We know dogs mourn, but what can we DO for them?...

[Phentex]

We lost one dog to cancer last Friday. She had been diagnosed just after Thanksgiving with the symptoms at that time being only slight weight loss and excessive thirst. She was as active as ever. However, it progressed and she was weakening by the day.

The two dogs had been together since they were pups. Rescued within a week of each other and although the lab was half the size of our other dog, she ruled.

Over the past few weeks, I wondered how much he knew about what was happening to her. They still cleaned each other's ears and faces and they slept on the same pillow together even when she began throwing up and wetting the pillow (I had a crib pad on it but still washed LOTS of towels and blankets.)

When I came home Friday without her, he paced around but he went to bed as usual. Saturday, I walked him and he seemed okay but when we got home, he did not want to be left alone. Meaning he would whimper if everyone left the room. He's been that way every day now. I put one of her blankets on his pillow and he seemed to like it but he's still looking for her. Or maybe he just feels alone.

Last night, he cried until I came down stairs and slept on the couch next to him. He has not done that since he was a puppy!

We are giving him lots of attention and I have not left him for more than a few hours. Am I making it worse?

Have any of you been through this?

I can't even think about another dog at this time. I still a mess over this myself. WHY do we get so attached???????

[MuseRider]

1. I can't imagine you are making it worse.

It might be harder for you but he must be lonely and not understand (or maybe he does). I would be apt to do what you are doing and stay with him, not let him feel left alone too much. Poor guy, poor you. It is hard all around.

I have always had 3 dogs and now 4 so I have not had to deal with one left alone before. It is hard enough when they still have a buddy. I am so sorry. It must break your heart in two different directions.

[Phentex]

4. I swore I'd always have at least two...

which is why we did.

I guess we knew deep down something might happen to one and not the other but it's not something you ever really want to think about. And he was the one with medical problems about five years ago (reacted to vaccines) so I think I sorta expected him to go first.

Thank you. I know pets people understand.

[MuseRider]

5. I am so sorry.

Been there way too many times and no matter how many times you say you will not get so attached you know and I know that is just a big lie that we tell ourselves so we can get another fuzzy pal to make our lives just that much better.

[Stinky The Clown]

2. I wish I had some good advice, but I would do exactly what you're doing.

All I ever want to do when one of them is out of sorts is hug and pet them.

I am an old sap when it comes to my dogs.

I am an old sap when it comes to the cats in our lives.

I am an old sap when I see rescue dogs in teevee ads.

I am old sap when it comes to any animals.

[Phentex]

7. Speaking of sap, I forgot to remind myself of something...

When our last dog died, EVERY stupid song on the radio suddenly reminded me of her. THIS time when I was leaving the vet hospital with her body taking her to the pet crematory, I told myself DON'T listen, don't listen! And dammit the song playing was "Take Good Care of My Baby..."

Rush hour in Atlanta, lady in car bawling her eyes out daring anyone to hit her car!

And now I keep hearing the song in my head from time to time. UGH!

[Stinky The Clown]

8. I *so* understand that.

[LiberalEsto]

3. Try talking to him

and tell him what happened to her. Maybe the tones of your voice will convey your emotions and help him understand.

I know that sounds weird, but try it.

[MuseRider]

6. I think that is a great idea.

They understand so much. I might even hold her blanket and let him see how upset you are too and then just pet and hold him.

[Phentex]

10. I have not dared to say her name...

you know how they know key words. They knew the neighbor's dog's name. They knew WALK, EAT, TREAT, etc.

Like most, they had a ritual when we were about to walk. We'd tell them to go get their leashes on and they'd start running and circling and play biting each other like "I'm going and you're NOT going" "No, I'm going and YOU'RE NOT!" (as if we NEVER walked them even though we do this EVERY single day!)

Since she's been gone, he still starts to run around but then he stops and just looks at us. He hasn't really been too excited about it.

I feel like I'll cry if I talk to him about her and that may upset him more. But I could try...at some point.

It sounds crazy but do you think he could smell any of her from the ashes? Is that ridiculous?

[intheflow]

9. I agree with everything everyone is saying.

Love, love, love overcomes all pain, in humans and canine. You two are playing off each other's grief. As time passes, both of you will become used to the new normal, as strange as that seems right now and he'll stop being so needy.

We get so attached because they are family, they depend on us and love us and make us laugh and forget our cares. I hope you can bring yourself to adopt in the future when your grieving is finished.

My condolences to you.

[Phentex]

11. Thank you...

Memories of our last dog have flooded over me and I remember wondering if I'd ever get over that hurt. Of course I started missing having a dog around and I think we got these maybe a year and a half after we lost her. They all have such distinct personalities and they make you love them.

[easttexaslefty]

12. It's so hard to see them sad.

My only advice would be to give him lots of attention and you're already doing that...
No, I don't think you can make it worse.

[Phentex]

20. Thank you...

He paced last night but I think it was because of the wind.

[Curmudgeoness]

13. I am so sorry for both of you.

I have no additional advice that you don't already have upthread. You are doing all you can, and just like with us, it is something that takes time----and we all need lots of hugs and we will be sad. Dogs are no different.

I have never had dogs, only cats, but I swear one of my cats died from grief after his mother died....a healthy cat who went downhill and died within 4 months. I have always let me surviving cat be around the dead cat, since I bury them. I think that maybe this will help them understand. They are part of the ritual, but it did not help with that particular cat. So obviously, each animal is an individual and we can only do so much.

Lots of love to both of you.

