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Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:31 AM

The Rape of an 11-Year-Old Girl Highlights an Important Wider Issue

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/laura-bates/the-rape-of-an-11-year-ol_b_2218428.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

A man appeared in court last week charged with the rape of an 11-year-old girl on her way home from school. The news has caused widespread shock and consternation, but stories submitted to the Everyday Sexism Project website this year suggest that the sexual harassment of young girls in school uniform is far less rare a phenomenon than we might like to think.

The huge number of entries we have received detailing the sexual objectification and harassment of schoolgirls comes from parents, from bystanders and from victims themselves. One girl told us:

"I was 13 when I experienced sexual harassment for the first time... I was stopped by a group of men (at least 17 or more years old) in a black pick-up truck. They were telling me that they liked school girls and that I probably "have a tight pussy." I didn't understand what they were talking about. I was 13...

...

Too often the reports we receive suggest that girls are too scared to speak up or shamed into feeling that what has happened was their own fault. Because this frequently silences victims, many people are unaware of how severe the problem is. A man wrote to us, shocked, after witnessing a similar event:

...


I posted in bb's thread in meta about the resistance to discussing rape culture, the story of an 11-year-old girl who was raped and - of course - blamed for it by one of the rapist's defense attorneys.

People in other threads seem shocked at how young so many victims are.

All I can think is: Why has it taken so long for so many to pay attention?

Anyway... hopefully this is changing. It seems to be changing... faster in other countries than here... but still. Still, I want to have hope.


http://www.everydaysexism.com/

How old were you when it first happened to you?

I was in sixth grade. Once a man stopped and tried to get me into his car. Another man followed me as I left a convenience store near my grandmother's house. Those were the two scariest incidents... the catcalls and stuff was fairly routine.

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Reply The Rape of an 11-Year-Old Girl Highlights an Important Wider Issue (Original post)
redqueen Dec 2012 OP
LiberalLoner Dec 2012 #1
redqueen Dec 2012 #2
LiberalLoner Dec 2012 #3
redqueen Dec 2012 #5
Mojorabbit Dec 2012 #18
Drale Dec 2012 #4
redqueen Dec 2012 #6
JoDog Dec 2012 #28
sufrommich Dec 2012 #7
redqueen Dec 2012 #8
PDJane Dec 2012 #9
redqueen Dec 2012 #13
ismnotwasm Dec 2012 #10
redqueen Dec 2012 #14
JoDog Dec 2012 #30
lbrtbell Dec 2012 #11
ismnotwasm Dec 2012 #12
redqueen Dec 2012 #15
AlexSatan Dec 2012 #16
PDJane Dec 2012 #17
CrispyQ Dec 2012 #21
gollygee Dec 2012 #19
sufrommich Dec 2012 #22
ismnotwasm Dec 2012 #23
sufrommich Dec 2012 #24
ismnotwasm Dec 2012 #25
CrispyQ Dec 2012 #20
Arugula Latte Dec 2012 #26
BanzaiBonnie Dec 2012 #27
Thirties Child Dec 2012 #29
Hassin Bin Sober Dec 2012 #31

Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:34 AM

1. Maybe because so many of us never told.

It took so many years for me to tell. And I haven't told about everything, not nearly. Because there are just too many stories to tell.

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Response to LiberalLoner (Reply #1)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:37 AM

2. More than enough have told. Many are simply not believed.

Feminist groups have been hammering away at this issue for decades.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #2)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:41 AM

3. With it being so universal, why aren't we believed? I mean, it's so common that surely

men see it happening. A pretty fair number participate in it.

Is it willful blindness in order to hold on to power, the feeling of power they get from catcalls and from putting women down? I am thinking that must be it. Because it's hard for me to believe they simply don't KNOW.

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Response to LiberalLoner (Reply #3)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:52 AM

5. I don't know.

Many people think it's a small problem, it's no big deal. Many think we should be flattered. Many think we all need to lighten up.

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Response to LiberalLoner (Reply #1)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:49 AM

18. ^^^this^^^ nt

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:47 AM

4. I was with my girlfriend and her niece a few weeks ago at the mall

A man probably about 40 and extremely creepy looking, made a rude obscene comment of her niece, who is 11, as we walked by. I turned, got in his face and said "What the fuck did you just say?", he said "I was just making a comment man calm down." I said "I will not calm down, you should never speak to any women like that, especially an 11 year old, your a fucking pedophile and if I knew I wouldn't go to prison I would beat the shit out of you right now." Thats when a security guard came along and asked if something was wrong, I told him what happened and he escorted this creep off, hopefully to the security office, or at the very least out of the mall. It pissed me off beyond belief and I had not been that angry in a very very long time. I don't understand why this crap goes on, is it because these creeps are to horrible of people to get a women their own age? Or is it a mental illness?

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Response to Drale (Reply #4)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:55 AM

6. I wish I knew the answer.

It is sad how long society has tolerated this behavior, worked around it, dealt with perpetrators only after many victims were scarred for life... and often not very effectively.

The increasing sexualization of teens and preteens isn't helping that's for sure. The 'sexy schoolgirl' crap should not be acceptable, but it is. Go figure.

