I'm not an expert except with this one particular cat.
If both of you can be consistent and committed to
helping the cat, I think it's great. Having just one
person be in charge is good too. You guys will figure
Just be consistent in how you both respond to him.
My guy is still a little jekyll & hyde -- so I am always
careful if I sense he's grouchy. Like the change in
his meow you hear -- sometimes it's just a look or
tail twitching that tells me it's not a great time to
However no matter the timing, and no matter what
his personality of the moment may be, I always responded
the same way if he scratched or bit. Even if it was
"my own fault" for trying to pet a cranky cat. NOT OK
EVER> he knows this now. He's a lovebaby now. with
an occasional relapse.
I go out of my way when he is NOT in attack
mode to pick him up and hold him and give him
pretty much the same treatment. A lot of stimulation
of the somatosensory system.
If you start getting comfortable with this approach
and he's responding, I would even challenge his
threatening attitude if it comes up -- even without
the biting -- if he is growling at me or acting threating,
I'm like: you silly little bad baby boy and now I'm
going to smother you with love too bad for you
buster and I grab his scruff and do the whole
thing. It's not exactly a system, it's just as much
love as possible as often as possible, and never
He will blow you off regularly but mark my words
he'll come back for more love.
Remember also their lives are kind of boring, in many
ways, and when there is some excitement -- like
having their authority challenged -- it gets their
adrenaline going, it gets their blood flowing, and
so in a peculiar way, it is often helpful and healthy
for them to be provoked a bit, as long as you follow
My hands and arms are scarred from my first year
with this cat. it has been really rewarding to see
him soften up.