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Sat Feb 9, 2013, 11:36 AM

My son has basically ended a friendship

they've been friends since they were 8 - now 14. His friend - white as this page with red flaming hair - is very into the "ghetto hiphop scene" (ludicrous really to see him try to dress and act like that). Of course with that is the fact he truly believes using the "n" word is not only acceptable, but the preferred way to talk to African Americans. "Hey, my n...." etc...

My son has asked him repeatedly to stop. Years ago, when they were a lot younger (and pre ghetto boy experience) the red head did use it as an epithet and quickly found himself pinned on the ground. (I told my son that was wrong, of course. Violence solves nothing.)

Anyway, this whole "ghetto act" - and the repeated use of the word. Finally my son had enough and told him that he just didn't want to be around him anymore. They have classes together - where that language is banned, but they never hang out together now. I'm not sure what transpired at the final falling out, but the other kid's mom left me a message to apologize for her son's behaviour (it happened at her house).

He's sad about it because he misses his "old friend" - but the person the kid has become is not someone mine can be around much. He told me he was afraid he WAS going to "lose it one of these days" and just pop the kid a good one. (Again, wrong, but... don't poke the bear, ya know? And my son is WAY bigger than the other kid so it would probably not end well. And if it happened at school, he'd be suspended.)

My son asks other AA's NOT to use that word. I know - some people want to "reclaim it" - but really, who wants a word used to control and denigrate an entire group of people? Who'd want to "reclaim it". Abolish it. From known memory! It's abhorrent, imo - no matter who uses it.

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Arrow 42 replies Author Time Post
Reply My son has basically ended a friendship (Original post)
mzteris Feb 2013 OP
Glassunion Feb 2013 #1
immoderate Feb 2013 #2
mzteris Feb 2013 #3
pipoman Feb 2013 #4
Smilo Feb 2013 #5
FunkyLeprechaun Feb 2013 #6
ReRe Feb 2013 #7
Smarmie Doofus Feb 2013 #8
awoke_in_2003 Feb 2013 #11
mzteris Feb 2013 #28
whathehell Feb 2013 #9
SheilaT Feb 2013 #10
heaven05 Feb 2013 #12
glowing Feb 2013 #13
tblue37 Feb 2013 #25
glowing Feb 2013 #27
mzteris Feb 2013 #29
glowing Feb 2013 #33
Blue_Tires Feb 2013 #41
duhneece Feb 2013 #14
mzteris Feb 2013 #30
duhneece Feb 2013 #35
TomClash Feb 2013 #15
lunasun Feb 2013 #16
mzteris Feb 2013 #31
brett_jv Feb 2013 #17
glowing Feb 2013 #22
Number23 Feb 2013 #24
mzteris Feb 2013 #32
socialindependocrat Feb 2013 #18
libodem Feb 2013 #19
timdog44 Feb 2013 #20
Coolest Ranger Feb 2013 #21
Number23 Feb 2013 #23
aquart Feb 2013 #26
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #42
Flying Squirrel Feb 2013 #34
Festivito Feb 2013 #36
mzteris Feb 2013 #38
Festivito Feb 2013 #39
mzteris Feb 2013 #40
grantcart Feb 2013 #37

Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 11:57 AM

1. That's truly sad for your son.

Growing up I had a really good friend, quite the opposite of your son's. He was beaten so severly just because he was my friend. Some kids in the neighborhood did not take kindly to him hanging out with me.

I'm sad your son had to break off the friendship.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 11:59 AM

2. I hope that kid can make it past 14, and get some sense.

--imm

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Response to immoderate (Reply #2)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:09 PM

3. it's a miracle any of them

make it past fourteen!

Yes, I'm hoping he'll grow up and realize what an ass he is. I'm afraid when he hits highschool someone is going to beat the crap out of that kid. He is VERY annoying and always has been. An extreme smart ass - but not very "smart" at it, if you know what I mean.

Of course, my son - should someone try to beat the crap out of that kid - would probably intervene for him. Of course, he'd intervene for just about anyone if they're getting beat up by someone else. He's very compassionate and empathetic (but don't poke that teddy bear because he could become a grizzly if he's poked too hard!)

I've always told him not to start any fights, to walk away from anyone trying to fight him (he doesn't have to "prove" anything.) And to try and defuse any situation with words. However, he DOES have my permission to help anyone who might need it - and suspension be damned. (Not just the usual guys rolling around type of thing, but any knd of real - one kid is getting the shit beat out of them for no reason by some bully type of thing and there's no adult around to take care of it.)