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Response to Drale (Reply #4)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 03:48 PM

28. Thank you for saying something

All too often part of the problem is that these creeps are not called on their crap.

Thank you for making it crystal clear that his behavior was not acceptable.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 11:57 AM

7. This is what bothers me about the "I need feminism because" thread

and those that argue that women need to be told at college age the ways to avoid rape.There is not a woman on this planet who did not realize way before college age that having a female body is in itself a risk. Why is this so hard to understand? What female cannot remember scary creepy men events from much earlier ages than college?

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #7)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 12:13 PM

8. Colleges are notoriously bad about this issue.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 12:24 PM

9. There are a certain number of men who both have low impulse control

and like the feeling of power it gives them. There is a subset of men who think they are entitled to what they want, and consider women to be objects....and the media feeds this obsession.

To change it, we have to change the message. I can't see that happening unless we change the religious indoctrination and the media mindset first.

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Response to PDJane (Reply #9)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 02:00 PM

13. I think we have a much better chance of changing the media message.

I was so excited when Miss Representation came out... I thought all democrats would jump right on board.

The actual reaction was a real wake up call.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 12:47 PM

10. It's been fetishized

'Catholic School Girl'

Part of the larger issue is sexual entitlement. In this case uniformed school girls have been used in everything from commercials to rock videos to Halloween costumes.

This is partly the result of sexualizing young girls in uniforms. They represent an opportunity for lost sexual innocence, or worst there is the idea that uniformed school girls or either 'repressed' or already sexually active. The actual age of the child is irrelevant to those with sexual entitlement so ingrained they're actually don't think about pedophilia, they don't think about the human being in the uniform, they simply think its 'OK', because you know, hey, it's just sex right? Isn't that a part of what we heard from the plethora of rape apologists lately?

Not thinking about larger issues, is the forte of the sexually entitled. They don't have to think about it.


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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #10)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 02:03 PM

14. I don't understand why grown women play along in that stuff.

I really don't.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 04:01 PM

30. I may be able to help with that

I am a woman, a feminist, an active member of the BDSM community, and a submissive (Yes, seems like a bunch of contradictions, and it's a long story, and one for another series of posts, I am sure.).

For many a submissive, part of the experience is serving someone else; giving them something that they need or want. This is a big part of role playing. That is why some grown women will go along with some pretty far-fetched or silly stuff when role playing. It is about providing someone else with an experience or fantasy, being needed by that person. The men I've asked about it say pretending to be with someone younger helps them pretend to be young and less jaded. However, bare in mind, in BDSM, the dominant only appears to have the power. It is the subs who control the scene: they start it, declare when it will end, and decide what will and will not happen.

Where it crosses the line is where it involves people who cannot consent, or who flat out would not be acting the part but who actually ARE innocents. Then it becomes about power, abuse, rape. I have no patience with such criminals.

Hope that helped. Now, I will wait and see how long it will take for this post to be hidden.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 01:35 PM

11. Reason #1 that I hate school uniforms

You just know it's old pedos with a schoolgirl uniform fetish, who want to make innocent kids dress up for their fantasy. Whether they act on it or not, it's creepy for that reason AND for stripping girls and boys of their individuality.

I'm NOT saying uniforms are causing this sort of vile sexual harassment of little girls. Just saying that it's ONE more way men turn little girls into their own creepy fantasies.

To answer your question about our experiences....

I didn't have many at all, because my mom made it a point to take me to school and back. (There was a lot of bullying in the schools I went to.)

But there was one incident, where I was babysitting some kids aged 4-8. We used to play football on the residential street. There was a high school bully who sometimes harassed us, so we were like a little army of kids ready for anything.

One day, some creepy middle-aged guy stopped and got out of his car. He didn't go to any house, just got out and looked at me. So I gave one kid the terse command, "Give me the ball." I was prepared to do to this guy what I had done to the kid bully a few days earlier--throw the ball into his face, then all of us would run like hell into the house.

The guy asked if I was interested in a newspaper route. I replied in an unfriendly tone, "You'd have to ask my parents about that." Then we all just surrounded this guy and stared at him. I'll bet he felt like he was surrounded by the Children Of The Corn, LOL.

He drove off, and I never saw him again. But I know he was up to no good.

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Response to lbrtbell (Reply #11)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 01:44 PM

12. I just looked an the Internet for a study or something

On School Uniform Fetishes. I phrased my search carefully. Found a couple of so-so articles and TONS of porn on the topic


What is wrong with these people?

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Response to lbrtbell (Reply #11)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 02:05 PM

15. I like school uniforms, but IMO girls and boys should wear the same uniform.

There is no excuse for forcing girls to wear skirts.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 03:00 PM

16. Bingo

 

Most school uniforms I've seen allow for skirts for girls but generally encourage khakis. The previous poster implied that school uniforms a short Britney Spears-type uniforms--which they aren't.

