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Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:17 PM

Robbie Rogers

It's none of my damn business what his orientation is, it's none of your damn business what his orientation is, and other than his partner and anyone he chooses to inform, it's nobody else's damn business either. I'd almost rather he retire because he's gay than face the knowledge that some fucked-up MLS roster rule forced a USMNTer into retirement. And for the record, I'd have put 2011 Rogers in the starting XI over Jermaine "Clubfoot Can't Find His Ass With Both Hands" Jones against Spain any day of the week.

Here's the tinfoil timeline my fevered mind has put together:

Jan 15 - Announcement that Rogers' contract with Leeds terminated by mutual consent.

Feb 4 - Announcement that Columbus traded Rogers' MLS rights to Chicago.

Feb 4 - Rogers tweets "Just read my 'rights' were traded to Chicago... Love how the MLS works, pretty funny. #rightlessinthemls"

Not even two weeks later, Rogers announces that he's retiring (ok, "stepping back") from football.

What would make me unholy furious with rage is that some weird issue with his MLS rights (why the balls did Columbus hold his MLS rights, anyway? He left them as a free agent under no contract. WTF, MLS?) forced his hand into retirement. He's a USMNTer, he scored against Mexico, for fuck's sake; if there's some stupid rights issue, MLS needs to fix that shit pronto. Seattle has a great medical staff, we fixed Keller, we fixed Nkufo, we fixed Gspurning, we're fixing O'Brien White...come to Seattle, Robbie, get healed up, rehab the injury issues and get out there and kick ass again!

On Edit: WE FIXED ZAKUANI!!!! Our doctors are the bomb, ankles ain't no thang.

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