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:11 PM

4. When one is a kid

time travels slowly...I liken it to dog years. Kids during that time change dramatically and search for their identity. It is a lesson in life. For most people, they develop friends throughout their life, depend on them and develop deep relationships. Then life changes, disagreements come up, etc., the contact with the person diminishes, and we go our own way. These relationships develop a large group of people, the older we get, who would likely help if needed, but are just living their lives with the people who they are surrounded by. Most acquaintances don't result in lifelong friendships.."two ships which pass in the night", and all that..When it is all done, we have a few people who we love and love us back almost unconditionally, a few more who we keep in contact with periodically and pick up right where we left off, a lot more who we care about but really don't keep in contact with and would do most anything which isn't too intrusive, and many, many more who we would exchange niceties with and continue on..it gets easier to understand and deal with the older we get..Parents often try to control these natural changes out of a sense of nostalgia, especially with their first kids..

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:41 PM

5. Please give your son a hug from me

..... he is being so strong and mature, especially for his age.

And he, and you, are so right - I hate it when I hear someone use that term - as for "reclaiming" - why would they want to - it was and still is a derogatory term used by small minded, controlling, self-important jackasses.

Hopefully, his friend will come around, but that friend has a lot of growing up to do and it may not happen for a long time.

Peace mzteris and know you are a great parent.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:52 PM

6. You should read Randall Kennedy's book

He studied the origins of the word and such and recommends people not to use it, black or white.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:53 PM

7. All is well that ends well...

Your son has a good head on his shoulders. He nipped it in the bud, before he lost it. You don't need to worry about him, unless he starts punching. I hope he soon finds friends to fill the gap left by the red head potty mouth. You're doing a good job, mom. Keep it up and stay close to him.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 12:56 PM

8. I'm curious: If the kid had black, curly hair instead of "flaming red" hair.....

would it be less ridiculous?

I think we're expecting a lot from 14 y.o. boys if we expect them to pick up on sociological-linguistic subtleties that puzzle even adults.

Should he NOT hang out w. the "hiphop" kids because of his flaming red hair? And...if he does hang out w. them does he literally HAVE to use a separate, distinct dialect?

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Response to Smarmie Doofus (Reply #8)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:15 PM

11. It seems he is objecting...

to the use of the n word. He also doesn't like African Americans to use it either. I don't see where you are seeing this as this being a thing about skin color.

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Response to Smarmie Doofus (Reply #8)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 07:37 PM

28. I understand your point.

I think that contrived ghetto "look" is ridiculous regardless of the color of their hair or skin.

My son told him when he first started, though, because the kid things all "black kids" dress and act and talk "like that" - to which my son reminded him - "I DON"T."

However, seriously, if you could see this kid, you would understand the remark - it's one of those things that aren't funny, but you can't help laughing, you know what I mean? The fact that he's trying to "act black" by dressing and talking what he thinks "black is" - is insulting, but also - I mean really - pasty white and red hair? Don't think he can pass, no matter how he dresses or talks.

And fwiw - the "hiphop kids" won't hang out with him either. He looks, acts, and sounds ridiculous and obnoxious. Some people think he's "mocking them", too. Which is why I'm afraid for him when he gets to highschool. He may just mouth off to the wrong person. Basically, he's losing friends pf all colors by the droves at this point.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:11 PM

9. Sorry for your son..He does sound quite mature. Agree completely on the "reclaiming" thing

It's been entirely oversold. I won't say it "never" works, but the instances in which

it does are so RARE, that they can hardly be used as a model.

I feel the same way about slurs against gender and sexual orientation as well.

Women calling themselves "bitches" and Gays calling themselves "queer" doesn't work

for me either.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:14 PM

10. You have raised an awesome son.

At any age it is often easier to just go along with someone else's bad behavior or inappropriate language. For a 14 year old to have the strength to end what for him was a life-long friendship took a lot of courage.