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Response to AlexSatan (Reply #16)

Mon Dec 3, 2012, 10:24 PM

17. They are in most Catholic Schools...

And in most French language immersion schools. No, I don't want to think about what that says about the Catholic hierarchy.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 11:48 AM

21. I agree.

When I was a kid back in the dark ages, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school. I remember standing out in freezing weather at 7am in the morning waiting for the bus. I would wear pants under my dress, but as soon as I got to school, I had to go to the bathroom & take them off since they were not allowed. My mother was infuriated by this & was one of the key parents to get the school to change the policy. (Then they said we could wear pants, but we couldn't wear jeans. But the boys were allowed to wear jeans. It took another 2 years before girls were allowed to wear jeans to school.)

I remember when Star Trek finally made the jump to unisex jumpsuits for all crew members, not just the men.

Knowing that school girl uniforms are an issue, why wouldn't they change to pants? There is a very strong mechanism in our institutions to keep the patriarchy in place.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 10:19 PM

19. I was 10 or 11

I was in my front yard and a guy tried to get me to go out into a field very close to us to help him find something. I saw his car parked right where he wanted me to go and ran inside.

I fear for my daughters. I have seen so much and heard so many stories from so many others. I wonder if every single woman has had at least one scary incident in her life? I don't know.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #19)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 12:18 PM

22. When I was 9 we had a park down the hill from us,

my friend and I were walking down the park road when a man stopped his car,got out naked and ran toward us.We screamed and ran down the road and up the hill with him coming after us.On the hill,he got within 3 feet of us and was making weird,loud grunting noises.I was so scared, that when we reached my house and got in the door,my legs collapsed.My friend told my Mom and Dad what happened and my dad and uncle ran out the door looking for him but never saw him. I was sure he saw where I lived and would be back "to get me".For awhile after it happened,my Dad would take me around the house before bedtime to show me that all the windows and doors were locked.Just typing this and thinking about it gives me stomach cramps,it still freaks me out. Unfortunately,too many little girls and adult women have scary incidences or worse in their memories.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #22)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 12:42 PM

23. I was 11 or 12

I didn't hear the catcall, so my father told me about it. It was his friend. They were working on a house across the street.
My father has issues. And, so thought it perfectly acceptable to tell a 11 year old girl that a grown-ass man found her sexually attractive. I won't go into the wording.

I think he thought is was a compliment to HIM, being how I was his daughter. He said the guy was a 'pervert' and laughed about it.


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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #23)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 12:55 PM

24. I'm sorry to hear this. My father

was and is very supportive of the women in his life,I wish all women could have a dad like him. I can imagine the confusion and fear of a young girl hearing something like that from a father.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #24)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:35 PM

25. Heh

I ran away young, took my knocks and came out of it strong. But I was very lucky in a sense.

My father is a bitter unhappy man, and has been for years. I recognize he has mental problems and while I won't interact with him, I feel very sorry for him. He could have been one of the great ones, but clinging to patriarchy did him in. (Being 'macho' kept him from getting the help he needs)

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 11:27 AM

20. It is much worse than I thought.

It is deeply saddening that young girls are receiving the message, both as they walk to and from school and from within their own peer groups, that their bodies are fair game for catcalls and groping, and that sexual assault is something to be laughed at, played down and made into a joke. At the same time their male peers are also affected, as they form their ideas about what constitutes 'normal' treatment of the opposite sex. Of course these reports vary in their severity, but it is important to sit up and take notice of what is happening all the time, not just when a serious crime has been committed.

To give some idea of the frequency with which events like this are reported, every one of the accounts mentioned in this article was received in the past week alone, without any special request for particular submissions on this theme.


And this:

At my child's primary school is a playground corner difficult to see by supervisors - kids call it The Rape Corner".


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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:37 PM

26. I was 12. Got groped in a crowd at a concert. I briefly saw the guy before he disappeared into

the crowd.

I also started getting a lot of things yelled at me by men in cars/trucks at that age. That went on for a long time.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:52 PM

27. I was nine, in 3rd grade

when a man tried to get me to come cose to his car. He asked me to see if he had a low tire. I said I had no idea about anything like that. When I wouldn't come closer to look, he got out of the car and he had on a white business shirt and no pants. When he heard other kids coming, he split fast.

I was so embarassed and confused I didn't tell my parents. After bedtime I confided in my younger brother and he said he didn't believe that happened. I told him it did happen and to prove it, I would tell mom and dad. Of course, they freaked out and called the sheriff. And then I had to tell a sheriff what happened. It was humiliating because it was something I shouldn't have seen.

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Response to redqueen (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 03:59 PM

29. I was 15, a freshman in high school

A man stopped his car, asked for directions, asked me if I knew where he could get some "nookie". When I asked what nookie was, he said this and exposed himself. I told my parents, who called the sheriff, who caught him. He ended up in a mental hospital in Topeka. This was 1950, in a small town in the Texas Panhandle. I think the authorities acted appropriately, but not the boys in school. They teased me unmercifully.

btw, and this is off the subject, but I've been a member of DU since 2004, but am no longer recognized. Does anyone know how I can get my lost membership back? I sent an e-mail to admin but haven't heard anything.

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Response to Thirties Child (Reply #29)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 04:43 PM

31. You might try the welcome and help forum.

I don't spend any time there but I think the admins pay attention to that forum.

Welcome back!

You can also try DU mail after you get enough posts.

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