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Sun Jan 6, 2013, 09:21 PM

Attention why should it feel so shameful to need it?


How do I heal my desperate need for attention?

If you’re reading this my advice is to get some attention. Know that the desire for attention is a normal human need, which can’t be “healed” in the way I think you mean, with finality, but can only be “satisfied” until it comes back again. Think about hunger, and like that.

It is a sad thing to type the above into a computer search engine as if this was a shameful ailment that has to be quietly addressed via instrumental means. That says everything about the time we live in, and nothing about the normal human need for tending and recognition.
Thinking that your search for attention makes you a desperate gaping pit of need will make you seem that way to yourself and others. You don’t have to think about it this way, you can de-pathologize and re-humanize your need for attention, and find good teachers who will validate that sense of self.

Look at your environment, notice the emboldened who make a point of getting their attention wants filled, and do some of what they do; people on YOUR path are in the world around you. If possible ask them to pay some attention to you, if anyone is going to understand it’s the people actually getting what it is you want. That’s kind of a rule. As with all forward growth there is a catch-22 to deal with. To heal involves asking for the basic attentions we were denied as children, but if we knew how to go about this task we wouldn’t need to. The problem and its solution are inextricably linked this way. You will have to try things you don’t know how to do and won’t come easy at first.

“Will you talk to me? Will you listen to the poem I wrote?” If they say yes, do your thing and thank them for their time.


http://writhesafely.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/a-need-for-attention-is-something/

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Reply Attention why should it feel so shameful to need it? (Original post)
undergroundpanther Jan 2013 OP
Fumesucker Jan 2013 #1
undergroundpanther Jan 2013 #2
tama Jan 2013 #3
Tobin S. Jan 2013 #4

Response to undergroundpanther (Original post)

Sun Jan 6, 2013, 09:49 PM

1. "if anyone is going to understand it’s the people actually getting what it is you want."

I disagree with that, the biggest attention seekers I know are by far the worst listeners.

It's the quiet(er) people who will give you attention without you having to interrupt monologue to get a word or two in edgewise.

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Response to Fumesucker (Reply #1)

Mon Jan 7, 2013, 02:02 AM

2. you are right

I have suffered through many monologues. Yet I feel wrong for asking for attention when I need it. Like when I need help sometimes, I just wish I didn't feel bad about asking sometimes.

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Response to undergroundpanther (Original post)

Mon Jan 7, 2013, 03:02 AM

3. "Give and you shall receive"

 

Hopefully the amount and the kind of attention that suits one's needs at a given situation.

It's also useful to be aware of "mindful" of what grasps your attention, as life and world has funny way of responding to the attention as the attention attaches. For example, if your attention is all the time centered on needing attention from others and not getting enough and feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others, that's a kind of self-fulfilling prediction.

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Response to undergroundpanther (Original post)

Mon Jan 7, 2013, 05:36 AM

4. Maybe I'm reading too much into your posts here

Last edited Mon Jan 7, 2013, 04:24 PM - Edit history (1)

But I'm going to venture a guesstimate. <----(That actually passes spell check. )

Based on your posts here past a present you seem to me to be an introvert like me. What I found that works for me, as far as getting attention goes, is that I just needed one person to be with me and be on my side. Just one person who was totally into me and who would stand by me no matter what. It took a long time, but I found her. She is exactly what I needed and all I need as far as attention and contact go.

Just find that one person who really digs you and I think you'll have it made.

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