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Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:39 PM

“Bored” Teen’s Church Servicing Leads To Arrest

Some Florida churchgoers may now think twice about shaking their neighbor’s hand following the arrest of a teenager who was allegedly caught masturbating during a pair of recent Sunday services.

According to cops, four witnesses spotted the 14-year-old suspect pleasuring himself inside the sanctuary of the First United Methodist Church in Niceville. One member of the congregation told police that she observed the teen “with his penis outside of his pants and stroking it," a Niceville Police Department report states.

When questioned by police, the boy copped to exposing himself inside the church on August 28. He explained that he was "playing with it" for about 10 minutes because, “I was bored.” He also admitted masturbating during a service the previous Sunday.


Yeah, it's a year old, but I don't remember seeing it in here. More at link:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/teen-church-masturbator-busted-345678

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Arrow 37 replies Author Time Post
Reply “Bored” Teen’s Church Servicing Leads To Arrest (Original post)
Goblinmonger Oct 2012 OP
oldhippydude Oct 2012 #1
Historic NY Oct 2012 #2
Goblinmonger Oct 2012 #4
ForgoTheConsequence Oct 2012 #3
mindwalker_i Oct 2012 #5
Blue Owl Oct 2012 #6
Lint Head Nov 2012 #7
Tyrs WolfDaemon Nov 2012 #8
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #9
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #10
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #11
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #12
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #13
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #14
trotsky Nov 2012 #15
struggle4progress Nov 2012 #17
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #18
rug Nov 2012 #19
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #20
rug Nov 2012 #21
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #22
rug Nov 2012 #23
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #24
rug Nov 2012 #25
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #26
rug Nov 2012 #27
cleanhippie Nov 2012 #28
rug Nov 2012 #29
Goblinmonger Nov 2012 #30
cleanhippie Nov 2012 #31
Odin2005 Nov 2012 #16
EvolveOrConvolve Nov 2012 #32
Dorian Gray Nov 2012 #33
EvolveOrConvolve Nov 2012 #34
Dorian Gray Nov 2012 #35
rug Nov 2012 #36
Dorian Gray Nov 2012 #37

Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:43 PM

1. while the choir was singing. .. he played the organ..n/t

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:46 PM

2. "Polishing the Bishop".

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Response to Historic NY (Reply #2)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:52 PM

4. "Box the Jesuit" n/t

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:49 PM

3. Well.

Church is pretty damn boring.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:56 PM

5. And this article is from "The Smoking Gun"

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Wed Oct 31, 2012, 11:56 PM

6. He had a come to Jesus moment

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 01:06 AM

7. Adds a new meaning to playing the organ in church.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 03:19 AM

8. What an evil kid, doesn't he know the 'every sperm is sacred' song?

What did he plan on doing with those little missiles of life?

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:12 AM

9. Woman strips naked in men's room at Sarasota bar

Written by Christopher Collette
11:50 AM, Feb 24, 2011

Sarasota, Florida -- Investigators say a woman was arrested after stripping naked at a Sarasota bar.

According to the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office, 34-year-old Traci Batcher was at the Thirsty Turtle when she went into the men's restroom and took off all her clothes. She then tried to walk back into the main bar area when the manager stopped her and told her to put her clothes back on. When she refused, the manager called 9-1-1.

A responding deputy found Batcher locked in the men's room. When the manager unlocked the door, she came out topless.

WWSB reports she told the deputy, "You don't understand, I have been married since I was 13 years old and have been married for 16 years" ...

http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=176659

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:16 AM

10. 2 Baltimore Police Officers On Leave After Reported Public Sex Act

December 7, 2011 11:15 PM

BALTIMORE (WJZ) — Two Baltimore City police officers were reportedly caught in a sex scandal. The department is keeping the details quiet ...

A police spokesman would not reveal the details ...

Police say releasing more details could compromise their investigation. When asked why, they said they didn’t want reporters asking questions at the location where it happened.

