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Mon Jan 21, 2013, 06:53 PM

Biden Working His Way Through Scratch-Off Tickets During Obama's Swearing-In

Biden Working His Way Through Scratch-Off Tickets During Obama's Swearing-In
News in Brief • politicians • joseph biden • News • ISSUE 49•04 • Jan 21, 2013



WASHINGTON—As President Barack Obama recited the inaugural oath that will formally commence his second presidential term, onlookers confirmed Monday that Vice President Joe Biden was frantically working his way through a large pile of scratch-off lottery tickets. "Shit, no ringers yet, but once you get into that groove, Lady Luck rewards you with a hot payoff, and I'm gonna be right here when she does," said the vice president, taking an occasional swig from a brown-bagged tall boy of Keystone Ice before continuing to scrape at a long spool of scratchcards with a thumbnail. "I've got about a dozen of these Funky 5’s, and these bad boys can pay out 200 large with the bonus multiplier. I don't even bother with those lousy-ass one- and two-dollar ones. Casino Joe's hunting big game today." At press time, Obama had just concluded the swearing-in ceremony when sources reported Biden had jumped up from his seat and screamed “Fuck yeah!” before leaving the inauguration stage to redeem a "Free Ticket" win at a nearby gas station.















http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-working-his-way-through-scratchoff-tickets-d,30973/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

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Arrow 20 replies Author Time Post
Reply Biden Working His Way Through Scratch-Off Tickets During Obama's Swearing-In (Original post)
babylonsister Jan 2013 OP
robinlynne Jan 2013 #1
longship Jan 2013 #2
babylonsister Jan 2013 #3
Hoyt Jan 2013 #4
Myrina Jan 2013 #5
babylonsister Jan 2013 #6
OswegoAtheist Jan 2013 #14
LiberalFighter Jan 2013 #7
LVdem Jan 2013 #8
allGoodThings Jan 2013 #9
nilram Jan 2013 #10
babylonsister Jan 2013 #12
nilram Jan 2013 #15
blazeKing Jan 2013 #20
tclambert Jan 2013 #11
joanbarnes Jan 2013 #13
littlemissmartypants Jan 2013 #16
Blue Owl Jan 2013 #17
RudynJack Jan 2013 #18
whistler162 Jan 2013 #19

Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 06:55 PM

1. ok. you had me.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 06:56 PM

2. The Onion is a very valuable vegetable.


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Response to longship (Reply #2)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 06:57 PM

3. I DIED when I read that! I'm still laughing! nt

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:00 PM

4. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny!!

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:04 PM

5. Ya know, I bet VP Biden gets a kick outta these

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Response to Myrina (Reply #5)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:05 PM

6. I am positive he'd think this was hysterical, which makes it funnier! nt

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Response to Myrina (Reply #5)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 11:16 PM

14. VP Biden actually reads the articles

VP tweet to "Diamond" Joe Biden He actually sent a question via twitter to The Onion while "Diamond" Joe Biden was doing an AMA on reddit.

Oswego "That sentence would have got you committed ten years ago" Atheist

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:16 PM

7. He's doing his bit to draw the national debt.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:26 PM

8. Love...The...Onion... nt

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 07:42 PM

9. gotta love the onion n/t

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 08:25 PM

10. Biden's really the guy to have a beer with

if you have to obsess over who's most likable, rather than who would do a better job...

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Response to nilram (Reply #10)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 09:24 PM

12. Who is obsessing about anything? It's a funny. nt

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Response to babylonsister (Reply #12)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 02:00 AM

15. Yes, it hilarious.

Reading the comments above, where folks remark that Biden gets a hoot out of the Onion himself, I thought that I'd rather have a beer with him than other political figures -- so I guess that wasn't really in reply to the Onion bit you posted, but in reply to what others posted above.

Then I thought about that whole having-a-beer-with meme and how ridiculous it is -- it was somehow introduced, I think, in the Bush/Gore election or the Bush/Kerry election, with the implication or conclusion that people would rather have a beer with Bush. I think it's kind of a ridiculous question, which is what I wrote -- and I guess that really wasn't in reply to the Onion, either, but in reply to my own meandering thoughts. My apologies for the diversion -- yes, the Onion bit was a funny, and I think it's a hoot that Biden gets his own hoots out of it.

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Response to nilram (Reply #10)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 09:52 AM

20. Definitely not a joint though

 

Or he'll stomp on your face and give you 10 years mandatory minimum sentencing. I can see through his likable fascade just like thousands of African Americans he helped steal away from their families.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 09:19 PM

11. In the photo, he's obviously waiting for his bowling ball at the ball return.

"Let's see, if I can put together a few strikes, I could get to 150."

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 10:11 PM

13. Unleash the Biden! I'm watching him speak now.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 02:08 AM

16. Bookmaking

I mean marking. Onions, so good for our health.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 04:47 PM

17. He needs a new set of panty-melters for the Trans Am

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 05:08 PM

18. LOL

thanks for posting this. I would have missed it otherwise.

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Response to babylonsister (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 06:41 AM

19. Nah... he is playing Angry Birds!

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