Hometown: New Jersey
Home country: USA
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 41,510
Hometown: New Jersey
Home country: USA
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 41,510
- 2016 (1)
- January (1)
- 2015 (23)
- 2014 (29)
- 2013 (12)
- 2012 (36)
- 2011 (7)
- December (7)
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Thank you, and welcome -- welcome to puberty! It's astounding to think that some of you have children who haven't been around as long as these awards have! And I would be remiss in not mentioning that once again, we are on the threshold of Hillary's second attempt to become president.
I'm so happy that we're not weathering the acrimony DU went through eight years ago that this year's ceremony is dedicated to all the Democratic Party Presidential candidates. Needless to say, I'm even happier that the GOP clown car has only turbocharged its rhetoric. But it puts the national media in the difficult position of having to choose which candidate's campaign advertising income to endorse. Maybe that's why we're entering our thirteenth year of DU-ers finding stories that are either a little too obvious, outdated, inconvenient, or a combination thereof to come across as actual news. So once again, let's salute the DU original posters and commenters who weren't afraid to call a spade a shovel!
Newbies in particular are invited to survey the archives:
PREVIOUS AWARD WINNERS
2003 - Bush's Ancestor's Bank Seized (Grandad - Germany/Nazi)
2004 - Cheney May Help or Hinder Bush's Chances
PREVIOUS AWARD CEREMONIES
2005 - U.S. Army Report: Military Lost Dominance In Iraq After Invasion
2006 - Iraq On Brink Of Becoming A Failed State
2007 - Iraqis Blame U.S. Invasion For Discord
2008 - Bush sees no recession coming
2009 - Bottled water sales dry up - Industry Asks 'Why?'
2010 - Former Head of FEMA says Bush Administration Downplayed Severity of Hurricane Katrina
2011 - Wal-Mart: Our Shoppers Are "Running Out Of Money"
2012 - CIA Docs Confirm: Cheney Is A Liar!
2013 - It's official: Pope has not abolished sin, says Vatican
2014 - (State) Trooper wants job back because raping that girl was just a "moral mistake"
Having explained the rules, we begin, of course, with an exception to them. The following could not be officially nominated because I started the thread. Nonetheless, I felt that its real-life Onion-ness simply could not go unrecognized. Besides, the recipient, while not an official DU-er to my knowledge, was in a band that rocked liberal causes long before it was fashionable:
EXCEPTIONAL SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE Bassist Apologizes For Inspiring LIMP BIZKIT
Media Source: Blabbermouth.net
Best Comments: by Rage Against The Machine bassist Tim Commerford
"I do apologize for LIMP BIZKIT. I really do. I feel really bad that we inspired such bullshit. They're gone, though. That's the beautiful thing. There's only one left, and that's RAGE, and as far as I'm concerned, we're the only one that matters."
Woman's hand severely injured after she reaches into cage to pet tiger
Media Source: Omaha World Herald
Original Poster: Omaha Steve
Best Comments (Other Than Mine):
"Bet she won't do that again..."
THE "TO FIGURE THIS OUT, YOU HAD TO DO A FREAKING STUDY?" CATEGORY
New study: Democrats far better than Republicans at grammar
Media Source: San Francisco Chronicle
Original Poster: Newsjock
Best Comment (Other Than Mine): "At spelling too -- let's not forget Mr. Moran."
-- Sanity Claws
THE "YOU FORGOT THE 'NOT FROM THE ONION' DISCLAIMER" CATEGORY
Nicky Minaj Upset That Museum Visitors Disrespect Her Wax Figure
Media Source: EntertainmentOnline.com
Original Poster: Liberal_in_LA
Best Comment(Other Than Mine): "I'm laughing my...ass off here."
When it Comes to Choosing a Partner, Women and Men Value Different Qualities
Media Source: KUT.org
Original Poster: TexasTowelie
Best Comments (Other Than Mine):
"That's probably accurate, but a lot of Liberal people prefer -- how shall I put this? -- someone somewhat intelligent to talk to when the sex is done for the night."
