Ridiculous! Awesome! Ridiculously awesome!!!

[onager]

I go out to the mailbox today and find a large, hideously ugly card.

On the front: "This piece of mail could change your life forever." Except it's ALL CAPS. In two different fonts. Colored red and white.

On the back: "We know...THAT'S RIDICULOUS! A random piece of mail can't change your life...but we are excited to introduce you to something that can."

And you'll never guess what that could be...

At Relevant Church, we believe that the church can be ridiculously awesome. On February 23rd, we are launching a new church that will make a difference in Los Angeles County."

Emphasis theirs in the above. So that's a "ridiculous" and a "ridiculously awesome" already. Somebody failed remedial copywriting.

And...relevant to WHAT, exactly? New churches in L.A. regularly spring up like poisonous mushrooms. They're as common as storefront psychics.

Come and join us as we RETHINK CHURCH!

Had a look at their website, no rethinking there. Same old combination of Jebus marketing-speak, cliches and bafflegab. Accompanied by the standard photos showing 3 or 4 carefully multicultural (and presumably heterosexual) couples.

They are asking for volunteers to do everything from ushering to child care. And since they're a new church, they are very careful to point out no compensation/stipends will be discussed yet. So they're not only unoriginal but cheap bastards too.

What you can expect: Awesome children's programs...engaging music and inspirational teaching...

What was I just saying about cliches and bafflegab? And there's another "awesome." Maybe that was the remedial copywriting class for Failed Valley Girls.

A casual environment and FREE Coffee.

They also offer FREE movie tickets to the first 50 kids in the door.

I guess that makes sense. This first awesome worship service is being held in a movie multiplex. In a very large shopping mall.

So overall it's sort of like the opening weekend of a start-up used car lot. Which also makes sense, at least to me.

[Curmudgeoness]

1. So.......

are you thinking of showing up?

I haven't been invited to a new church opening, much less one at a multi-plex, in, well, forever. But I did get a Watchtower stuck in the door the other day. Too bad I have to work and wasn't home when they showed up.

[onager]

2. Ha! Not a chance!

With free donuts, maybe. But just free coffee? On second thought, I'd rather buy my own donuts too.

And I wasn't really invited. This was a bulk mailing, addressed "To Our Neighbors." All the individual warmth and charm of something addressed to "Occupant."

I like my religious propaganda well-done. With plenty of ham, turkey and cheese. And with that in mind, I'll spend the next 4 hours watching "Ben-Hur" on TCM.

That's the one without the parting of the Red Sea, IIRC...

[progressoid]

3. Coffee is a big deal.

I did some work in a church last year. They did a remodel and expansion. In addition to the usual stuff, they had essentially installed a Starbucks in their church. Not THE Starbucks, but it sure looked like it.

Even my parents little old country church installed high end coffee machines instead of the cheap percolators they had used for decades.

Gotta keep em comin back!

[Fumesucker]

4. Found a picture of the pastor at his day job

[sakabatou]

5. Now that's some shitty marketing

[muriel_volestrangler]

6. It's a liff

The book cover usually bears the tagline "This book will change your life", either as part of its cover or as an adhesive label. Liff (a village near Dundee in Scotland) is then defined in the book as "A book, the contents of which are totally belied by its cover. For instance, any book the dust jacket of which bears the words, 'This book will change your life'."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Meaning_of_Liff

Ironically, The Meaning of Liff has change my life more than most books, because I am reminded of its definitions a lot. For instance, I find many conversations on DU a bit clabby:

Clabby
(adjective)
A clabby conversation is one struck up by a commissionaire or cleaning lady in order to avoid any further actual work. The opening gambit is usually designed to provoke the maximum confusion, and therefore the longest possible clabby conversation. It is vitally important to learn the correct use of clixby (q.v.), the response to a clabby gambit, and not to get trapped by a ditherington (q.v.). For instance, if confronted by a clabby gambit such as 'Oh Mr Smith, I didn't know you'd had your leg off', the ditherington response is 'I haven't...' whereas the clixby is 'Good'.
http://meaningofliff.free.fr/definition.php3?word=Clabby&lang=en

Ditherington
(noun)
Sudden access of panic experienced by one who realises that he is being drawn into a clabby (q.v.) conversation, i.e. one he has no hope of enjoying, benefiting from or understanding.
http://meaningofliff.free.fr/definition.php3?word=Ditherington&lang=en