if not both! . . . No. . . . Not in ten-thousand years! . . . Next question."

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CAPTION based on nothing but the desire to have such a sound bite in the archives.

May 18, 2015

"After all, maybe she had it coming.". . . Please come CAPTION Bill O'Reilly!!!

Bill ("Just say that one more time. . . Just open your mouth, b*tch!&quot O'Reilly is saying" "Listen up, folks. It's clearly different when a white man in the middle or upper classes abuses his wife than when a poor black man does it, since many of the white wives might have it coming. . . . It could well be a teachable moment! . . . But when a black man does it, it invariably leads to the breakdown of the African-American family. . . . Besides, the white middle- or upper-class man can afford it."



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Above CAPTION Based on the following Crooks & Liars story:

http://crooksandliars.com/2015/05/bill-oreilly-loses-custody-two-kids

May 18, 2015

"The poor hate money!" . . . Please come CAPTION Brit Hume!!

Brit (The Square's Square) Hume is saying: "If Obama would actually pay attention to Fox News, he'd see that we don't demonize the poor, that on the contrary like Jesus, Fox loves the poor! . . . That's why we're always so disappointed to see how their laziness, militant ignorance, disdain for normal values, indeed their wholesale embrace of depravity, has to worked against their best interests. . . . You'd think they could stop smoking crack for one moment and look around. . . . But Obama doesn't care. . . . He just wants to besmirch Fox's 'fair and balanced' reputation once again!"


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Above CAPTION based on the following Fox clip on Media Matters:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2015/05/17/foxs-brit-hume-those-in-poverty-are-responsible/203675

(The CAPTION, meant to satirize, is sadly close to what Hume actually says. It's hard with not to get scooped by these jokers.)

May 17, 2015

Today's Special? Cranium Fecal Stew! . . . Please come CAPTION Scott Walker!!!

Scott ("I think I left the flamethrower on at home.&quot Walker is saying: "Well, Bob, what makes me the best Republican candidate on foreign affairs, even better than Hillary Clinton, our former Secretary of State, is because when I was a kid I memorized the entire Encyclopedia Britannica entry on over 32 countries! . . . My teachers couldn't believe it, . . . but they had to admit . . . . And I haven't forgotten a single word, . . . not even a comma. . . . Talk about qualifications!!! . . . Do you know the average length in kilometers of Denmark's coastline at low tide? . . . Come on, . . . ask, . . . ask me!"


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Above story based somewhat loosely (depends on your perspective) on the following Crooks & Liars story:

http://crooksandliars.com/2015/05/scott-walker-im-most-qualified-foreign