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Tue Nov 27, 2012, 08:59 AM

One holiday down, two to go

The ex didn't take off for Kenya because he needs to give more information to the department processing his fiance visa, so he was here for Thanksgiving. Which was a good thing. I went from crying all weekend the week before to getting ready for the holiday, and trying to stay positive.

I went to see what I could get for a 22k gold chain I got in the UAE 6 years ago, but the woman working at the gold buyers shop would only give me half of what I paid for it then, 70 dollars. I'm pretty sure that is a total rip off, but I don't know where else to look. Anyway the ex found out I was trying to sell jewelry to get money for Christmas, and he told me to stop worrying because he was leaving me with money when he leaves. I asked him why he waited until then to tell me, and he said I don't have to know everything. Sigh. I don't think he's learned all that much from the break up of the marriage.

I was feeling a little better about my finances, until I went to open an account. I had to put 25 in a savings account since it's a credit union, and pay 21 for checks, so I didn't have enough money in the account for the bills at the end of the month. I called the ex in a panic, but he acted like I was crazy for getting so upset. The thing is, he told me I was going to have to pay all my bills for at least two months on my pitiful pay and I believed him, so of course I was upset. I'm going to try to stop worrying so much about money.

We had an interesting conversation a few days ago. I don't know how he got things so mixed up. When he would make me mad, or upset, or when he would decide to be impossible, he would tell me it wasn't his job to make me happy. My point was he needed to stop being an asshole, regardless. Then a few days ago he told me he tried and tried to do things to stop me from getting depressed, and in his way I guess he did. But I never expected him to do that. I had depression problems before I met him, and I never expected him to cure them. I don't understand how he took the blame for things that weren't his fault and then refused to see the things that were. If he had ever asked me, I could have told him it usually wasn't his fault. Except, of course, for that time... well anyway it struck me as sad.

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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply One holiday down, two to go (Original post)
clyrc Nov 2012 OP
LiberalEsto Nov 2012 #1
clyrc Nov 2012 #3
ret5hd Nov 2012 #2
clyrc Nov 2012 #4
SheilaT Nov 2012 #5
clyrc Nov 2012 #7
ROBROX Nov 2012 #6
clyrc Nov 2012 #8
SheilaT Nov 2012 #9
clyrc Dec 2012 #10

Response to clyrc (Original post)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 09:12 AM

1. My dear, I think you should consult a lawyer

and make sure he doesn't get away with every penny, before it's too late. Or leave you with a pile of his unpaid bills.

Call your county Bar Association and ask about their lawyer referral service. Tell them immediately that you do not have any money and explain the circumstances because you may be able to get a free consultation.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #1)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 11:01 AM

3. I'm actually living in his family home, and he has to come back eventually

His almost FIL was almost killed at the gate to his house when the ex was visiting, and it isn't safe in general to stay for any period of time. We just got back to the US, and he doesn't have any unpaid bills here, at the moment. While I could go to a lawyer, and try to make sure the ex pays me child support like he's supposed to, it would be a big mess and it would hurt my daughters more than I am willing to allow right now. If things get to where I am really hurting, I will. But leaving me in the dark like this is one of the reasons I said yes to the divorce.

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Response to clyrc (Original post)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 09:19 AM

2. About your chain:

22k?

1) weigh it (find an accurate delicate scale that measures in grams)

2) multiply that number by .916 (that is 22 divided by 24)

3) get on the internet and convert that new number to troy ounces. not regular ounces, troy ounces

4) multiply that number by $1700. The price of gold today is about $1750.

Find an old established coin store in your area. Not one of these new "We Buy Gold!!!" stores, but one that coin/bullion collectors go to. The number you got at step #4 should be about what they will give you. The difference between $1700 and $1750 will be their profit margin.

PS: Sorry 'bout the marriage. Can't help you there, but just thought I'd offer a little technical advise.



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Response to ret5hd (Reply #2)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 11:02 AM

4. Thank you for the advice!

When I can find a scale, I will do that.

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Response to clyrc (Original post)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 04:04 PM

5. 21 dollars for checks?

That does not sound right. Lots of places give you the first hundred or so checks free when you open the account.

And I second the advice to get an attorney. You cannot give him a pass just because you're living in the house. You absolutely must put yourself first.

Also, follow the advice about getting more for your chain. Given the price you paid for it six years ago, I wonder if you weren't sold something that is a 22k gold plated chain. Anyway, find out as much as you can.

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Response to SheilaT (Reply #5)

Wed Nov 28, 2012, 07:49 AM

7. I guess I should have shopped around for a bank

I'm using the one I used before I left. About the chain, the woman told me it was 22k. After I told her I was only shopping around for the best price, she said, oh, some other place may pay more because we only buy gold for scrap. Kind of a red flag there.

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Response to clyrc (Original post)

Tue Nov 27, 2012, 04:29 PM

6. GET IT IN WRITING

 

before you continue with your life. There are no guarantees in life and this guy nets a contract of obligations.

I made contracts with my two X wives and we are happy. Last week one called from Palm Springs asking to borrow money for four tires. She mailed me a check to deposit after the 1ST and I paid for her tires. Some people require commitment of a contract to pay there fair share.

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Response to ROBROX (Reply #6)

Wed Nov 28, 2012, 07:54 AM

8. It's in writing, already

He's supposed to pay me 1200 a month in child support. But he doesn't have a regular job, and the chance of him getting one right now is zero. And spending a few months in Kenya won't help that.

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Response to clyrc (Reply #8)

Wed Nov 28, 2012, 12:48 PM

9. So why is it more important to him to not work and to go to Kenya

rather than support his children? His sense of priorities is, well, not very good.

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Response to SheilaT (Reply #9)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 06:43 PM

10. He's going to Kenya to stay with his fiancee and son

I think he is monumentally, monumentally stupid for doing it. He is going to Kenya for two months when he's starting to build a business back here. He is abandoning his teenage daughters for his two year old son, who won't remember this Holiday season. I think his stupid fiancee is demanding it, but for whatever reason it is stupid.

Am I a little mad right now? Yes, yes I am.

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