Healthy Masculinity: The Idea That Men Can Control Themselves

[redqueen]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/healthy-masculinity-why-m_b_1933324.html

...

This idea, who is in control of whom, is fundamental to how we understand and deal with violence, especially with gendered violence: domestic abuse, rape, acid throwing, sex trafficking, child brides, and more. (Interestingly enough, it is the same idea that informs abstinence-only sex ed, shame cultures and the idea that sex is bad.)

As Pat McGann, Director of Strategy and Planning at Men Can Stop Rape, explains, "Every day we hear news stories about violence, but, rarely, if ever, are they linked to masculinity. It's time to make connections between the epidemic of men's violence in our country and what society is teaching boys about masculinity."

...

The Summit is the work of the Healthy Masculinity Action Project (HMAP), an ambitious initiative devoted to starting a national conversation about how masculinity is defined and to challenge the normative idea that being violent is essential to being a man. The project will engage teachers, coaches, business leaders, parents and young men in modeling strength without violence. It was started by a coalition of six organizations and involves more than 20 allies and sponsors that run the gamut from major corporations like Verizon to small, grassroots organizations. It also includes international groups. Ruchira Gupta, the Founder and President of Apne Aap, a women's rights organization in India, will be a featured speaker.

...

"Without men's active engagement with gender justice, efforts to solve the problems are ultimately limited," explains Shira Tarrant in an upcoming update to her book Men Speak Out: Views on Gender, Sex and Power. "If men do not take active roles in resolving the politics of housework, male violence against women, hiring and wage disparities, or gender bias in the media, then women are talking into a feminist echo chamber."

...

The Healthy Masculinity Summit being held in Washington, D.C. on October 17 - 19, 2012
http://getinvolved.mencanstoprape.org/page.aspx?pid=368

[MadrasT]

1. Yay. I saw this the other day and wanted to post here but I was on my phone and couldn't.

Then I forgot.

Loved this. Thanks.

[redqueen]

2. It is such a good idea and it is long past time for it.

So encouraging to see these ideas finally getting some traction and becoming more widespread.

[seabeyond]

3. even with all the awareness my boys have with conditioning, they still hold onto "men/violence"

as part of masculinity. it is subtle because intellectually, common sense, and the reality they see every day tell them otherwise. yet... that damn conditioning, all the media, the repetitiveness repeats boys will be boy, boys destroy holds on.

15 and 17, neither boys have had a physical altercation. my oldest gets mad enough, and yet, he is always able to resolve though words. my oldest will confront any and all bullies putting himself in a position of an altercation, and always, he has been able to address without violence. my youngest is much more aggressive. and when it comes to fighting, it is a huge, meh, to him and nothing is that big of a deal.

my husband was in one fight in his lifetime. has never been aggressive with me ever, in any kind of manner, regardless.

and i was in one fight in my life. hated it. never hit again.

i have two brothers that fight. one raised sons that being a man is fighting. it is honorable. both their boys fight.

my boys can verbally express how fighting and violence is not part of the definition to masculinity.

BUT... with every guy show being violence, every computer being violence, in their psychic it is connected.

but then, when saying, i like movies that also has violence in them. snatch, diehards, a lot of guy movies, what does that make me.

redq, a very very good article. thanks.

This isn't easy reading. We'd rather keep things passive, "family friendly," shame and blamey and patriarchy-happy. How does changing the words change the way you feel about hearing the information? Chances are our inclinations would be different if 87 percent of editors and producers of content were women and not men. It's not common to read about graphic violence in ways that focus on aggressors in this way. If I were a boy or a man this would be threatening at first. If this happened, if "men raped" instead of "women get raped" I would probably pay more attention, even if I felt somehow blamed by association, held responsible for the actions of a predatory and violent cohort of my gender. I would feel defensive. I would try to get to the bottom of it. And, I would want it to stop. I've got to believe that some of the young men involved with HMAP came to a similar conclusion.

Here is some Breaking News, Patriarchy: MEN CAN CONTROL THEMSELVES. They do all the time. Day in and day out, all over the world. Men demonstrate that they capable of control, kindness, empathy, compassion and humanity. The goals of HMAP aren't elusive, and although there are simply too many examples of horrific violence against women and girls, they're in plain sight. The Summit is an example of where.

As the opening page of the Summit's agenda explains in a quote from Frederick Douglass, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Lessons about gender, control, empathy and other people start really early in life and are stealthy and subtle. It starts with small things like teaching boys not only not to knock down other people's castles, even if it's fun for them and makes them happy. As any parent will tell you, that's not so easy, it requires people to think about ideas like "boys are just violent," "he loves destroying things," "girls and boys are so different," "he can't help himself," "it's just a phase." It's even harder to teach children not only not to violate other people's space, but to intervene and discourage others not to do the same.

And this is the last central idea behind the Healthy Masculinity Project: Imagine women looking at men and considering them potential helpers instead of potential attackers. SCHRÖDINGER'S RAPIST becomes SCHRÖDINGER'S ALLY.

[One_Life_To_Give]

6. Thought men were all about Control

Always in control even when we aren't. At-least that is the way I learned it. Then again I am not afraid or bothered by hearing that Men rape, steal, kill, etc. as statistically we do. But that doesn't mean I do. It's only a reflection on what I have not been able to prevent/control from happening. I don't buy that boys have to destroy things anymore than I buy that all boys must end up in prison.

When I first started this thread I thought of Kenny Rogers Coward of the County. Violence can only make me less of a man. Standing up for what is right, helping others, etc. that is so much more important.

[seabeyond]

7. well, that is a different perspective for me.

i normally think in dominance, and control is a tad different. but merely control, which sounds right, seems more a human condition. particular people and characters and life experience rather than gender.

i have three women i know that were raised with alcoholic fathers. my mother in law. my mother. and my niece. ALL three women are very controlling, very controlling of their environment and it rubs off on all things. i am very much NOT about control. no desire. dont want it. not mine to own. so i have to be very patient and understanding with these women.

but, particularly with women that are raised by alcoholics, i have read they tend to control because of the scary, instability environment.

anyway thanks. and it certainly is not even close to all men, so that pretty much clues us in.

[CrispyQ]

4. Excellent article!

As Pat McGann, Director of Strategy and Planning at Men Can Stop Rape, explains, "Every day we hear news stories about violence, but, rarely, if ever, are they linked to masculinity. It's time to make connections between the epidemic of men's violence in our country and what society is teaching boys about masculinity."

That's a big undertaking. Because of the pivotal function that violence plays in our rule by strong men, challenging it has implications for everything else: the economy, reproduction, child care, leadership, who gets access to the divine. You have to redefine roles, write new rules, dismantle systems and rebuild them. You face critics. Deal with backlashers. Political intransigence. Religious approbation. Suggest alternative understandings of maleness and violence and you threaten an entire system based on that connection. Gee. You might have to be a feminist. Forget I said that.

Really, though, what you have to be able to do is have the imagination to envision a transformed culture. This is what the Healthy Masculinity Summit being held in Washington, D.C. on October 17 - 19, 2012 is doing.

[ismnotwasm]

5. An article of hope

Really, it is.