Not For Sale: The Sex Industry Sell Out

[seabeyond]

It doesn’t have to be this way. Anything that crushes the human spirit, that disregards people’s humanity, must be seen for what it is and put to an end. The fact that the sex industry may have adopted the language of good – freedom of speech, empowerment, liberation of sexuality – does not in fact make it good. It has been a feature of many dominant and damaging ideologies that they have adopted language which appeals to the culture they emerge in. It is a key to their survival. But when that language bears no relation to the realities such systems create and maintain, it must be disregarded. We cannot begin to change things if we do not keep our language real.

The sex industry does men a huge disservice: it teaches them that women want to be treated like sex objects, and that to object to such a view is somehow unmanly and less-than. It perpetuates an aggressive, macho culture in which buying women, fucking women without care or respect is both normal and also something to aspire to, to laugh about, to brag about. A male bonding experience. Porn is no advocator of equality, of gentleness or mutuality. Sex is something the man does to the woman – the rougher and the more holes he penetrates, the better. It is about conquest and domination.

The sex industry does women a huge disservice. Its effects reach far beyond the women directly involved in the making of porn, in lapdancing and prostitution. Womens’ bodies are cheapened by the mere fact that they are everywhere for sale. Women in porn accept any treatment, no matter how painful or degrading, with gratitude and an orgasm to boot. Any woman who objects to women being sold risks being labeled frigid or jealous (!). Women’s magazines, tv chat shows and advice columns have been quick promote the views of the sex industry, telling women who are upset by their husband / son’s use of pornography that it is normal and healthy and to get over it. Women may find themselves coerced into re-enacting sex acts their partners have seen, and their partners are able to point to a whole host of sources which show this is mainstream: it’s normal. Teen magazines feature articles such as ‘position of the fortnight’, and women’s magazines have articles such as ‘how to keep your man happy in bed’ in which blowjobs are just the beginning, the base line of expectation. There are online ‘love and sex advice’ sites where if a woman writes that she finds anal sex painful, she will be given a load of practical advice to make it better. No one ever says, if it hurts, if you don’t want to do it but feel pressured, just don’t do it. You have the right to say no, no explanation required.

Women’s magazines frequently sell the sex industry’s side of the story: lapdancing as harmless fun and a good way to make a quick buck; stripping as a bit of glamour and excitement; 'our day (pre-arranged of course) on a porn set'. We aren’t told the truth and misinformation makes it hard to make informed decisions. Women will often argue in favour of the ‘rights’ of other women ( - I wouldn’t do it myself) to sell their bodies. This is based on ignorance as to the realities of what being fucked for money actually means, and an overwhelming pressure which tells us that to fit in, to be acceptable and non-prudish, non-judgmental, we must go along with it and say that it’s okay, even if it doesn’t feel right.

http://survivingprostitutionandaddiction.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/not-for-sale-sex-industry-sell-out.html

[hlthe2b]

1. Obviously written by someone who knows first hand... yet I wonder how many contemplating the "biz"

would listen to her.

This little paragraph says more in four sentences than most could in forty pages:

>>>The sex industry does men a huge disservice: it teaches them that women want to be treated like sex objects, and that to object to such a view is somehow unmanly and less-than. It perpetuates an aggressive, macho culture in which buying women, fucking women without care or respect is both normal and also something to aspire to, to laugh about, to brag about. A male bonding experience. Porn is no advocator of equality, of gentleness or mutuality. Sex is something the man does to the woman – the rougher and the more holes he penetrates, the better. It is about conquest and domination. <<<

[seabeyond]

2. i think so. whenever talking about this with hubby, he always sees it from his perspective

which is from. from his eyes. the first time it threw me, lol. i am thinking about the effects on the women, either the ones participating, the ones in the relationship or society as a whole.

the first time, he said to me, didnt like it. i felt it degrading to me. doing the struttin' for the money and not gettin anything. i would have almost been offended and i was so surprised. but, in thought, was a thank you for giving me that perspective.

* those were not his exact words. this was said so any years ago.

[redqueen]

3. Amazing blog.

More and more exiting women are starting to speak out. Tired of having their lives and experiences overlooked by those with a self-serving political agenda, and more concerned with presenting an accurate and non Hollywood-ized version of these issues.