[Phentex]

21. Thanks...

I'm a cat and dog person although I have not had a cat since I've had these dogs.

[tosh]

14. I started to tell my story but...

it's still too fresh but basically we've lost an entire generation of pets over the course of 13 months.

My only advice is to keep a close eye on his health if he is in his senior years. Keep doing what you're doing. There is no such thing as too much attention for him now, or for you. You are NOT making things worse.

Take good care of yourself and trust your instincts.

[MuseRider]

15. Oh man that really hurts.

Same here. Four in the last two years. My remaining horses are mostly older, my goats are getting up there and two of my dogs are hitting the limit. I have lost 2 horses, a cat and a dog in the last two years. Still, I would not change a thing but I am far enough out to be able to say that.

to you. I understand, we all do.

[sinkingfeeling]

18. I've been through that. In 2004, I lost 4 within 3 months of each other. Worst year ever.

[Phentex]

23. I've heard that can happen...

I'm so sorry. I don't know how the heart can take it!

[Phentex]

22. I understand...

I wanted to post about her when she was sick but I had some serious denial going on.

Then I came to post on Saturday and saw another thread about losing a dog and I just could not post.

I'm sorry for your losses too. They are family.

[Myrina]

16. I'm sorry for what you're going through ....

... we said goodbye to old Beagle Bubba Ray about 18 months ago, and I still cry.

He was 14 & had doggy dementia, so had pretty much removed himself from the pack already.
For the first week or so after I took him to the Bridge, the others left his space in line at treat time vacant and when I rearranged food bowls for the 'new' pack order, Max (who moved into Dog #2 spot) was confused & didn't want to eat at that bowl (it was his bowl, just in Ray's spot).

Next week we send Max to the Bridge to be with Bubba. He's mid-stage Degenerative Myleopathy & its time to free him from this plane. I suspect both of my remaining boys are going to grieve - Hank because he's lost pretty much all of his pack (I always thought he'd be the first to go because he was hell on wheels when he was younger, and he's the oldest) and Porter Bear - the 'newest' of the pack (he's been with me for about 2 years) - he's deaf & looks to Max for cues on what's going on, and they bunked together and were my daily walking buddies.

Hank will follow when I can muster the strength to let him go. He is my heart. Together since he was a pup, he is my son, my best friend, my 'partner'. I am almost afraid I will die of a broken heart when I lose Hank. He's got a Grade 6 Heart Murmur and just turned 14.

I don't think I will be able to open myself up again after that, me - with abandonment issues, losing my 3 closest friends, but having been a rescue foster mom for several years, I know there are so many shelter dogs that need and deserve a foster/a chance that I almost owe it to my guys to carry on with a new pack.

[Phentex]

24. I feel it...

even though there were only two, there's an obvious hole now.

I'm sure in your heart you know you have to let Max go (that's how I felt) but it just stinks and hurts.

Hugs to you!

[sinkingfeeling]

17. It takes about 2 to 4 weeks for the companion to stop looking for the other dog. My sister's

remaining dog decided she wouldn't eat the same food nor enjoy the same treats that she'd had when there were two dogs there.

Continue to lavish attention on him.

[Phentex]

25. We have some of the prescription food left and the vet said it wouldn't hurt him...

he is on a weight management food and he never touched her food, even when she wouldn't eat. A couple of days ago, my husband mixed a little of the two and he looked up at him like "I can't eat this! It's hers." But then my husband said yeah, go ahead, it's okay and he finally ate it.

They are some peculiar creatures at times.

[fizzgig]

19. hugs to you both

[Phentex]

26. Thanks fizz...

I wanted to post in C&B about how she would only eat roast chicken for the last few weeks but that didn't feel right for the group.

She finally started eating the prescription food until she just gave it up altogether.

[Auntie Bush]

27. I know it's hard for you...but your dog is grieving and

for her sake...adopt another dog...maybe one that tugs at your heart strings or maybe one that looks somewhat like the one you lost. That'll kill two birds with one stone...help heal TWO broken hearts. You won't regret it...think of your grieving dog. It's because you loved your dog sooo much that you get a new one to help with the grieving process. It's an honor to your furry angle.

[kas125]

28. I know it's hard for them and it's hard for us to watch them grieve, too. My oldest dog will be 4

next week. I'd been my sick dad's caregiver since 2004 and we got Casey when he was a puppy. Dad died in October and Casey was very obviously sad and grieving, even the hospice workers mentioned how sad he was the day dad died, all he did was lay in his crate with the door open looking sad. A few nights ago, I found a dvd that said it was my nephew's graduation party from 1994 and I thought it would be great to remind myself how cute my boys were when they were 7 & 3, so I put it in my computer. The first part of the dvd had been recorded by my dad, who was deaf and didn't understand that you're not supposed to talk when you're recording, so there he was, talking about everything from the food to the people. Poor Casey went absolutely crazy trying to find him when he heard dad's voice. I had to take out the disk after only five minutes or so because the poor dog was looking EVERYWHERE, even under the furniture, trying to find where his voice was coming from. He stayed sad again for three days...

[CountAllVotes]

29. I'm still real sad about losing OK and Flame

However, my other cat is thriving, that is right thriving. That is because SHE gets all of the attention now and the home is indeed her castle.

I call her "Queen Jules" as she is indeed the queen around here. She seems a bit lonely at times, but for the most part she thrilled having it all to herself now.



As for me, I'm still a mess too ...

How long does it take? I guess it depends upon the situation.