HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » History of Feminism (Group) » The Balancing Act of Bein...
Introducing Discussionist: A new forum by the creators of DU

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 05:30 PM

The Balancing Act of Being Female: or, Why We Have So Many Clothes

The Balancing Act of Being Female: or, Why We Have So Many Clothes




http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/01/22/the-balancing-act-of-being-female-or-why-we-have-so-many-clothes/

snip...

What I like about the image is the way it very clearly illustrates two things. First, it reveals that doing femininity doesn’t mean obeying a single, simple rule. Instead, it’s about occupying and traveling within a certain space. In this case, usually between “proper” and “flirty.” Women have to constantly figure out where in that space they’re supposed to be. Too flirty at work mean’s you won’t be taken seriously; too proper at the bar and you’re invisible. Under the right circumstances (e.g., Halloween, a funeral), you can do “cheeky” or “old fashioned.”

The second thing I like about this image is the way it shows that there is a significant price to pay for getting it wrong. It’s not just a faux pas. Once you’re “‘asking for it,” you could be a target. And, once you’re reached “prudish,” you’ve become socially irrelevant. Both violence and social marginalization are serious consequences.

And, of course, all women are going to get it wrong sometimes because the boundaries are moving targets and in the eye of the beholder. What’s cheeky in one setting or to one person is flirty in or to another. So women constantly risk getting it wrong, or getting it wrong to someone. So the consequences are always floating out there, worrying us, and sending us to the mall.

. . . more at link

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/01/22/the-balancing-act-of-being-female-or-why-we-have-so-many-clothes/

23 replies, 2174 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 23 replies Author Time Post
Reply The Balancing Act of Being Female: or, Why We Have So Many Clothes (Original post)
CrispyQ Jan 2013 OP
redqueen Jan 2013 #1
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #9
redqueen Jan 2013 #11
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #12
redqueen Jan 2013 #15
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #17
redqueen Jan 2013 #18
marybourg Jan 2013 #2
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #14
seabeyond Jan 2013 #16
ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #3
auntsue Jan 2013 #4
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #5
auntsue Jan 2013 #10
gollygee Jan 2013 #6
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #7
CrispyQ Jan 2013 #8
seabeyond Jan 2013 #13
discntnt_irny_srcsm Jan 2013 #19
seabeyond Jan 2013 #20
discntnt_irny_srcsm Jan 2013 #21
seabeyond Jan 2013 #22
discntnt_irny_srcsm Jan 2013 #23

Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 05:45 PM

1. Hell fucking yes.

Women’s closets are often mocked as a form of self-indulgence, shop-a-holicism, or narcissism. But this isn’t fair. Instead, if a woman is class-privileged enough, they reflect an (often unarticulated) understanding of just how complicated the rules are. If they’re not class-privileged enough, they can’t follow the rules and are punished for being, for example, “trashy” or “unprofessional.” It’s a difficult job that we impose on women and we’re all too often damned-if-we-do and damned-if-we-don’t.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to redqueen (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:56 PM

9. It was only recently, that I realized my privilege as a WHITE woman.

Seriously, I cannot believe that that difference did not register with me for so many years.

WTF.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Reply #9)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:17 AM

11. My family is very diverse...

So I grew up very aware of the advantage I have because I can 'pass'.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to redqueen (Reply #11)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:38 AM

12. I see it on the bus.

I live in a progressive pocket & there's not much disrespect generally, but I do get treated with more deference than Black or Hispanic women. Little things like when all the double seats have a passenger in them & the new passengers have to sit by someone, I'm one of the last ones people sit next to. I'm reasonably attractive & I don't smell. I usually have a huge backpack that I sit on my lap, making sure not to extend into the seat next to me. I honestly think it's a class/race thing. Let the white, middle class woman sit in solitude.


Public trans is so interesting. I used to take it all the time when I was in my 20s, but I didn't pay attention to those things back then. Then I was in the car culture for a long time. The past three years I've been back on the bus with a whole different perspective on life & just about everything.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Reply #12)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:46 AM

15. I used to love riding the bus every day. :)

I had the coolest driver and one time years later I was taking a bus on a different route, and what do you know, he was driving that route. We had a great time catching up. Some people complain a lot about it, but I miss it. Being able to read, not stressing out in traffic... it's great.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:53 AM

17. I love the bus.

Driving takes so much energy - there is so much rudeness & rat-race-y-ness on the road. Everyone is trying to get one car length ahead. The bus is relaxing. You read, or look out the window or sometimes even talk to someone you don't know!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Reply #17)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 11:09 AM

18. Yes, and getting to know some nice regular riders was a bonus. :)

And its good for the environment, too!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 05:54 PM

2. That's one of the reasons we started wearing pants back in the

70's. I'm glad to see Hilary still does. Another reason was the return of mini-skirt to legs that had aged 20 years in the interim. I don't think I've worn a dress or skirt more than 2x in the past 25 years.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to marybourg (Reply #2)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:46 AM

