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Tue Jan 15, 2013, 05:03 PM

I'm pretty low about various things right now.

Fom the big picture to the petty, it seems like the world is out to kill me. Paranoid? Maybe. It seems like if the NRA gunhadists don't want to lock me away forever as part of the "solution" to gun violence, then I'm doing stupid shit like getting spooked by parking garages.

Please, someone tell me that life gets better and returns to some normal, even if a different normal, because my life has been upside down for six months now and frankly it's really wearing in my nerves.

I don't mean "kill me" literally, of course. Emotionally wound might be a better way to state it.

I know, I take everything far too personally, internalize all of the big picture stuff as if were all about me, and am overly sensitive in general.

Staying strong in the face of adversity is hard, and I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel of strength.

So, how do all of you deal with the hurt of things large or small in some appropriate way?

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Reply I'm pretty low about various things right now. (Original post)
Denninmi Jan 2013 OP
Downwinder Jan 2013 #1
libodem Jan 2013 #2
HereSince1628 Jan 2013 #3
Glaug-Eldare Jan 2013 #4
easttexaslefty Jan 2013 #5
annabanana Jan 2013 #6
libodem Jan 2013 #8
2theleft Jan 2013 #7
tama Jan 2013 #9

Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Jan 15, 2013, 05:06 PM

1. One day at a time.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Jan 15, 2013, 06:02 PM

2. Doesn't it seem peculiar

That when we have had disruptive childhoods, we recreate turmoil, in our adult lives because it feels familiar. You are intellectually intact, cuz you are a smart guy, but emotionally some issues need further exploration.

I liked the book, Games People Play, it comes from the I'm okay/You're okay, line of thinking. There is a game that people play, and I can't remember the specific name, but it involves a victim, rescuer, and a persecutor. It works in a triangle. You maybe setting yourself up for abuse by charging after the 'persecutor, only to find them tiring on you in an unfriendly and scary way, and you end up, victimized. I'm functioning by being a rescuer because, I like to help. And that is a whole other can of worms that backfires.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)


Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Jan 15, 2013, 06:31 PM

4. I wish I had a good answer.

I don't deal with my problems in appropriate ways. I tried booze until I got a DWI, so that one didn't work out great.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Jan 15, 2013, 06:32 PM

5. It takes time.

The best approach for me, has been to try to take it one day at a time.
Tomorrow is a different day.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Jan 15, 2013, 07:07 PM

6. Dear Denni.. I know it's corny as hell, but...

Big & little, the spooky stuff is yesterday.. Tomorrow is unwritten and right this minute is the only reality.

I take a deep breath and admit that if "just this moment" is manageable, then everything is manageable.

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Response to annabanana (Reply #6)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 11:22 PM

8. Best answer ever

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 12:06 AM

7. I'm overly sensitive as well...

And sometimes it is just exhausting.

BUT, you have been working so hard to get through these past several months, you've had ups/downs/and in betweens. You have gotten through those, you will get through this patch as well. Keep focused on the big picture - your physical health, your mental health, and working yourself to "happy"...but, do not put so much pressure on getting to the "happy" quickly. Happy can be small wins - one day with no anxiety. One day without being affected by the gun nuts. One day where before you go to bed you can look back and say, ok, today was pretty ok. Pretty ok is sometimes a huge thing. Appreciate those when they happen.

Sometimes you sound like me - my friend and I laugh that if we don't have something to worry about or "obsess" over, we don't know what to do. Unstable childhood, always having to be on guard, like you had to be with your father, really impacts your ability to recognize the good and the ok. Try to work really hard to recognize those things, even if it's just a few minutes of good. It all adds up to help you realize that you are making progress.

Hang in there and keep fighting the good fight. We are all pulling for you!

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Sun Jan 20, 2013, 07:36 AM

9. Remember

 

the strength in you when you stood up against your abusive father to defend his victims? When you were just a small child who loved - or at least wanted to love also your father, as all kids do, but was denied that chance because of his behavior? Do you remember?

This is just kitchen psychology, but from what you have shared, I get the sense that you've played conformist ms. nice guy with general "paternalistic" society seeking just acceptance and taking lot of abuse, until one final incident crushed your house of cards. What is most real in you is you love and compassion, and the strength of that little child who fearlessly stood up against abusive violence. But the whole thing was also extremely hurtful experience, and to avoid feeling it again, you created habit of turning your negative emotions of fear and anger and frustration towards your self instead of finding way to release them from your body and mind, or to channel them in a way that would not be conflict with your conscience.

"Please, someone tell me that life gets better and returns to some normal, even if a different normal,"

Yes, I believe it will. But I can't deny that - as we are talking on progressive political forum - what we are going through deep changes on planetary scale and we all feel now little lost and out of our comfort zone (to put it mildly). There are forces bigger than us that we can't control and can only adapt to, such as environmental restrictions of infinite growth, and we have little idea what ways of life will be sustainable. But even now amidst all this turmoil it is possible to find comfort zones, places to rest and create good life, for those who need and seek them. But to find such a place, you have to take leave something behind and take the trip to find something new that you don't yet know about. And that requires facing the fear of plunging to unknown, trusting only the love and compassion in you core being the true nature of the whole world.


PS: A poem by Cavafy came to mind, I'll post just the original, link has three different English translations:


Che fece .... il gran rifiuto

Σε μερικούς ανθρώπους έρχεται μια μέρα
που πρέπει το μεγάλο Ναι ή το μεγάλο το Όχι
να πούνε. Φανερώνεται αμέσως όποιος τόχει
έτοιμο μέσα του το Ναι, και λέγοντάς το πέρα

πηγαίνει στην τιμή και στην πεποίθησί του.
Ο αρνηθείς δεν μετανοιώνει. Aν ρωτιούνταν πάλι,
όχι θα ξαναέλεγε. Κι όμως τον καταβάλλει
εκείνο τ όχι το σωστό εις όλην την ζωή του.



http://poemsetc.blogspot.fi/2008/11/che-fece-il-gran-rifiuto.html

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