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Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:37 AM

My 91 year old mother told my sister I've been poisoning her to get her money.

She threw me out of her house this week because I took her car keys out of her hand and wouldn't give them back.

And there is no money. She pays my rent out of her social security. Her home is on a reverse mortgage. She just sold it with the understanding that she's going to San Diego to live with my sister. When the reverse mortgage is paid, plus taxes and fees, there isn't going to be much.

She's been phoning us to tell us how much she hates us.

We have a whole network of people who are happy to check in on her and help her, take her to appointments, anything but anyone who knows us is now tainted and not allowed near her.

On her PCP's advice, we called 911 the day I took the keys but the the EMS said she passed their competence questions and was in no immediate physical danger that would warrant taking her against her will. But they also didn't favor giving back the keys. Next morning the police called me from her house because she'd called them to report her stolen keys. I assume they declined to arrest me.

In the past two weeks, among other things, she has forgotten how to turn off the car lights forcing a battery recharge.

Forgotten how to lower the sound on her TV remote.

Forgotten how to retrieve stored numbers on her phone.

Forgotten how to make a call. Although that has come back.

Forgotten how to turn off her car's alarm.

She has atrial fibrillation, lymphoma, recent surgery for melanoma of the eye, and bone cancer in her hip.

And dark, dark memories.

Mother and daughters we have been three-on-a-call close on the phone more than once a day when not actually together.

Nothing we've planned prepared us for this. We don't know what to do.



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Reply My 91 year old mother told my sister I've been poisoning her to get her money. (Original post)
aquart Jan 2013 OP
Turbineguy Jan 2013 #1
KC Jan 2013 #2
aquart Jan 2013 #3
KC Jan 2013 #7
pacalo Jan 2013 #4
glinda Jan 2013 #5
pacalo Jan 2013 #6
KC Jan 2013 #8
pacalo Jan 2013 #9
pacalo Jan 2013 #10
aquart Jan 2013 #11
sinkingfeeling Jan 2013 #12
aquart Apr 2013 #15
No Vested Interest Apr 2013 #16
RILib Apr 2013 #13
aquart Apr 2013 #14

Response to aquart (Original post)

Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:52 AM

1. This sort of thing happened to a friend of mine.

The Mother called the Police to have him arrested. Luckily in Seattle the Police know all about this sort of stuff and questioned him and got some help for him to deal with his Mother.

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Sun Jan 20, 2013, 11:20 AM

2. That's a

horrible situation to be in. It sounds a little like my mother in law (now deceased) when she lived with us. She went from being the sweetest person to what was similar to your mom. It turned out she not only had some dementia (not surprising for her age) but her cancer had spread and she had a brain tumor.
We had always said we would not put her in a nursing home but after she (accidentally) set our house on fire, we really had no choice.

I would talk to her Dr. and see what he/she suggests.

It's a sad situation to say the least.

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Response to KC (Reply #2)

Sun Jan 20, 2013, 03:50 PM

3. Her doctor told us to call 911 but it didn't work.

I think her worst fear is that her cancer would spread to her brain. My cousin went there today and she smiled and waved when she first saw him, then went into enraged screaming and threw a cup of tea on the floor and broke it. He felt his presence escalated the problem so he left.

She found a set of car keys and has been driving. Hopefully this means she will keep her doctor appointments.

What happened after you found the tumor?

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Response to aquart (Reply #3)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 01:02 AM

7. We tried

keeping her at our house. The Dr didn't want to do chemo at her age but they did do radiation to hopefully shrink it. I think that I knew it realistically it would probably help a little but not really buy her any more time. And it didn't. I don't remember exactly but I don't think she lasted much longer than a month.
Have they done any recent scans on your mom?
Oh wow it would terrify me to know that she is driving, not only for her safety but for others as well. My mom threw a fit when we tried to stop her from driving! But thank goodness when she had to go back to renew her license she didn't pass the eye exam so she knew that she couldn't drive any more . She's 87 now but this was just several yrs ago.

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 12:52 AM

4. Having gone through something similar recently with my 81-year-old mother,

I suspect that your mother's brain is beginning to fail, which is one of the signs that death could be near. This article really helped me to recognize the signs: http://www.caring.com/articles/signs-of-death.

During the two weeks before my mother's death, she accused my brother of selling her house without her knowledge & putting her in a retirement home. She even thought we had fixed up her "room" to look identical to her own home, with pictures on the wall, same furniture, etc. In addition, she began talking to herself, or having conversations with people she imagined seeing.

Do you have in-home hospice care for your mother? If you don't you really need to look into getting it; you & your family need all the help you can get! It's not an easy experience for caretakers, particularly when the patient is confused & is difficult to deal with. Check this out: http://www.agingcare.com/Articles/Medicare-coverage-hospice-care-142914.htm.

I really feel for you, aquart. I know how difficult it is & how alone you & your family must feel.

A big, big to you!

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Response to pacalo (Reply #4)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 12:55 AM

5. Link is broken to caring site. Can you repost it?

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Response to glinda (Reply #5)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 12:59 AM

6. Let's see if this one works...

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Response to pacalo (Reply #4)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 01:06 AM

8. Thank you

so much for that link. It will be helpful for my family too

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Response to KC (Reply #8)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 01:12 AM

9. All the best to you, KC.

It is physically & emotionally draining; don't feel guilty about the feelings you'll experience because it's common.



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Response to KC (Reply #8)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 01:24 AM

10. *This* article is even better...

http://www.caring.com/articles/witness-passing-away

The comments at the end of the article were especially helpful. I had found these articles through the Medicare site.

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Response to pacalo (Reply #4)

Mon Jan 21, 2013, 02:14 AM

11. She's driven everyone away.

It's only been a few days but no one who has had any contact with me or my sister is acceptable.

Also, she's said that she feels much better now that I'm not poisoning her.

No one she even suspects is from me will be allowed to help.

But that's this week. Next week, who knows?

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 10:30 AM

12. Sounds like Alzheimer's. It's very hard to deal with. My grandmother did the same

to my parents who had taken her into their home 20 years earlier. She just didn't know what they were doing for her or even who they were at times.

Contact the Alzheimer's Association for advice and assistance.

http://www.alz.org/care/

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Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #12)

Sat Apr 27, 2013, 07:55 AM

15. Turns out, it cleared up. Paranoia gone. Daughters hatred gone.

We still haven't a clue what caused it. Or cured it. We thought we'd lost her forever.

And she now has a spanking new California drivers' license.

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Response to aquart (Reply #15)

Sun Apr 28, 2013, 10:19 PM

16. Has it been suggested to you that

your mother may have had a mini-stroke?
That often causes a type of dementia, which may leave as time heals.

If that were to be so, she would be vulnerable to having a repeat episode.

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Response to aquart (Original post)

Wed Apr 24, 2013, 07:21 PM

13. Did you mean to say this?

 

not sure what it means:

She pays my rent out of her social security.

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Response to RILib (Reply #13)

Sat Apr 27, 2013, 07:49 AM

14. It means I'm her dependent.

Turns out there are medical reasons for my lurching walk, balance problems, ridiculous fatigue...etc.

Just when my mother needed me most, I was able to do less and less.

All the while feeling a hopeless failure for being unable to maintain my independence on my own.

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