It's also interesting the the other kid's mom left an apology. I wonder how hard she might be trying to keep her son from using that language. Not judging, because I know that kids at that age are notoriously stubborn and independent. I tried to make it clear to my son when he was that age that there are certain things *I* should never hear from him. Wasn't always successful.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:15 PM

12. HEAR! HEAR!

especially last paragraph. I applaud your courage in speaking out on this despicably evil word.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:46 PM

13. If this "friend" was saying this word at 8 yrs old, then he was probably repeating the word.

I know my 8 yr old son wouldn't come up with a new word choice without having heard it first and then test it in front of me to see where it factored in on the scale of bad to really bad. I don't like him to say Fart, but its a given that its going to be used more often in his circle (at school its tooted or nothing at all- flatulence is probably stretching him a bit far at the moment). The other day, he floate "friggin". And technically its not exactly a swear, but it is very much intended to mean another word. He had heard it from one of the older middle school boys that he's been friends with forever. Since a couple of them have hit the middle school age, they are in a different growing stage now that they've entered middle school. So, we have to monitor repeating words he may learn from the older boys and let him know what's ok and what's not.

Anyway, if my son was to say the n-word, then he would have had to learn it from an adult or an older child who had influence on him. And at the point that the child was 8, the parents should be telling the child that saying certain words is not ok (unless the parents were using that type of language themselves).

Also, I wonder what the child's neighborhood mix was and his family's economic situation was. For exampleL: If the family is struggling or in a situation where the family would look at another ethnic group as the reason their life and their situation sucks, and if they live in a poorer neighborhood with a lot of poverty, the family may not be happy about their situation... It might explain the progression of the child from repeating as an epithat, to playing and hanging out with neighbors and immerging into what you call "ghetto" dress and speak. Perhaps the family lives in the "ghetto"?

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Response to glowing (Reply #13)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 05:29 PM

25. I think the OP means the friend just *recently* started using this word, and

is doing so only because he is now hanging out with kids who are a "hip-hop" crowd who use that word themselves all the time, so that the red-haired kid has become convinced that it is acceptable for him to use that word, too.

Apparently the redhead only once used the word when they were younger, and was immediately pinned to the ground by the OP's son as a way of letting him know it was not OK.

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Response to tblue37 (Reply #25)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 05:42 PM

27. No, it says clearly at the beginning that the child said the word at 8, and nearly got

beaten up for saying it and it was used more as an epithat. Now, that the boy is older, he's "ghetto" wearing, speaking, and acting and uses the word like one of the various hip hop songs he may be listening to or being influenced by others who he is hanging out with.

When I was in high school and living in VT with barely any ethnicity in site, we would listen to the CD's and "sing along", but we were always unnerved about the proper thing to do if one was singing along, and the ni double g er was said in the song. We felt it was best just to leave that part unspoken since we weren't comfortable saying the word even in a repetition type of setting in the privacy of our car or at a party. I'm still very uncomfortable hearing it coming from anyone's mouth. I wish it would become a dead word, unused ever. There is no need for such an ugly, disgusting word.

I also didn't like the whole, "bitch" thing that emerged during my college years. I really didn't care if you were my bestie girlfriend or a stranger, calling out "bitch" like I was supposed to feel the word was some sort of endearment, never felt comfortable. I used to say and still do, the only person who can call me a bitch is myself when I know I'm actually in a bitchy mood, and I really don't run around calling myself a bitch. There are other words that can be used. Cunt is the absolute worst word that will have me seeing red. Its disgusting and makes a female body part into a vile, deplorable thing to be hurled at someone as an ultimate insult; definately something no man should EVER say or even have in their brains to use.

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Response to glowing (Reply #13)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 07:49 PM

29. No - his mother is appalled

that he would speak that way. She's a teacher and has always taught him better. Hell, they took in an African American whose mom went to jail, while the dad was being located. They were applying for a foster license in case no family members stepped forward. But the dad was found and he let his son stay with them until the school year finished since he lived elsewhere. The kid still comes to visit them, too. They had a foreign exchange student from Spain. They hitchhike through Guatamala every summer.

BUT - I will say she's letting this whole "self-expression" thing go a little too far. I also support my children's "self expression" - but there are limits! She buys him - or let's him buy the music. Buys him tickets and takes him the concerts where the language is so gawdawful coarse - okay disgusting profanity - (not to mention misogynistic lyrics and behaviour).

So it's a real dichotomy in that household. They're middleclass, nice people, who teach their son better, but still it happens. The thing is, I think he IS just being a smart ass because I know he knows better. He knows he's being weird and different but it's like now that he started it - as a joke - he can't back down or something.