14. Two things are certain in my life:

1. I will never wear high heels again.

2. I will never wear pantyhose again.


I doubt I'll ever wear a dress again. The last time I wore a dress was in 2008. I donated all of my heels (18 pair & some never worn!) & most of my dresses to a woman's shelter. They were thrilled.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Reply #14)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:49 AM

16. wow. listen to you. i never have been the clothes horse. hate shopping. BUT

i do like to wear my high heel boots with my jean. cutest little ankle boots. bought a pair two years in a row. i have to get my moneys worth out of them. and i like being eye level to hubby, 6' and most men.

dresses, not so much anymore. but on occasion.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 06:34 PM

3. I'm ready to go all Steampunk

Not really.

My rules for clothes; they support comfort and easy mobility, including running or walking in high wind. My other test is, could I sleep in that fabric? I actually like skirts and dresses, but according to the model, my style is close to 'matron'.

Which is cool.

I hate shopping unless its at a second hand store--I seem to find what I like easier. So much of 'fashion' is uncomfortable or restricting in some way.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:03 PM

4. I don't want to be a guy basher....

...but as a lesbian, when I see a woman dressed in a manner you might call "hot".....I think "wow" not oooo she want's me". So what's wrong with guys..eh? Oh ..yesh I do know it's only some guys.....not all. i have a brother, cousins, nephews and men friends who all know how to act.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to auntsue (Reply #4)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:17 PM

5. Hot.

Is that somewhere between 'flirty' & 'cheeky,' or between 'cheeky' & 'provocative?'

You must be precise.


i have a brother, cousins, nephews and men friends who all know how to act.



Socialization is key. Well, socialization to a culture that is not a cesspool like ours, that is.




Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Reply #5)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 10:42 PM

10. I don't know what words to use

by blood pressure rises and I can't breathe right......sometimes I see pretty colors.....LOL

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:23 PM

6. On my list of things that are good about getting old

fashion becoming less of an issue is way up there.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to gollygee (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:49 PM

7. I'm 55 & I still love fashion - well at least on my terms.

I don't wear heels or dresses. I haven't for years. I mostly wear denim. My tops are crew or v-neck & 3/4 or long sleeve. My style is very casual & I look good in most things I wear, although they are not revealing in the least. They are fashionable without being provocative. This is my natural style.

For those women who are not as constrained as me, I wonder, 'Why is it different for unconstrained women & not unconstrained men?" Why can't women wear more provocative clothing without judgement than men? Why can't they express themselves as openly than men, without harsh judgement?

And on & on & on.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to gollygee (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:51 PM

8. Me again. :)

Did you ever watch Six Feet Under? The 'mother' had a friend, Kathy Bates. Can't remember KB's character name, but she was great. In one episode, KB shop lifts something & the mother is horrified that they will be caught. KB says, 'Relax! In our culture, older women are invisible.'

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CrispyQ (Original post)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:43 AM

13. i am provocative and prudism.

shorts, i have to be at provocative, though i just thought comfy. i do not like long shorts and shorts are about all i wear spring thru fall. prudism with skirts and dresses, but i though more summery and flowing.

meh

good article.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #13)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 01:52 PM

19. re: "...i am provocative and prudism."

Women are so prone to mixed messages it's no wonder we men are always confused.


(No I'm not serious for those who can't tell.)

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to discntnt_irny_srcsm (Reply #19)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 03:48 PM

20. seems to me to be the once again, never old

virgin/whore. and isnt it a hoot that i fit it down to a tee.

that is funny. hadnt thought of that.

my whole life is about contradiction.

only woman amongst all men/boys.

lived in the most conservative town, bakersfield in the most liberal state, calif.

moved from calif to texas.

never moderate. all extreme

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #20)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 03:59 PM

21. all of this goes well with...

..."Please put your seat-back forward."
...and such other prize concepts as "military intelligence", "honest politician", "forward-thinking republican"...

Diversity is the spice of life. Speaking of which, I'm trying to find the special Republican edition of the Victoria's Secret catalog. The one approved by both the Mormon Church and the John Birch Society.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to discntnt_irny_srcsm (Reply #21)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 04:03 PM

22. lol, ya, that.

sigh. victoria secret. now, seeing how you are in the feminist forum. i use to LOVE the company and buy all my stuff from them and have a blast. it was ALL about women and women embracing their sexuality when we hadnt had that in the past.

then, along came the 90's and something cutsey happened. it was no longer about the women. and the women lovin' on their sexuality. it was about marketing to men, and the men telling their women what THEY wanted having ALL to do with mens sexuality.

i walked from the company and will no longer give them my money.

next.....

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #22)

Thu Jan 24, 2013, 08:54 PM

23. now that I'm thinking about it...

...provacative_prudism might be an interesting screen name.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread