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Sun Jan 22, 2012, 07:23 PM

A cautionary tale

http://finances.msn.com/saving-money-tips/6856122

Even someone you implicitly trust (say, your spouse) can be scamming you financially behind your back. Trust me on this. Keep a close eye out there!

8 replies, 1614 views

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Arrow 8 replies Author Time Post
Reply A cautionary tale (Original post)
av8rdave Jan 2012 OP
maddezmom Jan 2012 #1
av8rdave Jan 2012 #2
maddezmom Jan 2012 #3
av8rdave Jan 2012 #4
laundry_queen Jan 2012 #6
laundry_queen Jan 2012 #5
av8rdave Jan 2012 #7
SheilaT Jan 2012 #8

Response to av8rdave (Original post)

Sun Jan 22, 2012, 08:44 PM

1. good advice for everyone

I'm lucky to say it didn't happen to me but it can happen and does to people you would never expect.

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Response to maddezmom (Reply #1)

Sun Jan 22, 2012, 08:47 PM

2. Glad you didn't experience that

The sheer numbers in my case are mind boggling. How someone can amass that kind of debt when they have their own paycheck and contribute nothing to the household financially is beyond me!

Wish I had payed more attention!

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Response to av8rdave (Reply #2)

Sun Jan 22, 2012, 08:58 PM

3. sorry this happened to you

Love and trust go hand and hand and when one partner loses it and isn't honest...it's deceitful.

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Response to maddezmom (Reply #3)

Sun Jan 22, 2012, 09:10 PM

4. Thanks....

I should have been paying more attention!

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Response to av8rdave (Reply #4)

Tue Jan 24, 2012, 10:19 PM

6. It's not your fault.

It's really not. This is not something they 'teach'. For most of us, when we marry, we believe that trusting your spouse with every fiber of your being is part of the whole package. I was always taught that if you didn't trust, then you didn't have a marriage. So when my ex told me lies about our financial situation, it never occured to me he could be lying.

It's not our fault for trusting them. It's their fault for deceiving us.

They (gov't, churches, whatever) should have to require these type of courses before they will marry anyone. Seriously. I had no idea, I was very naive. I could have done something more to protect myself, but I won't blame myself for being deceived - that's on HIM.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

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Response to av8rdave (Original post)

Tue Jan 24, 2012, 10:15 PM

5. Yes, it's not difficult for a deceitful spouse to do that.

Especially if you aren't the one in charge of finances.


This exerpt is my experience too: "Her husband's answers were double talk, but she didn't know enough about money at the time to realize that. She just thought she was stupid about finance"

It's SO important to educate yourself and know EVERYTHING. There are some really good tips in the article, but unfortunately, I don't think most people will follow it even if there ARE warning signs. I trusted my husband with my life. The only way the things in this article work is if you already have had some trust broken unless you plan for this ahead of time. I think everyone should just make this a part of a healthy marriage, reviewing accounts, debts, credit reports etc together. Because if your spouse is being deceitful, you may be the one on the hook (and left in poverty because of it) for all of the debt. It's not pretty, btdt. Please protect yourself, especially if you are not currently bringing in any income, then you are especially vulnerable. I wish I didn't have to learn this the hard way.

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Response to laundry_queen (Reply #5)

Thu Jan 26, 2012, 02:06 PM

7. Sadly, I was the one "in charge" of the family finances,

Which was part of the problem. My pay went to a joint checking account, which paid ALL household bills. My spouse's pay went to an individual account "just until I get my credit rating repaired.". Fifteen years later, that's still how it was, and massive debts were accumulated behind my back, even though all bills were paid.

I ignored signs mentioned in the article - the secrecy, the calls from creditors. Some of us are just slow learners.

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Response to av8rdave (Original post)

Sun Jan 29, 2012, 03:42 PM

8. Maybe because I grew up with very little, and

maybe because I didn't get married until I was 32, and had therefore spent more than a decade on my own, I have always known that I had to have money of my own. While I did not get as much in the divorce as I would have liked or that I felt I was entitled to, there were no hidden debts or other chicanery to deal with.

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