THIRD RUNNER UP
C.I.A. Funds Found Their Way Into Qaeda Coffers
Media Source: New York Times
Original Poster: Geek tragedy
Best Comment (Other Than Mine): "The CIA has never seen Islamic nutcases it didn't love."
-- Wolf Frankula
SECOND RUNNER UP
Some blacks feel fatigued after barrage of racial incidents
Media Source: Associated Press
Original Poster: Surya Gayatri
Best Comments (Other Than Mine): "Coloreds, Negroes, Blacks, (and) African Americans have always felt under seige."
FIRST RUNNER UP
Planned Parenthood shootings increasingly seem politically motivated
Media Source: Denver Post
Original Poster: Deminks
Best Comment (Other Than Mine): "He was a loner who lived with a woman (I thought loners lived alone), was a hate radio fan (per his pamphlets and conversation), and was shooting people in/from Planned Parenthood. Whatever could his motive be?"
Congrats to the winners and thanks for coming to the guests! This year, unclaimed clothing from the after party will be donated to Nicki Minaj, and a room has been reserved Blue Jazz and Nuclear Unicorn. The bar bill will go to pharma greedster Martin Shrkeli...Oh, I beg your pardon, I read my cue card incorrectly!
The bar bill for the afterparty is actually going to Miss Universe pageant host Steve Harvey. Shrkeli WAS going to get it, but his arrest for securities fraud and firings as CEO of two pharmaceutical companies have suddenly rendered him quite broke. So we created a job for him instead -- in case you've been wondering why the busboy looks kind of familiar!
Posted by rocktivity | Mon Jan 11, 2016, 11:23 AM (21 replies)
of obstruction and abuse of power!
Christie's been screaming that there's no proof which connects him to Bridge(t)-Gate. Well, exactly how does he know that -- because HE couldn't find any, or because he's systematically destroyed it? Are we to believe that Christie has once again been victimized by rouge underlings -- that Gibson Dunn destroyed those documents just to pass the time, and WITHOUT his official knowledge or consent? Is Gibson Dunn point man Rudy Mastro willing to "run interference" for Christie all the way into a jail cell?
As for Wildstein running interference, why did he accept a plea deal instead of joining Kelly and Baroni in going to trial -- especially if he's innocent? He was in a perfect position to say, "I get immunity, you get my evidence, the evidence gets you Christie." But he traded immunity for a lighter sentence -- why? If he didn't have anything of value for Paul Fishman and His Fabulous Feds, why offer him ANY kind of deal? Could it be that the Feds don't NEED Wildstein, Kelly or Baroni to get to Christie? I think Wildstein blinked because he got a counteroffer he couldn't refuse:
"Sure, anything that you, Kelly or Baroni can give us on Christie would help us do a better job of nailing him on Bridge(t)-Gate. But we've got him dead bang on his attempts to cover it up, plus on his relationship with David Samson. THAT is why we have no immunity deals in stock. It's no skin off our backs if you, Kelly and Baroni take the ENTIRE fall for Bridge(t)-Gate -- as far as we're concerned, it's only a matter of how much jail time each of you ends up with.
"So...do we get your evidence in exchange for a lighter sentence, or do you try your luck with a jury? Ask yourself how lucky you feel about getting acquitted -- punk!"
Posted by rocktivity | Mon Dec 7, 2015, 11:39 PM (0 replies)
...Fogle is asking for 5 years, saying although it was "inexcusable" he had sex with minors, "these individuals were far older (aged 16 and 17) than many victims of this same crime..."
...(The) judge just sentenced...Fogle...to 15.6 years in prison...after his attorneys tried to blame weight loss for his "mild pedophilia..."
"Mild" pedopohilia -- is that anything like being "a little bit" pregnant?
Posted by rocktivity | Thu Nov 19, 2015, 08:11 PM (0 replies)
Oh wait -- can you be considered a scumbag if you're not in the habit of using one?
From the Today Show website: The Interview with Matt Lauer
Excerpts from an open letter Charlie wrote and Lauder read:
Roughly four years ago, I suddenly found myself in the throes of a seismic and debilitating three-day cluster migraine-like headache...Following a battery of endless tests (that included a hideous spinal tap), it was sadly and shockingly revealed to me that I was, in fact, positive for HIV...Not missing a beat, a med dose, or one shred of guidance, quickly my viral loads became undetectable. Like every other challenge in my life, again, I was victorious and kicking this disease's ass...