[seabeyond]

4. i think so and ths would be the example of the pendulum effect. nt

[MadrasT]

5. It really is.

I am glad she is speaking out.

[BlueIris]

6. "This is based on ignorance as to the realities of what being fucked for money actually means."

This is my single biggest problem with rationalizations for the inherent misogyny of the sex industry.

[BlueIris]

7. Damn. The writing is amazing.

"My body has been in the wars. My body and I were once one, and to heal and become whole we must cease to be strangers to one another."

[BlueIris]

8. On johns, sexual abuse, and 'sex-positive feminists': (graphic language warning)

"Let us forget him, mumbling something about men naturally needing a constant sexual outlet and visual stimulation, about boys being boys, about harmless fantasy and a bit of fun. These wonderful women who call themselves 'sex positive feminists' instead start spouting bullshit about women's rights to 'empower' themselves as 'sex workers' and 'use their sexuality'. As if they knew anything about what they were fighting for! Don't fight for my 'right' to be abused, sister. They've bought into the sanitised language, maybe tuned into the highly publicised 'face' of the sex industry - a very few women saying that they love it and there's nothing wrong with it and how liberating it is to be fucked so much. 'I just enjoy sex, I'm really filthy, and I'm proud of my body'. It's all about them again, the woman again - no mention of the audience they're performing for, the men behind the camera, the power dynamics, just re-affirmation that they want to be fucked.

They forget, these people, these 'sex positive' feminists, that women who are still in the industry aren't free to tell the truth. And that in fact, the women who do act as the PR face of the sex-lobby are paid handsomely for so doing. You can't be pro-sex and pro-prostitution and porn in any case. Making it a commercial transaction eradicates the possibility of good sex because it brings power into the equation and so eliminates freedom and truth.

These so-called feminists look right through the ranks of the destroyed, of the sold, of the hopeless, of the women who constitute 98% of prostitutes. In fact, they don't just ignore us - they slander us, saying we exaggerate, that most women enjoy it, they point to the smiles on the faces of women in porn as if that meant anything. They fail to connect with the reality of what it is to be prostituted. They can't look us in the eye but they judge us to be wrong and dishonest about our experiences anyway. They invalidate us without thought. You are wrong! You liked it!

Funny really, they say the same things as the johns. In fact rather than the label 'sex positive feminist' we should perhaps use 'pimp and john friendly woman hater'. Or 'BS Artiste', as I wrote in an earlier entry."

[MadrasT]

9. That really resonated with me, too

There is a community I am involved with, a new agey group, that *loves* to toss around "sex positive" and sponsor "sex positive" activities. I have been pushing back on that for a couple years because people"s ideas about "sex positive" are really more like "sex obsessed".

I am an advocate of being sex-balanced. Put it in it's proper place in life. Not something to celebrate with decadent abandon (because people GET HURT in the process) and not something to be ashamed of. Just a normal, pleasing, regular part of life.

*Sigh*

Yes, the writing on that site is very powerful. Like jaw dropping "holy shit" powerful. And I have no patience with sex abuse apologists who parrot the "but but but it is EMPOWERMENT!!!1!" line. It doesn't seem to me like they are considering the big picture.

[BlueIris]

10. The bullshit "it is EMPOWERMENT!!!1!" crowd is full of it.

That is my conclusion after reading Angel K's descriptions of the inherently nonconsensual environment the prostitute, porn victim actress, and stripper struggle in.

[seabeyond]

13. "but but but it is EMPOWERMENT!!!1!"

i heard someone, i think a man poster, state this just last night. most "sex positive" women have backed off of this statement. the man must not have gotten the message on how absurdly ridiculous this statement is.

this has always been my issue. when one has to shield oneself to do something, at that point, it HARMS. it is that simple. it is not sitting in judgment of a persons choice. it is talking about reality of human experience.

[MadrasT]

14. I still hear a lot of women

clinging to the "empowerment" meme.

It is the one of the most selfish things I have ever heard in my life.

I am hoping it is a phase that people move *through*, and not a permanent resting place for most. (As I moved *through* it and got beyond it to see the bigger picture.)