The officers involved had no comment.

http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2011/12/07/2-baltimore-police-officers-on-leave-after-reported-public-sex-act/

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:18 AM

11. Best Place to Have Sex in Public: The Washington Monument

Posted 9/18/1996

... One sunny spring day, we found ourselves with a significant other taking in the view of Baltimore from the monument’s pinnacle. The moment’s intimacy—we were alone and feeling rather randy—suddenly took the fore as one of us borrowed a line from Frank Zappa: “I got a 40-dollar bill says you can’t make me come.” The spontaneity and public nature of the illegal act led to the bet being lost with surprising speed. And not a moment too soon: Another couple’s footfall was heard ascending the steps as we put ourselves back together, somewhat flush of face.

As we headed down the long spiral staircase, it occurred to us that our escapade may not have been unwitnessed. Did the monument’s doorkeeper catch us in the act with some sort of recording device, we wondered? Sure enough, as we passed him while exiting, we noted a video monitor behind his desk. Half expecting to be detained until the police arrived, we gingerly stepped past him and politely said, “Thank you.” “No, thank you,” he replied conspiratorially, winking and grinning. We escaped quickly to the Walters Art Gallery without incident ...

http://www2.citypaper.com/bob/story.asp?id=7901

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:24 AM

12. 10 Rules For Having Sex In Public Places

Learn from these couples who did something stupid to get themselves caught.
Anna North
BuzzFeed Staff

... 2. Avoid compounding the problem by shoplifting ...

6. Have a good excuse ready ...
... When they were caught, he claimed to be a nudist, while she said she was simply swimming laps ...

... According to Metro, an Australian couple were arrested when they were caught having sex in a stolen car at a gas station. They apparently "refused to stop having sex when asked" — because once you've been caught having sex in a stolen car, you don't have that much to lose.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/10-rules-for-having-sex-in-public-places

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 12:10 PM

13. Why do people have sex in public places?

By DIANE MAPES, SPECIAL TO THE P-I
Updated 10:00 p.m., Thursday, July 17, 2008

... "I've had sex under the boardwalk, in the back seat of a VW Beetle and on a grade school playground," said Judy McGuire, author of "How Not To Date" ...

"It's about heightening the thrill, about doing what's considered naughty. It's about rebellion," psychologist and sex therapist Joy Davidson said when I asked her what was behind the urge to merge in public.

"It's deliberately thumbing your nose at the rules. The couple who had sex in a confessional may not be conscious of their deep-seated resentment toward the Catholic Church, but they're conscious of the fact that they're essentially giving the church the middle finger. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing it in a confessional" ...

http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/article/Single-Shot-Why-do-people-have-sex-in-public-1279597.php

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #13)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 12:33 PM

14. Interesting reads.

Not sure what any of that has to do with my OP.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #14)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 12:43 PM

15. Just a knee-jerk reaction, no pun intended.

Any mention of any misbehavior by a believer must be countered with as much spam as possible to show that "everyone does it."

But if someone reports a sexist incident at a skeptics convention, it is a serious problem that the community really needs to address and let us all cluck about it to look disdainfully upon non-believers.

Understand now?

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #14)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 02:29 PM

17. Isn't this the thread for random sex posts?

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #17)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 04:23 PM

18. Nope. The OP took place in a church.

That's enough to make it relevant for this group. Though you didn't respond on that thread, your fellow hosts decided so.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #14)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 04:25 PM

19. Not sure what the OP has to do with Religion.

Is a 14 year old jerking off news?

Because he did it in a church it meets the SoP?

Can you find any stories about teenagers masturbating that is, say six months old?

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Response to rug (Reply #19)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 04:46 PM

20. It took place in a church

That is no different than cbayer's post. Hosts said that as long as it takes place in a church then it is good to go. Why weren't you complaining about cbayer's thread? Do you just not like masturbation stories?

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #20)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 04:53 PM

21. This is about your post.

Frankly, posting thirteen month old stories about teenagers masturbating, in or out of church, is creepy.

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Response to rug (Reply #21)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 10:18 PM

22. Yeah, I answered that. Follow along.

The OP took place in a church. It has been established that is enough to make it relevant to this forum. You commented on the thread in the Host Group about cbayer's and had a chance to say that that wasn't enough for something to be in this group but you instead took the subthread into a pissing match about theology. You also didn't comment on cbayer's thread about the guy that was killed in a church as not being relevant. So, by the determination of the hosts and, apparently, by your thought as well, as long as something happened in a church, it is fair game to be posted in the Religion group.

