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Mon Feb 11, 2013, 12:40 AM

Cat dead. Mom crazy.

I'm not taking it well.

My 91-year-old mom has lymphoma which has spread to her hip and maybe elsewhere, I don't know. Because Mom will no longer allow my sister or I her medical information. She accuses us of trying to poison her for her money.

She's angry that I won't sleep over anymore. She forgets that she told me not to feel safe while I slept.

She's angry that she's dying. She's angry that she's alone forgetting that she spewed hatred on anyone she considered connected to her daughters.

And I held my very good cat while he was killed painlessly on Monday.

And now I have things to do and nothing is getting done.

22 replies, 2184 views

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Arrow 22 replies Author Time Post
Reply Cat dead. Mom crazy. (Original post)
aquart Feb 2013 OP
cate94 Feb 2013 #1
auntAgonist Feb 2013 #2
orleans Feb 2013 #3
aquart Feb 2013 #4
orleans Feb 2013 #5
livetohike Feb 2013 #6
aquart Feb 2013 #7
livetohike Feb 2013 #8
Squinch Feb 2013 #14
CountAllVotes Feb 2013 #9
aquart Feb 2013 #10
CountAllVotes Feb 2013 #11
aquart Feb 2013 #12
CountAllVotes Feb 2013 #13
aquart Mar 2013 #16
CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #17
aquart Mar 2013 #18
CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #19
aquart Mar 2013 #20
orleans Mar 2013 #21
CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #22
GreenPartyVoter Mar 2013 #15

Response to aquart (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2013, 10:46 AM

1. I am sorry

It is heartbreaking to lose an animal friend. Heartbreaking to deal with illness and craziness. You've got a lot to cope with and I'm not sure how you could take any of it well.



Make sure to take care of yourself while you are going through all this.

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2013, 12:18 PM

2. You are in a very difficult position and I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

We had to put our kitty to sleep two weeks ago. It's so hard.

Your Mom is so scared and unfortunately taking it out on the people she probably loves the most.

I wish there was a solution I could offer you, some comfort .. help.

I have no answers. Please know that I care and I'm so sorry things are hard.

Do take time for yourself though. If nothing's getting done, it's ok. It will be there tomorrow.
Your health is what's important.



aA
kesha

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Tue Feb 12, 2013, 03:20 AM

3. how horribly sad

both situations
with your mom and your cat
i expect you're doing all you can under the circumstances
is it even safe for your mom to be living by herself at this point? what if you have a talk with her doctor, tell the doc you realize you aren't privy to her records, but explain how paranoid she is, what she told you about not being safe while you slept there, and that you simply need some help or suggestions from the doctor as to what you could or should do because you are extremely concerned.
that might be a start.

i think it's tragic how so many of us go through our last days or years (both mentally and physically) and while we go through it, where did the real us go?

i'd say help as much as you can and as much as you feel comfortable doing.

give yourself plenty of time to grieve over your cat. a loss like that is hard-hitting.

and just know, even though it may not feel like it, everything will eventually be okay. (at least that's what i keep telling myself)

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Response to orleans (Reply #3)

Tue Feb 12, 2013, 04:09 AM

4. She has twiced passed EMS tests so, without power of attorney, we can't do anything.

She doesn't want to be alone and hates me for leaving but she also thinks I tried to poison her.

I've seen her sound very normal to strangers and then switch on a dime as soon as they leave.

She feels terrified and abandoned but she also thinks everything she says is true and an alarming amount isn't.

But what really freaked me out was my calm, sensible sister calling me awash in tears asking if maybe Mom never loved us at all.

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Response to aquart (Reply #4)

Tue Feb 12, 2013, 05:06 AM

5. you're in a really tough situation

and i'm sorry about that. sounds like you sister is having a hard time with it too. hang in there--nothing else you can do.

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Response to aquart (Reply #4)

Tue Feb 12, 2013, 09:50 AM

6. Our situations sound so similar aquart

My sympathy on the loss of your cat....I hope your memories will help bring you some peace and comfort during this stressful time.

My Mom has non-Hodgkin's lymphoma which she won't treat and so far has had no symptoms. She also has dementia so I sympathize with your situation as it sounds pretty much like mine.

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Response to livetohike (Reply #6)

Tue Feb 12, 2013, 09:16 PM

7. Good luck.

Not meant with the smallest sarcasm. This is bereavement before death with no moving on as we lurch from disaster to disaster becoming afraid to even answer the phone because the news is always so bad.

Lymphoma can hang on for decades, btw, before it moves in to do real harm.

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Response to aquart (Reply #7)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 08:20 AM

8. Thanks aquart

That's what the oncologist said too (and that my Mom had the slow growing kind). She is 81 now and was diagnosed two years ago. The lymphoma was found during a cat scan for another problem, obstructed bowel, which led to biopsies of her lymph nodes.

My Mom still lives alone. My youngest brother lives five minutes away and unfortunately, most of the burden is on him. I call her every day, but I dread talking with her as she takes off accusing everyone of stealing from her (including her car which she doesn't drive anyway). She's always so negative and maybe she always has been. So critical of everything. She cannot say one nice thing about anyone or any situation. I only call her because I feel obligated. I lose my patience and end up yelling at her.

I envy those who have/had a good relationship with their Mothers.

