I'm devastated and I hope I am wrong but a religious friend defriended me on facebook today.

[applegrove]

I don't know why but it may be that I posted a link to my DU journals. I talked a lot about Occupy and the GOP there. Here is my journal:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=164532

I'm agnostic, have never been against religious people and she and I had even talked about how we were supporting different sides of the political spectrum in Canada (we agreed that as long as both of us were walking the walk to make the world a better place - we were in fact on the same team). She runs a centre that helps kids learn to love reading and learning. I post on the DU. I don't feel I should email her... I want to give her space and time if she is upset with me. I'm just at such a loss. She's always been a rock when we were in touch. She reminds me of all my wonderful religious grandparents who were good eggs.

Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do?

[Confusious]

1. This sin't going to be much help

But I told my religious great aunt that I didn't believe.

She just hopes that one day I will see the "light." nothing about going to hell, no cutting of communication.

That's a good person right there.

If she really is a friend, she'll come around, and not try and force you to do anything.

[applegrove]

3. I'm still hoping it was a facebook blip. Oh i don't want this to have happened. Thanks for your

reply. It helps.

[roguevalley]

6. no one who would do this was ever a friend. I am sorry honey but this person isn't a friend.

[lumberjack_jeff]

2. Those that mind don't matter. Those that matter don't mind.

If your friends can't abide you speaking your mind then it wasn't a friendship.

[TygrBright]

4. For starters, check your assumptions out...

Assumption one: The de-friending was on purpose.
Maybe, maybe not. I have accidentally de-friended people with a slip of the mouse-click, without noticing. It's possible.

Assumption two: The de-friending was from dislike, disapproval, or malice.
Sometimes people get too caught up in their Facebooking and decide they need to take a break, pull back, exercise some discipline. A relative of mine did de-friended everyone except her children and grandchildren, because she realized she was spending way too much time on Facebook.

Assumption three: The reason for the de-friending has to do with religion, or with the link you posted to your journal here.
She might have a different reason altogether for de-friending. Maybe you posted or said something she interpreted as hurtful or insensitive that had nothing to do with religion.

It wouldn't hurt to communicate with her, saying something to the effect of "I notice you de-friended me on Facebook, and I was hoping you'd tell me why."

If she writes back something to the effect of "Please don't take it personally, I'm etc.etc.etc...." or even "What? I de-friended you? OOPS! Fixed!" you're fine.

If she writes back something to the effect of "I was really hurt by what you said about xxxxxxxxxx, and I don't feel comfortable sharing Facebook with you" you can at least address xxxxxxxxxxx, maybe start a dialog and repair the damage.

If she writes back "Yer goin' to hell and I don't wanna be dragged in your wake" you know you're well out of the relationship.

If she ignores you, you haven't lost anything, you're right where you are now.

helpfully,
Bright

[NYC_SKP]

9. Dang, you're smart TygrBright!

You would be a welcome addition to any place needing emotional smoothing.

admiringly,

NYC_SKP

[Ecumenist]

5. I'm a believer and I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO A TRUE FRIEND. Real friends are a rae and precious

commodity. I hate to say it but she was never your friend in the first place if reading your political beliefs was all it took for her to unfriend" you. You don't have to hold the same beliefs as me to be my friend. A friend is a gift beyond price.

[skepticscott]

11. Of course if you define "True" friends

the way you define "true" believers, the concept is probably pretty shaky.

[cleanhippie]

13. +1

[Dorian Gray]

17. You don't know what happened

It could have been a silly facebook error. I've accidentally unfriended people in the past, and as soon as I realized, re-friended them.

[Ecumenist]

18. I hope it was BUT if it wasn't, it was a heartless thing for the person to do.

[Common Sense Party]

7. How does religion factor in to this?

I fail to see the connection.

[applegrove]

8. I talked about how the GOP had forced the reality of "no taxes, no regulation and no abortion" onto

people in the USA. Said it was psychopathic to force one reality like that on people. I don't know if she read my journal or what happened. And she's been a wonderful, wonderful friend. Supportive, engaging, and she's shared her wonderful good works with me. We don't talk politics.

[TheMastersNemesis]

10. Good Riddance

I have pretty much decided that NO ONE who is a Republican is going to be a friend. If you are so crazy as to vote Republican you are not welcome in my home period.

