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Tue Nov 13, 2012, 10:23 PM

How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal

The New Yorker, The Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/11/how-to-tell-if-youre-involved-in-the-petraeus-scandal.html#ixzz2CAAkSat3

In response to a high volume of panicked phone calls from the general public, the C.I.A. has published a new informational brochure entitled “How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal.”

The C.I.A. rushed to produce the brochure after it became clear that as many as one in three Americans may have some involvement in the Petraeus affair.

snip


The booklet includes a “simple, user-friendly checklist” that should help people determine whether they are at risk for being implicated in the scandal:

“Have you ever met David Petraeus? Have you ever received and/or sent shirtless photos of an F.B.I. agent? Have you ever exchanged e-mails with Jill Kelley? Under five thousand pages of e-mails and you’re probably O.K., but anywhere between ten thousand and fifteen thousand pages of e-mails could potentially mean you’re involved in some way,”.


I just checked my gmail account. There's a photo of a shirtless man. How do I determine if he's an FBI agent?? Do they have a special tattoo or birthmark?? How did I become involved????



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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal (Original post)
DreamGypsy Nov 2012 OP
LisaL Nov 2012 #1
ellisonz Nov 2012 #2
LiberalFighter Nov 2012 #3
mzteaze Nov 2012 #4
Agschmid Nov 2012 #6
Samantha Nov 2012 #7
Whisp Nov 2012 #5
kalli007 Nov 2012 #8
davidpdx Nov 2012 #9

Response to DreamGypsy (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 10:25 PM

1. Since I've never met any of them, I am pretty sure I am not involved.

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Response to LisaL (Reply #1)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 10:33 PM

2. That's probably a sign you're involved.

To launch a cover-up: Wash with bleach and snap your heels three times.



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Response to DreamGypsy (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 10:53 PM

3. Probably has a birthmark in the shape of Brazil on his penis.

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Response to LiberalFighter (Reply #3)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 11:19 PM

4. ...

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Response to mzteaze (Reply #4)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 11:42 PM

6. I love the Good Wife! n/t

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Response to Agschmid (Reply #6)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 01:07 AM

7. I absolutely love it

and it just keeps getting better and better.

Sam

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Response to DreamGypsy (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 11:31 PM

5. I wonder if Kevin Bacon was involved. n/t

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Response to DreamGypsy (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 07:39 AM

8. Oh noes! I have 3 different email accounts....

Work, University, and personal! My involvement could be YOOOOGE!!!

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Response to DreamGypsy (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 08:26 AM

9. If you have been named an honorary consul to a foreign country

You know you maybe involved Petraeus Scandal.

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