[seabeyond]

16. my nieces friend, as she tells me strip bars, the porn, just a choice. some women

are empowered by it. further in the conversation, having been with one BF for a long time. no respect to her in so many ways. she doesnt really like sex. hm.... could it be she is not getting what she needs to like sex. she says, she comes home and bf demands as soon as she walks thru the door she gets on her knees, even if she doesnt want to. as if it is in the same place of any other chore one doesnt particularly want to do.

i ask her, where in any of your story, is the god damn empowerment. not seeing it.

[seabeyond]

12. Don't fight for my 'right' to be abused, sister. sanitised language

i am going to have to re read the article, cause i did not get it all.... lol.

i must have stopped too soon

but, that is excellent shit you post. i would like to read it all. and i posted the article. i must have been stopping too soon, or something

[BlueIris]

11. "There's a reason that the men who buy women have to buy women."

"The woman hater. This man has a personal history which has led him to hate women. It may go something like this: his mother abused him as a kid. Or he feels a girlfriend / female work colleague humiliated him. Or he has a female boss which he can't bear. Or he can't get women like he deserves. The history may differ but the result is the same: he wants to teach women a lesson. He wants to make women, that woman, any woman, this woman he pays for, feel pain as he believes the women in his life have made him feel pain. No matter that this is a different woman. The point is, the prostitute is available to him as a means of expressing his hatred and aggression in a way that the woman or women he wants to even a score with are not. He can't get a relationship with a woman because of how he treats them. The thing is, and he knows this only too well, with a prostitute, there are no consequences. If he beats her, if he rapes her, half strangles her, threatens to kill her, nothing will happen to him. No blue siren will arrive to take him away. That's what she's there for isn't it? An outlet for the rage. He gives her money, or maybe he withholds payment and just uses her and leaves her bleeding on the street as a final snub to her (she should be grateful to be alive. Bitch).

Then there's the conventionally unattractive man. He can't get a relationship with a woman because of his looks or his personal hygiene. For him, the prostitute is the woman who can't say no. An attractive prospect? Maybe not. Was it good for me? NO! But I'll fake it because I have to.

Next up is the porn addict. He might or might not be in a relationship with a woman. He may even be married. Point is, he wants to try out some of the more extreme sex acts he's witnessed in porn, which his partner won't do or he's afraid to ask to try maybe because somewhere deep down he knows it's not something women who can choose will choose. This might be anal sex, taking pornographic photos on his 'phone, two girl shows, DPs, fisting, watersports... you get the point. Driven by his porn fascination, he divides women into two groups: madonnas and whores. He dates madonnas, but he sees it as his right to explore other sex acts brought to his attention by porn and he knows that for the more unpleasant stuff, prostitutes are the only option.

Finally there is the john who just can. He likes to pay for women to have sex just because he can - it's a power trip to him. He can get women for himself, he might not be physically unattractive, but he also gets off on knowing that if he offers cash to a prostitute, she can't say no. He can do whatever he likes with the prostitute and then pick up his current girlfriend and whisk her off to an expensive dinner, smiling even as he does about where he's just been. To him it's a thrill, a buzz."

[seabeyond]

15. there is nothing pretty in any of the four. i grew up with the understanding

this was the reality about the men that made these choices and the reason. it was until i was on du, where anonymous poster had braggin rights to paying for a body and insisting it is a norm. where the men actually try to convince the reader that they have all the respect in the world for the woman they are "renting". that really, the woman really really wants it and are just horney. a whole new world for me. a whole new perspective that people actually expect another to buy into.

the reality, when these men literally brag about their ability to use women in this manner, i would imagine most women, maybe even men, myself for sure..... sees one of those four types of men. and really, a pick of the top three descriptions.

they cant "pretty woman" this story of theirs with a perfect little bow.

now i gotta go into the site and see why i didnt read any of the stuff you did, lol.

[seabeyond]

17. actually, i went further into her blog. i guess there is another article i am going to have to

start an OP with in a couple days....

i take it this is where you got your stuff.

there are a couple other sites i have been to, where all this needs to be put together in one OP, so the voices are heard. and maybe some of us can quit pretending.