They definitely don't live in the ghetto. White bread middle class blue collar neighborhood for the most part. We were neighbors for about 4 years.

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Response to mzteris (Reply #29)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 08:05 PM

33. Then you are right, he's probably being a smart assed kid. And yes, Mom needed to lay down a little

more law a while ago. (Sometimes teachers make the worst parents - and we never know exactly what goes on behind closed door or what relatives who are influential for the child were - maybe dear old racist Grandpa or Uncle Joe.)

At least its not in your home and your son dealt with the issue the way he could best handle it. Honestly, even if the kid was going thru a "hip-hop" phase, he doesn't have to use the n-word. I don't like it said by anyone either. Thanks for rounding out a bit of the edges.

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Response to mzteris (Reply #29)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 06:04 PM

41. As teens, it's something they will grow out of, imo

I remember when I was 13-14, and it was probably in every sentence I said, as long as my parents weren't around...

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:52 PM

14. The youth of NAACP had a 'funeral' for the n-word several years ago

at a national conference.

I do understand blacks using that word to take it back, to own it, just as many of us feminists are doing with the word 'cunt.'

I believe no white should use the n-word, no man should use the word cunt.

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Response to duhneece (Reply #14)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 07:50 PM

30. I don't think ANYONE should use

the C word OR the N word or the F word for that matter (the three letter F not four).

I am more than a body part, so don't accept it as a term. I don't know any other feminists trying to "reclaim it" either. So that comes as a bit of a surprise.

Don't mean to offend you, though.

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Response to mzteris (Reply #30)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 10:08 PM

35. Please see the play 'The Vagina Monologues' by Eve Ensler

And/or watch 'V-Day; Until the Violence Stops'...
I'm not offended-and recognize the dissidence, the internal conflict these words can create.
Let me know if you get a chance to see TVM.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 01:52 PM

15. Your son remembers the epithet incident

And he thinks the hiphop slang excuse is fake.

Can't say I blame him.

That's my guess anyway.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:00 PM

16. Can I say it ? I do not know

The kid is what they call in insulting terms a Wigger = a fail
That is what I have heard kids like this called.

They fail at what they are trying to embrace by mimicking the worst of cliches
(AA = ghettolife or =ghetto fabulous) which is all very insulting

It may be a homage to a culture,not color they see as more inviting and appealing to them compared to their 'perceived' blah white bread life to act that way, but it is a fantasy filled with serious social faux pas .

You can not deny that some other AAs use the word as you said, so he unfortunately is emulating a stereotype and that is why Wigger is used as a fail insult.

Had the white kid had the family or personal history of an AA they would not be thinking this is how they should be speaking and would be more aware of the history of the N word themselves(like your son)

He has nothing to "reclaim" and has no idea more than a parrot of it's intent when used by others his color . In other words he is a big fail at his attempt to wannabe. Kids act out.

This is not to say others see and appreciate some cultural differences say in music and want to embrace it in their own way
Somebody like Eminem is not a wigger, he's just a white rapper.
Elvis Presley was exposed to diverse music but had his own sound
sorry if I insulted anyone with the language or my opinion and that is just what it is
nothing more

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Response to lunasun (Reply #16)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 07:54 PM

31. Don't like the "w" word either.

Had a HUGE fight with my brother over that one when I heard his kids using it. I corrected them and he went off. Of course they are rightwing gun nut republicans so that explains a lot.

The kid HAS a personal history with AA's - he practically grew up with MY son - and in another thread I spoke of the AA who came to live with them for a while.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:00 PM

17. Your son sounds like a great kid ... kudos!

I did want to also say ... I don't really 'get' the notion of having an objection to how African Americans speak to one another ... I've been around plenty of African-Americans (including lots of time with folks on the lower end of the socio-economic strata), and they use the "n-i-double-g-a" word very frequently, both when referring to themselves and others (and even me sometimes). I think for a white person to 'take offense' at the use of this word by black people speaking amongst themselves is really ... just ... unfathomable to me. It's none of 'our' damn business, frankly, and to do so makes otherwise good and well-intended progressive folk such as ourselves come off as really being pretty douc ... errrr ... I'm guessing that's considered a 'bad word' on DU so I won't say it, but ... you get the idea.

