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Sun Jun 17, 2012, 07:15 PM

My first Fathers Day without my Dad.

I went over to the grave today, after stopping off at Home Depot to pick up some supplies and plants to make a flower bed at the site. The cemetery he is buried in is a bit older and doesn't have some of the restrictions that others do. You are allowed to make a flower bed. I planted two Hosta and some daisy's. I was crying on my way from there over to the cemetery. I've been crying more lately, after a sort of hiatus of flooding of feelings.

When I got to the cemetery my sister was there with her husband, which was a welcome sight. My brother in law helped dig out the bed and place the granite stones to outline the flower bed. I wasn't just grateful for the help with the work, but grateful they were there period. We all miss him so much. We lean on eachother. He was taken so suddenly from us. All the last words were never said, no last I love you, no last I appreciate you, no last thank you.

My son graduated the first Sunday in June and we had his graduation party last Saturday. It was a happy and momentus time, but there was a real hole there for all of us. He would have snapped hundreds of pictures. He was a photography bug and had really good camera equipment, that I wouldn't even know how to turn on. In a way, I think my sons graduation is what sort of helped me through the last couple of months. I was staying focused on things I needed to do for that and focusing on keeping up beat. Because my Dad would be really upset if we let anything get in the way of such a momentous, happy day for his first grandchild.

Since then, I've been in a funk. I'm tredging through the days, but each day feels like I have a thousand pound weight on my chest. I am really ok, I am working through it all and have much support. Looking at my mom is heartbreaking. She feels so lost without him, and feels her life has in a way ended with no one to share the rest of her life with. I know that all of these thing will pass in time and things will get better, and of course they could be worse.

I have also planted a garden in his memory. He loved to garden and always had the best one on the street. He had a real green thumb. I learned everything I know from him and so far it is turning out real good. I think he must be helping, because I have lost many plants before... I don't usually have a green thumb.... I use to watch him and tell him where to plant the stuff. I loved watching him out there working in the garden. I look there now and I still see him working there.

I guess I ought to start to focus on getting my son off to college, there's lots to do there. Plus working full time....

Well, I just wanted to put this down and help get some of it out.

Thanks for listening.

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Arrow 8 replies Author Time Post
Reply My first Fathers Day without my Dad. (Original post)
boston bean Jun 2012 OP
auntAgonist Jun 2012 #1
TexasTowelie Jun 2012 #2
auntAgonist Jun 2012 #3
livetohike Jun 2012 #7
garagedoor Jun 2012 #4
orleans Jun 2012 #5
livetohike Jun 2012 #6
livetohike Jun 2012 #8

Response to boston bean (Original post)

Sun Jun 17, 2012, 07:23 PM

1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and tears with us ...



It does get better but you really don't need to have me tell you that right now.

I hope your memories are somewhat of a comfort to you today.


kesha.

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Response to boston bean (Original post)

Sun Jun 17, 2012, 07:26 PM

2. I'm in the same boat.

My father passed away last month on Mother's Day after going through Parkinson's and a bout of pneumonia. It has been extremely difficult for me since I'm considered the "black sheep" of the family and am currently isolated away from my friends also.

It appears that you have a lot of positive things going on with your family and they are depending on you to get through it all. Good luck with the gardening and remember that you have to get through things one day at a time.

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Response to TexasTowelie (Reply #2)

Sun Jun 17, 2012, 08:18 PM

3. TexasTowelie, I'm sorry for your loss too :( It always saddens me to welcome

people to our little group here. Know that you too are cared for and are always welcome to share your thoughts here.




aA
kesha

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Response to TexasTowelie (Reply #2)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 11:26 AM

7. My sympathy on the loss of your Dad

I hope all the good memories of his life help to erase the sadness of his illness and final days and will bring you comfort and laughter when you think of the good times.

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Response to boston bean (Original post)

Sun Jun 17, 2012, 08:20 PM

4. This Is My First Father's Day Without Him As Well...

My Mom and I lost him April 20 and I am still "broken." My Mom is doing very well and my friends have all lost parents years before so I have felt very very alone. I bought white roses for the church altar since my Mom doesn't want to go to the grave until the headstone is in place. I still cry when I'm alone at night and I wonder when will I get to the point of feeling normal again. I'm single and no children so I don't have many distractions from the grieving.

I can't say his name without choking up. I live 4 hours away from my parents and the morning he went into distress, I raced into town. My Mom met me at the hospital Emergency door to say he'd just passed away 5 minutes before.

It seems like a very bad dream and time is passing so very quickly. It's coming up on 2 months already and I can't tell you where the time has gone...

I'm happy you all are adjusting well. I hope to get to that place, eventually.

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Response to garagedoor (Reply #4)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 02:38 AM

5. i'm very sorry for your loss

the first father's day without dad is hard as the next one may be and the one after that.
seeing the card displays in the stores were really difficult for me--i'd start crying as i walked past them--took a couple years before i could slow down, look, and still i'd tear up.

it's a big adjustment. it's devastating.
i'm sorry you're going through this period in your life.

i lost my dad 24 years ago--can't recall how long it took before i felt like i had accepted his absence or adjusted to him not being around.

i lost my mom over 2 and a half years ago and i'm still not together about it. sometimes when i talk about her, unemotionally, it's as if i'm speaking of someone else--i can put up this feigned detachment for people. but at home? or when i'm alone? omg. i am so not detached--still so emotionally invested in her, and i still talk to her a lot, and cry a lot. i'll hear her voice in my mind. i tell her to give me "signs" and she does. i don't think she's that far away, but i can't see her or hug her and i hate it.

it's a big adjustment. and again, i'm very sorry. take care.

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Response to garagedoor (Reply #4)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 11:25 AM

6. My sympathy to you and your Mom on the loss of your Dad

Keep all the good memories in your heart and they will comfort you. You will be laughing more than crying when you think of your Dad. I lost my Dad in Nov. 2004. I really can't pinpoint when that changeover from extreme sadness to laughing happened, but it will happen for you too.

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Response to boston bean (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 11:29 AM

8. Sending you a big hug

It will get better (lost my Dad in 2004).....it takes time and there is no time table.

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