The OP happened in a church. And if I were you and supported the religious organization that your support, I would not start pointing fingers about what is creepy in regard to sexual activity involving teenagers in a church. But as to the point at hand, teenagers masturbate. There's nothing creepy about that fact. That he did it in a church is a little odd, certainly.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #22)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 10:32 PM

23. Sounds like your thread is in actuality meta.

If you're complaining about other posters and relevance in this Group, meta is the place to discuss your jerking off issue.

Oh, BTW, you're not me. Your post remains even more creepy now that you explained why you posted it.

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Response to rug (Reply #23)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 10:45 PM

24. Go ahead and alert on it if you don't think it belongs.

The discussion in the Host forum could be fascinating. I'm sure you'd chime in on it. Of course, I will point out what I have already pointed out about the inconsistency of your (and others) reactions to my thread vs cbayer's thread, but, like I said, could be fascinating.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #24)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:00 PM

25. You really obsess about alerts.

Now you're imagining flamewar dialogue over imagined alerts.

BTW, I see yours failed. Try harder.

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Response to rug (Reply #25)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:31 PM

26. If you don't like my post in this group

you have recourse to deal with it. Complaining about it to me obviously isn't going to have any affect. I would imagine that if you alerted on this violating the SOP you realize that any potential hypocrisy would be immediately evident which is why you don't want to do it.

Why is this any different than other posts that have been allowed? It happened in a church. That has been stated as enough reason to allow a post to stand in this group. Which leads to a couple questions:
Why didn't you complain about the other threads?
Why are you just complaining about this one?

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Response to Goblinmonger (Reply #26)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 11:35 PM

27. I did. I typed it. Directly to you.

Now I'm done.

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Response to rug (Reply #19)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 09:14 AM

28. The exact same thing this other OP has to do with religion.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/121852919



Feel free to comment on the OP I linked to and ask that same question. I did, but cbayer, the one who posted the OP, refused to answer. At least you got that courtesy from goblinmonger.

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Response to cleanhippie (Reply #28)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 10:53 AM

29. So it's not about religion at all, but it's about Meta.

The post was started, ostensibly, to complain about another DUer and SoP standards in Religion.

Bemoan there.

Thanks for clearing this up.

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Response to rug (Reply #29)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 12:03 PM

30. Regardless of why I started the OP

the OP meets the SOP of the group as determined by the hosts. That's all they get to decide on. I know you have indicated in the Host group that hosts should look at the intent of the OP when deciding to lock, that isn't really the point of being a host. Does the OP meet the SOP? That's the only question. And in regard to this OP, it does meet the SOP. That I posted something which met the SOP in order to make a different point is not something which can be acted upon by the Hosts. Now, do I think it should be interpreted to meet the SOP? No. I don't. But I'm not a host here. I think cbayer's thread doesn't meet the SOP, either. But the hosts decided it did, so this one does, too. If you don't like that, take it up with the hosts of this group and not with me. I did nothing wrong. Of course that would mean that you would need to tell cbayer that you think she is wrong about something in which case she will probably put you on ignore like she does everyone else that tells her that.

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Response to rug (Reply #29)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 11:27 PM

31. It's about the same thing cbayers OP is about. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 12:57 PM

16. He came to Jesus!

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Response to Goblinmonger (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 11:33 PM

32. And in related news

An entire batch of holy water had to be returned to the manufacturer...

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Response to EvolveOrConvolve (Reply #32)

Sat Nov 3, 2012, 09:13 PM

33. Do Methodists

have holy water? (I know that may sound like a snarky gotcha question, but it's not. I really don't know the answer to that.)

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Response to Dorian Gray (Reply #33)

Sat Nov 3, 2012, 11:58 PM

34. Probably not

I think magic water is a Catholic thing.

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Response to EvolveOrConvolve (Reply #34)

Sun Nov 4, 2012, 08:07 AM

35. According to Wikipedia

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Response to Dorian Gray (Reply #35)

Sun Nov 4, 2012, 10:09 AM

36. And they don't call it magic water.

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Response to rug (Reply #36)

Sun Nov 4, 2012, 07:24 PM

37. That obviously goes without saying

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