Religion Is for Turkeys

[rug]

Prudie counsels a letter writer whose atheist husband coopts Thanksgiving grace to rant about God.

Nov. 3 2015 8:39 AM
By Emily Yoffe
Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers. An edited transcript of the chat is below. (Sign up below to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. Read Prudie’s Slate columns here. Send questions to Prudence at [email protected].)

Q. Thanksgiving Prayer ... Dread!: Thanksgiving will soon be here. Each year we gather for a festive and warm time at my parents’ home with my siblings and all our spouses and children. My family are Christians who are active in the Episcopal Church. Faith is a very positive experience to us and inspires us to be good to others. My husband is an atheist. Last year, to everyone’s shock, he volunteered to give the blessing at Thanksgiving. However, instead of a prayer he took us all by surprise with a two-minute rant about “the myth of God.” Everyone was upset, and it ruined the meal. My husband just sat there with a grin on his face and ate. This caused numerous arguments between us since. I respect his nonbelief but not his in-your-face approach. Last night he just informed me he plans to wear a T-shirt to Thanksgiving this year with a dead frog nailed to a cross with the words “He died for you.” Well, we had the fight to outdo all other fights. Still, he insists on wearing the T-shirt for all to see on Thanksgiving. He admits he wants to see my family “blow a gasket.” Please give me some coaching on how to be direct with him. Frankly, Prudence, if he follows through with this childishness it may cause me to leave him.

A: I wish you had explained if your husband is a massive jerk the other 364 days a year. I am doubting that your doubter only enjoys making others squirm on Thanksgiving. What he did is grotesque, and if he can’t see he was in the wrong and needed to apologize, he must have redeeming qualities that helped you get through another year with him. You need to talk turkey with him. Tell him if he insists on wearing the crucified frog T-shirt, he is not welcome at your family table. Stay calm and explain that if he knows he can’t be a respectful guest, you must disinvite him because you will not subject your family to his behavior two years in a row. Tell him that while you completely respect his right to his own views on religion, his insulting and insensitive behavior is forcing you to re-examine whether you can continue in this marriage.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/11/dear_prudence_my_atheist_husband_takes_over_thanksgiving_grace.html

"massive jerk"

[DetlefK]

1. I'm an atheist and I say he's a massive jerk.

If he has a problem with religious relatives, he should engage them and talk to them, not save his hostility for the holidays.

[MisterP]

2. is that frog t-shirt supposed to be a "pro-science" message?

because since when does *Episcopalianism* have an anti-science reputation

[Goblinmonger]

3. So that was a dickish thing to do.

How many years did he sit through a prayer in which those praying made no attempt to consider his feelings?

And that shirt's hilarious. I'd probably invite that guy to my Easter zombie movie viewing (and I do that viewing in the privacy of my own home in which no members of the household are Christian).

[Goblinmonger]

7. It's certainly dickish. "grotesque" seems a bit hyperbolic.

I don't think this scenario harkens back to Gothic stories or anything. "Being uncomfortable" is not "grotesque."

[rug]

8. "Massive jerk" will suffice.

[Goblinmonger]

10. We don't know enough to call him "massive."

Jerkish. Yes. We don't know what Thanksgivings have been like and for how many years. Maybe if at some point prior the Christians had paid attention to the fact that he wasn't a believer and that their prayers may not be landing well with him, that might have made things better. Maybe if they had asked him to give a secular blessing several years earlier, he would have appreciated that.

Now, certainly, he's an adult and could have let them know that he was upset in a less jerkish manner, but they hold some of the blame for this, too, given what little we know.

[cleanhippie]

20. Where are you going while on vacation?

I hear Italy is great this time of year.

[Lordquinton]

9. The table is on the other foot

And it's like, a half size too small. still wearable, but slightly uncomfortable. If you stand too long you'll get a blister.

[skepticscott]

14. Sorry, but Prudence is the real dickhead here

She's counseling someone she's never met and never spoken to to consider and threaten divorce from someone she's also never met and never spoken to, based on...what? A couple of paragraphs about an incident that she wasn't present at and has no idea whether she's getting a completely accurate and unbiased account of. Would a qualified marriage counselor do that? Never. So what gives this dimwit the right to dole out life-changing advice from her keyboard?

[DavidDvorkin]

15. Yes, exactly.

[Goblinmonger]

16. The whole thing kind of smells like Poe

If that shirt exists, why does a Google search of it only return results for that Slate article. There is some solid strawman building in that little bit.

[Yorktown]

17. no members of your household are Christian?

Well, I hope some are Hindus or Muslims or something,

or you're all going to hell or something.

[Goblinmonger]

4. Searched for the shirt and found some interesting things

Pope Ratzy doesn't think crucified frogs are art

Maybe the guy in the article could this shirt to make them all happy

I found no reference to a crucified frog shirt other than in the Slate article. Which is interesting.

[Lordquinton]

11. From the first article

The Vatican wrote a letter of support in the pope's name to Franz Pahl, president of the regional government who opposed the sculpture. Pahl released parts of the letter, which said the work "wounds the religious sentiments of so many people who see in the cross the symbol of God's love".

Words cannot explain how twisted that last sentence is.

[mr blur]

12. Well . . . so what?

So their "religious sentiments" got wounded? Tough. So what?

[Goblinmonger]

13. Well, you might get punched in the face. Or worse.

That's what Pope Awesome tells me anyway.

[Yorktown]

19. Where are the good old times when blasphemers could be burnt at the stake?

One would have to convert to other, more muscular religion

to turn the clock back to those happy days when unbelievers where taught their manners.

[Yorktown]

18. I would have thought the cross was a symbol of the Romans' hate

But then again, you'd have to 'splain the logic of a god appearing as his own son to save people fronm an original sin committed by an unexisting Adam and Eve in a theoretical place set as a test experiment in sin inducement.

I sure home someone would cathosplain it to me, but when I ask questions (like about Moses), I sure don't get plenty answers. Doggorn.

[onager]

21. The cross also symbolizes "bringing the light of Christ to the world."

According to these guys:

[DavidDvorkin]

5. I'd like to hear the husband's side of the story

Maybe he's just a jerk, or maybe the family are all jerks and the wife neglected to mention that or can't even see it.

We don't know.