She is lucky she did not do that to me. I would have said things to her so vile she would NEVER DARKEN my door again. I don't have any children and if they were a Republican I would disown them and give my estate to charity.

Every Republican jerk I know is rude, disrespectful, racist and bigoted. I am a military veteran and consider every Republican the enemy. If they get control of the agenda the country is done. The GOP has done irreversible damage to this country.

The end of the GOP would be very positive.

[pink-o]

12. Try to send her a message or an email...

if she doesn't respond, then you know it was deliberate and you can move on.

Last summer, I went to my very good friend's soon-to-be-daughter-in-law's wedding shower. There I met the bride's mother, Dawn, who lives in Dallas but is originally from Alabama. Dawn is the sweetest, warmest woman you could ever encounter, she made me feel at home and so welcome, totally exuding that Southern hospitality. But Dawn is also a HUGE Fundie--my friend told me she even has crosses and Bible Verses hanging in the bathroom. I guess you need Jesus to help you through ALL your pain, right?

Anyway, I came to the wedding shower dressed in a flowery frock that rivaled those ladies in The Help, and out of respect I kept my mouth shut about my political beliefs. So Dawn never saw the real me. And I was so taken with her, I wanted so much to be her friend, but I knew if she ever saw me for what I was, she would reject and revile me.

It made me so sad, because it proves Religion drives the deepest wedges. Not just in important social issues, but on a personal plane as well. Religion cost us both a friendship with people we probably have a lot in common with.

I find that really tragic.

[TheMastersNemesis]

14. Deep Divides Now Insurmountable

The deep divide that is now insurmountable began with Ronald Reagan. It only worsens by the day. And I look at the divide as being exactly like the divide in northern Ireland. We now have a sectarian divide every bit as deep as Ireland between the Protestants and the Catholics.

When I was in California I was accosted by some old guy with a $500,000 boat for being a Communist because I had a "Turn Off Fox" sticker on my car. He got so mad he ordered me to get away from his boat. I never challenged him in any way. There are people I used to play golf with for 30 years that I barely speak to anymore. And I get a LOT of abuse for even admitting that I am a Democrat. Yet all these people are on a public pensions, Social Security or Medicare. They can be as racist and bigoted and hateful as they want. Yet if you even say a peep you are shouted down.

I know and old couple in our Democratic caucus who have one of their children and their spouse living in their basement because they are too poor live on their own. Yet these kids are viciously Republican and give them grief every day for being Democrats.
It sounds like they are even abusive to their parents. They would be in a homeless shelter and I wouldn't care if it was my kid.

The RW and GOP is stoking the hatred 24/7. What is happening goes beyond tragic it is unacceptable.

[cbayer]

15. I just can't imagine why you wouldn't contact her and ask what's up.

[Dorian Gray]

16. Why wouldn't you email her

and ask her what happened? Be forthright and ask. It might be something stupid. Like an accidental unfriending.

[Tumbulu]

19. I have a really hard time with these things

It is so difficult for me to ask such questions (as the others so kindly posted) because unless I am able to handle the worst of the possible answers, I just can't do it.

I can fall into such deep sorrowful depressions that I just have to chose very carefully when I can and should be so forward as to ask.

It takes courage to write what you write- celebrate that in yourself.

It is OK if your friend cannot handle it either. We are all just trying to live and do the best to make the world better by the way we live our lives.

The hate of the GOP and wrong wing is corrosive and so very damaging- I consider it a kind of societal cancer. She may have succumbed to it.

Be kind to yourself, comfort yourself, celebrate the friends that are with you. It is OK to mourn a loss and if you want to ask her why- then do, but do not beat yourself up about it if you decide that you cannot handle a negative answer at this time.

[Ecumenist]

20. Applegrove...There is saying I read the other week by, of all people, DR Seuss.. and this

is what it says: "BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL BECAUSE THOSE THAT CARE DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND".

If you really want to know what the deal is,, why don't you contact her and ask. The worst thing that can happen is that the contact will confirm what you are thinking and best thing is that it could be a cyber-blip. In the end, I hope things work out so that you are able to feel better, you seem like a very nice person.

[applegrove]

21. I was wrong. It was just a misunderstanding. Oh joy oh bliss!!