The personal disbelief, karmic confusion, shame and anger lead to a temporary yet abysmal descent into profound substance abuse and fathomless drinking. It was a suicide run. Problem was, I'd forgotten that I'm too tough for such a cowardly departure. Yet, despite this loathsome and horrific odyssey, I was vigilant with my anti-viral program. My medical team could only shake their heads as each and every blood test returned levels revealing a state of remission. Even though I might have been trying to kill myself, one thing was radically evident: the disease was not.
Talk about being your own worst enemy: You decide to go out in a blaze of glory, but having access to the best medical care money can buy, you also decide to try saving yourself. Or was the suicide run your backup plan?
In and around this perplexing and difficult time, I dazedly chose (or hired) the companionship of unsavory and insipid types. Regardless of their salt-less reputations, I always led with condoms and honesty when it came to my condition. Sadly, my truth soon became their treason, as a deluge of blackmail and extortion took center stage in this circus of deceit. To date, I have paid out countless millions to these desperate charlatans. Locked in a vacuum of fear, I chose to allow their threats and skullduggery to vastly deplete future assets from my children, while my 'secret' sat entombed in their hives of folly (or so I thought).
It's admirable that you remember always remembering to inform your partners of your condition despite being so abysmally descended and dazed. And I suppose it's admirable that you found a way to mix safe sex with your substance-fueled pursuit of debauchery with strangers (some of whom you hired). But unfortunately for you, some of those unsavory, insipid, disreputable companions have come forth begging to differ with your contention. But if you always supplied them with the truth about your status and with condoms, why did you agree to pay them? And more to the point, why did you trust such bottom-dwelling lowlifes to care about your confidence -- because they're IN it for money rather than love?
...I'm claiming back my freedom. The scales of justice will swiftly and righteously re-balance themselves. My partying days are behind me. My philanthropic days are ahead of me. Ernest Hemingway once wrote: "Courage is grace under pressure." I've served my time under pressure; I now embrace the courage, and the grace.
If the scales of justice are operational, they will have you serving California's six-month maximum for every person you didn't inform or use condoms with -- consecutively. A defense strategy made up of celebrity justice, "family guy" guilt tripping, the hint of big community service payments, and prostitutes screaming rape because their checks bounced might get you off the hook. But in the meantime, please keep in mind that:
As of now, there is no such thing as being HIV free
An undetectable case of HIV is like a mild case of pregnancy.
Posted by rocktivity | Tue Nov 17, 2015, 07:50 PM (1 replies)
and it certainly doesn't equal cured.
It's just how some viruses work, and it depends on what kind of immune system you have. In most people, the HPV virus dies out; in some men over 40, it turns into cancer. Everyone who has had chicken pox is CAPABLE of getting shingles, but not everyone does (a vaccination of everyone over age 50 is recommended). And how soon we forget the Ebola virus.
What matters here is that you can pass on HIV even if you're not showing symptoms yourself -- and that is NOT front page news. The reason why it spread so quickly forty years ago is that nobody knew they were passing it on. Once it was figured out, the gay community was able to go about putting on the brakes.
In the absence of a cure, there is no such thing as HIV free. The only thing I'm confused about is whether Charlie is acting out of inexcusable ignorance or his trademark arrogance.
Posted by rocktivity | Tue Nov 17, 2015, 07:49 AM (0 replies)
And that business about Bobby Kennedy's assassination.
And it's not her first 9/11 gaffe.
And lest I appear to be partisan, I was also offended when Chris Christie did it:
Absolutely con-fabulous, sweetie darling!
Posted by rocktivity | Sun Nov 15, 2015, 03:48 PM (1 replies)
IMBD: ...(A)t (her sister) Anna's urging, Elsa...stomps her foot, covering the entire floor with ice. They create a snowman...who likes warm hugs. The girls play gleefully...until...(a) blast of (Elsa's) power...hits Anna in the head, knocking her out...Their parents...load both girls onto their horses and ride at full speed...(to)...Grand Pabbie, the leader of the trolls...
