Some things you should know about me as an atheist

[EvolveOrConvolve]

Several posts I've read at Discussionist (yes, it's a sewer) and even here at DU have prompted me to address a couple of the misconceptions that seem to infest certain groups of believers. These things apply to me specifically and to other atheists generally, but I have to say up front that I don't speak for all atheists, so some of these won't be true for every atheist. YMMV.

I'm not an atheist because I'm "angry at god".
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read, but I've read it over and over, from both conservative and liberal believers. I simply lack a belief in god, so there's nothing for me to be angry with. Am I angry about the abuses caused by religions? Yep. Am I angry that the religious try to legislate their beliefs? Yes again. Am I angry at the money wasted on religious pomp when it could be put to better uses? You bet. Am I angry because I spent a time being homeless because I refused to attend church? Abso-fucking-lutely. But since I don't have a belief in god, I can't be angry at "it". I'm also not angry at Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or the giant pink unicorn that lives on the dark side of the moon. Because that would be silly.

I'm not a "fundamentalist", a "militant", or an "evangelical" atheist
Those words are used to describe either religious extremists or violent groups. Since I'm neither, the use of those words to describe me is either complete ignorance or a willful desire to paint me in a negative light so as not to be forced to confront the uncomfortable ideas I espouse. In other words, it's a personal attack, and I take it personally. Also a side note: there is no such thing as a "dogmatic atheist" - without dogma, it's really hard to be "dogmatic". Again, it's usually used as a pejorative.

I don't think all religion is bad
There are many good things that come from religion, but the devout do a pretty decent job of broadcasting those things, so I tend to focus on the not-so-good. Especially since I believe that all the good things in religion could be had without all the myth, legend, emotional abuse, mysoginy, racism, etc. If you're happy with your religion, I'm happy for you - just don't expect me to ignore the negatives simply because you do.

I don't lack morals or ethics because of my atheism
This is one of the most frustrating ideas to combat because it's nearly impossible to explain to some believers that I was able to become an upstanding, moral citizen without the framework of "morality" created by religion. I do volunteer work; I donate my money; I work hard for the causes I believe in. And as hard as it may be for some believers to fathom, I do those things without the threat of hell or the promise of heaven. Shouldn't being a human be enough of a reason?

I'm not an atheist because of ignorance about religion
I've read the Bible (multiple times, both New and Old). I've read the Qur'an. I read the Book of Mormon (not surprising as I grew up LDS). What I've found is that most atheists are more knowledgeable about religion. And not just a little more knowledgeable, but a LOT more knowledgeable. We've done our homework, and some of us agonized over the realization that we don't believe and we don't belong.

I didn't wake up one morning and decide BINGO, I'm An Atheist!
Atheism isn't something most of us came to without a lot of thought, research, and soul-searching. Many of us took the step knowing that we either had to lie to family, friends and coworkers, or risk losing one or all of them. Accusing me of simply being too lazy to believe is staggeringly offensive given what's at stake and how much I could potentially lose if I came out of the closet.

[Curmudgeoness]

1. You speak for me too.

Your comments reflect me feelings. I especially agree with the comments about the things that are offensive to atheists (or at least you and me) because they are almost always meant to demean us.

I also agonized over the realization that I just could no longer believe in any god or religion. I went through several stages before I was able to even say the word. I went to "not affiliated with any religion, then to "spiritual", on to "agnostic" or as I would say "I just don't know if there is a god". I finally realized that I really was an atheist, and it took a lot more time to be willing to admit it to other people. Everyone who knows me now does know that I am an atheist if we ever got to any conversation about religion or God. I am no longer afraid to say it, and luckily, I have not had serious repercussions. But I have still had a lot of people trying to convert me. I understand why most atheists do not come out of the closet, so to speak.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

3. That's why I try not to be too hard on someone who considers

themselves spiritual rather than religious. Even though I didn't go through the "spiritual" phase, I understand why some do. It's a stepping stone - a sort of gateway atheism. A way to be an atheist without having to say the word.

A lot of believers don't know the struggle it is to become an atheist. For those of us that grew up in highly religious homes, turning one's back on the faith is seen as a failure of character and a sign that the atheist MUST be a bad or evil person. I'm not sure what happens in other religions, but Mormons trying to bring a stray back to the flock often swing back and forth from shunning to love-bombing. I've had to throw the Mormons off my property more than once.

It would be awesome to be completely out of the closet about my atheism, but it wouldn't go over well. My team at work has 9 people - 3 Mormons, 5 Catholics, and me. Several times someone on the team has said disparaging things about non-believers, so I keep my mouth shut. My family doesn't know, and would disown me if they knew (it's happened to someone else in my family, and it wasn't pretty).

[Curmudgeoness]

8. There are a lot of stepping stones.

Each one of us has had different steps, and some have never had to agonize over it because they were raised without religion. It is true that believers are not aware of the difficulty in moving toward atheism for some of us. I really did not want to not believe...that was hard. It was so easy to think that someone was watching over me and that one day, when I die, I will see my loved ones again. But the more I learned about religion and the Bible, the further away from it I got.

I do know your dilemma about admitting that you do not believe. The thing that made it easy for me was tiptoeing around it in conversations with my parents and siblings. It turned out that all of us had come to the same conclusion and none of us believed in God. Work would be harder for me if I were not such a crusty old fart and nothing I say surprises them. But it's all good---they are always praying for me so I'm covered.

[Iggo]

2. But, see, that makes sense.

They can't attack sense.

[awoke_in_2003]

4. Right there with the ignorance comment...

I read the Bible multiple times, which is one reason why I don't believe.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

5. Yes, all those things are true.

I saw no evidence of God and no evidence of prayer helping me at all. I decided the only help I would get would be from real people in the church and they did nothing to help me. I didn't want charity.

[kdmorris]

6. That sums it up for me, too!

I grew up as a Southern Baptist, then a Methodist as a teenager. No one could answer my questions. To this day, I still ask questions... driving my doctors nuts usually (why do you think this medication will work better than another, for example). The stories from the Bible never made sense to me and they didn't seem any more real than Greek/Roman Mythology (which I LOVED to read).

I've read the Bible multiple times and still possess the family bible (mostly for the genealogical records in the middle of it). My parents received this bible for their wedding and recorded all the family happenings in it.

I struggled with my dawning knowledge that religion made no sense to me and my belief that there is no god. I had spent 17 years of my life trying to be a good Christian and failing because I couldn't bring myself to have blind faith in something so inconsistent.

It wasn't until I met my husband that I could truly admit that I didn't believe in God (he is an atheist). And, for 17 years, he has had my back when my family just acts too weird about it. Having someone you can talk to about it, who won't judge you or act like you are the Hydra is the best thing I've ever known.

Being an Atheist has been a lonely experience sometimes... my husband is my best friend and it's hard to take that step out of the relationship and try to get to know others. Invariably, it seems like trying to get to know others who share some commonality - like having children or watching soccer - leads to others finding out I'm an atheist and then they just get weird and think that I'm evil. So, I usually don't tell anyone anymore. Which leads to me feeling like a complete fraud when they ask me to pray for them for some minor thing or another.

I'm looking forward to the boys being old enough to go to Camp Quest

[Warren Stupidity]

7. "I don't think all religion is bad" seems a bit misstated.

Perhaps "I don't think everything about religion is bad"?

Anyway I mostly disagree. I think religion's effect on society is in the aggregate "bad", and that we would be better off without it.

[amuse bouche]

9. I agree.

I 'll go further and say religions are a type of mental illness