I would also suggest to your son the idea that it's really what's in his friends heart that counts. Kids that age are often desperate to find their 'place' in the world, to find where they 'fit in' to the scheme of things. If the red-heads use of this word is an actual 'illustration', if you will, of true racism in his heart, then I certainly would understand not wanting to have someone like that as a friend. If, OTOH, he's using it simply to 'fit-in', as 14-year old boys are wont to do ... then, unless your son were black himself, I'm not sure I understand 'taking offense' to the use of this word by the other boy to the point where your son 'doesn't want to be friends anymore'.

But that's just me ... I'm pretty 'forgiving' of kids who I think are just trying to find their place in this mad, mad world.

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Response to brett_jv (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:39 PM

22. But I've noticed its more of a drawn out "A" sound at the end of the word and not a pointed

insulting "ER" that a racist jack ass would use. My co-worker is white, engaged and has a baby with a black man, and she says the "ni double g "ah" all the time. She doesn't do it as a racial insult and no one who knows her would consider it insulting or has felt it was insulting toward them coming from her.

To me, I think she likes a "lifestyle" with music, pants hanging off butt men, clubs... a certain style. Its not that she just likes black men, because she wouldn't look twice at my ex boyfriend who rocks a mean suit and majored in art. Its man who enjoys some of the same types of things that she does.

I think the lines are blurring more and more in certain regions and cities. People date whom ever floats their boats. Bi-racial seems very natural (there is black and white, black - Latino, white - Latino (which is kind of white/ white, but culturally different - kind of like an Italian marrying an Irish person back in the day), Indian - white, black, latino... There are lots of mixes. The lines are blurring in regards to "color". Even on tv and in commercials, its not unusual to see partners pairing with other partners that are mixed. My son's school has many latino families, he doesn't know what it means if his Dad or I say hispanic or spanish people because his friends speak English just like he does (there are a few immigrant children), but its the parents who we are meaning because its our age that is linguinly lacking to communicate with one another. On the other hand, I don't care who my son decides to date sex, color, religion, etc, as long as he's healthy, happy, and in a respectful relationship. So, I'm glad he looks at me funny when I'm trying to discuss ratios and time spent on class understanding if there are multipel bi-lingual children in any of his classes. I wish the kids had "language" time, the kids who need to learn english, spend more time learning english and the children like my son, learning Spanish (he knows a smattering of words anyway, but I'd like him to be bi-lingual in Spanish living in FL and the school system is stupid not to teach a second language when the kids are young).

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Response to brett_jv (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 04:11 PM

24. I fully agree with this bit

I think for a white person to 'take offense' at the use of this word by black people speaking amongst themselves is really ... just ... unfathomable to me. It's none of 'our' damn business,


Couldn't agree more. Really.

If I remember correctly, the OP's son is black. (Mzteris, please correct me if I am wrong) So that's the genesis of the whole issue with the white friend using the N word in his presence.

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Response to brett_jv (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 07:55 PM

32. My son is black.

I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:06 PM

18. He's young enough not to understand the reason

He knows the "right" thing to do - Ask his friend to stop.

But he's angry at his friend (and misses him)

You may explain to him how some people don't feel good about themselves (low self-esteem) and so they adopt behaviors that
they think will make them seem "cooler" to other kids. Explain that his friend is trying to make himself feel better because he may not feel important or accepted or whatever.

It makes the fiend's actions more understandable to someone
like your son who obviously has no problems with his self-image.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:12 PM

19. Sounds like you have a great kiddo

And this is a conversation we need to keep open. It's very important because it's hard to to do. Thank you for bringing it.

I am a typical flaming white liberal. I hope I have a place at the table for this discussion. It is important to keep talking .

I read a little Maya Angelo, story from a book of short stories, where one of her white liberal friends, embarrassed herself, with an unconscious biased statement, over the phone. When Maya tried to contact her again, to follow up, the lady would not take her calls. The shame must have been too painful.

I raised three sons during the 90's. I did not allow the nword in my home. I had to call out a few of my sons' friends and have the talk. The kids all seemed to want to emulate the hip hop culture back then.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:22 PM

20. I feel bad for your son. Also feel good for him.

You have done a very good job bringing him into the adult society. A bad word is a bad word no matter who uses it. I don't understand the reclaiming thing for that reason. When in this era of face book, etc. do we then have to figure out who is using the word and then forgive their use of the n word or c word because of their race or sex. It is always wrong.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 02:28 PM

21. People come into your life for a season

as an African-American myself, I really hate that word. i don't like using it and in fact I can't stand it when my own people use it. I ask them not use it. It makes me feel dirty just hearing that word

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 04:06 PM

23. I'm of the mindset that black people can use whatever words we want to describe ourselves

As intelligent, sentient human beings we've earned that right, wouldn't you say?