Grand Pabbie...advises the family that it might be best if Elsa doesn't use her powers around Anna...(He) alters Anna's memories...(and) warns Elsa that her powers will grow, and although they are beautiful, they will be a great risk to her if she cannot learn to control them...Her father cautions her to wear gloves to keep her icy magic in check, and to conceal her feelings, because strong emotions seem to cause her powers to manifest in unexpected ways.
(Thirteen years later)...Elsa (is) nervous during (her) coronation ceremony...The bishop has to remind her to remove her gloves before she takes up her golden orb and scepter...(T)he...orb starts to frost...(She) puts her gloves back on...Unable to contain her emotions, Elsa...caus(es) a barrier of sharp icicles to suddenly appear around her...Elsa flees with Anna in hot pursuit.
...Elsa has found her way to a high precipice...many miles from civilization. It is here she realizes that far away from what she was taught, being on her own, she can begin to control her powers (Let it Go). She constructs an elaborate ice palace, changes her confining wardrobe into a shimmering dress, and vows to stay in seclusion, where she feels she can be herself and harm no one else.
Say what? The American Taliban and the Illumi-Nutties should be praising this song -- it celebrates the "dangers" of realizing your potential if you're female. If Elsa has to exile herself in order to avoid causing any further physical or emotional harm, what has she REALLY accomplished? What Elsa ends up learning (from her heterosexual sister and her three male compatriots) is that what she thinks is indpendence and self-determination is just another form of subjugation -- straight out of the Religious Misogynist's playbook!
Warning: This video also contains a striptease and flash of lower leg:
Posted by rocktivity | Mon Nov 9, 2015, 05:58 PM (0 replies)
Take your seats, boys and girls -- time for a crash course in Concert Promoting 101!
Wikipedia: Tour promoters (also known as concert promoters or talent buyers) are the individuals or companies responsible for organizing a...special event performance...The promoter and (the performer's) agent...negotiate (a) live performance contract...
(T)he promoter must have upfront cash or sponsorship financing to...assume all the financial risk in putting on a show, so compensation also depends on how successful the promoter is at negotiating with vendors and creating sold-out shows...
Got it? Then, let's take a pop quiz: What's wrong with this picture?
Billboard: A Jon Bon Jovi & The Kings of Suburbia show scheduled for (Stanley Park)...(in) Vancouver, British Columbia, has been canceled. A spokesperson from Bon Jovi Tours Inc. has issued a statement:
The band was ready and willing to give a great performance...Unfortunately...(w)e have recently learned that (concert promoter) Paper Rain Performances has failed to (either) procure staging materials (or) pay the band, staging, security, lighting vendors, etc. As such, they have not met their contractual obligations....
(A) statement sent to Billboard (from) the promoter...reads:
We have worked tirelessly with the band’s management and have experienced extraordinary support from the City, the Parks Board and all of our other partners...We requested a postponement of the concert as we needed more time to sell it out. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the artist’s management could not agree on a postponement.
But why should Jon Bon Jovi want to postpone, especially since Paper Rain was paying him?
Canada.com: “(Bon Jovi) was supposed to be paid $900,000 US,” said (Paper Rain CEO Dennis) MacDonald. “He was paid 50 per cent of that up front, and he was paid a second third of that, and the final third was to be paid yesterday. (But) ticket sales simply didn’t do what they were supposed to do."
...(T)here were rumours flying...that Paper Rain had used money from ticket sales to pay Bon Jovi’s advance. "Untrue...The money that was paid to Bon Jovi up front came from our investors, who put up the money up front.”
One half plus one third plus one third...no wonder they were having a problem. But if Paper Rain didn't have enough upfront money to pay the performer AND the concert expenses, how did they qualify to be hired by Stanley Park? The ticket sales revenue, regardless of its size, isn't relevant -- and for what should be an obvious reason: that money would have to be refunded in the event of a cancellation. Therefore, it would be suicidal (if not illegal) to spend it beforehand, right?
