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Gender: Female
Hometown: New York
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 16,491

Journal Archives


Written before official count.


When I saw the smoke rise
Across the river,
I saw a smokescreen rise.

Use it to cover the desperate agenda
Of a hand that is closed on a time that is gone.

6000 people killed twice,
Once on that Tuesday and once as we write
Their names on the bombs that we drop on Kabul.

When I saw the ash fall and smelled what I can't say,
I saw a Trojan Horse made.

Stuff it with clutching and fear-informed measures
Of a dying self-righteous, leftover regime.

6000 people killed twice,
Once on that day and once as we use them
As a reason to hold 800 without bond.

When I saw Mark Roger Wells, hung up with duct tape
On the side of a pay phone
And I knew that he was loved...

When I heard the choked voice of loss turned to sound byte
And I lost the heart to write...

When "United we stand" is a pizza box slogan
And I wake up ten times a night...

There are 6000 people killed twice,
Once on that Tuesday and once if we fear
To say, "This isn't justice and this isn't right."

Attracting Wealth

We need to paint our house. We also need to rip out our living room rug and put down some kind of flooring. Weve needed to do this for almost five years. We always pledge to do this with our tax refund, but end up using it keep up with daily expenses.

My son is very sick right now. He has pneumonia. His doctor says we are on the right course of treatment, but its been several days and I dont see the kind of recovery I think I should be seeing. My husband and I were talking about it a few minutes ago and I looked around at the crappy rug (Im actually looking at it right now and thinking What color is this? Its greyer than pond water. Its browner than phlegm.) So I said to my husband, I think wed all be a lot healthier if we would tear out this damned rug and put down some flooring. And we pledged again to use our tax refund to do this, and paint the house.

I work hard and under-earn like loads of people who are as they say lucky enough to have jobs. I am a remote candidate for a better position in my field. Better means loads of things, but among them it does mean more money. I thought to myself, as we pledged yet again to use our tax refund for some basic home maintenance, If I get this job, we can easily afford to fix up the house, but if I dont, I wonder if we will end up spending our tax refund on the mortgage and food.

Then I thought, does getting this job and improving my general station in life preclude ripping out this stained sludge-water grey-brown rug and painting? Or does painting the house and ripping out the rug preclude improving my station if life? If I dont get this job, it will be very hard to save the money we need for paint and flooring, but we can do it. Were capable of doing the labor and we are capable of saving a few hundred dollars. It will just be hard. Regardless of whether I get this job, we will improve our station in life by giving our home the care that it needs and making it a healthier place to live. In doing that, I may also create little changes in myself that may attract this or another better job a healthier, happier place for me to work.

But even that is a somewhat causal explanation for what I feel is actually more mystic. I sort of feel like putting in shiny new non-dust-mite-and-allergen-harboring flooring, and putting a fresh coat of paint on the house a color we pick, a color we like! will be kind of like a ceremony. We make a sacrifice to perform this act of renewal and in doing so we demonstrate to the universe that we value health and the ability to care for each other and our surroundings. And the universe provides more opportunities for us to demonstrate our values. One way the universe provides opportunities is through wealth.

(Money is energy.)

We are in a sick economy and the primary reason is policy. We are all here at DU because we understand that political action is necessary, that we must affect policy in order to improve our condition. But we are here in ASAH because we know there are other forces at work and ways we can access power right now.

Its both frightening and encouraging to know how much the power to change my life is in my own hands. Its encouraging for obvious reasons. Its frightening because I have so many flaws. Im tired and sick. I could work harder but I want to zone out its so painful to constantly stay connected to your own life. But if you dont progress through pain, you will never get to the other side.

Im going to try. I think I work hard now. I think I have an austere lifestyle and it would be difficult to give up any more but its not true. We can use our tax refund to rip out the damned rug and paint the house. I think the entire process will be transformative. I think my family and I will attract abundance by doing this. I am ready to help to allocate such abundance in service to what I value health and the ability to take care of each other and our surroundings. (By surroundings, I do not only mean my little house, but my neighborhood, my community, and extending such reach as I am able.)

Thanks for reading all this. Its meaningful to have a place to share; i.e. you all are cool.

Good night.

Do you know how much a gallon of gas costs now? I don't.

I hear it's pretty high, but I realize that I am am almost never aware of the price of gas. That's just one of the wonderful things about being a committed non-driver.

