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Mon Apr 1, 2013, 06:40 PM

Stages of Grief



Love Peace and Shelter.

lmsp

7 replies, 1389 views

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Arrow 7 replies Author Time Post
Reply Stages of Grief (Original post)
littlemissmartypants Apr 2013 OP
polly7 Apr 2013 #1
orleans Apr 2013 #2
Mika Apr 2013 #3
In_The_Wind Apr 2013 #4
DesertFlower Apr 2013 #5
auntAgonist May 2013 #6
DesertFlower May 2013 #7

Response to littlemissmartypants (Original post)

Mon Apr 1, 2013, 08:17 PM

1. That's a great chart, thanks lmsp.

I still have two to go and my heart still feels like it's a stone dropped in my stomach .... but I can see from your chart I'm not so abnormal after all.

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Response to littlemissmartypants (Original post)

Tue Apr 2, 2013, 03:28 AM

2. these "stages" were originally observed by kubler-ross regarding people who were in the process

of dying / facing their own deaths

when my mom was told she was dying she didn't go through each stage (there was hardly time--it was just a little over a week from when we were told to the evening she passed. and when we were told she was dying the doctors felt she wouldn't even qualify for hospice because they believed she would live longer than six months!)

she went through two of the traditional stages: shock and acceptance.

i began grieving before she passed

my bereavement stages have been more of:
initial panic--oh no!
sadness / sorrow
depression
major depression
and finally i've been rising up from the depths of my depression to a stage i think of as
acclimation. i'm adapting. and have been showing signs of returning to my "old" self.

neither one of us went through an anger stage or a bargaining stage

we can look at general patterns of what dying people experience and what those of us who go through the loss of a beloved one experiences but they are just generalities.

as an example
i don't feel i did it wrong (or am doing it wrong) because i never got angry that she was dying or after she died (whether it was anger at her for leaving, at god or the universe for taking her, at myself for not being able to fix or right the situation, at the doctors, whatever--i never felt anger)

kubler-ross's stages are helpful to tell us these are things we might be feeling or things we might feel down the road, but no one should think they are doing it wrong because they skipped a stage or backtracked or felt a certain way that wasn't on the list.


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Response to littlemissmartypants (Original post)

Tue Apr 2, 2013, 12:50 PM

3. It isn't always in order.

The bereavement timeline is more random (aside from the 1st and last step). So, don't be upset that your personal recovery might not be as orderly as any timeline.
You think you've moved to the next stage only to find that you haven't.
I've recovered from several deep tragedies. Going thru a new one.

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Response to littlemissmartypants (Original post)

Mon Apr 29, 2013, 09:45 PM

5. my husband passed 5/27/12. i don't know

what stage i'm in. i was doing a little better a few months ago and now i'm not. my friend says "2 steps forward -- 1 step backward". i feel like i took 5 steps backward. i have my own health problems -- nothing that will kill me, i.e., IBS, CFS/ME, scoliosis.

i feel like i have no reason to live except for my cat who is 12 years old. hubby and i were together almost 42 years.

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Response to DesertFlower (Reply #5)

Wed May 1, 2013, 09:55 AM

6. I have no sage words but I can welcome you to our little corner

of DU with a

42 years is a long long time.

I cannot relate to your grief but I can hope that the memories and joys you shared together are a comfort to you on days when all seems lost.



kesha.

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Response to auntAgonist (Reply #6)

Wed May 1, 2013, 07:23 PM

7. thank you. nt

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