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Crewleader

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Gender: Female
Current location: Florida
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 16,263

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Your Jolly For Today!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.


Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for


her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line
is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.


The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the


2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is
so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up.


At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of


Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a
huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little
package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes
of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but
I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'


'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.


More snow



Truckee River, California

November is the New January

LOL!



Share the Fun

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Towards 2015 -- Remember:



1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.



4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.



6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes, Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.



8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.



10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment ... for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel ... because those that matter... don't mind... and those that mind ...don't matter!

And As You Slide Down that Banister of Life You Should Pray That All The Splinters Are Pointed The Other Way...












Today's Comic

November 20 Birthdays

http://www.famousbirthdays.com/november20.html

And for your morning pleasure







My PC could be called~The Crewster

Happy Day All!

Photo of the Day



November 20, 2014

The Bagualero Way


Photograph by Tomás Munita, National Geographic

In the wilds of Patagonia, cowboys called bagualeros pit themselves against the meanest livestock on the planet. Here, bagueleros pause in their search for cattle on Antonio Varas Peninsula, in Chilean Patagonia. Few choose the bagualero way. “It’s a beautiful life but a tough one,” says Sebastián García Iglesias (at far left).

Lady Driver, Brilliant!



A mature lady gets pulls over for speeding


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.



Older Woman: Oh, I see.




Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?



Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.



Traffic Cop: Don't have one?



Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.



Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.



Older Woman: I can't do that.



Traffic Cop: Why not?



Older Woman: I stole this car.



Traffic Cop: Stole it?



Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.


Traffic Cop: You what!?




Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.



The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.



Older woman: Is there a problem sir?



Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.



Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!



Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.



The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.



Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?



Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned.



Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.



The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.



The officer examines the license quizzically.



Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!



Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.



Don't Mess With Mature Ladies



If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

I just did!





November 19 Birthdays

http://www.famousbirthdays.com/november19.html

And to bring some smiles to your day my friends!







Photo of the Day



November 19, 2014

Flight of Locusts


Photograph by Michele Martinelli, National Geographic Your Shot

A dense swarm of locusts obscures a view of fields in Madagascar. Most destructive in sustenance farming regions of Africa, locust swarms devastate crops and can cause major agricultural damage, as well as famine and starvation
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