Here are some more great things:

More opportunities to walk
No car payments
No car insurance payments
Never having to worry about parking
Less isolation - more connection to community through walking, public transportation and sharing a ride
The opportunity to slow things down, not rushing from place to place
The opportunity to become a better planner
The wonderful feeling of contributing less to car culture, which I despise
Leaving a smaller carbon footprint than a driver

I'm sure I could think of more, but I'll stop for now.

I have lived all over the country and have never been a driver and I've always done everything I wanted to do. Sometimes, I do have to take car service (which is not cost prohibitive if you think of what you're saving by not maintaining a car.) But mostly I have been able to walk, ride my bike, take public transportation, or coordinate a ride with someone going that way anyway - or as I like to say, giving someone the opportunity to use their car more efficiently.

I wish that every community had better public transportation so that it would be easier for more people to make this choice. Sometimes it is a hassle. (But I hear driving can be a hassle sometimes too.) But so many people say this choice would be impossible for them - my neighbors, who live, work and shop in the same community as me, say it would be impossible not to drive. It's not. Even without better community planning, more people could make this choice right now. And if they did, might that not contribute to better community planning?

On the bus on the way to work this morning, I was looking at all the cars on the road and every one of them had a single occupant. I was really proud to be on the bus by choice.

On Saturday I had to go to the bank, which is less than a mile from my house. I asked my 7-year-old son, who was playing computer games, to come take a walk with me. He put up a little resistance, but gave in. While we were walking he said, "I wish we could drive. I wish you didn't have all these crazy ideas about cars." I said, "What's crazy is burning fossil fuels to take a trip that's less than a mile from your house if you are able to walk. Plus, it's good exercise and it gives us a chance to be together." It did turn out to be a lovely walk.

Cars are tools and I know they are good for many things, but we overuse them and our ideas about the extent of their necessity are way out of whack.

That's my car rant for the day. Thanks for listening.

dropping by to share a very raw Bowie cover.


I like this group so I just want to tell you a little about myself as it relates to topic and invite you to do the same and maybe we can get to know each other better.

I was raised to be essentially a secular humanist. That is the worldview shared by my parents, a vehement ex-Catholic and an ex-Lutheran. It was very contentious when they chose not to baptize me and they definitely characterized themselves as taking a stand against religion. They told me that the Bible was literature and to take it as metaphor, were I to ever be interested in it at all. They taught me evolution specifically in opposition to creationism. Watching Nova was our version of Sunday school. From an early age it was clear that I was to understand that the answers to the questions in life could be answered through science.

At the same time, my mother, a mentally ill substance abuser, told me that every first born daughter in our family was a witch and that we had psychic powers. I believed both things were true, that all questions could be answered through science, and that women in my family were endowed with seemingly magical abilities.

Ive had many experiences throughout my life starting from a clear memory of an astral projection experience from the womb to seeing ghosts in my twenties to very specific premonitions of tragedies in my thirties and forties that are not so easy to explain.

I have a little background in Natal Astrology. I did some research and studying, and started practicing reading natal charts when I was traveling in the Southwest in the 90s and took the practice with me when I first came to New York, but Im truly a novice I have a very simplified approach that involves rudimentary knowledge and a large amount of intuition. My favorite part, really, is drawing the charts. I love to do ink drawings. (I'm also a writer and a musician.)

I like the expression that magic is just science we dont understand yet. There are unseen forces, powers and systems in the universe that are sometimes called supernatural, but they are real, so they are natural. Astrology is among many practices that serve as a means to navigate these systems systems that have not been comprehended and codified by the dominant culture.

I have fitness issues, in every way, and I am seeking. I feel a lot of energy around me, and I dont know how to process it. It manifests as incredible nervousness and dislocated anxiety. I have a kind of psychic sensory integration disorder. One reason may be that I reject a lot of my sensitivities out of fear. Another reason may be that Im out of balance in general food, exercise, work, play, sleep.

I am a Libra, Pisces rising, Pisces moon.


Gotta brag on the men in my life.


(video starring my little boy.)


Here's a whole mess o' my songs.

Edit: typo

Thanks in advance, and please post your music.

OMG! Can we embed videos in any forum?!


Here's a video I recently made for a project where we select songs inspired by certain words - this is one of the songs I picked for "forest."

Here's the latest video I made for one of my dad's covers:

And here's just one of my songs:

Oh hell, here's another one:

I'm so damn happy!

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