Normally, money from ticket sales is held in a trust account...(But) MacDonald did allow that Paper Rain had been advanced some money by Tickets Tonight, a branch of Tourism Vancouver that was selling tickets to the Stanley Park show. “The way they work is that they advance what’s in the box office on a weekly basis,” said MacDonald. "(But) there’s still money that they’re holding." Asked when ticket holders will get refunds, MacDonald said, “we’re just working on that right now...with our insurance company...”
From a subsequent Purple Rain press release:
Designed, finalized, managed, negotiated, secured, completed -- BUT NOT PAID FOR, and not as of a WEEK before the concert? If ALL of Paper Rain's contractors and suppliers are so wealthy that they can prep for free, THEY should have been the upfront investors!
Congratulations on incriminating yourselves: The only thing Paper Rain was trying to protect was their filthy little Ponzi scheme. I suggest that they do less work with their insurance company and more with their lawyers: since this involved the duping of a government agency, an investigation should be on the way!
P.S. Seeing the writing on the wall (though they should have seen it a month sooner), the Bon Jovi camp moved the concert to Rogers Arena. However, no additional tickets will be sold.
Posted by rocktivity | Fri Aug 21, 2015, 10:47 AM (1 replies)
VillageVoice.com: ...Some of Stone's sordid history:
- exposed in the Watergate scandal for infiltrating the McGovern campaign
- registered as the agent for Ferdinand Marcos and a Bahamian prime minister alleged to be involved in the drug trade
- partnered with Lee Atwater, who conceived the Willie Horton race-baiting commercials for the Bush 1988 presidential campaign.
Stone has been a player in virtually every major GOP scandal, from aiding the contras to the mob shutdown of the Miami/Dade County canvassing board during the 2000 recount...
Roger Stone, an adviser to Carl Paladino, marched in the gay pride parade that the New York gubernatorial candidate has called a “a terrible thing.”
His towel frontal pic here is from his Swinger advertisement during the Bob DOLE "Family Values" campaign, in which Rog asked for dudes to join him and Nikki in hot pursuits.
Roger Stone, the longtime Republican dirty-tricks operative...is financing, staffing, and orchestrating the presidential campaign of Reverend Al Sharpton...(They) are, in a sense, brothers under the skin, outlandish personalities too large to be bound by the constraints that govern the rest of us.
The hot rumor in New York political circles has Roger Stone, the longtime GOP activist, as the source for Dan Rather's dubious Texas Air National Guard "memos." Anyone ever heard of him?
The two clashed after Stone – known universally in political circles as a Nixon-era “dirty trickster” – helped bring down Trump friend and New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer in a prostitution scandal. But soon Stone and Trump were back and working together.
VillageVoice.com: Stone (has)...never been involved in a Democratic campaign, vowing publicly: "You can't work both sides of the street."
Well, morally speaking, that gives Stone a big leg up on Trump -- if you'll pardon the expression...
Posted by rocktivity | Sat Aug 8, 2015, 04:03 PM (0 replies)
a mix of getting caught in lies...
...and psychoanalysis with a very poor prognosis
7. He and a rival candidate were guests of the Republican who lost the previous U.S. presidential election
CNN: What does one do at a presidential candidate slumber party? We'll likely never know exactly what happened at Mitt Romney's lakeside summer home in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, where Chris Christie and Marco Rubio spent the night...
I'll try to put this as tactfully as possible, Governor Soprano: You have NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER being within NINETY-NINE MILES of EITHER of those men!!! Not Rubio, because he, too, is a presidential candidate and should not be privy to your campaign confidences (did you offer him a vice presidential slot?); and not Romney, because his presidential campaign featured such brilliant tactics as not showing his tax returns and suggesting that how he ran his businesses should not be a campaign issue. Political mentoring from Mitt Romney is like marriage counseling from king Henry The Eighth!
8. He spent Independence Day Leading A Parade In New Hampshire instead of in New Jersey (DailyKos):
So ends the inaugural week of Christie's presidential run -- which should be the closest to a presidential inauguration that he'll ever get. But there is a bright side: he has nowhere to go BUT up...
Posted by rocktivity | Mon Jul 6, 2015, 11:07 AM (0 replies)