As for your son's friend, he has no business using that word -- EVER. And he was asked repeatedly by your son to not use it and especially not in front of him. So in addition to it being disrespectful to black people as a whole, it was incredibly disrespectful to your son and their friendship. I don't blame him one bit for ending the friendship and I also think it was very good of the friend's mother to call you and apologize.

My husband -- not baby daddy, not boyfriend -- the man I officially and formally made a member of my family is white and he knows better than to ever use that word. It's a respect thing more than anything else. And if the respect is not there then nothing else will be either.

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Response to Number23 (Reply #23)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 05:38 PM

26. Yup.

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Response to Number23 (Reply #23)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:34 PM

42. Yup

Same here!

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 08:40 PM

34. Any word that has to be abbreviated

When talking about it is not a word that should be used in polite company... sounds like the redhead is not maturing very quickly. People outgrow friends sometimes, it's sad but it happens.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sat Feb 9, 2013, 11:27 PM

36. This friend seems to be having a problem at home.

Or, if not at home, perhaps a serious mental disorder. I don't mean to diagnose this kid, but he's clearly acting out -- from what i'm reading here.

He's already taken the loss of a friend and persists. This is not going to be easy to remedy.

Good luck.

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Response to Festivito (Reply #36)

Sun Feb 10, 2013, 10:13 AM

38. I've always thought

the kid had some serious MH issues. And probably some undiagnosed learning difficulties (which is really sad considering his mom is in Special Ed. . . )

He has done some pretty outrageous things over the years. Lying being the least of them. Dangerous and vengeful and hurtful to people who are supposedly his "friends". He started a whispering campaign about another kid who, when they were very little, was his BEST FRIEND. He told everyone that kid was gay. His mother is a lesbian. My son, who wasn't aware at the time where the 'rumour' started, took up for the boy. He just told me the other day that for three years, a lot of the kids at his school think HE's gay (not that there would be a damn thing wrong if he were!). I asked him why he hadn't told me before. He shrugged and said, "because is doesn't matter. It's not an insult to be called gay and I don't care what they think anyway."

Lest yall think my son is a saint, I'll tell you he is a moody 14 yr old who doesn't do his chores half the time, "forgets" to do his homework - or turn it in, is a smartass on occasion, can get a real attitude with his mom,and sometimes I wonder if he'll make it to 15! lol...

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Response to mzteris (Reply #38)

Sun Feb 10, 2013, 10:59 AM

39. Sounds like two or three locked problems.

Your son, OTOH, seems hopelessly normal. Although, he seems to lack an infectious goal to guide him to path he has not yet visualized. Good luck with that. I'd bet, however; that he'd like to feel he is more important than, perhaps, DU. Good luck with that also. I do sense that you are doing a good job with him, and I wish you well.

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Response to Festivito (Reply #39)

Sun Feb 10, 2013, 11:24 AM

40. Thank you.

I, of course, like to think he's ABOVE "normal"! lol....

One thing you said, though I'd like to address - and I know this sounds a bit defensive - but my son goes to his dad's or friends' houses often, and he is EXTREMELY involved in other activities - nearly every night and weekend, so I'm alone quite a bit. Sometimes, when he IS home I'm on here because he's doing homework or wants to watch some sport thing I have no interest in. (Like the same classic football game three times! lol)

He's a good kid and I'm not all that great a parent sometimes - hell most of time. He's just who he is. He's had some hard times. Had to adjust to moving and dealing with the "real world". Sometimes the real world can be mean and heartless. I think when he sees that happening, he wants to fix it for others because he knows what its like to be treated badly. Dismissed. Pre-judged. Misunderstood. Pigeonholed into a role he'd never fit. Talked about, taunted, and teased. He just keeps on going, 'cause that's who he is.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sun Feb 10, 2013, 07:49 AM

37. Wise advice.


I would also recommend this book by Dick Gregory for your son.

http://www.amazon.com/Nigger-Autobiography-Dick-Gregory/dp/0671735608

"Mama everytime you hear that word you know they are advertising my book".

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