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Response to aquart (Reply #4)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 09:01 PM

14. Aquart, I am so sorry. My mother is very much like yours (strange that I am not the only one

in this thread to say that. We all think we are alone in this situation, don't we?)

If your mother's doctor will talk to you, you can have a conversation without asking the doctor to share any confidential medical information.

We did this, and described what was going on with my mother, and the doctor prescribed Respiridol, which is an antipsychotic. The difference is startling. She is the same person on the medication - meaning that all our relationship problems remain - but she is much less paranoid, and much less violent towards me in both words and actions. It makes all the difference. I have emotionally removed myself from her, but the improved disposition makes it possible for me to be physically in her presence as much as I need to be to see to her care, without being worried for my own safety. Good luck. My heart hurts for you.

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 01:15 PM

9. just a thought

Last edited Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:18 PM - Edit history (1)

Perhaps the cancer has spread to her brain, hence the behavior (?).

I lost my own mother to cancer as well. It was a huge mess.

Take care of yourself.

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #9)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 05:36 PM

10. We don't know. She won't give us medical information anymore.

There's no brother.

And normally I would have already filled the cat vacancy but things are too up in the air.

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Response to aquart (Reply #10)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:13 PM

11. sorry

I must have read that wrong (have had a really bad headache for the past 3 days now).

In any event, I hope you can find a way to deal with this.

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #11)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:29 PM

12. Three days?

All my sympathies.

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Response to aquart (Reply #12)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:38 PM

13. yes

It seems I've lost the hearing in my left ear and the pain is horrible. They've got me taking loads of Sudafed and its had me wide awake for most of the last 3 days. I wish I knew what was going on, been making a lot of mistakes, including my message to you.

*sigh*

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #13)

Fri Mar 8, 2013, 05:01 PM

16. Sudafed not Mucinex?

Long time since your post. Has it resolved? Did they figure it out?

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Response to aquart (Reply #16)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 01:04 PM

17. Wow, thanks for your concern!

The problem with my left ear seems to be going away now. I've been taking the generic version of Zyrtec for it which is a lot cheaper than the brand name itself (like 1/4th of the price or less). I couldn't go any more of that maximum dose of Sudafed. UGH!!!!!

In any event I'm hoping this problem is gone and I'll chalk it up to a blocked Eustachian tube it seems.

How's your mother doing anyway? I've been thinking about you and your family and I hope that things have improved and/or at least stabilized to a point if that is even possible.

Thanks again for your concern!

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #17)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 01:21 PM

18. My mom has gone sane.

I don't know what caused the nightmare of paranoia but it's like it never happened. Everything I read said once it started it only got worse...but it didn't.

Her house is sold. She's in San Diego living with my sister as originally planned. AND SHE JUST BOUGHT A CAR.

There have been some fringe moments where she got a weird idea and wouldn't let go, finally dissolving into tears but she loves us again and has forgiven most of the people she raged at during the nightmare.

All I know is that the paranoia and disorientation crept up for months before emerging full blown and now it seems impossible to imagine. WTF happened?

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Response to aquart (Reply #18)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 02:08 PM

19. Perhaps ...

Maybe your mom realized what she was doing to you and the others in your family and decided that she'd better get her act together fast otherwise ...

I think that is great that she managed to get herself a car on top of it.

I would not give up on your mother and I am really glad to read this positive news!!

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #19)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 07:10 PM

20. Self-awareness has nothing to do with it.

She HATED me. And my sister. She'd call in the middle of the night to rant disconnected nonsense and accuse us of shutting off her phones and TV. Yes. While shouting on the phone. She disinvited us to her funeral. Deadly, ice cold loathing.

All gone.

She's back to being Nina who is concerned for everybody.

I thought I'd never see her again.

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Response to aquart (Reply #20)

Sun Mar 10, 2013, 06:21 AM

21. i'm so glad all is finally well.

my mom went through a major "bout" of paranoia and delusions (it was at least ten years ago) and i finally managed to get her to go into the psych ward for a couple of weeks. this amazing shrink put her on a wonder drug and my god! she was out in two weeks, and pretty much back to normal. it was so wonderful!

she was supposed to take this pill once or twice a day, and did for a number of months. since i always picked up the refills for her i asked her one day, "shouldn't i be picking up your pills pretty soon?" she said, "oh, i haven't taken that in a long time. i'm fine."

it had probably been at least two months before i realized i hadn't gotten them for her. we still went to visit with the shrink every few months for another year and he was a bit worried that she had suddenly just stopped taking the med. but everything really was fine.

in my opinion it was a miracle drug. too bad i wasn't smart enough to pay better attention to the name of it. and then remember it for future reference.

anyway, glad to hear the good news about your mom.

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Response to aquart (Reply #20)

Sun Mar 10, 2013, 01:53 PM

22. This behavior is very strange

Almost like a Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type of woman! I don't know what I would do except definitely keep track of her.

Maybe she's on some medications that are causing her to be this way perhaps? Medications that maybe you aren't aware of?

In any event, Welcome Home Nina ... (I guess ... )

Truly bizarre at best and you have my condolences, believe me.

Nothing like trying to make sense out of a person that makes NO SENSE at all! Yikes!

I feel for you, believe me!!!

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Thu Mar 7, 2013, 08:13 PM

15. I am so very sorry. *hugs*

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